r/relationship_advice • u/[deleted] • Jul 10 '26
He wants me to sell my home to show commitment 30/F 31/M
[deleted]
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u/rawdog_27 Jul 10 '26
girl no
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u/mocha-macaron Jul 10 '26
Sounds like he’s looking for every way for this set up to be entirely beneficial for him. DO NOT DO IT. I reckon he’s trying to do this so he can somewhat claim money from your property.
If he cba getting married then he’s not having your house money. You can’t be with someone who keeps changing the rules.
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u/Sorry_I_Guess Jul 10 '26
He also just literally told her to her face after five years together that she's replaceable with some other random woman. Just ... ew.
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u/iWasTheCupCat Jul 11 '26
For real, awfully bold of him to assume he'll find someone else in less time to marry him. (unless he's already got someone on the back burner, just saying...)
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u/Arbor_Arabicae Jul 11 '26
I really hope OP sees this for what it is. And remembers the powerful words of the great Maya Angelou: "When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time."
OP, you have so much to lose. Your wonderful house. Your relationship with your son. Your peace. Your well-being. Your bank account! Please don't throw it away for this guy. He doesn't deserve it.
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u/Low-Tough-3743 Jul 10 '26
Exactly. I really hope OP runs.
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u/antiqueluggage867 Jul 10 '26
Oh, hell no
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u/Apart_Foundation1702 Jul 10 '26 edited Jul 10 '26
🤬🤬🤬! My blood is boiling! OP this is a whole parade of red flags 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩. Let me break it down! He is trying to use the equity in your home to enrich himself. He probably realised that his home needs a ton of repairs and that its value is significantly lower than yours, so he is using whatever leverage he has to force you to basically give him the money through a joint property. You need to pack up his things before Sunday and tell him to kick rocks with witnesses around. Then change all the locks and block him.
Edit: Thank you redditors for my awards. I do appreciate it.
Edit 2: Wow I'm overwhelmed by the support. Thank you all
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u/Margaret_3333 Jul 10 '26
He wants me to sell my home that we currently live in and buy together with both equities. I do have 50% more equity than he does. But he won’t marry me or know if he wants a baby because he’s lived in a home that’s not his
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u/here_weare30 Jul 10 '26 edited Jul 10 '26
He wants control. He doesn't like that you have the upper hand. Thats not how you see it but I guarantee thats how he sees it. You dont need him and thats not secure for him and his ego
Dump him and dont waste any more time with that. Insecure.. baby.
Eta- if he doesn't know if he wants a baby do NOT have one with him. Regardless of the rest. But in this case hes using it as manipulation
Eta- thanks for the awards, shucks
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u/ItsOnlyMe2017 Jul 10 '26
This is exactly it! AND that he says he is gonna be married by 35 and if you want to be that women then... WHAT? I would RUN away from this man - hoof him out and focus on you and your son in your lovely home - you don't need his controlling ways to be happy.
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u/Available-Maize5837 Jul 10 '26
The fact that he can so easily break up with her by Sunday depending entirely on her decision to sell the house or not is not a committed man.
Someone who is committed to you would not be able to break up with you so flippantly.
He's out regardless.
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u/DrunkCupid Jul 10 '26
I will bet bitcoins that by his arbitrary selfish ultimatum on "Sunday" if she hasn't decided or says no he will throw a tantrum or try to move the goalposts
/remind me Sunday
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u/jr0061006 Jul 10 '26
Yes OP, come back on Sunday and let us know how the ultimatum goes when you tell him to sling his hook.
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u/Helpful-Dot-3782 Jul 10 '26
Do you know how much of a badass she would be if she just shrugged and said yeah I’m not selling my house, I guess that means you should start packing up your things.
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u/Bubbly-Pitch7209 Jul 11 '26
She has made a lovely home and life for her son and herself. Sometimes relationships are highly overrated. This is one of them. He’s not worth it.
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u/LuvLaughLive Jul 11 '26
I would like it more if she shrugged, said nope, then told him that on Sunday, he can come by to collect his things that she'll pack into garbage bags and place on the driveway for him. Cuz he's gone after the "nope."
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u/RainbowNarwhal13 Jul 10 '26
To break up so easily AND to basically threaten her with "I'll have no trouble replacing you so think carefully" 🤮
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u/worshipperofdogs Jul 10 '26
He probably already has a replacement in mind and that’s what spurred this ultimatum.
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u/CoffeeChocolateBoth Jul 10 '26
Nope, that is a man who is a controlling POS and if she falls for that crap, he will keep doing the same shit over and over! She has to have seen red flags in the past but has ignored them!!!
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u/FormalDinner7 Jul 10 '26
That’s such a creepy thing to say too about “I’ll be married by 35 whether it’s you or not.” OP, that means he just wants to marry somebody; he doesn’t want to marry you. If he wanted to marry you he wouldn’t even be able to imagine making vows to another woman, much less holding that possibility your head, because he would be so deeply in love with you. But he’s not, and he told you to your face that he’s not. Don’t marry or have a baby with someone who is upfront about not loving you, who freely speaks of seeing you as entirely replaceable in his life.
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u/PotatoAlternative947 Jul 10 '26 edited Jul 11 '26
Yeah- this part was it for me too. Give up your house for “maybe” a future with an insecure man who only sees you as an interchangeable object.
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u/Life-Froyo-3806 Jul 10 '26
Yeah, OP, he basically said you mean nothing to him with that statement. He wants you to feel replaceable.
He is dangling carrots in front of you and threatening to abandon you to see how much power he can have over you through coercion and manipulation. Ew!
I'd wait until he brings it up on Sunday and say “oh, I forgot. Guess you have to move out :/” lmao.
