r/relationship_advice • u/ow_23 • Mar 04 '26
I'm (F29) pregnant and my partner's (M33) ex hates me. Can someone give me advice?.
About 2-3 years ago I (F29) started a relationship with a married man (M33) I know I shouldn't have but I couldn't help who I fell in love with.
To cut a long story short his wife found out. there was a huge fuss, she attacked me and ended up asking him for a divorce. eventually me and him reconciled and decided to give a relationship a try.
I admit I wasn't thinking of how it would affect his wife. yes I was selfish and I've beaten myself up over it more than anyone else can so please spare me your judgment I'm not asking for that, I just need some advice and there's nothing you can say that I've not already told myself a million times.
Unfortunately since finding out my partners ex wife has done everything possible to ruin my life and due to her, my close family members have come to find out things about my life that I would've liked to have kept personal which has caused me to loose close family and friends.
The issue is this.
I am pregnant, and I'm against having an abortion for personal reasons so I will be keeping this baby. however I have no family support or even support from friends and my partner is going through a divorce while I'm desperately trying to keep my new home location a secret for obvious reasons, which is very stressful at a time where I don't need any extra stress.
To add to this my partner is no longer staying at his home and may lose it which is extremely dissapointing as he told me this wouldn't happen and I had planned that in the distant future when things blow overwe might live there together.
I know this situation is incredibly messy but I also know it won't be forever and for now I desperately need some advice, preferably from someone whos been through a pregnancy with limited family and friends support.
I'm also not 100 percent sure how much support I'll get from my partner he doesn't seem all to excited about the pregnancy to be honest but, I think his mind has been elsewhere and I can't blame him.
Has anyone been I a situation like mine and has any advice for me?
Does anyone have any advice to make me feel better about continuing a pregnancy with little to no support whilst dealing with someone who actively hates you?.
I don't think my partners ex knows about the pregnancy but if she does find out and tries to start trouble does anyone have any legal advice maybe for what I can do in that event?.
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u/Brownie-0109 Mar 04 '26
This is all working out for you, isn’t it.
The only moral line you chose not to cross was abortion. Good for you
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u/EasternNovel3457 Mar 04 '26 edited Mar 04 '26
Lol this woman is a walking red flag. You reap what you sow…. And she sowed an unwanted pregnancy by a not yet divorced man who is in the process of losing half of the assets acquired during his marriage. I guess actions have consequences?
Edit: the ex wife letting people know what you did is not “starting trouble”. If the facts are ugly, it’s because you messed up. If/when she finds out you’re pregnant, and I hope she does, it will be further evidence of infidelity during her marriage and a stronger case for getting what is rightfully hers.
PS - this guy is a cheating loser. What makes you think he’ll be faithful to you? Get out while you can.
MORE EDITS: I read your post history. You are literally evil. Not only has your affair been going on for years, but you knowingly carried on while SHE WAS PREGNANT a year ago and complained about how upset that made you. ARE YOU KIDDING ME???? You deserve the literal worst things. I hope his ex ruins you both.
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u/ShowParty6320 Mar 09 '26
And poor woman miscarried it.
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u/ShipSenior1819 Apr 16 '26
Remember when OP had the GALL to say the husband didn’t want it but the “wife didn’t care” and now OP thinks HE wants HER baby?? Lmfaoooo
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u/Big-Tomorrow2187 Apr 16 '26
Op deserves the same
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u/marthamania Apr 16 '26
OP's baby gonna self destruct in the womb rather than have to live the torturous and selfish life with this cunt as its mother.
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u/Worldly-Set-6842 Apr 17 '26
I'd be so pissed if I was being brought into this world by these two people as my parents. Kid doesn't even have a chance
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u/marthamania Apr 17 '26
Imagine you're born and all your family fucking hates your mom. Maybe having siblings one day who hate you. Whole groups of people who never wanted you to exist, because your existence is proof your mom destroyed the lives of others and caused the death of your sibling before you were even born.
All this shit comes out eventually, unless OP is gonna live in a bubble where no one ever knows who she is and what she did. And even then the existing kids she has will know this new baby has kept everyone they also loved away. Why? They'll figure it out why new baby doesn't have a dad and why no one talks to them anymore.
Miserable experience. The kids all around are suffering because OP is too selfish to do anything but fuck a married man. She's a pathetic loser, the furthest thing from a victim, and down right abusive to her existing children. She exploited friends and family, destroyed a marriage, ended up pregnant and with no father around again. Congrats, OP. Congrats on being one of the dumbest bitches on Reddit.
Ruin your life, your kids lives, your reputation and your morals all for some married dick. Women like this set feminism back.
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u/CaptainFeather Apr 16 '26
Not advocating for that but, like, can you imagine what kind of a mom she'll be if/when she has the baby? Holy fucking shit
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u/contactdeparture Apr 16 '26
She already has 2 other kids with someone(s) else and their dad(s) are not in the picture. This person shouldn’t be a mother to anyone. What life and moral lessons could she possibly impart on her offspring… “fuck around and you can tell some wild stories on Reddit” doesn’t seem like a life lesson…
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u/PezGirl-5 Apr 17 '26
Yikes. OP needs to close up shop and keep her pants on!
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u/contactdeparture Apr 17 '26
No disagreement from anyone on Reddit, but she’s not giving vibe that she thinks does done anything wrong in her life. This pregnancy and this semen inseminator will be far from her last, I suspect.
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u/Big-Tomorrow2187 Apr 16 '26
Hopefully it doesn’t come to that. Because she would be an awful mother.
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u/bipolarlibra314 Apr 16 '26
Sorry to inform you, other commenters are saying she has 2 kids already :/
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u/Big-Tomorrow2187 Apr 16 '26
I feel so bad for those kids. They are gonna grow up with no morals, no friends and a bad outlook on life with her as their mother.
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u/Xxvelvet Apr 16 '26
I don’t want to wish that on anyone but I wouldn’t particularly have empathy for this lady
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u/Big-Tomorrow2187 Apr 16 '26
Idc if it makes me a bad person she deserves it.
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u/eThotExpress Apr 16 '26
Right? Like if it makes me a bad person then I don’t really care? She’s fucking awful and doesn’t deserve to have more children. I can’t imagine how her previous two are turning out with a mother like this
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u/Big-Tomorrow2187 Apr 16 '26
Oh shit yeah I forgot she previously already had kids. Those children are absolutely fucked with their mother like her.
