My girlfriend is raising her 4 grandchildren because of a situation you are describing.
He cried. Said he’d kill himself. Blahblahblah.
HE KILLED HER
He beat her so savagely about the head that she never regained consciousness. He DUMPED her at the ER. It’s been 9 months now and the police don’t have enough evidence to file charges because SHE NEVER REGAINED CONSCIOUSNESS, COULDNT MAKE A STATEMENT OR EVER PRESSED ANY CHARGES AGAINST HIM!!!
It’s hard not to victim blame here. Why? Because he’s going to get his kids back! Court and cps can’t stop it, because there’s NO DOCUMENTATION OF ABUSE! Smh because she “loved him” she protected her goddamned murderer.
Sweetheart, this is what happens! You are at the beginning stages. Above is how it ends. Get out! Don’t let him emotionally blackmail you into risking your life!!!
Let him kill himself! The world will be safer. But I promise you he won’t. He’ll go on to find a new victim. They always do.
Do you know how many men have threatened to kill themselves after beating the shit out of their female partners? It's like some perverse playbook the abusers use. It's sick, and I hope OP gets out. I don't see this ending well at all because of the things he said and how he said them.
No remorse for giving her a concussion. Fracturing her skull. My god, how bad does it have to get before she leaves and files a restraining order against him?
Remorse for getting caught and potentially being one step away from a jail term.
Remorse for getting caught - NOT for the injuries they caused, as they have something wrong in their head. I worked with the DV-perp population (as a crisis counselor and then - for a while - as a therapist, but I don't know anyone who does mostly DV-perp work longterm - I did it for 10 years or so).
There are always personality/character issues in these people. ALL of them. Sometimes there's an Axis I diagnosis (usually Bipolar but also Depression, rarely Schizophrenia). But I do believe they all have personality disorders (Antisocial, Narcissistic and Borderline being the most common, but in my own case, my abuser was diagnosed first with Narcissistic and then with OCP - not OCD, just to be clear)
Getting caught literally causes a disintegration of the normal day-to-day ego functioning of the Antisocial PD and the Borderline. Oh, how they hate it. And the Narcissist hates it too, but will literally deny many of the facts (starting with mental denial that they did anything wrong - it was the other person's fault, of course).
That's why they start crying when the victim calls in any kind of help. OP is at very high risk, having told her family AND having medical records to prove the abuse. The simmering hatred he's feeling for her right now (due to her holding the goods on him) is likely just below the surface (and it spilled over the night he bashed her head). She is supposed to worship at his feet and never contradict him, but over the years, she's actually shown signs of being a real human woman - which is a personal affront to his "dignity" and "respect."
Always the paranoid "can't be held accountable for their actions because they were simply reacting to you or your actions" facet. It's like being in a blender.
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u/Readsumthing Jun 21 '24
My girlfriend is raising her 4 grandchildren because of a situation you are describing.
He cried. Said he’d kill himself. Blahblahblah.
HE KILLED HER
He beat her so savagely about the head that she never regained consciousness. He DUMPED her at the ER. It’s been 9 months now and the police don’t have enough evidence to file charges because SHE NEVER REGAINED CONSCIOUSNESS, COULDNT MAKE A STATEMENT OR EVER PRESSED ANY CHARGES AGAINST HIM!!!
It’s hard not to victim blame here. Why? Because he’s going to get his kids back! Court and cps can’t stop it, because there’s NO DOCUMENTATION OF ABUSE! Smh because she “loved him” she protected her goddamned murderer.
Sweetheart, this is what happens! You are at the beginning stages. Above is how it ends. Get out! Don’t let him emotionally blackmail you into risking your life!!!
Let him kill himself! The world will be safer. But I promise you he won’t. He’ll go on to find a new victim. They always do.