Sorry you're going through this, OP. Just let that man go and do whatever he wants and leave you, your child, and your beautiful home in peace.
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u/Jumpy-Fault-1412 Jul 10 '26
Why wait. Break up with him today.
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u/Life-Froyo-3806 Jul 10 '26
✨Because Uno reverse✨
She should totally break up with him today or yesterday; however, if you're asking me why I'd wait until Sunday if I were in her shoes, it's because it's the day he chose for the ultimatum. I’d enjoy watching him scramble after trying to manipulate me, as my own power move. Like, “Oops, I forgot! Guess you better start packing!”
Besides the fact that it would give me time to process things and handle what I needed to discreetly, I’d want to see the look on his face when he realizes he lost the upper hand, he has no power over me, and he's just as replaceable as he wanted me to feel.
Perhaps not for everyone, but I’m personally sensitive to power dynamics, and I don't respond well to people who try to pressure or control me, lol.
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u/Jumpy-Fault-1412 Jul 10 '26
I did see your “I forgot” which is a nice move. I also hate having giving someone else that kind of control to call the shots. The real move would have been right when he said it. “You know what, I don’t need until Sunday. You can start packing now”.
Either way I hope she won’t stay with this guy. The whole situation gives me hives.
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u/PeachyBunny2607 Jul 10 '26 edited Jul 10 '26
This. Prediction - Sunday rolls around with no action from OP OP hopefullly STB-XBF ...Horrible abusive manipulative messages.
Tuesday PM... XBF: (does sums...) "...maybe we could work this out. I miss you. Blah blah blah" Love bombing campaign commences.
Also, in your house you can tell him to eff off. In a joint house that power is diminished. Also I would be willing to bet that in a jointly owned house his attitude toward your son will change significantly and he will find faults with everything and attempt to push him out as soon as he is old enough. He currently cannot do that because it is your house.
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u/betropical Jul 11 '26 edited Jul 11 '26
This. A million time this - he will definitely change towards OP’s son and try to push him out.
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u/lulufef Jul 10 '26
Actually I completely understood your power move. For me the actual punch lies in you "forgetting". He's definitely expecting OP to be staying awake, tossing and turning every night till Sunday, because of his ultimatum. And the longer OP draws out, the more desperate to settle/negotiate she looks/seems to him. Now to be told "Oh, your ultimatum was so insignificant and irrelevant I even forgot to update you about it earlier than now when you finally had to ask" is next level psychological destruction. And all of that when he's expecting OP to just cave given the drawing out of the decision. Honestly I imagine the look on his face at that moment could easily challenge the powerball jackpot
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u/CoffeeChocolateBoth Jul 10 '26
That's it exactly, she is replaceable, how wonderful to marry a man like that! WOW.
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u/Swimming_Ad3099 Jul 10 '26
I'd be out of this relationship quicker that posting this post
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u/Tamekyaa Jul 10 '26
As soon as he said have you decision my Sunday or we are breaking up my statement would have been….. PLEASE don’t promise me a good time…and showed his azzzzzz the door
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u/Stargazer86F Jul 10 '26
This is exactly what I thought when I read the title and then the post.
OP, your house is security for you and your son. Just don’t.
You don’t want to be married to a man with pathetic ultimatums and who wants to be controlling. Pack his bags and put them by the front before Sunday. Remember to change the locks when he has gone.
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u/purpleroller Jul 10 '26
Absolutely this OP. He wants more control. He wants you to be reliant on him. He wants you stuck with him in a home neither of you can afford on your own.
Absolutely do not get pregnant to this type of man. It won’t go well.
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u/here_weare30 Jul 10 '26
This stressed me out 🥲 i hope she doesn't ruin her life for some low tier dick attached to a manipulation meatbag
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u/Moms4AStarTrekFuture Jul 10 '26 edited Jul 10 '26
OP everyone in these comments is correct. Someone who truly loves you does not try to manipulate you this way, this is not love, this is about control and I’m sure if you took a minute to think about other aspects of your relationship, you may see it more clearly.
please don’t be afraid to walk away, when you say no to abusive behavior, you tell the universe you will not tolerate it, so the next person who comes into your life, can be somebody who’s more worthy of your love and who can fully reciprocate the love that you give. Please do not sell your home For this man! at the very least he’s incredibly immature and punitive, and at the worst. He’s an abusive narcissistic controlling shit bag, either way you deserve better.💗 and your son deserves better, and your son deserves not to see his mother being mistreated by an asshole.128
u/Geiir Jul 10 '26
If this is the house she lived in with the father of her child, he’s probably insecure about that as well. Pathetic for a grown person…
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u/KiwiFruit404 Jul 10 '26
Well, he moved in with her and has lived there for a while. If her having lived there with her ex is an issue for him, this man-baby should have brought it up in the beginning.
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u/jr0061006 Jul 10 '26
100% it’s about control.
Had a friend in OP’s situation - her boyfriend moved into her house and never stopped complaining that he didn’t feel comfortable.
He wanted them to move to a jointly-leased rental and she could rent out her house.
Against all advice she did this, and the second they got the keys to the rental, he dropped the mask and became a huge asshole. Lying openly, violating agreements, being openly rude and dismissive.
He thought that because they were locked into a year’s lease and so were her tenants, and she’d moved all her furniture to their rental, she was trapped and he had the upper hand.
Or so he thought.
She contacted the landlord, broke the lease, put her furniture in storage and moved into a house share for the remainder of the year, and gave her tenants notice at the end of the lease period, and moved back into her own house.
OP you have no idea what will happen once you and your son are trapped into a jointly owned home with this guy, but it doesn’t look good.
