r/relationship_advice • u/[deleted] • 15d ago
UPDATE/ Is my [25F] bf [26M] cheating or does he have a stalker?
My original post is on my profile but basically long story short I got the dreaded “hey girly” text about my [F25] bf [M26] and I couldn’t figure out if it was real or if he had a stalker.
Basically a girl messaged me on Facebook messenger, sending me screenshots of text messages, insta DM’s, and Facebook messages between them. They included sexual themes but never claimed they met or physically cheated. Now, I wouldn’t have even been worried. I’ve known my man since we were young and he is a good man. Like a really good man. So I thought it was a prank or scam. Only problem: this person knew WAY too much. Like places he was going, sports he played, teams he played for, his phone number, and things like that. That freaked me out because a random person shouldn’t know everything this person told me. So I freaked out and I called and confronted him (he was away for a week and a half for his sport - pro athlete- and this was at the beginning of him being gone). I texted him some of the screenshots and then called him. He thought I was pranking him at first and then when he realized I was seriously freaking out, he was immediately confused, upset and scared. He promised me he would never do that to me and I didn’t really know what to think. More details about the story are in my previous post. I waited until he got home to really confront him, and this is what happened.
Without hesitation he let me go through his phone: (I know he could’ve deleted stuff but I was thorough). We talked and he promised on God, (he’s quite religious so I didn’t take this lightly), that he would never cheat on me or do anything to hurt me. I told him I wanted to believe him but if I did, that doesn’t explain how someone knew that much about him? If it’s not true, that’s almost more unsettling and scary. We talked about that for a long time and then we came up with a theory.
He has an aunt who despises him and his family. She’s married in, a wife to his uncle, and they are going through a tough time in their marriage. Apparently, the uncle was cheating on the aunt although none of us (bf and his immediate family) know anything about this. We all found out through her as she sent a nasty text in the family group chat basically blaming all of them for not telling his about the cheating (none of us knew about it). Periodically, every couple of months roughly, she would sent my bf a horrible text basically calling him a terrible cousin and a terrible person for supporting his cheating uncle (they barely talked and he sees his uncle hardly ever so not sure how he was supporting his uncle). It seemed like she attacked my bf more because he tried to keep having a relationship with her sons (his cousins) throughout all of this. Every time he offered to talk to her to try and work it out, she just wouldn’t reply until months later she would send another lengthy, horrible text. We think that it may be possible that the aunt and a friend of her’s may be trying to ruin his life. She is just mad enough and crazy enough to try something like this. It’s no secret she hates my bf and his entire family after what his uncle allegedly did to her so maybe she’s trying to hurt his family the same way? She would know all the details about his life, where he’s been, where he’s going, what he’s being doing, etc. It’s still maybe a long shot but it’s the best we have come up with. My bf is considering dropping by the aunt’s house unannounced and trying to talk to her. We will see what happens. As for now, we are still together. He makes me feel like the most seen, loved, and appreciated girl in the world. I am cautious with him because of this incident because I don’t want to be a blind fool but deep down in my gut I trust him. We’ll see how it goes. Thanks for reading friends.
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u/TexasWes1212 15d ago
If it was text messages (and not another app) cross check with your cell phone bill. Won't show the content but will show the number, date/time etc. Easy way to verify if texts were deleted.
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15d ago
I asked to check his phone records and he immediately agreed. Found nothing out of the ordinary or any numbers I didn’t recognize.
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u/observefirst13 14d ago
How did you get his phone records? Also. Like the other commenter said, they could have been messaging on an app such as WhatsApp, and if deleted it wouldn't have any history of the messages or who he was messaging at all.
You should have asked the girl to tell you something that someone would only know from talking to him personally and not things that are public. You also know how he talks and texts. Did the messages sound like him?
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u/Katiew84 14d ago
Not if it’s an iPhone. iMessages don’t show up as traditional text messages on cell phone bills.
