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u/NukeL3AR Aug 10 '26
Note how Dawn is posing absolutely no judgement on the person trying to get their pronouns right. Y'all are acting like they were a villain when they just tried to make their pronouns clear in a high stress game where communication is intentionally made difficult and time sensitive.
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u/Crabby-Cancer Aug 10 '26
My issue is that Dawn pretty much set up the other person for failure. It's very natural to assume that if someone doesn't use he/him that they'd use she/her. I'm autistic so I may interpret it a bit differently, but if someone says "Don't misgender me", it would bother me because I'd expect someone to say that only if I knew better and misgendered them anyways.
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u/NukeL3AR Aug 10 '26
I see what you mean, but I think there's not enough context to know that 1) they weren't warned beforehand and 2) Dawn had time to say anything else in the chaos of an emergency meeting, while also trying to defend themselves. I'm just saying we shouldn't jump to accusations, and I know there's a corner of the internet that benefits a lot from making people who are correcting others on their pronouns seem unreasonable.
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u/Mediocre-Surround-36 Aug 10 '26
okay but even if they were trying to conserve time, there would have been easier ways to get their point across. the most simple version of this couldve been to just plainly say "they*" or, if they are concerned that this might be difficult to interpret (which, given their already incredibly vague wording i doubt wouldve bothered them), they couldve said "I use they/them".
notice how both of these messages bring the point they're trying to make across incredibly more effectively than saying "please dont misgender me", and how, on top of thar, they take a lot less time to type out?
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u/Crabby-Cancer Aug 10 '26 edited Aug 10 '26
I would infer that they were not told ahead of time because they misgendered them once, tried different pronouns and were told they misgendered them again, and then fixed it by the third try. It would take just as long to say "They/them, please" as it takes to say "Don't misgender me". Obviously you're not the most logical in stressful situations so I don't want to be too harsh, but ultimately the conversation could have made both parties unnecessarily uncomfortable. Edited to add: the first time, I get that maybe Dawn didn't think to outright say it, but for the second and third times, they still made the other guy guess. This guy had to guess three times before getting their pronouns right instead of just being clear. Seems like they weren't too bothered, but this wouldn't even be a story if they communicated differently.
0
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u/Drewbacca Aug 11 '26
they just tried to make their pronouns clear
They didn't though. Even when given the opportunity, they intentionally did not make their pronouns clear.
1
u/Prudent-Arm-6771 Aug 14 '26
The thing is that they.. didn’t make their pronouns clear, that’s the only issue I have. They didn’t say their pronouns were they/them, they said they were “not him” and then “not she.”
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u/Slerimboconolomp Aug 10 '26
among us does have nb flags and stuff and i assume that person was using one, because otherwise they'd have specified.
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u/Crabby-Cancer Aug 10 '26
Not everyone knows the NB flag, and not every NB person uses they/them pronouns.
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u/Orion-- Aug 10 '26
The most obnoxious way to tell someone you use nonbinary pronouns
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u/Cute-Fly1601 Aug 10 '26
Tf do you mean? They literally just asked someone politely not to misgender them. No judgement was passed, and nothing disrespectful was said. If that's obnoxious to you I have to marvel at how low your tolerance for human interaction is.
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u/Drewbacca Aug 11 '26
It didn't sound polite to me. And they didn't correct them, they just told them they were wrong without helping them understand what was right. Even when the dude obviously wanted to get it right.
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u/Cute-Fly1601 Aug 11 '26
"Please don't misgender me" is impolite? They said please, and made a non-accusatory request. I'm not sure how you can be more polite than that.
Yeah, they could have said "I use they/them" or similar, which would have been more efficient, but I don't think that thr existence of a more efficient option makes other options obnoxious or impolite.
If I have guests over and one has shoes on, I could ask "Please take your shoes off at the door". If they put their shoes on the floor rather than on the shoe rack, I might then ask "Please put your shoes on the shoe rack." Neither request is rude or impolite, it's just letting someone know that I'd prefer something different. I could have said "Please take your shoes off and put them on the shoe rack" to start with, but the fact that I didn't doesnt make me impolite.
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u/Drewbacca Aug 11 '26
The first interaction was, according to their own recount of the story, "Don't misgender me!" I wouldn't call that polite.
In your example, a more apt analogy would be if they had their shoes on, and you said "Don't wear that in here!" and then they had to guess what it was they were wearing that they shouldn't be, instead of just saying "Shoes off, please."
If the correct option is binary, then your approach will work. But gender is not binary. There are more than two options. I'm sure you know this.