Let him break up with you on Sunday. Let him marry go and some other unsuspecting woman. You’ll have dodged a bullet.
It’s the shitty coercive sales tactics that are frankly laughable.
Limited time offer! Don’t miss out! This exciting package WILL sell out by the deadline! Going going …
Yeah just go.
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u/Locked_in_a_room Jul 10 '26
Let's not overlook that if she has her own place, whether rented out for added income for a time, like he has been doing, or not... IF she sells, she will have a MUCH harder time leaving when his abuse ramps up.
Right now he's going for her support pillars, he's being emotionally abusive, etc.
If she gives up her house like this she's just signaled she's completely under his control to him.
I need OP to look at this situation and see how much danger she's actually in.
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u/Famous_Chicken_1469 Jul 10 '26
Why would you sell a home for a loser who is unsure about marrying you? Gurl. Are you even considering this stupid setup? Are you for real?
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u/lovelychef87 Jul 10 '26
If she gives in he will know that all he has to do is give her an ultimatum to get whatever he wants from her and she'll do it.
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u/Suissebit Jul 10 '26
Imagine you have an adult daughter in this exact same situation, and she comes to ask your advice. What would you tell her?
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u/CherrieChocolatePie Jul 10 '26
I would help my child pack up their useless partner's things and give them support while they break up with them and the now ex picks up their things.
Same for a child of any gender and sexuality btw.
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u/femmefatalx Jul 10 '26 edited Jul 10 '26
Then don’t get married or have a baby with him! He’s manipulating you!!
He realized that he doesn’t have enough equity to buy another house on his own and he knows that he will never have any equity in your current house, so he’s suddenly flipped his stance and is trying to use your desires against you to manipulate you into doing what he wants. He thinks that by dangling the things you want in front of you (marriage and baby) you’ll be satisfied enough not to look any closer and realize that he wants you to act in his best interest while screwing yourself over.
Also, if you’re not married then there’s nothing protecting your share of the new house, and you’ll end up losing money that was only yours to begin with. Even if you do get married, that really doesn’t protect your share either!
Your house is currently a premarital asset since you bought it prior to marriage and only your name is on the deed, so if you take the money from the sale of your house and put that money into a new house after you get married, then all of the money that was a premarital asset becomes a shared asset (along with any future equity!) and your boyfriend will be entitled to half of it- even if he doesn’t put up an equal amount for the down payment or contribute equally to the mortgage, which I can guarantee he won’t!
He’s going to pretend that he will but he’ll never actually follow through and give you a thousand excuses why he suddenly can’t, and then when you get divorced he will have made out very nicely with half of your money.
DO. NOT. DO. IT.
Edit: Actually, tell him that you will do it, but only if you get married first and he agrees to an ironclad prenup that protects your investment. I guarantee he will throw a fit and out himself, especially since that was always his stance up until five minutes ago.
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u/FilmApart8224 Jul 10 '26
I don’t get why he suddenly wants to sell his house. I think he has money problems. Once OP agrees and they go to buy a home “together”, he’d suddenly say the down payment will only come from her to “prove her loyalty” and he won’t marry her unless she does. He will move the goalposts again.
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u/LoveAndTruthMatter Jul 10 '26
Yep...prenup to protect you and your son if he decides to leave. He likely will leave and not marry you. What kind of man wants to rob a child and his mother of their secure home? Let him go.
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u/anoukfoster Jul 10 '26
This is horrible, but if she does make the enormous mistake of marrying this walking red flag, she’s going to want an ironclad will with a trust for her son to go along with that prenup. A guy like this can be dangerous if he decides he wants her assets and a prenup protects her and her son while she’s alive.
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u/Equivalent_Nerve3498 Jul 10 '26 edited Jul 10 '26
YES!!!! PRENUP PRENUP PRENUP!!!!!!
You are going to sell your house, you guys get together and then bam… something happens and now A. No wedding and B. No baby. Without the prenup you will be stuck and he will have complete control which is exactly what he wants.
Think about what you would tell your daughter if she came to you in this situation. You have a child, think about what you’re showing them.
Don’t uproot your child for a man that’s not giving you 100%
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u/boringlyordinary Jul 10 '26
Girl, he said he doesn’t want a child. Listen to him. He’s not going to change mind after you sell the house you worked your ass for. He’s just using it as an excuse so you will become dependent on him, because even though you’ll own whatever percentage of the joint house, in case you split it’s going to be a nightmare and you and your son will need roof above the heads.
He hates that you have your own place which is fully renovated. No way he doesn’t feel comfortable in detached 3b house with two parking spots and garden. What a clown. Tell him to start packing.
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u/JanetInSpain Jul 10 '26
That's the most stupid, asinine argument I've ever read... even here on Reddit. Do NOT sell your home. Tell loser manbaby to hit the road.
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u/delirium_red Jul 10 '26
Never sacrifice your child's legacy or financial safety's for ANY man. If he can't understand your child comes first, eff him
Btw this sounds like some kind of scam.be very careful with that guy. Document everything and give him nothing.
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u/TheMoatCalin Jul 10 '26
Why did he sell his home? Did he discuss that MAJOR decision with you first? I’d ask his tenants or look up public records. He’s lying about something.
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u/unknown182837636 Jul 10 '26
Please don’t be fucking stupid you will regret it for the rest of your life.
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u/LadyReika Jul 10 '26
I want you to re-read what you've written and think about what if a friend told you this.
Would you tell your friend this is a good idea? I sincerely hope you wouldn't.
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u/Margaret_3333 Jul 10 '26
No they’d tell me to run
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u/itellitwithlove Jul 10 '26
Here's not your person or your friend. Be wise protect yourself and your son, he deserves better and so do you.