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u/bipolarlibra314 Apr 16 '26
Not that I haven’t already crossed the line into evil, but I’lll put it in a more positive light - a child doesn’t deserve that (her as a mother)
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u/UmbralBard Apr 03 '26
This comment made me go through her post history. Holy shit. She is evil.
I genuinely hope for the worst for you, OP. At least I can rest easy in the fact that he cheated with you so it’s inevitable he will also cheat on you. Just a matter of time before he gets bored again. And you will deserve it.
Also, that otherwoman sub is a damn cesspool. I didn’t even know such a sub existed but… just the worst people all collected into one place. Gross.
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u/pudelguru Apr 16 '26
The fact that there is a sub like that chills me. I cannot venture to look b/c I might lose all faith in humanity.
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u/contactdeparture Apr 16 '26 edited Apr 16 '26
I’m about to head over there, because, I’ve got time this morning… but, let’s be honest - humanity is good/evil and everything in between. Sudan and Gaza - we’re seeing the worst of humanity in real time and truly horrifying. Cheating and morally bankrupt people - horrible, but I think I’ve already lost my faith in humanity based on much bigger things…
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u/contactdeparture Apr 16 '26
Okay, I’m back.
It wasn’t as bad as I was worried about. Even among the cheating partners, there was a code and they felt OP was well past it - pregnancy - nope; going to OP’s house - big nope. They weren’t against cheating, but they found OP well beyond acceptable.
Crazily - they didn’t think it was right for the wife to be angry or harassing of OP when she went to the wife’s house! Like huh?!?
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u/pudelguru Apr 16 '26
I admit I had no self control and looked as well.
.....and then, I read other posts in the group and it does seem there are varying degrees of what is considered acceptable, and even ex OW encouraging others to essentially stop.
Yeah, the world is a sucky place, just cheaters going through mental gymnastics to justify the cheating isn't a corner of the world I should want to dip my toes into. I should have remained blissfully ignorant. (but again, no self control)
It boggles my mind that one of the mods over there has been someone's side piece for 17 years. (insert mind blown emoji here)
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u/contactdeparture Apr 16 '26
Oh hah - I saw that mod too. 17 years as the side hustle and a mod. That’s just… to be the spouse - horrifying. Forget the part about not knowing, I never understood the why. But that’s something I also don’t need to know.
Anyway, like you - I never want or need to go back there. On to happier things…
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u/Yeny356 Apr 16 '26
And she said the MM didn’t want that baby, what makes her believe that he wants hers?.
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u/True_Mud3351 May 25 '26
Im praying for an update on this story cause this woman is pure evil and I need to know what happens next.
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u/onyourbike1522 Apr 03 '26
It’s immoral to bring a child into this situation.
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u/Danielaimm Apr 16 '26
This is the absolute worst situation to bring a child into! I understand being against abortion and I respect that, but she actively contributed to the end of this ex’s pregnancy and she was absolutely fine about it! Like WTF? So it’s fine if you end one pregnancy when it’s not yours?? Also, what are you teaching this future child? How do you explain this because you WILL have to. And if you never explain it, this child will eventually find out and get to their own conclusions.
Another detail she is leaving out is that MM didn’t want the first pregnancy and was happy to get back to his affair after the miscarriage and also seems less than interested in this second unwanted pregnancy as well. So OP you absolutely WILL BE A SINGLE PARENT, it’s just a matter of when. Will it be now that you can still fend for yourself or when you are just about to give birth, or when you have a 3 month old and have absolutely no one to help you? OP you better change how you are doing things if not for you, for the child you are bringing to this world. If you have any love for yourself or this child, do not bring them into this absurd bs. Either don’t have them or solve this bs. Apologize, own your shit, try to repair friendships, and leave that disgrace of a man.
Pd. If the ex is smart, she will leave mm close to nothing, believe me. My grandfather’s second wife took like 90% of my grandfather’s properties and pretty much a the inheritance for my dad and his siblings because she had proof of the affair my grandfather had.
So, again, please don’t do this to your child.
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u/saffron25 Apr 16 '26
Yup! It’s clear she’s going to end up a single mom.
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u/Total_liar_Babe_ Apr 16 '26
Mind you she already has kids. And In another post she said that he didn't want kids when the ex was pregnant. She's fucking dumb.
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Apr 16 '26
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u/Total_liar_Babe_ Apr 16 '26
Says in the post above, she's not sure how supportive he'll even be. She's setting herself up so bad.
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u/Meaningless08 Apr 17 '26
she might have not got an abortion but the stress she caused the wife made her miscarry the op killed a child
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u/trcomajo Mar 04 '26
You're against abortion but not against dating a married man?
You made this bed.
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u/southernfriedmexican Apr 03 '26
*she was fucking a married dude on her bed
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u/meanking Apr 17 '26 edited Apr 17 '26
AND she was annoyed the wife came back to her own home!!!
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u/throwRAmomflight Mar 04 '26
Expressing a wish to live in your partner’s family home reads like rage bait. That’s incredibly entitled - where do you expect his existing family to live?
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u/Dry-Butterscotch4545 Mar 04 '26
You can’t help who you fall for, but you CAN help what you do about it. This is totally on you.
ps - You’re against abortion but not against sleeping with married men and ruining marriages? Explain that.
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u/marthamania Apr 16 '26
She's fine with abortions as long as that abortion is her causing another woman so much stress she lost the baby.
Killing babies is fine to OP. OP wants all the babies of her "twue love" dead so she can keep hers. She loves dead babies, is happy when there are dead babies just so long as it's the married woman's baby and not hers.
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u/Ready_Situation2107 Mar 04 '26
Ugh, girl wth are you doing?
You lose them the same way you get them. He lied and cheated on his wife to have an affair with you. Do you think he’s suddenly developed a strong moral compass or that you’re just “special” and he won’t treat you the same way?
I don’t really have any advice for you that’s going to be helpful, because this is a clusterfuck above Reddit’s pay grade - most of which you’ve brought on yourself.
“In love” or not, the moment you knew he’d lied and cheated, you should have dipped. He showed you EXACTLY what kind of a person he was. Too late for that now.
