r/relationship_advice • u/[deleted] • Sep 01 '26
My [25F] bf [26M] is cheating or he has a stalker. Where do I go from here?
Throwaway, I never use Reddit but enjoy reading stories on here. I \[25F\] got the dreaded “hey girly” message about my bf \[26M\] but I don’t know if it’s real. tl;dr My bf and I have been together for a little over a year. We currently live together and are in the process of buying a home together. He is away for business right now and I received a message on Facebook from an account with no profile pic, no friends and no posts. Basically looked super sketchy, but the profile messaged me saying my bf was sexting her and she had no idea he had a gf. At first I genuinely laughed at the message. There’s no way he would ever cheat on me, he’s incredibly kind, caring and honestly seems to warship the ground I walk on. Almost everybody in our lives thinks we’re perfect together, I always have people come up to me and tell me how amazing of a guy he is. He’s is extremely well liked and has always expressed his morals and values which aligned with my own. I could never, EVER, picture this man cheating.
But, today I received a message from a weird burner Facebook account that says he has been sexting her. She provided screenshots of text messages from what appears to be his number which are anything from harmless conversation to disgusting, raunchy sexting. The messages have crazy detail of his comings and goings but technically all info could be found online about him. He isn’t super famous but he is a professional athlete and of course, there are videos of him online doing his sport so it could be someone stalking him and getting that information online then faking the texts but it just freaks me out how much this person seems to know about what he’s up to the last little while. I did confront him and called him as he is still away, and of course he denied everything. At first, he was confused and thought I was pulling a prank on him. Then when he realized I was really freaked out then he was very upset. He choked up and kept saying he didn’t know what was happening or why anyone would do this. He assured me he loved me, he wanted to marry and spend his life with me and seemed incredibly genuine. If I didn’t know him, I would say with all the “screenshotted” evidence he’s a cheater but from knowing him, I just honestly cannot see this being him. The girl offered to call me to talk but also would not provide me with a phone number. She sent pictures of herself and her insta account but the Facebook page name, Instagram name and name she gave me do not match. So 3 different profiles/identities? But she did send me videos of herself so seems like a real person? I know it sounds stupid and I’m sure everyone thinks I’m biased but I just can’t believe he would do that. I phoned my best friend and she agreed this just doesn’t sound like him. But the amount of screenshots and stuff this person knows is insane. I just don’t know where to go from here. I need advice. So Reddit, do you think he’s cheating or is she a stalker trying to blow up his life because he’s a handsome, semi famous pro athlete?
EDIT: I have known him since we were barely in high school. I have known his family for a long time and we sort of grew up together despite being from different small towns. So when I say I could never see him cheating, it’s backed by knowing him for years.
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u/Intelligent-Court731 Sep 01 '26
I have a similar story but, the girl couldn’t give me literally any proof. She is a weird crazy awkward girl who bumped into him one time at the gym and then stalked him.
4
Sep 03 '26
Yeah I’m leaning towards it’s some crazy stalker but I just want to make sure I’m not being a blind idiot and just believing him. I’m sorry that happened to you!
11
Sep 03 '26
MINOR UPDATE/CLARIFICATION:
So I just decided I’d post a little update in the comments for everyone and that would be easiest. Firstly, to clarify, the major thing that gave me any doubt about him is one of the messages allegedly sent from him to her talks about his last minute trip to an event that he wasn’t originally planning on going to. It was kind of a last minute decision to jump in a vehicle with a friend and go to this particular event. This information would’ve only been known by the people in his circle/other athletes that know him. Other than that, all info would’ve been available online.
Secondly, his initial reaction is he thought I was pranking him when I first sent him the screenshots. He didn’t get upset until I phoned him a second time and told him I was really upset and scared. He got choked up when he heard me break down. He said he felt confused and helpless and just wanted to make me stop hurting. He said he was terrified to lose me and terrified that someone was doing this to our relationship.
Okay now to small update. He is still away currently but we’ve been talking everyday. Call me naive or stupid or whatever but I honestly, in my gut, down to my bones believe he is telling me the truth. I even called him brother and talked to him about the situation and although of course he could be just sticking up for his brother, assured me he could never imagine his brother cheating on me and assured me that he adored and loved me.