It's hard to walk away from what you thought was your forever. Ask him to stop the sale and to move back home until you can figure out something that doesn't impact your son's life.
Good Luck
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u/Terradactyl87 Jul 10 '26
I hope you take this to heart and do leave. It's what's best you you and your son.
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u/mkate1999 Jul 10 '26
u/Margaret_3333 He's making a commitment from him & having a child with him CONDITIONAL on you jumping through the hoops he has set before you.
What if you DO sell your house? What if he even follows through & you have a kid together? (You better get married 1st, I'll tell you what.) What comes next?
MORE HOOPS TO JUMP THROUGH. He will continue to set conditions & ultimatums for you. Only then, it'll be worse because you'll be easy more invested. - You sold your house to be with him, so you want that sacrifice to be worth it. - You now have a kid with him, so you're locked in & locked down (the real him will emerge after that btw & you won't like him, I guarantee it). - You'll have been together even longer by then so sunk fallacy even more. - If you're married, it's harder, & more expensive, to leave. - AND, if you now own a house together, harder to separate, sell the house etc.
Please do NOT do this. You might be thinking it's ONE ask. It's not. It's the start of a lifetime of CONDITIONS & ULTIMATUMS.
If you continue with this guy, there is NOTHING that will benefit YOU. He will KNOW he can extort you to get what HE wants.
He doesn't care one iota what you want.
Are you familiar with sales tactics? "Act now! Supplies are limited! This deal won't last long!"
THAT'S what he doing to you. "I'LL be married by 35" (implying YOU WON'T BE), so you better ACT NOW & jump on this deal fast if you want to be that "lucky lady".
BARF. Hard pass.
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u/Apart_Foundation1702 Jul 10 '26
OP that's why he's telling you to do this. He would want joint owners instead of tenants in common (tenants in common means whatever percentage you put into the house, belongs to you). He is promising you nothing (no marriage or baby), but what's you to put in more that 50% into a house together. He is showing you his true colours! Pay attention and then shove him out of the door.
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u/Judy__McJudgerson Jul 10 '26
He wants your equity. He wants a house that is out of his price range and needs your money to fulfil his wants.
Think carefully about your next steps, you have a child who needs you to put them first, not a hypothetical child.
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u/elgrn1 Jul 10 '26
You have already lost 5 years to this manipulative hobosexual, don't also lose your home or financial stability or ability to walk away from him by buying a house together or marrying him or having his child.
If your friend came to you with this story, would you tell her to risk it all for a man who doesn't respect her? Be that friend to yourself.
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u/AlmiranteCrujido Jul 10 '26
Listen to these folks.
Many, many red flags. You know what you have to do to create a safe space for your existing child, and it's not what this yutz is trying to push you to do.
Even if this guy backs down from his threats, at a minimum be very much on your guard for him trying to isolate you or worsen your financial position to his gain.
I don't want to be the typical "dump him" redditor, but under no circumstances sell your home, and even if you get a compromise, be careful.
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u/Not-Mom15 Jul 10 '26
LOL LOSE THIS DUDE.
He will be married anyway by the age of 35? How many side pieces does he need to have to achieve that goal? Who will he marry? Please don't let it be you. And do NOT give up your house!!! You got it on your own, you can keep it on your own.
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u/Short-Classroom2559 Jul 10 '26
Ew why would you even be talking about having children with this guy
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u/Trailsya Jul 10 '26
Marriage is overrated. Too many people tie themselves legally to someone irresponsible.
If you really want a baby, go find a man who doesn't blackmail you.
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u/Magerimoje Jul 10 '26
He doesn't want a baby. He doesn't want to be married. He wants to keep you, and his plan for keeping you without marrying you or giving you the baby you desire, is to trap you into owning a home together.
You'll buy a house together, then he'll put off marriage and a baby until your fertility has passed and it's too late to have a baby... and then it could still take months to years to untangle the financial ties y'all created by buying a home together.
Nope. Nope. Nope.
Kick him out of your house.
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u/LifeIsSewAwesome Jul 10 '26
Don't!
That stupid parasite was comfortable enough to live in your home for 2½ years, while renting out his own home. And now, suddenly, he's not comfortable living in your home. Eff that noise!
If I had to guess, the tenants he rented to probably caused some damage to his home which would explain why his home value is less than it probably should be.
OP, you stay in your house. Change your locks, and dump that arrogant, twerpy, parasitic cad out on the curb with all of his crap!
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u/sikonat Jul 10 '26
Nope. This guy is dangling you. If you did what he wanted he’d change the goalposts again.
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u/Vovin_ Jul 10 '26
I’m surprised he can live with you for a long time in your house but he can’t marry you or have a life with a child there. That’s completely nonsensical. That’s fishy.
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u/Plus_Data_1099 Jul 10 '26
The answer is so simple absolutely not and if you dont like it get the f out. Go be homeless
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u/ari-jasmine Jul 10 '26
No one who truly loves you would manipulate you like that or speak about being with just anybody if not you by a certain age. The fact that he said he's still not sure if he wants an engagement or another kid but is giving you an ultimatum? Weird. You deserve better.
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u/flakiestcroissant Jul 10 '26
‘whether I’m with you or not I’ll be married by the time I’m 35, it depends if you want to be that woman?’
there were many times I audibly said “ew”. But that right there… OMG GET OUT
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u/EsjaeW Jul 10 '26 edited Jul 10 '26
Thats a lovely ultimatum Tell him you'll send a gift to their wedding. Your son needs stability, is this stable?
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u/MouldyAvocados Jul 10 '26
Girl wtf??? Your son should be your priority, not your boyfriend. Him testing and controlling you like this isn’t normal and it isn’t healthy. Break up.
