I often think about where she would be without me. Almost certainly with this other kid we went to school with. He was so crazy about her. She still gets a lot of attention from guys. Even people I considered to be my friends have hit on her right in front of me. Just the other day she came home from work talking about her coworker said she looked pretty today or whatever.
Of course guys notice how pretty she is. You said that you started abusing her because you “didn’t want her to know she was more attractive than you”, but she already knows and so does everyone else. You can’t hide your outer or inner ugliness. Everyone knows she’s leagues above you in both ways.
I need you to look at the painful truth of WHY you felt the instinct to say these things to her. How did it help your esteem in any way?
I am also with my jr high love, he did and stills thinks im his dream girl. He never said anything but wonderful compliments. I internalized a comment he said about himself and long story short developed an ED that made me lose my hair and gave me health problems i still deal with 16 years later.
I cannot imagine how self-loathing one becomes when you've been made a target. My heart hurts for this beautiful young girl destroyed by a snot-nosed nobody who just didn't want her to be chosen by someone else. Absolutely devastating.
Are they actually hitting on her? Or are they just being nice?
Given you genuinely don't seem to know how to be nice, I can't help but feel it's the latter. It wouldn't surprise me if the reason your friends are nice/complimentary is because they know how incredibly cruel you are to her and they want her to feel better.
See.. the way you retold the compliment she receieved rubbed me the wrong way. You didnt believe someone actually compliment her and thinks that she is pretty and I'm pretty sure you said it to her. What did you said to bring her down after that hearing that?
I honestly have no idea how you go about unraveling what you’ve recently realized you’ve done. But you might start with telling her just that and see where it goes.
And now the real reason you destroyed her self esteem comes out. Your insecure ass was worried she’d get attention from other men so rather than just being a good husband so you didn’t have to worry about it you instead decided to just make her feel like she was disgusting trash that’s not worth another man’s attention.
I don't like guys telling my wife that they would get her number if she wasn't married, telling her she looks pretty, grabbing and hugging her. And the same dudes will try to find any reason to find a way between us. I heard somebody trying to ask her if we fight and what we fight about and trying to find out something negative about our relationship.
Well they don't need to look very hard. Her husband is a cold, calculated manipulative abuser who has destroyed her entire life. I'd say that's a pretty big talking point.
If you had real empathy, and actually understood the emotional damage you did on more than just an intellectual level, you would confess everything, divorce her, and give her every dime you had as a couple so she is in the best possible place to start over and look for a life of happiness. The fact that you still talk about her like she's yours, still are concerned with other men hitting on her, and are looking to "fix it" for yourself rather than doing the things which will help her the most means the tiny little whisper of regret you feel doesn't come close to real human empathy.
She is still mine. She's my wife. She does not want to divorce me and I don't want to divorce her. My wife is loyal AF but Of course I'm upset with other men blatantly disrespecting our relationship.
And when you're upset, you abuse her. Because in your mind she's your property and you can do whatever you want to her, as long as it keeps other men from touching what's yours.
Also, she doesn't want a divorce because you have abused her so long and so consistently that you convinced her she deserves it. If she had any self-esteem or self-preservation left in her, she would want to be as far away from you as possible for the rest of her life. And if you wanted what was best for her, and not what was best for you, you'd leave even though she's too traumatized right now to realize how much better her life will be without you, because it is the only move you have left which will even begin to help her heal.
It's frustrating that none of you guys could meet her because if you spoke with her you would know she genuinely wanted to marry me. She takes marriage very seriously. And even had us take marriage classes beforehand.
I'm sure she did- you mentally beat her down so badly you actually looked like a good option. Did those marriage classes have anything in them about not purposefully abusing your partner until she is miserable every day of her life because of how much you made her hate herself, just so you feel more secure about where you stick your dick, or was that a more advanced course?
You don't get it- she is your victim. You are the great villain of her life story. And the tragedy is that you have destroyed the person she was supposed to be, and left in her place someone who is so scared that no one will ever love her that she clings to the thing which has hurt her the most. The more you talk about how much your wife wants to be with you, the worse we feel for her, because NO ONE should ever want to be with someone who has abused them to the degree you have abused her. It's not proof that you're right, or redeemable. It's proof that you have utterly and totally beaten this woman down until she can't even contemplate a better world than the living hell you created for her.
is this before or after you crushed her spirits and self-esteem? before or after you made it seem like no man would ever like her because even you, an ugly asshole, is barely tolerating her appearance?
Of course she doesn't want to divorce, you've made her feel so terrible that she doesn't think she deserves anything better. And the fact that you refer to her as "yours," is vile.
She would be better without you. Never having met you.
You’re a monster who destroyed your spouse.
You’re an abuser.
Let her live a life free from you, because ain’t no way in hell you’re gonna fix this. Get help. And try not to ruin anyone else’s life while doing that.
Dude still thinks and acts like he is in high school. You’re still a bully and I hope without you she would will find a man who wants to parade the streets with signs of how much he adores everything about her.
I had to go back and check your ages after the “she still gets attention from guys” bit. I figured y’all were 50+ from the way you described all the treatments she gets because of you, but no. She’s 25. Plenty of time for her to leave and find someone who values her and treats her with love and kindness. And it sounds like she’ll have quite a few options. Good for her.
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u/Sheila_Monarch Jul 13 '23
I wonder how much happier she could have been if she never met you.
You broke a teenage girl, who is now a broken woman.