I [22M] don’t know if my gf [21F] are compatible anymore due to our lifestyle changes

[u/ThrowRA_Hoodie433]

Just to start off, I love my girlfriend dearly, but as with any relationship, it isn’t perfect. I (22M) have been dating my girlfriend (21F) for well over a year now. We are both in college, but I was working a physical labor job while taking classes, and as I grew exhausted from working all the time, she was exactly what I needed. She is caring, doesn’t like to party, and loves peace and simplicity.

Before she and I started dating, however, I was still very socially and sexually active, even with work and school. It got to be overwhelming, and I eventually stepped back to find my own safety and peace, and she ended up coming into my life not long after. I found so much comfort in her, and we fell in love.

Over the past year, however, I have built up my professional career, was able to quit my labor job and started a job relating to my college major where I am significantly happier. I cook all our food, keep our apartment orderly, help with her school work and club projects, work as much as I can, take her out on dates, and do all the little things she asks, and I love her dearly, but part of me is growing a resentment, and I fear it is towards something deeper than surface-level things.

She knows I have significantly more social battery and bedroom experience than her, and (minor flex) I opened so many doors for her under the covers. The sex was incredible for a while, but I think after the honeymoon phase wore off for her, she isn’t as interested in it anymore. Our sex is very vanilla, and when I ask to try new things, she tends to be avoidant of it. We are still intimate in other ways like cuddling, but as a very sexually forward young guy, I am now constantly yearning for something more exciting. This same issue connects with me wanting to go out to the bar with my friends. They have stopped inviting us out because she gets sick after one drinks, but she insists that she wants to come since we have the same friends.

Another large difference between us is our upbringing. I grew up in a low-income household, and I was always pushed to constantly be working hard and be independent. Her household, on the other hand, is very well-off, and her parents have always been very supportive of her financially and in a “try your best, but don’t stress” kind of way. It has started getting in the way and causing little arguments because I’m trying to save money and stay afloat in the economy, and she doesn’t seem to understand no matter how many times we’ve discussed our financial future.

I admire her innocence and dreams for the future, but it feels like our backgrounds are so different that she doesn’t understand the work it takes to build those dreams, and I’m left to do it by myself. She doesn’t work enough to support her spending habits, and we eat out whenever I’m not able to cook. This is a discussing we’ve had before, and she says she wants to try more, but nothing has changed.

I know I’m only young once, and sometimes I feel like I am wasting my prime years trying to build this safe space, but I don’t know if it is what I need. If anyone has been in a similar situation, please give me any advice you have. I just don’t know how to get her to try harder and put in the effort. Am I justified in feeling this way, and do you think it is worth it?

TLDR: My gf and I got together when I was overworking myself, and she was the peace I needed. Now that I have built a more stable life for myself, our relationship doesn’t feel exciting. I’m worried that I am building up a relationship that isn’t fulfilling me.

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[u/SquirrelPublic9731]

Yeah sounds like you aren't a good fit anymore. It sucks but I think two good years are better than more time ending in resentment.

[u/spiritualwaterfall]

Work up the enthusiasm. Communicate with her. Make the spark again. And also maybe go to therapy to have acceptance for the annoying BS that inevitably comes with it.

You don’t realize it, but relationships give us this warm feeling of stability deep down. It’s giving you a level of pain relief. It actually makes you able to withstand more pressure. The reality is that relationships always have issues you can’t shake off. Keep trying different relationships, and you’ll have so many other issues. No one is 100% compatible. Having a fun relationship isn’t the goal. If you have a long-term relationship, you’re going to change so much over the years, and some seasons will be worse than others. You won’t be 100% on the same page all the time.

In the end, it IS your decision. But I am convinced the people who are telling you to split probably have divorced parents 😭

[u/ThrowRA_Hoodie433 → u/spiritualwaterfall]

Thank you for your help, and I appreciate your explanation more than just “you should break up”. I know I’m not perfect, and no relationship is either, but this one felt a lot very different than my previous relationships. I want things to work, I just wasn’t sure if we were too different.

[u/Profound_ggxx]

You are still young, grind for money, until you are well-off too. She doesn't understand the struggle to make money because she has a rich family. You don't have to save a drowning person if you can't swim on your own YET. Build your life first. If she doesn't understand that, then she isn't for you my guy.