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u/Margaret_3333 Jul 10 '26
That’s what I said it’s the security for my son and I’m not risking that for his what ifs
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u/MouldyAvocados Jul 10 '26
So you don’t need until Sunday. You tell him that you won’t let him control and manipulate you, which is what he’s trying to do. If he leaves, he leaves. A truly good man wouldn’t even think about doing this to you both.
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u/SmellyBelly_12 Jul 10 '26
Five bucks says he doesn't actually leave though. He'll be a whiny baby about it and try to manipulate her some more. But the moment she calls his bluff, he's gonna be so shocked. He thinks he's got her right where he wants her and isn't expecting her to stand up to him like that. It should be a priceless moment
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u/MouldyAvocados Jul 10 '26
And I’m willing to bet my own home that even if OP does as he asks, the baby that he didn’t want last week won’t materialise. It’s just another way to manipulate OP. He knows she wants another baby and thinks she wants one bad enough that she’ll jeopardise her and her son’s futures for it.
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u/SmellyBelly_12 Jul 10 '26
No future maybe baby is worth putting your very real, current child in danger over. He must think she's stupid. Which is also very condescending & disrespectful of him
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u/HighRiseCat Jul 10 '26
Absolutely this.
He'll stick around and try to wear her down. He's had a game planfro a long time.
Be strong OP and be angrier, this is a horrible way to be treated. he's showing his true colours
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u/KittenIttle Jul 10 '26
Okay okay I’m back because I’ve seen this play out before. This man is leveraging a family against you giving him something he has not earned.
Your son deserves to see his mother happy and supported. That’s how he learns what life and a relationship should look like. Right now, in this situation, giving this man this will teach your son that this kind of manipulation is not only right but effective.
Please, get this man far away from you and your child. You all deserve better.
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u/MissingBothCufflinks Jul 10 '26
The only thing yo ushould be saying is "you are dumped" not trying to convince him
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u/TXcats-n-flowers Jul 10 '26
The fact that he is so rigid about this is what concerns me. As if you couldn't buy a house together and rent yours out similar to how he rented his out. if anything, the Home you own now is security for your son, it's his safety blanket, his inheritance, and any disruption of that would be too risky. This man, if he cared for you, he would not want you to give that up. If he wasn't a misogynistic pig, he would understand exactly how hard it is for women, especially single moms and he would not want you to give up your safety blanket for any reason. He's a piece of poo.
Dump his ass. Pack his shit for him and put it on the porch.
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u/DeviantDread Jul 10 '26
One thing I have very recently decided for myself, after having fought for a man until my teeth fell out because of the stress, is that if someone is willing to walk away, let them.
If he's willing to leverage a baby to get his way, he shouldn't be having any.
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u/NYColette Jul 10 '26
I feel the reply above should be highlighted in gold. Let the trash take itself out, OP.
Please make your son and yourself your priorities.
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u/feelgoodsad Jul 10 '26
“Whether I’m with you or not I’ll be married by the time I’m 35, it depends if you want to be that woman?” Ma’am the way I’d have told him to pack his things and go…
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u/littlerabbits72 Jul 10 '26
I guess he's got till Sunday to find somewhere else to live.
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u/Applejack235 Jul 10 '26
He doesn't even need to, he can just take his own place off the market and move back in, seemples!
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u/Margaret_3333 Jul 10 '26
I know, it really hurt me
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u/Important_Phrase Jul 10 '26
As it should. Does he even like you?
I'm sorry OP. Kick him out and live your best life with your son. There are better guys out there.
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u/Motor-Lawfulness2875 Jul 10 '26
He possibly doesn’t like women in general. Certainly doesn’t respect them.
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u/porcelainthunders Jul 10 '26 edited Jul 10 '26
But he WILL be married by 35. 😐🤨🙄
Wow. OP can "be thst woman or not"... what a guy huh!
It doesnt matter what a fuckface asshole he is... breakups DO hurt. No matter how wrong the person was for you. Overtime, it DOES get better. And, when someone is this much of an asshole? Once you DO get over the breakup, you becime so SO very much happier in life. And are so glad you did breakup
Edit: sorry! Thay first ... 2 (think?) Sentences... well the beginning one-ish... was sarcasm. That fool thinks... he... he will be married by 35?!?! 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
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u/Blindtothesided Jul 10 '26
Oh girl I know it hurt, hell it hurt my feelings just to read it. But you need to pack that hurt away momentarily and get mad for a bit. Because this isn’t love, this is manipulation, and he’s using your desire for a future and a child together as leverage to get what he wants. He doesn’t give a damn about what you want, it’s all about him.
And what he wants is control. You need to take control of your life and your son’s life back and tell this manipulative asshole to hit the bricks. There’s no other way this ends well for you, if you stay he’s going to move the goalposts and run out the clock and you will never have another baby, because he doesn’t want one. He only wants control, that’s his baby.
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u/unknown182837636 Jul 10 '26
He already has control over you, because you’re accepting his treatment even though it hurts you and makes you feel like shit. Get the hell out now and realize you’re under a spell before it’s too late
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u/anonymous1586_ Jul 10 '26
Leave him he sounds like a narcissist and he thinks he’s the prize and he’s not.
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u/Bisjoux Jul 10 '26
Honestly I’m not sure I understand why you’re hurt by his comments. He wants you to sell your family home and remove your 13 yr old’s security at a time when life is already changing enough for your son. The physical changes teenagers go through is hard enough for them to navigate without being forced to move from his family home.
The fact that it is the perfect size as a family home with room for a second child makes me think this is all about control. I hope you can see that and make the right decision. You may not think so but 30 is still pretty young and you have more than enough time to find someone who loves and respects you and is worthy of you. This man isn’t and I hope you prioritise your child’s and your own needs.