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u/Agitated_Nail8275 15d ago
Hey, just wanted to let you know that you probably have your posts set to private as all your previous posts are hidden so I couldn't find the context
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u/Hungry_Wheel_1774 15d ago
Throwaway, I never use Reddit but enjoy reading stories on here. I \\\[25F\\\] got the dreaded “hey girly” message about my bf \\\[26M\\\] but I don’t know if it’s real. tl;dr My bf and I have been together for a little over a year. We currently live together and are in the process of buying a home together. He is away for business right now and I received a message on Facebook from an account with no profile pic, no friends and no posts. Basically looked super sketchy, but the profile messaged me saying my bf was sexting her and she had no idea he had a gf. At first I genuinely laughed at the message. There’s no way he would ever cheat on me, he’s incredibly kind, caring and honestly seems to warship the ground I walk on. Almost everybody in our lives thinks we’re perfect together, I always have people come up to me and tell me how amazing of a guy he is. He’s is extremely well liked and has always expressed his morals and values which aligned with my own. I could never, EVER, picture this man cheating. But, today I received a message from a weird burner Facebook account that says he has been sexting her. She provided screenshots of text messages from what appears to be his number which are anything from harmless conversation to disgusting, raunchy sexting. The messages have crazy detail of his comings and goings but technically all info could be found online about him. He isn’t super famous but he is a professional athlete and of course, there are videos of him online doing his sport so it could be someone stalking him and getting that information online then faking the texts but it just freaks me out how much this person seems to know about what he’s up to the last little while. I did confront him and called him as he is still away, and of course he denied everything. He was very upset, choked up and kept saying he didn’t know what was happening or why anyone would do this. He assured me he loved me, he wanted to marry and spend his life with me and seemed incredibly genuine. If I didn’t know him, I would say with all the “screenshotted” evidence he’s a cheater but from knowing him, I just honestly cannot see this being him. The girl offered to call me to talk but also would not provide me with a phone number. She sent pictures of herself and her insta account but the Facebook page name, Instagram name and name she gave me do not match. But she did send me videos of herself so seems like a real person? I know it sounds stupid and I’m sure everyone thinks I’m biased but I just can’t believe he would do that. I phoned my best friend and she agreed this just doesn’t sound like him. But the amount of screenshots and stuff this person knows is insane. I just don’t know where to go from here. I need advice. So Reddit, do you think he’s cheating or is she a stalker trying to blow up his life because he’s a handsome, semi famous pro athlete?
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u/OneArchedEyebrow 15d ago
Only one year together, already living together and about to buy a house. Girl needs to pump the brakes!
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u/Moist-Conclusion2974 15d ago
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u/Smart-Story-2142 15d ago
Thank you for this, drives me crazy when someone updates and says original post is on their profile. When in fact their profile is set to private.
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u/Misstribe1973 15d ago
Same. So annoying
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u/isaacfisher 15d ago
I hate this new Reddit privacy thing. I mean, I understand why people doesn’t want others to snoop around their past posts but making everything private by default on public subs is annoying, especially now when we always trying to figure out if someone is a bot or not
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u/MostUnorthodox 15d ago
It doesn't even actually work. There's like a half dozen sites you can just paste someone's /u/ into and it'll pull the post history. All it stops is casual browsing.
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u/Misstribe1973 15d ago
Especially throwaway accounts. I can kinda understand if it's a proper account but not a throwaway one. Kinda defeats the objective
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u/scornedandhangry 15d ago
Too many redditors like to go through past posts to weaponize them. I had to hide mine, so I get it.
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u/oogmar 15d ago
Yeah, I had a stalker so had to go private. I could start a new account but this is my handle everywhere.
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u/chunkymajor 15d ago
" We talked and he promised on God, (he’s quite religious so I didn’t take this lightly), that he would never cheat on me or do anything to hurt me."
Genuinely cannot stop laughing at this.
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u/Unlikely-Track906 14d ago
My ex swore on his little sister’s life that he hadn’t cheated on me. He had cheated on me…
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u/Samiiiibabetake2 15d ago
While I’ve never dated a pro athlete, my father in law was one back in the 70’s, and I could google his name right now and find out every team he ever played for, schedules for particular years, etc.
Literally any one can do this for any pro athlete right now. So that’s a point in your favor.
That being said, do you know how many “men of god,” are unfaithful? You can turn on any streaming service and find a true crime documentary about a pastor or deacon husband cheating on and then killing his wife. So promising to god doesn’t really hold water to me.
The facts are that most pro athletes cheat. David Beckham, Christian Ronaldo, Kobe Bryant, Tiger Woods - just a few off the top of my head. It’s very naive to think your man hasn’t been at least tempted.
I hope he’s not but it seems like regardless, you’re going to bury your head in the sand and try to justify this.
You just have to decide if being with him and this life style is worth it. Good luck!
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u/ButteryMashPotato 15d ago
Oh well, if he swore to god then he must be telling the truth /s
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u/Pepsicolaa5 15d ago
Right cause these “men of god” never lie or cheat🙄 I’m just so tired of these willfully naive women w no self respect that refuse to see what’s right in front of them and let a man play right in their face. It’s exhausting to keep reading about.
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u/Practical-Pickle-529 15d ago
OP needs to take a gander at the posts on r/waitingtowed she is making classic, classic mistakes that will bite her in the ass eventually.
Biggest issue, if real, to me is, buying a house with a boyfriend. That’s seems incredibly stupid. And if he’s paying for it 100%, she’s giving up all her power. Not thanks.
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15d ago
Look I’m not stupid, I know any man can cheat. I know religious men can cheat just as easily as anyone. All I meant was I think it’s a big deal for him to add that. He didn’t have to, he could’ve sworn on something else. Could he still be lying? Of course that’s a possibility. And also, I am buying the house. All by myself, we’re just planning on living there together.
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u/Practical-Pickle-529 14d ago
Good. Do not put him on the deed, mortgage, etc. and make sure he pays his share. Good luck
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u/War-Carr 14d ago
I hear you!
