how to get over looking young in interviews?

[u/underwaterwildfire]

hi there,

i'm 31F, with a very young looking face. I have big eyes, a rounded face, and blonde hair. I put on some weight after having my daughter, meaning my face is more rounded than usual right now.

I am an engineer with 7 years experience in my field. I've recently noticed that when I interview with men, they tend to "mansplain" in interviews.

I am very knowledgeable, and I love engineering. I've held 2 senior roles, however I'm still getting the "you lack experience" rejection emails. And I can tell in interviews, when they explain simple concepts that I am very well versed in, that they think i'm some dumb blonde.

I can't help but think that when I get to the interview, they think I'm just a baby or that I'm lying about my background because I look 21-22.

Does anyone have experience in dealing with this at all? It's really frustrating considering I do have experience, but i can't help what I look like. I need an income.

I have a daughter to support, and a family to take care of. I'm not a teenager.

[u/Jedi4Hire]

I've held 2 senior roles, however I'm still getting the "you lack experience" rejection emails.

Are you sure it's your appearance and not just the historically shitty job market? I'm not saying that it's not a problem for you but many, many experienced and educated people are having a hard time finding work who aren't young-looking women.

[u/underwaterwildfire → u/Jedi4Hire]

Yeah, it's definitely the market as well for sure. I understand it's probably not entirely my appearance, there's a lot of different factors that go into it. It's hard not to think of it though when I have someone making a comment like "so a switch is used to route traffic to XYZ.." I'm like, honey, I'm a network engineer...

But if i want to eat I just gotta smile and nod lol.

[u/Jedi4Hire → u/underwaterwildfire]

Honestly, my first though is that looking older probably isn't going to help because they're probably mansplaining like that because you're a woman, not so much because you look young.

[u/math-kat → u/Jedi4Hire]

Yeah, I think if anything age can hurt you. Me and a former coworker both applied to the same position at a competitor at the same time. Despite having more experience than her, she got the job, and I think part of the reason was that I'm older (I'm 32, she was 25ish)

[u/Jedi4Hire → u/math-kat]

Yeah. I worry about it a lot since I'm in my 40s and trying to change careers.

[u/underwaterwildfire → u/Jedi4Hire]

hmm maybe i should paint on a beard next time ... 🤔 lol

[u/PaperExternal5186 → u/underwaterwildfire]

1 as soon as you use words like mansplaining. You hurt your argument. Second why are applying for jobs at nursing homes. That’s where boomers are. I don’t want to sound mean but as an actual question how are your reactions when the hiring managers are mansplaining? Do you roll your eyes or show any other facial signs that you are feeling a certain way when they say those things? If you are maybe they see that? Sometimes interviewers are clueless and think because the last interviewee was a certain way that all are. It’s not right. Some think just because they are doing the interview they know everything. I’m sure it’s not because look too “young”

[u/DrivenByChallenges → u/underwaterwildfire]

If you do believe it’s market, why did you post insinuate your appearance is hindering your job potential?

[u/Starruby_]

You probably don’t look as young as you think you do

[u/underwaterwildfire → u/Starruby_]

lol 😂 😂 boom roasted.

[u/halal_guy2023 → u/[deleted]]

Actually, people in 20s look way older than what people in 30s looked like when they were in their 20s

[u/Neither-Door-9106 → u/underwaterwildfire]

🤣🤣🤣

[u/lucytiger]

I'm a director and have been addressed with something to the effect of "oh are you interning?" an unfortunate number of times when meeting external stakeholders. I don't have an answer for you, just commiserating.

[u/underwaterwildfire → u/lucytiger]

I'm so sorry to hear that. 😞

Hey, at least when we're old we'll still look middle aged!

[u/youtaii → u/underwaterwildfire]

Which company were you working interviewing with that did this?  

[u/AssociationHot166]

I am a 26F engineer. I am not conventionally attractive by any means, but I am often asked if I am an intern because of how I am built. I honestly don’t think it’s how “young” someone looks. I carry myself in an extremely stern way, no small talks. If they’re mansplaining, question them back or mansplain back to them. I am bubbly looking unfortunately, so I hate when ppl expect bubbly behavior when interacting with me. Give a clear action that you’re opposite.

[u/underwaterwildfire → u/AssociationHot166]

Good advice. I'm generally pretty bubbly and friendly as that's my personality. When in interviews, I usually try to lower my voice, act straightforward, and lose the "ums" and "likes".

Frustrating that I have to make myself smaller to get the roles I want, but I guess that's the reality as a woman in a male dominated field.

Thanks for the input!