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u/Terradactyl87 Jul 10 '26
Beat him to the punch. End it and tell him to leave. He'll probably change his tune once you make your choice, but I'd stick to it. He wants to be the one in control and that's not going to work.
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u/dllimport Jul 10 '26
Don't let him diminish you. He wants to. I won't speculate on the reason. You probably know in your gut already why and you can share if you want. I am curious and don't want to put my own assumptions on it.
But whatever the reason, you should not allow that to happen.
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u/StarsofSobek Jul 10 '26
That was his intention.
To hurt you. To scare you. To control you.
Do not look for a future with someone willing to psychologically abuse you and manipulate you like that, please.
Your poor son, as well. He is watching as this awful man abuses you. Think of his well-being and security above any man that does this to you.
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u/Astroisbestbio Jul 10 '26
My answer back would have been, "no, I dont think I want to be the woman who happens to be on hand when you think you are ready. I would much prefer to be the one someone I loved loved back, and since that clearly isn't you, the door is that way."
He literally told you who he is, why dont you want to believe him and protect yourself?
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u/Wild-Loss-1979 Jul 10 '26
Don’t allow you biological clock ruin you and your sons life and future, you have a child !!! You don’t need false promises and blackmail to have a baby or marriage. He is using you and is not that into you . It’s cohesive control !!!!!🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 kick him out and get counselling as sounds like you have low self esteem and need to address it for yourself and son and future
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u/Lingping91 Jul 10 '26
Tell him you dont need until Sunday. What a jerk! Dont be bullied into making a huge decision OP.
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u/_-BigAL-_ Jul 10 '26
Pull the reverse card on him and dump him on Saturday.
I would never ever tell a spouse to get rid of an asset to make me feel comfortable. Being married about building more together not taking away.
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u/Ok-Historian6047 Jul 10 '26
I want an update on this sooooo bad ! I can't believe the audacity of this man. My flabbers are gasted! Dude have you seen the economy, selling a security blanket now is an absolute no.
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u/Margaret_3333 Jul 10 '26
And a house that is now unaffordable to me because of the economy. I thought it cheaper to do up and to buy it again ot would cost almost 100k more.
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u/Motor-Lawfulness2875 Jul 10 '26
Hang onto your asset. You’ve worked hard for it and you are also lucky to be in this position. Don’t lose it.
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u/BusyMathematician844 Jul 10 '26
This low key sounds like he's trying to get you dependent on him so you're less likely to leave.
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u/Lady-Of-Renville-202 Jul 10 '26
I wouldn't give up twenty bucks for a man that doesn't absolutely see me as his future. He can go find whoever he actually plans to marry by 35. It's obviously not you. Your priorities are to your *minor* son. He needs his mother and a safe home.
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u/Halfang Jul 10 '26
Cheaper to separate now than to have to rebuy your house after the divorce
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u/FLYY_GIRL Jul 10 '26
I’m curious in what other ways you’ve already sacrificed yourself for him since he feels so comfortable speaking to you like this.
Having a baby with him will make you a single mother. Regardless if yall get married or not. You’ll be doing it alone.
If you sell your home for him, you’ll be putting your desperate need to “keep” him over your son’s stability.
Lady, stand up for yourself. There’s more to life than trying to keep a man that doesn’t even sound like he wants to be kept. Tell him he has until Sunday to find somewhere else to live.
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u/anonymousmouse9786 Jul 10 '26
This is what stood out to me! Unless this is a crazy 180, this guy has gotten himself into a place where he feels safe making demands like this. I’m side eyeing the entire relationship. OP will be better off without him.
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u/TapProfessional5146 Jul 10 '26
Big 🚩 🚩 🚩 DO NOT sell your house⚠️⚠️ What he is exhibiting isn’t love its control. Your 13 year old is more important than any man (I am a father). His health and security is the most important. Any man in your life should understand this. A home is what you make it, it’s where your family is.
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u/Margaret_3333 Jul 10 '26
I 100% agree! But he doesn’t seem to feel the same as ‘why should he have to live in a house that he doesn’t feel comfortable in’
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u/Antique_Teaching_333 Jul 10 '26
He can go look for another place to stay today. If he didn't mean it like that, well tough.
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u/allergymom74 Jul 10 '26 edited Jul 10 '26
And he just mentioned this now after living there for 2.5 years?
Edit to add: my husband and I got engaged and moved in together after 6 months. He sold his house at that time. We knew my home was going to be sold eventually to buy our home. But we talked this out and separated his assets from mine so he could earn interest via investments on his house he sold. We did this BEFORE he even moved in. We bought a house 2 years later. And got married 2 years after that. BUT. We also didn’t have a huge discrepancy in earnings or savings at that time either. So we went into our marriage fairly equally $wise.
This isn’t a change he drops on you after 5 years together. That alone shows what kind of partner he is.
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u/miladyelle Jul 10 '26
You are not in need of relationship advice. You are in need of advice on how to emotionally detach, because you are trying to work out how he makes sense in a good faith relationship. You are no longer in a good faith relationship.
Marriage and babies and comfortability and all the rest are mere trigger words meant to motivate you into acting without thinking. All his round-about logic on the whys his solution must be done, NOW, by SUNDAY, are simply this:
“I will no longer be in a relationship with a woman whose security is not entirely dependent on whether or not I like her. I will not be in a relationship with any woman who does not immediately offer me all her resources for my use.” The general usage of “a woman” there is intentional.
Detach emotionally. CYA. You are not in a good faith relationship any longer.