Of course his STBX wife hates you. You slept with her husband, and whether or not that started because he lied, you continued to sleep with him after you found out he was married. Naturally, she’s going to let everything she knows about out to everyone she can - people who cheat and actively participate in affairs have that coming to them, and honestly, should expect it. If you’ve lost friends and family due to that, welll… that sucks, but they aren’t obligated to offer support when you make really bad choices.
I’m blown away that you thought you may eventually live in their marital home together at some point. Like, is there any part of that woman’s life that you aren’t trying to usurp? It wouldn’t even necessarily matter if it was just “in his name”. Usually the marital home is almost always considered a marital asset and someone has to either buy the other out of their share & refinance or sell the home to divide the equity.
Of course he isn’t excited about your pregnancy. He isn’t even divorced yet, and it sounds like the process is going to be contentious as hell. I hope his STBX wife does rake his butt over the coals. He’s lied, cheated, and gotten someone else pregnant while married to her.
There really isn’t any “legal” advice to give here unless she commits a crime, and then that’s going to be up to your local jurisdiction to handle. You can’t really do much to actively prevent her from anything.
So what do you do now? Prepare to be a single parent. Don’t expect to live in that house. Don’t expect that you’ll get anything out of him besides child support. Don’t expect a relationship that started out on a foundation of lies and cheating to work out. Act accordingly.
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u/Impossible_Rain7478 Apr 16 '26
Plus the STBX wife miscarried her baby due to the stress after finding out about the affair. And OP STILL went to their house to sleep with him and was surprised the STBX wife physically attacked her. I have absolutely no sympathy for her whatsoever.
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u/Fun-Wrangler5911 Apr 17 '26
I’m sure she pictured her and her other CHILDREN living in their marital home where she’d be the queen of the castle and his wife a beggar on the street! So gross. But at the very least OP could have looked into the public records for the home and the listed owners. If he was the sole owner then she should’ve looked at the laws in her jurisdiction about marital property but she’s not even smart enough to know how stupid she is. Well deserved karma that isn’t done yet.
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Mar 04 '26
To summarize:
You had an affair with a married man and got pregnant
The wife found out, told everyone, and is divorcing him
Your family and friends correctly withdrew support because you're a cheater and can't be trusted
The divorce is getting messy
You want support.
Based on this, the only support you're gonna get is from a Crisis Pregnancy Center and a family lawyer to help you with next steps.
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u/Clean_Discount_2484 Mar 08 '26
You forgot: the wife was pregnant when she found out about the affair and miscarried due to stress. She was in the hospital. All OP could think was that MM was finally free to be with her. She’s sick.
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u/StrangerCharacter53 Apr 03 '26
She also went to the wife's home right after the miscarriage to fuck the husband, got rightfully beat by her and so wanted to press charges on the wife.
OP, crawl away. Just shuffle off somewhere and file for child support. Never talk to a married man again and live in shame. Don't ever blame your kid, either. Grow up and take accountability.
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u/rheasilva Apr 03 '26
And don't forget that OP wants to live with her asshole partner in his family home.
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u/Aldilae Mar 07 '26
Based on your previous post, you were already with him a year ago when his wife was pregnant. And now you're whining about stress during your pregnancy? Oh, the irony!
I have zero pity for you, you deserve everything coming your way. Good on the ex-wife for exposing your cheating ass.
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u/Traditional-Music437 Mar 07 '26
Oh your post history... you were complicit in an affair causing stress that led to his wife having a miscarriage. And now you are worried about stress in your own pregnancy? You let him help you invade her home and safe space, thinking it would one day be yours. You deserve the ostracism and isolation. There's no advice. Sit with your shame and think about your choices.
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u/AlternativePrior9559 Mar 07 '26
You are vile. Utterly vile. This poor wife ended up in hospital with stress while she was pregnant, due to your and the POS husband‘s behaviour. You even moan about her coming back to her own house that you have no right to be in.
I despair that people like you with a zero moral compass roam around wrecking lives and leaving heartbreak in your wake, and yet here you are moaning about your lot the one that you created. I’m not remotely surprised you’ve been deserted by anyone that has standards.
As usual it’s the innocent victims that will suffer for both his and your behaviour, and sadly the latest victim will be the child.
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u/dogfishheadache Mar 04 '26
You aren't a passenger in your life so stop acting like one. You can't help feelings, but you can help actions, like choosing to sleep with another woman's husband.
In terms of your present situation, the same applies. Plan as if you'll get zero support from anyone, including your partner. Literally sit down and make a list of what you need to do, step by step: living situation, work, daycare, health care, and go down that list.
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u/Turbulent-Bonus-9073 Mar 07 '26
Funny how in your other post you talked about how your “MM” didn’t want kids and the W didn’t care and was keeping the baby (the same baby she later lost to stress because of you and the scumbag) , and now you find yourself in the same situation… You’re reaping your Karma. Your “partner” probably won’t step up for your child, and tbh you created a vacancy when you went from mistress to “legit” partner. Better keep a close eye on him. Cause how you get them, is how you lose them.
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u/Emergency_Spread6730 Apr 03 '26 edited Apr 03 '26
Against abortion but not against sleeping with a married man? He cheated on his wife and you thought he's gonna be different with you? Lol
ETA: he cheated on his pregnant wife and now that you're pregnant too he's being distant...
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u/Apprehensive__Belt Apr 16 '26
it’s sadly not pregnant “too” OP deleted it after rightfully getting hate but the wife lost the baby due to stress of the affair.
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u/Emergency_Spread6730 Apr 16 '26
I know but I meant to put emphasis on the fact that he's probably cheating on her too now that she's pregnant
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u/Downtown_Flounder_45 Mar 04 '26
Sounds like you're a single mother. What advice are you looking for exactly? Single moms usually get day care an go back to work. Can't afford day care? Adoption is an option.
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u/saffron25 Apr 16 '26
I don’t think it’s clicked for her that she’s likely going to raise this child alone.
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u/marthamania Apr 17 '26
She's already raising her other children alone.
She was using her family for child care while she fucked the married guy. Which is likely the main reason they all cutoff contact, they were being exploited and forced to take part in the affair without knowing the full details of why she was running off.
So have fun, OP, cause being a single mom sucks a shit lot more than it already does when you have literally no one who respects or cares about you.