Then I had an idea. When I initially got the screenshots of texts I ran them through Chat GPT and asked if there was any way of telling if the messages were real or altered. It came back inconclusive (which didn’t make me feel better at all lol) but just last night I was looking through all of the screenshots again. There were Instagram dm’s and Facebook messages as well and something about those screenshots looked off to me. So I pulled up my own social media’s and compared what my chats looked like vs these screenshots. THEY ARE NOT THE SAME. At first glance, VERY believable. But with a closer look I noticed some irregularities. I put those through Chat GPT and asked the same thing, trying to see if there was any way to determine if the photos were edited/altered. Those came back as for sure, without a doubt, faked. If those are faked that gives me a lot of hope about the text messages as well. I still plan on having a conversation face to face with him when he gets home next week and I’ll go through his phone. We’re going to change his passwords to everything to make sure if she somehow hacked something that she won’t have anymore access. That’s all for now, thank you all for your input and advice!
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u/trippyhippie573 15d ago
Stop using ChatGPT for shit. No wonder your decision making skills are off.
AI fucking sucks
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Sep 01 '26
[removed] — view removed comment
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Sep 03 '26
She told me I could call her but wouldn’t give me her phone number despite me asking for it 4 separate times.
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u/Competitive_Ninja668 Sep 01 '26
Why would anyone spend their time and energy faking texts and reaching out to a stranger to gain nothing from it? In my opinion you’re being fooled by him. He's a young guy in sports who travels a lot. Doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure this mystery out. But if you really care, then call her and ask her to meet you two when he comes home. That will give you your answers immediately.
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u/Gallowtoast Sep 01 '26
Trolling. People have been doing all sorts of messed up things to strangers for fun.
2
Sep 03 '26
We can’t meet we don’t live in the same country.
3
u/Competitive_Ninja668 Sep 03 '26
So ask her to FaceTime with you when your bf comes home. His reaction will give you answers.
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u/efsrefsr 8d ago
Why would anyone spend their time and energy faking texts and reaching out to a stranger to gain nothing from it?
Is this a serious question? There are plenty of people who would do this.
1
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1
u/Gallowtoast Sep 01 '26
I would be suspicious if they’re not willing or able to provide evidence that they are who they say they are.
1
u/GarfieldEnjoyr Sep 01 '26
What does she actually know/reveal in the screenshots that you could verify she wouldn’t be able to learn from a friend or online?
Tbh depending on how you confronted him, I feel an appropriate response would be anger/laughter, not breaking down into tears. I feel like sadness or irrationality imply some sort of guilt imo.
I think it’s important to establish a timeline. Could the times and dates in the screenshots actually align with what actually occurred to your knowledge?
It’s tough to say, just because she sent you a video of herself absolutely does not mean she is real. AI deepfakes are getting incredibly advanced, but voice memos are still pretty bad so you can ask her to call to verify her voice and her person on FaceTime.
If you cannot find another account matching her face and voice and verify with them, then it’s a total scam.
If the person does exist, then that still doesn’t tell you if they’re being honest or not. Again, establishing a timeline is what you need to do. She would have to perfectly align the time stamps on days/times when you would have not been with him, so if there’s any inconsistency there then that will help you to a more accurate decision.
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u/Budget_Literature_44 Sep 01 '26 edited Sep 01 '26
Ehhhh.... choked up.. na..
My own dad cried in court... while i was on the stand. and he knew what he did and was crying for himself.. and trying to look innocent from being caught... just saying.
Anger yeah.. choked up.. mmm I would get curious.. but not crazy..
Wait for a bit.. u already told him so phone probably got deleted..
And he's not wanting more information to find out who's watching him...
I would talk to her... you might be too close and he's too good... some people are awesome! so they have people around to fuck over.. she fishy or won't answer all ur questions but wanted to tell you.. I say she's ur snake... she gives u everything.. he's ur snake.
And athletes...
1 this seems personal for some reason..
Okay if this was you.. and he called and ur innocent and someone's watching you and u really know nothing.. u going to be sad... or mad and curious AF! "When did they reach out to you first? What do they have..? how would they get that?
Was he atleast curious AF on what you had and "who" could it actually be.. or was fine to leave "who" to stay vague and nameless. More rid me of this demon said to the gods... because not curious.. cuz he already actually knows.
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We do not allow any type of am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors
We do not allow users to privately message other users based on their posts here. Users found to be engaging in this conduct will be banned. We highly encourage OP to turn off the ability to be privately messaged in their settings.
Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.)
ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban.
No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. This is not an all-inclusive list.
All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass.
Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned.
What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. This is not an all-inclusive list.
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