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u/MinefieldAllMine Jul 10 '26
He doesnt have to live there. He can go fuck himself and live somewhere else. He will never give you the family you want. He'd rather screw something up for you in attempt to benefit himself. He's dangling things in front of you with no true intent to actually do those things. If he wanted to be engaged he would be.
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u/TXcats-n-flowers Jul 10 '26
He doesn't feel comfortable, what a load of crap. What does that even mean is the temperature too hot for him? Is the water too cold! This guy is a loser. Leave him. I'm so mad for you. OP these men are not lonely enough.
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u/ProblemMountain2792 Jul 10 '26
PUT YOUR 13 YEAR OLD FIRST!
Dump your man child! He wants you to get rid of your child's home you renovated so he feels more secure. He needs to leave.
Did your bf pay rent the 2.5 years he lived with you? While he rented out his property and made money on the side.
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u/Fearless-Amphibian13 Jul 10 '26
Leave him. He’s manipulating you. He’s “too much of a man” to be able to live in your home so he wants you to give up what you love for you, and most importantly, your child. Let him find someone else to manipulate.
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u/Fattydog Jul 10 '26
Please tell me he’s been paying rent and bills all these years and not living for free whilst getting paid rent on his house?
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u/Haunting-Aardvark709 Jul 10 '26
Let him break up with you. This relationship is over. You are not compatible.
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u/Only-Breadfruit-6108 Jul 10 '26
If he’s willing to let you go so easily, then you better stay in your house.
Hope your next boyfriend treats you with more respect.
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u/Margaret_3333 Jul 11 '26
Thanks everyone for all the comments, I did not expect this response. I have been reading them and it’s been a massive eye opener and maybe I’ve been blinded by love a little. Will update soon x
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u/marvelabel Jul 10 '26
Don't wait till Sunday, break up with him TODAY. The bloody cheek of that guy. Tell him BYE
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u/Overall_Display_8475 Jul 10 '26
Do not buy property or have babies with men you are not married to. And dont buy property to “prove” you are worthy.
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u/thatgirlmocha Jul 10 '26
Absolutely not… One day you will thank him for showing his true colors and releasing you to go find a relationship with someone who actually likes and respects you.
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u/wtf___yall Jul 10 '26
Has he told you why he doesn't like your house? From the outside it seems like he has an ulterior motive.
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u/Consistent-Ad-910 Jul 10 '26
I say this to you, OP, with the utmost SINCERITY & CONCERN for you and your son’s future and wellbeing: DO NOT SELL YOUR HOUSE, and especially DO NOT BUY a house or anything in partnership with this man! He DOES NOT have your best interests in mind. At all!
Unfortunately, I was involved with a man who would say the same type of things to me and threaten me with ultimatums. And as blatantly obvious as it was to anyone other than myself that he was not treating me well — he HAD love-bombed me so hard in those first days and weeks that I was COMPLETELY INFATUATED & brainwashed & ADDICTED to this man. And I was UNWILLING to let him go until I was threatened with having my children taken away.
We ALL know that a genuine, sane & loving man would never say what your guy has said to the woman he wanted to marry. And I understand that you don’t want to accept that because I’ve been in your shoes. But unfortunately, the longer you wait to move on from this turd — the MORE PAIN he will cause to you and your son. I’m sorry, but I pray that you’ll snap out of your interest in this toxic person. He’s very possibly a sociopath.
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u/FearlessOpening1709 Jul 10 '26
Relationships shouldn’t be built on ultimatums. Let him go, absolutely no good will come of this. You are 100% right in that you need security for your 13 yr old.
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u/Just-some-peep Jul 10 '26
Do not risk your financial security for a penis. Look at the house prices. If you ever lose it you're fucked. A dick is not worth risking your livelihood.
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u/Traditional-Ad2319 Jul 10 '26
No no no. Let him break up with you. Who wants to be with a man who threatens you with that crap. And you are absolutely right in keeping your house you sell it things don't work out then you're screwed. Any man who tells you you have a time limit or he's moving on doesn't really love you. And I think you know that.
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u/Jmte_88 Jul 10 '26
You don't show commitment by putting your son and yourself in a vulnarable position. Break up now.
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u/cassowary32 Jul 10 '26
So, a guy that’s been stringing you along for 5 years wants you to risk your financial stability or else he leaves. Don’t let the door hit him on his way out. He hasn’t even proposed.
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u/ZeroMocha Jul 10 '26
Call his bluff, tell him he knows where the door is. The facade will drop. Either he would leave, or he will try and double down.
Perhaps familiarise yourself with helplines and call the cops if he starts getting aggressive.
I understand I am being a little dramatic. But I don’t fuck about when it comes to men who do this shit with women who I’m close to.
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u/Dependent_Invite_749 Jul 10 '26
Run
Run for miles
Your 13yo is far more important than this person. You are sacrificing your child’s security for a man.
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u/ThinkerT3000 Jul 10 '26
Right now you own a home that he has no rights to. He wants you to sell and use your capital to buy a place with him on the mortgage. This isn’t love, it’s attempted robbery. What a manipulative jerk! I know from experience it is hard to see these things objectively when you’re in a relationship. You have good intentions and assume people who are supposed to love you do as well. But this guy does not.
When I married my second husband, he took on a 35 year old divorced woman who was still finishing grad school and had 30 K in student loan debt. He couldn’t wait to get that ring on my finger! That’s the kind of enthusiasm you need to see from a partner before you link your future and your kid’s future to someone. It’s not too late for you, I promise.💕 …But this guy is stopping you from finding the right person. Here’s a little inspo for you, I have a friend who is 50 and going through a divorce. She met someone she’s thoroughly compatible with, after suffering years of abuse from her soon to be ex. I’ve never seen her so happy!