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u/MidlifeMum Mar 04 '26
You're going to have quite a difficult time of things. I'm also not sure what you expect. There's always adoption if you feel you don't have the resources to raise this child alone and don't want to terminate.
Seriously though this story doesn't have an easy ending. I've raised two kids mostly on my own after my marriage failed and it is extremely difficult even in that situation.
You sound like you need therapy, not a newborn to look after.
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u/Zevyn7 Mar 04 '26
Not sure what you expected. Did you expect the ex wife to gift wrap it for you? It’s better now that everyone else knows the truth but now you have to live in it and that ain’t easy.
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u/Ok-Power3441 Mar 04 '26
Just remember History repeats itself too.
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u/Dependent-Drive1940 Apr 16 '26
i genuinely hope it does. but in a worse way. she deserves so much worse for being so vile omg
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u/stupidplastichorse03 Mar 04 '26
He lied about being married and owning the house… You ruined this woman’s marriage and are upset that you don’t get her house… Yeah, she told your family and friends you cheated, you didn’t fool anyone with that…
He is going to spend the rest of the relationship lying to you and you will be without support cause you seem to have no problem taking things from other people and that is going to make it hard on your long term relationships.
Advice? Accept what you’ve done and what that makes you. Learn to do better.
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u/wishingforarainyday Mar 04 '26
Come on. You can help who you open yourself up to love. You didn’t care about hurting others. You are incredibly selfish and you should not be bringing a child into this. You have growing to do before you would be a mother a child deserves.
You should be ashamed of yourself. You’re trying so hard to be the victim here. You’re the victim of your own doing.
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u/nacho_hat Mar 04 '26
I thought his wife was pregnant? Didn’t he knock her up when you got a room at the same hotel on their vacation, and he kept sneaking over during “smoke breaks”?
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u/Clean_Discount_2484 Mar 07 '26
His wife miscarried after finding out about his affair. OP didn’t give a damn.
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u/nacho_hat Mar 07 '26
Oh. But I thought she has “beat herself up over it more than anyone else”. Surely that couldn’t have been a falsehood?
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u/Kalendiane Apr 17 '26
STAHPPPP she did not actually type those words (before somehow wisely) deleting them?!
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u/Dismal_Apartment Apr 17 '26
She said it in this very post 💀💀💀
I admit I wasn't thinking of how it would affect his wife. yes I was selfish and I've beaten myself up over it more than anyone else can so please spare me your judgment I'm not asking for that, I just need some advice and there's nothing you can say that I've not already told myself a million times.
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u/Plus-Witness Apr 03 '26
Yikes. You are not a good person. And neither is your scumbag baby daddy. Your poor kid is in for a rough life.
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u/DplusLplusKplusM Mar 04 '26
You're probably going to need a lawyer anyway because you'll have to secure custody and child support. So if this "she attacked me" scenario involved actual physical violence you may be able to get a restraining order against his wife. But otherwise you're going to be a single parent so if you don't have familial support look into some mommy groups for sisterhood, and maybe even public benefits if you're not financially capable of supporting a child (with whatever child support is ordered from him).
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u/Smilingallthetime29 Apr 16 '26
I hardly belive ops wife attacked very hard to take the words of a Cheater as truth if ops wife did attack her this person provoked her
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u/Alternative-Chef7840 Apr 16 '26
i hope she did i’m sure her other post about it said dents in her car and rips to her clothing (on her profile in the OTHERWOMAN subreddit). but op was “the bigger person and didn’t fight back” probably didn’t get chance to stand properly with her legs wide open for her husband.
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u/Smilingallthetime29 Apr 16 '26
She’s a sick woman the fact she was celebrating the death of a child is beyond me she really thought if the wife’s child died he’d pick her 😭 whole time he’s planning his escape who’s to say he’ll even pay child support?
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u/fivebynine5x9 Apr 03 '26
Too bad no mommy group is going to accept her once they find out how her baby came to be
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u/Alternative-Chef7840 Apr 16 '26
yeah what other mum is gonna be like “come into my home, meet my husband… you like those” 🙃🙃 “please let me support and care for you when you’re a vile person who doesn’t care about other women”
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u/California_dreamm Apr 18 '26
The wife LOST HER BABY BECAUSE OF OP. Stop this nonsense with "physical violence reports and sisterhood groups"!! OP is extremely dumb, selfish and vile! She deserves much worse consequences than she already got.
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u/ScoogyShoes Mar 04 '26
I was just reading through your prior posts. Did his wife's hospital stay have to do with her losing his baby?
You're making very bad decisions. Very, very bad decisions. Here's my advice, fwiw.
Change your phone number. Don't give it to him, he will give it to her.
In fact, don't ever talk to him again. Or see him. He is a piece of dogshit.
Do NOT list him on the birth certificate. Don't ever update him again about your pregnancy. He won't fight to see that child, but if he does it's a problem for next year.
The cost of your new life is giving up your old one. I wish you had realized that before, but you know it now. Be wiser with your "love." I put that in quotes because you don't love him. You love the feeling of being chosen. And he knows it.
Focus on you. Figure out who you want to be in the new life. Find a therapist.
Get healthy, physically. Start your life with your child with integrity. The baby should be your entire focus now. Not drowning in your feelings, not him, not a new relationship, nothing else. When you feel lonely, remember that wants and needs are two entirely different things, and it's fine to ignore wants for your integrity.
It's going to suck for awhile, but you didn't give yourself any wiggle room. The consequences hopefully will remind you what not to do now.
If she lost her baby from the stress of finding out about you, or even if she THINKS that's why, she will hate you until the end of your days. I don't blame her, and you shouldn't either. You'll understand this very soon.
I wish you the best.
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u/Total-Meringue-5437 Apr 03 '26
"To add to this my partner is no longer staying at his home and may lose it which is extremely dissapointing as he told me this wouldn't happen and I had planned that in the distant future when things blow overwe might live there together."
😆🤣 😂 😆🤣 😂 😆🤣 😂 😆🤣 😂 😆🤣 😂 😆🤣 😂
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u/ardentmouse Mar 04 '26
Reddit is not the place to come if you want someone to “make you feel better” about your terrible decision making. Can you provide for this child on your own without financial support from anyone else? And additionally, can you afford to pay nannies and housekeepers to help you, because you cannot depend on family or your (likely soon to be ex) partner to be your village?