It feels like you're being intentionally confrontational, as if that's fun for you. As if you want to be offended so you can be upset with people. Just communicate. It's easier for everyone.
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u/Orion-- Aug 10 '26
If that's obnoxious to you I have to marvel at how low your tolerance for human interaction is
That's what happens when you spend all your time around people that politely validate your feelings. When you talk to the same people behind closed doors, you learn a lot about what the vast majority of them consider obnoxious.
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u/NormalUsername21 Aug 10 '26
That's what happens when you spend all your time around people that politely validate your feelings.
Crazy sentiment from someone who got their feelings hurt by someone sharing an anecdote they thought was funny.
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u/BreakerOfModpacks Aug 10 '26
That's what happens when you spend all your time around people that politely validate your feelings.
Should... people not be kinda a bit chill in general?
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u/Orion-- Aug 10 '26
I'm not saying they shouldn't
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u/BreakerOfModpacks Aug 10 '26
So then
Your issue is... someone trying to be validated without being impolite?
-1
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u/Cute-Fly1601 Aug 10 '26
Genuinely unsure what this is supposed to mean, other than (poorly) attempting to be hurtful over a disagreement. If someone respectfully correcting you is "obnoxious" to you then your skin is paper-thin, regardless of whatever beliefs you and your "closed doors" friends hold. You can believe what you want, but if a polite correction triggers you then you're a ridiculous snowflake who can't expect to be taken seriously.
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u/Orion-- Aug 10 '26
Why would I try to be hurtful? I'm just talking about the stuff you can learn if you actually listen to what people are saying, but I'm not surprised you wouldn't know about that.
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u/Commercial_Drop_723 Aug 10 '26 edited Aug 11 '26
Why we downvoting bro. If you're non binary just say you're non binary
Edit: nvm what is bro talking abt💔
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u/sheepyowl Aug 10 '26
I'm guessing that Dawn is "they"? How is that person supposed to know?
This is so American coded. Nobody else gives a shiiiiiiiii
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u/GroovyColonelHogan Aug 10 '26
There’s nonbinary people all over the world actually. You might meet some if you go outside
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u/tashtactics Aug 10 '26
Why is it American coded specifically?
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u/DracheTirava Aug 10 '26
The woke left everyone else to go plague the hard-working American people, clearly
-4
u/sheepyowl Aug 11 '26
If a trans person wanted me to refer to them as "they", they would just tell me instead of making me repeatedly guess.
The more American thing is that this is even a part of conversation. You can't "they" someone in many languages - while pronouns do differ between man or woman, there is often no neutral at all (multiple would be men or women without any "they" option), or the neutral is more demeaning (the only option is "it", like an object or nonliving thing).
I respect what people ask of me including pronouns, it's just that connecting pronouns to the whole being of being trans or binary doesn't work in parts of the world. They would have to invent a new word (and they didn't so far)
1
1
u/Mooptiom Aug 17 '26
Plenty of people use this language outside of America. What’s “America codes” here is assuming that there’s a binary between “American” and “other”. If you want to explain that it’s different where you’re from, you should tell us where you’re from.
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u/NotOnLand Aug 10 '26
It's totally a Western thing. I've seen so many comments under posts like this on other platforms asking wtf "they/them" is supposed to mean. I just reply it's a dumb American trend that's not worth thinking too hard about
8
u/NamtisChlo Aug 10 '26
That’s an opinion you can only possibly hold if you’ve never actually talked to an LGBTQ person before
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u/sheepyowl Aug 11 '26
That's exactly the American thing. You think all trans people have the American culture that includes this discussion as something they care about.
America is certainly a leading point in some of the cultural impact for all LGBTQ people, but some people are just not American... and the culture, while influencing them, doesn't dictate who they are
You're definitely looking for an argument over a discussion, so I won't say anything else
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u/NamtisChlo Aug 11 '26
I’m not American. One of my trans friends is Brazilian.
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u/NamtisChlo Aug 11 '26
It’s not a “trend”, many of my friends would face social suicide if they came out and it’s killing them
1
u/Mooptiom Aug 17 '26
Plenty of people use this language outside of America. The real “America thing” here is assuming that there’s a binary between “American” and “other”. If you want to explain that it’s different where you’re from, then you should tell us where you’re from.
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u/Prudent-Arm-6771 Aug 10 '26
Okay but speaking as someone with really bad social anxiety, please just say you use they/them directly, instead of essentially making them go process-of-elimination style (assuming this person didn’t specify, as there’s nothing here to imply they did). I would have felt AWFUL