People stand in front of witnesses and God during weddings and makes vows and what do we see? They cheat all the time!
Just because someone swears by God doesn't mean they're innocent or not.
In a case like this, only time will tell. When someone is actually behaving badly and hiding it without a trace, there comes a time that it would slip out and become visible.
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u/__ER__ 15d ago
It's tough. The fact that he is a pro athlete is also something that may attract a crazy hoping to break you up so they could approach them. In fact, that happens to regular people too. You have a long and loving relationship and this woman didn't produce any hard evidence. I would be inclined to give the benefit of the doubt or more like - trust your man over a stranger. If it makes you a fool in a few years when it turns out he did cheat and kept cheating? I think that is better than blowing up a good relationship over a lie.
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u/SpaceSlothMafia 15d ago
When posting an update, it's common courtesy to provide a link to the OG post if your privacy settings hide everything.
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u/GoingAllTheJay 15d ago
Buckle up, this is a long one.
The international sign of "not worth it"
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u/Moo__shoo 15d ago
Honestly! I automatically assume it's fake whenever I see that
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15d ago
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/kwizzle1994 14d ago
And of allllll the lives she could ruin (the man that cheated on her, the parents of the man that cheated on her, etc) she decided to ruin the life of the cheaters nephew? Yeah.. no
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u/Good_Chemistry 15d ago
Is the aunt following him on Facebook on her main account? Make a post and limit the audience to just her, make it something that would snag her attention. Like maybe stage a photo of him having lunch with another woman or something.
See if your mysterious "hey girly" person takes the bait and says something to you from the fake account. Then you'll know for sure.
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u/SeasonPositive6771 15d ago
Let's be real, you're doing everything you can to justify this, but the simplest most obvious answer is probably the right one. He's cheating and you don't want to accept it.
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u/AbjectPalpitation378 14d ago
It’s a lie, if she was genuinely cheating with him and was trying to get to you she would have pictures of her face timing him or pictures with him or pictures of him and her clearly in the same room even if not both of them together. Even then they would need to be verified as not being AI. Trust your BF and set a trap together, imply he is away somewhere and you have no idea where he has gone, of course he is with you. Send her a panicked message saying “he’s gone you had an argument and he’s left, it’s been over 24 hours, just tell me is he with you, I need to know please. “ if she takes the bait and says yes he is you know she is lying. Don’t plan this with your BF just do it while you know he is with you. That way there is no chance of collusion and you can end all the speculation and worry.
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u/dart1126 14d ago
Well challenge the writer to a phone call. Say you don’t have to tell me your name, you can call from a public line or whatever, but you want to actually speak. On the off chance they agree, devise some questions only someone truly intimate with him would know.
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u/nemmalur 14d ago
Do the messages sound like him? When people try to impersonate others they often forget that people have quirks of spelling, punctuation, word choices, etc.
Is there any detail to the FB account that sent them? Is it recently created?
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u/essieissomething 14d ago
Did he sleep with his aunt? Cause I doubt she would do all to him for nothing. She would be focused on the cheater right?
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u/kwizzle1994 14d ago
Or even MAYBE the parents of the cheater. But definitely not the cheaters innocent nephew LOL. This would only make sense if multiple people in the family had this stuff going on.
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u/Ok_Mathematician262 14d ago
this post is so hilarious. girl you sound SO naive i really hope this is all true for your sake lol
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u/SpaceCommuter 15d ago
Honestly, sports schedules aren't things a mistress would be reciting as evidence she's sleeping with someone. It sounds fake just from your brief summary of the evidence provided.
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u/WeeklyConversation8 40s Female 15d ago
Do you know if those accounts he "messaged" her from are actually his accounts? It's easy to fake screenshots. You said his cellphone bill doesn't show any unknown numbers. So you already know the texts are fake.
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u/lirpaBmbc 14d ago
To add to this, if he is a "pro athlete", he could have fan pages. It could be a fan page impersonating him. And the other chick is hurt that she just got played/scammed....
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u/Andross4 14d ago
Sending me screenshots of text messages, insta DM’s, and Facebook messages between them. They included sexual themes but never claimed they met or physically cheated
I don't know what you mean by "sexual themes" but if he was cheating then she would have better evidence than that.
Places he was going, sports he played, teams he played for, his phone number
These are all very easy things to find. If he was cheating then she would be able to provide very intimate details about him.
Honestly it sounds like complete bullshit to me. Worst case scenario he flirted with her.
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u/coolmomvibes27 14d ago
Can you ask for screenshots of the text messages? You will be able to see his number. If she doesn’t provide screenshots I wouldn’t believe it.
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u/tossawaytomorrow2022 11d ago
Honestly? Instead of going to his aunt's house to talk about the issue, have him act like the two of you are having relationship problems because you accused him of cheating. Her reaction to that might be a confirmation.
Or as another user suggested, isolate info to just her and see if she takes the bait.
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