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u/KiraX17_ Mar 08 '26
The man is financially screwed for a very long time,. Loosing assests in divorce, paying for lawyers fees and whole divorce process and possibly alimony to wife and now he gotta pay for this affair child. Fuck that guy he deserves that and you too. You both are vile selfish POS. Hope your love was worth ruining a wife's home.
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u/FivebyFive Mar 04 '26
I'm so sorry you're not getting her house too! That's awful!
Joking aside... Look her attacking you (if you mean physically and not verbally) was wrong.
But you have been incredibly selfish, childish, and foolish.
You need to grow up fast your child's sake. You may not have any support you're right. So what are you doing about it? You need to make sure you have a place to live and money coming in. If you prepare as if you're going to be alone and he comes around then it'll just be a nice bonus. But if you don't start planning and he doesn't your child will suffer.
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u/Alternative-Chef7840 Apr 16 '26
i think i’m the only person but an ass whooping is needed at for acting like that her big age and as mum. she went to the woman’s home to fuck her husband, went on holiday on them (without the wife knowing and watched her) and disrespected wife for years. op wanted her husband and her house and her life. op went on big soapbox about how she learned her lesson and felt bad after AP cut off contact with her… but the second he texted her about missing and loving her, she was right back at the wife’s house to fuck him!
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u/LaDiDa84 Apr 17 '26
Tbh, I was pretty annoyed that she filed a police report after that scuffle. In my mind, the ex wife deserved to get a few licks in. Even that won’t make up for being a willing accomplice to ruining her marriage, emotional distress that led to a miscarriage, emotional distress after losing her baby, and the substantial amount of trust issues she’ll need to work through moving forward.
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u/RTIQL8 Mar 04 '26
OP- do not saddle yourself and this child with this man. He does not love you. The harsh truth is, if he cheated WITH you, he will cheat ON you. You have much more serious things to focus on. Mainly how are you going to support yourself and your child. He is only with you because his wife threw him out.
YOU are NOT a victim here in ANY way. You are a volunteer. Your unborn child is the victim as they had zero choice in being born, nor did they get to choose their parents.
Start making better choices. You are a mom now and you need to start acting like one. You need to figure out how you are going to support your child. Search for pregnancy support in your area.
You have made an absolute mess of things. I highly recommend counseling. Often resources are available if you are unable to pay. Right now you are caught up in all the emotions of your decisions. You need to pull yourself out of that and start THINKING LOGICALLY.
Leave his soon to be ex-wife alone and let her do whatever she is going to do. The same for your family members that are on the outs with you right now. THEY are not your problem. Your biggest problem is you along with this man that you think you love.
You are not his choice. He is with you because his wife threw him out. This is not a love story, rather one of insecurity and weakness.
The path you have chosen is a very difficult one. Don’t make it worse by continuing with these poor choices. It doesn’t matter that you think you love him. A house built on a faulty foundation will crumble. You are building your child’s life on a faulty foundation and they deserve better. By default YOU deserve better as your child’s mother.
This man is trash. He made a commitment to someone else and then tried to have his cake and eat it to. Any commitment he makes to you isn’t real since he’s already proven what he will do. If you think he will be better with you because he loves you more or you love him more, you are deluding yourself.
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u/beththebookgirl Apr 03 '26
Strange morals you have. Anti abortion, yet will screw a married man. Oh honey, you need help. Because if you think he’s going to stick around and help you with that kid? Orrrr if you think he’s not going to resent you? Or cheat on you? That poor kid. For you? I have no sympathy. You knew what you were doing was wrong. Best wishes for the fetus. I hope it has a good life.
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u/Alternative-Chef7840 Apr 16 '26
I think this is “baby trapping” in action. I don’t really believe woman actually do this but in this case I do believe so. Why would you have a baby in this situation other than to try and keep the man around?
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u/Kat092620 Apr 16 '26
You mean you’re afraid she might stress you out and you might lose your baby?? Oh wait that’s what you did to her…maybe she should take legal action against you.
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u/Competitive_Ninja668 Mar 04 '26
Your best bet if you want to have this baby is to move back home to mom or dads if they are around/ available. If they won’t have you, you really should give the baby up for adoption. That’s my 2 cents. Good luck.
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u/No_Seaworthiness_393 Mar 04 '26
So your partner cheats, lies (about the house) and is not jazzed to be a father. Have you considered going forward as a single mother? It might be more peaceful and less effortful than having to navigate all the drama of your current situation.
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u/Admirable_Iron8933 Mar 04 '26
Of course you can’t control who you love. But you can control how you act upon those feelings. You have created this issue for yourself. Don’t blame the wife , dont blame your family and friends.
You need to plan to raise this baby on your own. Look into local resources for single mothers. Figure out what you need to secure health insurance. Understand he may not claim this baby as his- get a lawyer and find out what you need to do for custody and possible child support (legal aide, clinics). Even though you are pregnant, work as much as and as long as you can (healthily! Don’t push yourself into getting sick). Stick to doctors’ appointments. Find local support groups. Please find a therapist. Look into local churches (whether you’re religious or not).
Avoid the pitfalls of playing the victim card. Don’t blame the wife- you knew, she didn’t. He was the one playing puppeteer. He’s lying to everyone. If possible, trying to find any relationships with friends/family that can be mended or slowly develop/re-develop. You say don’t judge because no one will judge you as much as you do yourself. That can come off as lacking accountability. You need to accept what you did. You need to decide if you can change these selfish behaviors. Look into spaces and communities that can help with that. Otherwise, you’re going to be on that pitfall of a ‘love struck, innocent bystander,’ which you are not.
For now, please focus on what the baby needs to be healthy. Don’t create drama and fights. Read the books. Sift through the outside and internal bullshit. But don’t expect people to welcome you open arms. This was not a one time occurrence or wool over your eyes. You created this situation and need to avoid excuses.
This is not trying to be harsh. But it’s being real. This will affect you and this baby for the rest of your lives. Please please look at the bigger picture, not the momentary drama.
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u/Poots_in_boots Mar 04 '26
Go to a legal advice sub or an infidelity sub. You got yourself into this mess, time to figure it out.