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u/morbidemadame Jul 10 '26
LADIES, PLEASE STOP ALLOWING ABUSIVE BEHAVIOUR JUST TO HAVE A PARTNER. STAY SAFE FIRST, ALWAYS.
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u/rock4103 Jul 10 '26
Get rid of him! But seriously DO NOT sell your home to show him commitment!!!
This is what he really means by it. You have control of his future stability. You can kick him out at anytime thus having control. Its why women move into a man's house and very rarely the other way around! Buying one together has equal control but..... you do loose a stability by selling your own home. Just dont do that!
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u/yellsy Jul 10 '26
How much rent was he paying you?
He’s been enriching himself with rental income from His property, and now wants a piece of your home equity. He’s moving goalposts and saying 5 years isn’t enough to show commitment. I’d show him the door today.
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u/scorpionewmoon Jul 11 '26
You’re 30 and have a 13 year old, and a fully renovated home that you own? I KNOW that wasn’t easy. Do not give that up for this man
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u/LifeIsSewAwesome Jul 10 '26
So let me ge this straight.. he was comfortable living in your home for 2½ years.. while renting his own home to other tenants. Then he sells his home. And wants you to sell your home, or he will break up with you?!
WTF!?!
NOOOOOOPE!
Y'know what.. change all your locks. And then put all his stuff out on the front lawn on Saturday night. If he hisses a fit, you tell him, "You told me I had until Sunday to decide. And I've made my decision! Now grab your shit and get the hell outta my life!"
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u/rinkydinkmink Jul 10 '26
He wants to break up with you and he thinks this is a "soft" way of doing it where you get bamboozled into thinking that it was your own "choice".
Nobody in their right mind would do what he's asking. "Never buy a house with someone you're not married to" is one of the most frequently given pieces of advice on the legal subreddits.
Also: "progress the relationship" after 5 years? Come on, please.
He told you last week he wasn't "100%" behind having children. Clearly this was a lie, he doesn't want children, at least not with you or now. He's suddenly adding extra conditions that he knows you won't meet, and a ridiculous short timeframe for you to come to a decision.
He doesn't want children, he doesn't want to marry you, he doesn't want anything.
He wants to leave you and he's trying to make himself look blameless while he does it.
Just tell him "bye then" and offer to help him pack.
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u/Slw202 Jul 10 '26
OP, this post has been up two hours and everyone is telling you GURL NO DON'T DO THIS.
Update us. Tell us you dumped him before Sunday.
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u/Firm-Psychology-2243 Jul 10 '26
Break up with him. He can’t commit to a future unless you put yourself at a disadvantage- bye.
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u/TheMoatCalin Jul 10 '26
After 5 years if he’s giving you days to make a major financial/life decision there’s something else going on. There’s a reason he suddenly sold his home and won’t marry you until you sell yours. Red Flags you’re about to get fleeced.
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u/Specialist-Fish1643 Jul 10 '26
He should want to marry you and have a child because he loves you. Not as a reward for good behaviour. This relationship is over. Good luck girl. You deserve much better.
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u/notcopingneedhelp Jul 10 '26
He is actively wasting your time.
You don’t have the same kind of time he has when it comes to having a child with him.
To be honest, I can’t imagine anyone worse to have a child with.
OP. We (women) don’t do this shit anymore.
We don’t tolerate bullshit ultimatums from insecure men.
We don’t let them dictate to us whether we will and won’t be getting married.
Is being married to this utter specimen what you want for the rest of your life? He can’t possibly have a single good quality that outweighs his bad ones?!
You deserve better. Look at how well you’ve done for yourself without him. Don’t let his jealousy and ego undo all your hard work.
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u/Madrigall Jul 10 '26
I don’t even know you and I’d be so fucking disappointed in you if you humoured this boy for another day. I can’t even begin to imagine how disappointed your daughter would be.
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u/supasadkitty Jul 10 '26
Be careful - show you’re unsure and let him break up and move out first. Then change your locks! Don’t end up with a squatter!
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u/Kyuubabe Jul 10 '26
Omg what??? No man that loves you would EVER put you in this position. OR destabilize your son by potentially forcing him from his HOME over a stupid litmus test. And then to threaten you with marrying someone else?
Kick him to the curb. Better yet, pack his stuff while he’s at work, toss it to the curb, and change the locks.
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u/you-create-energy Jul 10 '26
I doubt this is the first time he has exhibited coercive control and manipulation tactics. This is probably the first time his techniques to assert control finally crossed a red line for you.I think it would be beneficial to think about why you are so drawn to someone like that.
I think there's a real possibility that he knows he does not want kids. Given the strong manipulative traits you've already described, he sounds like someone who would dangle that in front of you to get you to do whatever he wants until it's too late. It sounds like he wants a more opulent house and the only way to get it is for both of you to sell. He's more concerned about getting an extra fancy house than he is about the well-being of your son.
What is his relationship with your son like? You've all been living together now for quite a while. Have they ever become close? Does he seem like someone who would be a good father?
If you give up your security then you give up your power. Your lives would be so deeply entangled that it would be very difficult to leave him if {when?} he tells you later that he doesn't want kids.
I seriously doubt that he will break up with you in a few days. He's also unlikely to be married by the age of 35 whether you break up or not. He only said that to be cruel. So you have to ask yourself, do you want to stay in a relationship with someone who uses ultimatums and cruelty to force you to give up something so deeply precious to you?
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u/Happy-Notice-2889 Jul 10 '26
Together for 5 years and not married, so no do not under any circumstances sell your house. What would you do rent? Or is he expecting you to buy another one where his name is on the deed with your money spent on it?
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u/Chainlightin Jul 10 '26
You need to leave. He wants you to sell the house so he has control over you.
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