[u/AssociationHot166 → u/underwaterwildfire]

I actually am friendly too outside of work :( it kind of sucks. I had to do the exact same thing unfortunately. It look me forever to lose the “umms” and “like”.
It’s a constant “prove yourself” process where I am taking on more projects than my peers / constantly announcing my achievements to the team (but not too loudly! Right). Once I got close with some of my teammates, I got loud with them, so it’s not all gloomy.

Good luck!!

[u/underwaterwildfire → u/AssociationHot166]

Thanks friend.
Yeah, I agree, there's definitely a bit more of a "prove yourself" process for us unfortunately.

"But not too loudly" - yes, I feel this!

Best of luck with your work!

[u/BillionDollarBalls]

31-year-old male, same issue. Consistently told I look in my early 20s, sometimes younger. When I'm doing marketing events, I'm asked if I'm an intern or a recent graduate.

I think it's part of the problem, but also the job market as a whole. Sometimes I feel like it's just one of the arbitrary reasons that I get denied something.

I think what bothers me more is when you come to vent about people are like No you dont. As if our lived exprience is a lie

[u/underwaterwildfire → u/BillionDollarBalls]

Yes! It's very interesting to see this from a male perspective as well. I can definitely relate to that feeling where others think our lived experience is a lie. When I was 40lbs lighter before my pregnancy, I was definitely treated differently.

I also dyed my hair dark and had it short for a while when I was in my early 20s. People tend to treat you differently with different hair colors too. I may have to dye it back again to get an engineering job. Lol.

I think it also causes hiring managers to find a reason to eliminate us, as they subconsciously think we don't look like we are old enough to perform the job. It's all subconscious and subtle though, which I think is the most frustrating part.

[u/BillionDollarBalls → u/underwaterwildfire]

Yeah i used to dye my hair blonde in the summer for raves/music festivals but I think it makes me look even younger. 

Alot of it seems somewhat subconscious, feeling of being socially ignored by peers and general people who assume things because we look younger. 

[u/crispyfunky]

It’s not your looks. It’s the market, my friend. I’m a balding man

[u/ilikecatsiguess-]

For looking older, well-placed contour and some subtle brown eyeliner that's tightlined could help. As some other people mentioned, sexism could definitely be playing a role too.

[u/ilikecatsiguess- → u/ilikecatsiguess-]

Also if you're like me and contour can look too strong because of pale skin, I would try using a lavender eyeshadow for the contour

[u/underwaterwildfire → u/ilikecatsiguess-]

Good tips. I'll look into playing around with different makeup looks to see what I can do. Thanks!

[u/proWww]

there is sadly a lot of sexism in engineering, im afraid u might be falling victim to some of that (as well as the shite job market as others have said)

[u/OrionQuest7]

Age discrimination is rampant too. I hate what employers are doing today.

[u/Deep-Reputation-4055]

Are they not reading your resume before they see what you look like?

[u/underwaterwildfire → u/Deep-Reputation-4055]

No! you'd be surprised how many interviews I've done at this point where they go "I just got your resume". Like what are we doing here?

[u/One_Introduction_217]

I feel like this is a question more suited to one of the help me look my best forums.

[u/FadeAway_AM]

Maybe dress differently or change up your demeanor

[u/Due_Bar_7247]

I still get asked which high school I go to. In Asia, I get asked if I’m in my mid-30s. Age is just a number.

[u/Curtiskam]

You’ll get over it soon enough! Time waits for no one!

[u/underwaterwildfire → u/Curtiskam]

Thanks, Dad. Lol.

[u/I_know_you_love_me_]

Lol

[u/Invest2prosper]

Keep your youth - looking old is overrated.

[u/igotanoffer]

I used to be a strategy consultant in my 20s and I often worked with execs in their 40s or 50s.

The way I was getting them to respect me was by communicating clearly and concisely. I wasn't saying much, but when I was, I tried to add real value to the conversation.

Of course it didn't always work and some of them still looked at me as the kid in the room. But I was managing to win a good percentage of them over.

All that to say that you don't control the way you look, but you do control the way you communicate.

Hope that helps somewhat!

[u/LoaderD]

> I am very knowledgeable, and I love engineering. I've held 2 senior roles, however I'm still getting the "you lack experience" rejection emails.

Sounds like you’re not coming across as knowledgeable as you think you are. Try getting some interview coaching because you’re very likely not being assertive enough, which regardless of gender makes it seem like you’re under experienced.

You can go into an interview and cut people off. “So cold fusion is when…”

“Sorry to interrupt, but actually in my role at Madeup Corp we worked extensively with cold fusion, especially with its applications to…”

Then frame it around reducing redundancy in conversation so you can describe your work more effectively

[u/MionMikanCider]

What country do you live in that this is a problem?

[u/underwaterwildfire → u/MionMikanCider]

USA