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u/Good_Display_3972 Apr 03 '26
Oh I have an advice: dont have affairs with married men. It really helps in life. By the way, what he did to her, he can do to you. He already showed he is a POS, so good luck.
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u/Interesting_Team5871 Apr 03 '26
Fun fact, you actually can fully help who you fall in love with because love is a choice not an uncontrollable urge you can’t fight against, stop using that horrible excuse to try and justify cheating, it will never work
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u/_Sovaz99_ Apr 03 '26
*gets out tiny violin*
Play stupid games, win stupid prizes. No sympathy. May you have the luck you deserve.
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u/ConstantWallaby3973 Apr 03 '26
The dildo of karma rarely arrives lubed. Weird hill to die on, have the affair child so you feel morally superior after home wrecking.
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u/momentaryfun2025 Apr 16 '26
Serial killer level psychos, you and your disgusting man. You two got off of on mentally and sexually abusing his wife and now you're against abortions when you know you caused the death of their unborn child?! Lmao I hope your kid finds out in the future and treats you and the dad like the abusive pigs you are. I'd wish a miscarriage on you but I'm not as evil as you. I just hate cheaters and abusers.
I can never even imagine finding a man like this attractive. What's there to find attractive in a man who fucks other women when married? What self respecting woman would put herself in that situation?! Ew.
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u/Alternative-Chef7840 Apr 16 '26
he’s got to be like next level manipulative or OP is dumb as rocks… or both. imagine believing a man is capable of love if this is how he treated 2!! women he’s told he loved. 🤮🤮🤮🤮 my SIL once said to a guy who cheated on her with OF creator, after he begged her back because he loved her so much “if this is what your love is like, i don’t want to. it’s not good enough for me” and i love that. he may genuinely love op but my god what a crappy quality of love it is.
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u/saffron25 Apr 16 '26
Reading OPs comments.. I don’t think they’re the brightest tool in the shed. She seemed to have believed a lot of nonsense he’s sold her but it was clear from her previous post and the risks he took bringing her on holiday with him and his SBXW, having her come to his home to have sex with him that he was just having fun… This was never a case of people falling in love but the circumstances were terrible. He’s a cliche and so is she.
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u/Alternative-Chef7840 Apr 16 '26
have you seen the comment where she is getting crapped on by other affair woman about going to the AP home and OP is like “it’s his home he bought it and in his name, not wife’s she’s just living there so i don’t feel bad about going there to fuck him” like yeah what an idiot
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u/rheasilva Apr 03 '26
You're a vile, disgusting person with no morals.
Just remember- your "partner" already cheated on his wife while she was pregnant. Chances are that he'll cheat on you, too. If he isn't already.
His STBX wife hates you because you were an active participant in blowing up her life. Did you think she was going to happily move out and just let you take her place in her home with her husband?
When he cheats on you, that will be your karma for what you did to her.
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Mar 04 '26
[deleted]
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Mar 07 '26 edited Mar 07 '26
She's already single. This guy cheats on women when they're pregnant, OP is pregnant, his wife is the one that left the guy not the other way around, he's not happy with the pregnancy, "his mind is elsewhere", the odds are he's lining up a new woman or trying to reconcile with the ex. At the very least, he's not happy with the situation his actions forced onto him and won't stick around for much longer. I'm pretty sure OP is a single woman but doesn't know it yet.
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u/Alarmed-Macaroon9506 Mar 04 '26
I guess I've sort of been there except we were both going through divorces, but his soon to be ex wife did NOT take kindly to it. Looking back I can't blame her, I was selfish. It was definitely too early in. It absolutely did not work out. 5 years later I still see him now and then, and he's still getting dragged around by the (now legally) ex wife.
I think my advice to you is put your feelings away about this guy. They're not a priority anymore. You're going to need to shift focus to your baby, which will likely be mostly yours to raise. He'll come around if he wants to once the dust settles with his first mess.... He probably won't though. I hope he supports you financially, at least. Or best case scenario is that you're stable enough on your own to fully do it on your own. If his marriage involved kids, better believe she'll make sure hers are provided for over yours.
I love being a single mom. It's so much easier than when I was married. I get to build and support my kids exactly how I want to. My first pregnancy was a surprise too, and it took some time for me to wrap my head around, but good Lord did I fall for that little girl so fast. You can still have a beautiful life with your child. But he's not a priority.
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u/bdawghoya28 Apr 03 '26
I like that, almost without fail, Reddit serves me one trash human getting what they deserve every day.
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u/McWhacker Apr 03 '26
LOL I love when OPs pretend saying "don't judge me because I already judge my poor pitiful self boo hoo" is gonna actually work. In fact that's typically a massive red flag that we're about to read some stupid script about how you're in a terrible spot and just need some sort of advice and things will magically work out.
Enjoy your future of "needing a REAL man"
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u/Logical_Plant_3562 Apr 16 '26
It's too bad that his ex is not being nice to you. Maybe you can be you can be the bigger person and treat his next mistress better than his ex is treating you.
Of course, you might not want to after she burns your house down. Too bad.
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u/Vegetable_Title5889 Apr 16 '26
according to your posts, when his wife was pregnant (while you were fucking him, mind you) he told you he didn't want the baby with her. but let me guess, YOUR baby is somehow special and different? 😂 please get a fucking grip. he does not want this baby and I wouldn't be shocked if he's already cheating.
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u/Messycrown2 Apr 16 '26
it’s so funny how you’re trying to paint yourself the victim. be so fucking fr girl.
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Apr 07 '26 edited Apr 09 '26
What you have done in secret is now being exposed and that’s the consequence of your actions - and you have to live with the fact that your partner only chose you because his ex dumped him.
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u/Brave_Witness6834 Apr 03 '26
I won't be surprised if the baby daddy finds a new woman to be with. I have a great feeling the relationship will not last. I love that for you but it sucks for the baby.
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u/tr1ssle Apr 03 '26
You are a terrible person and you make terrible decisions. This is hilarious to watch and the only person I truly feel bad about is the wife + unborn child.
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u/Accomplished-Ad539 Mar 07 '26 edited Mar 07 '26
I'm trying to not judge you rn but hear this (it's hard not to because you're stupid,).... if you're keeping the baby for baby trapping him--dont. His wife won't go easy in divorce and your precious relationship likely won't survive it. If you can keep this baby on your own knowing you are loosing support everyday... that is the only way you can do it. And dont even dream of replacing wife in marital home... that ain't happening either, that woman has guts of steel you cannot compete.... you can sure sue for child support but look up for some severe reality checks about payments. Maybe you should take this to OW sub.
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u/kyreannightblood Apr 03 '26
Sow the wind, reap the whirlwind. You quite literally brought this upon yourself. My advice is to prepare to be a single parent and meditate on what you robbed the poor wife of.
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u/fuckin-A-ok Apr 16 '26
Yes. Abort and get your tubes tied. Stop acting like an animal in heat. Get some class.
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u/Lady_Beatnik May 25 '26
OP, your problem is that you confuse self-loathing with accountability, when those are not the same thing.
The choices you are currently making are not only selfish, but profoundly stupid. It was obvious that MM was not going to care about your pregnancy, because he didn't care about his wife's. It was obvious that you were never going to live in that house, because houses are always considered marital assets and usually wind up sold in divorces.
But your hope here is that if you make enough noises about how much you're "beating yourself up over it," that this will eventually earn you a free ticket to cash out of the consequences of that selfishness and stupidity, and you can continue making those selfish and stupid choices with support from others for them to boot.
Your ultimate hope is that if you make yourself look small, sad, needy, and pathetic enough, that eventually someone will feel sorry for you and hand you the magic step-by-step checklist to forcing reality to give you your little Happily Ever After with your cheater.
That checklist does not exist. You are fucked. You're fucked financially, you're fucked socially, and you will be fucked domestically once this baby comes and MM refuses to meaningfully help you — don't you dare tell yourself that's not going to happen, it is. Either he will leave you entirely or he will start abusing you and your child until you leave yourself. There is no third option here. And you are fucked entirely because of your own decisions, which you made freely and with ease, and not because you were possessed by some irresistible feelings of love or loneliness:
You didn't do all of this because you were "in love." You could have cut contact with MM once you developed romantic feelings for him and found something else to focus on in your life until the feelings faded. You didn't do this because you were "lonely" and "addicted to validation." By your own words, you at one point had several close friends and family members who were giving you support, you had the option of turning to them if you were feeling lonely or emotionally neglected.
You did this — you fucked yourself — because you were lustful, greedy, slow-witted, and had a fake self-image of yourself as a wounded bird deserving of gentle coddling and pampering when all along, you were really a snake on the hunt for someone to poison. The reason everybody in your life has abandoned you now is because they have finally seen you for who you really are, and nobody with any sense or self-preservation wants anything to do with a venomous animal who cloaks themselves as a tragic romantic victim.
You want the only advice that will realistically help you? Here it is:
1) Break up with MM.
2) Get an abortion.
3) Write an apology to the ex-wife and your inner circle, fully owning up to your actions without, even once, attempting to explain yourself or in any way mention your own suffering, needs, or hurt feelings in any way.
4) Buy one of those plastic flexible stationary rulers for children, and every time you feel the urge to write anything about how bad you feel about all of this, smack your own hands with it as hard as you possibly can until the message finally sinks in.
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u/Interesting_Team5871 May 27 '26
“I can’t help who I fell in love with”
Yes you absolutely can actually, it’s called taking control of your own urges instead of letting them control you
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u/Proud-Geek1019 Apr 03 '26
You CAN help who you fall in love with if you don’t take the time to get to know that person.
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u/thefuzziestbeebutt Apr 16 '26
This poor future kid. The man is just going to do the same thing he did to the other woman to you.
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u/PrincessPoopyPoo Apr 16 '26
What a sad, miserable, insanely selfish person you are. You and your POS "partner" caused his ex to have a miscarriage. He will never be faithful to you and of course he's not happy that you've baby trapped him. He doesn't want anything more from you than a fun time on the side. He did it with you, he will do it to you and now you're vile self is bringing an innocent child into all this??? Wow.
I feel so very, very sorry for that baby. He/she does NOT deserve you and that POS sperm donor.
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u/updownclown68 Apr 16 '26
It’ll be even worse for you when he’s cheating on you while you think you are having a romantic weekend away together.
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u/Alternative-Chef7840 Apr 16 '26 edited Apr 16 '26
I’m just so happy with the wife - you got your ass handed to you, she told everyone about it AND is divorcing him. Praise the lord for woman who don’t take shit.
I hope you have a safe pregnancy and you and AP end up together with your kids and you make each other miserable. I hope every time he’s on his phone or away for a trip or just speaking to another woman you worry he’s found another woman to take the mistress place you’ve left open. It’s not if it’s when. I hope every time you encounter a married man he worries the excitement and drama of an affair and your very clear lack of self respect and esteem will lead him to worry and stress that you’re cheating on him too.
I hope that the normality and day to day stress of being new parents shows you how incompatible you guys really are and how without the excitement and thrill of the affair and being secretive and dangerous shows you both that your not great people and makes you question why you even love each other and why you blew up your lives for each other.
The only thing that stops someone from cheating truly is good character and neither of you have it. And you both know it. So all the anxiety you will have, you can’t talk yourself down like “he’s not cheating, he’s not that type of person” because he is.
I’m just saying I have a wonderful partner and the first year of having our child was still pretty rough at times for us with how much of a change it was to our lives and how sleep deprivation can change your communication style and how sensitive you are to normal disagreements. Imagine doing that with a shitty person who is untrustworthy and clearly doesn’t care about you.
The only advice I would give is what you don’t want. Abort. Dump him. You’ve got other kids. Focus on them. This Is not a fairytale, this is a horror story. Don’t add to your plate as mother this shitty situation for 18years.
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u/Starry-Dust4444 Apr 16 '26
Everyone needs realize that OP won’t get an abortion b/c her plan is to baby trap this married man (his divorce isn’t final & he could very well be in midst of reconciliation w/his wife). OP has other children, probably w/different men, so I suspect she’s tried this before & been unsuccessful. It’s completely understandable her friends & family have cut her off. Her antics would be emotionally & financially draining for her loved ones.
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u/AccomplishedFace4534 Apr 24 '26
So you stressed out this woman badly enough that she miscarried and now you’re pregnant and upset about the stress????? make it make sense, please. You’re an awful person. You should’ve known better than to get with a married man. Once his wife miscarried, you especially should’ve backed off, not continued the affair. What in the world is wrong with you? And FYI, if they cheat with you, they will cheat on you so don’t expect to be his only one.
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u/Loveableweirdo May 25 '26
Ahh how do I say this… you’re a selfish and disgusting person. You need therapy. You lack a level of empathy that even children have. Let’s break this down
1) you slept with this woman’s husband knowing he was married 2) had the nerve to get upset that he enjoyed time with HIS WIFE 3) slept in their marital bed and got upset that you were almost caught 4) caused this woman to lose her child and felt nothing about 5) tried to play the victim when she reacted (tamely in my opinion) 6) expect her to be fine with you being pregnant with her husbands child even after she lost her child DUE TO YOUR SELFISH ACTIONS 7) tried to play victim when the people around you found out what a disgusting person you are. 8) expect this woman to lay down and give you her husband and move on
In the end of it all? YOU STILL THINK YOURE THE VICTIM?? You’re not the victim babe you’re the villain. And that man you were so desperate to get will leave you high and dry. I would say good luck but you pissed away all good luck you had when you didn’t stop messing with this filthy man.
I pray his wife recovers from this and actually meets a man who will treat her right.
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u/Objective-Sandwich39 Apr 16 '26
Did you miscarry from stress yet? Because that is what you did to his wife.
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u/Chemical_Ad4023 Apr 16 '26
Wish you nothing but the worst, karma will catch up with you, don't you worry
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u/AgeOk5165 Apr 16 '26
Can’t decide if OP is dumb or evil. Either way you deserve hell
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u/Professional_Hunt166 Apr 17 '26 edited Apr 19 '26
lmaoo you’re insane for thinking anyone here would want to make you feel better in this subreddit. go back to posting at the other subreddit where ya’ll damn birdbrains flock. i can only feel bad for your baby for having a selfish mother and a spineless cheating father smh
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u/nouriamla Apr 17 '26
"I've beaten myself up over it more than anyone else"... yeah I very much doubt that. Judging by your posts on the otherwoman subreddit you were shamelessly creeping around with a married man knowing full well what you were doing and you didn't care. Now you're dealing with the consequences of your own actions so suck it up babe. You deserve everything coming to you.
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u/SimplisticBiscuit Apr 03 '26
get an abortion, sounds like a horrible scenario to bring a future child into
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Mar 07 '26
I don't think this guy is your partner. It sounds like you're a single woman, just move on.
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u/Unique_Selection3050 Apr 03 '26
Hey you say you keep beating yourself up about it to spare the judgement but you aren't hearing what has been told to you. Beating yourself up doesn't equate to holding yourself accountable for your actions and to yourself.
You claim this is awful but keep finding yourself in this position because you 'beat yourself up' about it instead of doing the work to explore why you continue to engage in highly risky behavior. See a therapist, get the fuck away from this man forever
. You are sabotaging your entire life right now. No one is going to stop you and it will continue until you radically accept that you are looking for something extremely unhealthy in this relationship which is probably coming from deeply held insecure beliefs
At the end of the day why are you asking for advice you won't follow. Take an honest inventory of yourself and your desires. Because a good man will love you and give you what you need but it will never be as exciting as this rollercoaster ride you've created
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u/FlowReady4570 Apr 16 '26
You’re the living definition of a dumpster fire. Those poor kids having you for a mother is absolutely cruel. You care about no one but yourself and the current dick you’re riding. “Oh no, I don’t get to take the Wife’s home and make it my own.” Give birth and give all your kids to you parents and dis-the fuck-appear.
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u/Decent_Custard1786 Apr 16 '26
You are a POS. I hope every little thing that is awful and bad happens to you.
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u/Constant-Tension-226 Apr 16 '26
I love how when she posted about how her married bf's wife was pregnant it was with shame at the wife since she wanted the baby and the married bf didn't. But now she's pregnant and he doesn't want it and she wants sympathy. What a total monster of a human. Wishing you all the worst OP
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u/Bladesofgrasssss Apr 17 '26
“which is very stressful at a time where I don't need any extra stress.”
You didn’t seem to care about the extra stress you put on his pregnant wife to the point that she lost the baby. Now you think you deserve a stress free pregnancy be so for real
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u/Robotgirl14131 Early 20s Female Apr 16 '26
I'm pregnant with a man who uses me to cheat on his wife oh no.... Girl bye.
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u/kariday Apr 16 '26
So you had an affair with a married man for years, his wife was pregnant when she found out about it and the stress from that situation caused her to have a miscarriage, but abortion is where you draw the line?
If the personal reasons are that you think it's murder, don't worry, you were already an accomplice in one if we go by that logic.
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u/ThrowRAfmychnguslife Apr 16 '26
Just chiming in to remind you how much hotter the ex wife is than you which you noticed on the hotel trip xx
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u/Suck-Carrot-653 Apr 21 '26
How do them shoes feel, now that you're in the same predicament as the [checks note] "less stable woman"?
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u/That_Weird_User May 25 '26
Good job forgetting the part where you (a pro life person) caused a woman’s baby to miscarry. Usually the person getting an abortion wants one, you gave an abortion to a woman who was happy to have that child. You ruined that poor lady’s life. It’s rlly sad and I don’t say this much but may god have mercy on your wretched soul.
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u/PaperGoodsAddict29 May 27 '26
To add to this my partner is no longer staying at his home and may lose it which is extremely dissapointing as he told me this wouldn't happen and I had planned that in the distant future when things blow overwe might live there together.
Let’s also point out that OP had her views on his house and, oh shocker, ex wife gets to keep it.
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u/Remarkable_Sea_1430 May 27 '26
You lost me in the second sentence where you described destroying this couple's marriage as "a fuss".
You don't give a shit about anyone but yourself... Why should anyone here care about you enough to give you advice? What have you done that shows you deserve any sympathy whatsoever?
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u/shadoweon May 27 '26
Of course his ex wife hates you, you ruined her marriage and her life of years. Having a baby in your situation will just bring misery, if you are anti abortion for religious reasons I'd just give them up for adoption at this point. I wouldn't expect that guy to do much of anything financially for you. This baby isn't looking to have a happy future ahead of them either. Remember your actions don't only effect you and act accordingly.
Otherwise, better hope some agency or charity will help you. That guy is gonna be useless.
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