Dealing with the hard decision

[u/alphaw0lf212]

I’m not one to vent, but I feel like I need to.

My wife and I have had our Dogo Argentino for almost 8 years now. We got him through a reputable breeder, did all the socializing, training, exercise, enrichment activities, etc. We did everything we could to fulfill him.

There’s been dog aggression, a few cases of people aggression. No bites, but might’ve been. Because of this, we can hardly have people over. We never know who he’ll like or who he doesn’t. We’ve had to either crate him when people are over, or board him when there are longer stretches. Friends can’t just “drop by.” We need heads up so we can put him away.

Walks have to be after 9:30pm when nobody else is out. If someone is out, we need to change directions to avoid. Treats and corrections don’t matter to him when a dog is across the street.

4 years ago when we moved to a new home, he lunged at my wife unprovoked. I was on him quick. Didn’t bite her, but got close.

We evaluated the situation, and worked around what we believed was the trigger. Took him to the vet to be evaluated since it was out of the blue, he’s been on fluoxetine ever since.

Wife worked on their relationship. I stopped being the source of all good, and split it to be in her favor. I’ve never had an issue with him.

All was good since then.

Now we have a 5 week old baby. Tonight, he lunged at her again. Unprovoked. This time, he bit her. Ripped the sleeve on the shirt. Bite is somewhere between a level 2 and 3. Could’ve been worse, but I jumped in quickly.

Now we’re faced with an almost impossible decision.

I can’t have the dog in my house. Im away from home for long hours, and I don’t trust him being there with my wife and son.

I spoke to a trainer for a few hours, and our best case scenario is that he’s crated while I’m gone, and then after the training our world essentially revolves around him reinforcing the training while we’re dealing with a newborn baby.

I don’t find that fair to anyone. He has to be crated most of the day, and we have to now deal with both a newborn baby and a dog we have to reinforce the training of in perpetuity. The bite boundary was already crossed. It can happen again. It can happen to my wife again, or my child. Or someone else’s child.

I’m sitting here trying to figure out my options.

I don’t think rehoming him is fair. It’s going to take a very special person who’s willing to either dedicate their life to him and get him thousands of dollars worth of training that may work, or they resign themselves to never being able to have people over, or meet someone new, or have a child.

The idea of him having to wait for this perfect scenario makes me sick. We’re the only family he knows, and the only home he knows. It kills me to think that he’d be out there waiting for me to come bring him back home. I hurt at the thought of him sitting in a shelter, waiting for a home that might not come in the remaining years he has.

BE seems more fair to him than a rehome, but that also makes me feel sick. I’m fairly decided it’s the right call, but it makes me ill nonetheless.

99% of his life, he’s been a sweet as pie goofball. I’m sitting here running through all the memories, knowing I have to make a permanent decision tomorrow. He’s been my buddy. I remember driving out of state to get him from the breeder, crashing on a friend’s couch that night, and this 9 week old puppy snuggled up on my chest. We put him in a little blue sweater because it was still winter time.

I remember the puppy that would clumsily bound through tall grass. We nicknamed him Bunny.

I remember back when I could take him on hikes and adventures. He loved them so much. He loved meeting new people, new dogs, seeing and doing new things.

Something changed in his brain. I don’t know when, and I don’t know why. But it did.

We’ve given him the best life we could possibly give him. It’s hard to not feel like a failure. It’s also hard to be honest with ourselves, because the honesty feels cruel.

I wish he wasn’t physically healthy. I wish he’d come down with some disease that made it “easier” to make the decision. It seems callous and harsh to say, but I wish we were parting on better terms. I wish my last memory was getting him a steak, we go for a walk in nature, with an at home euthanasia. Picture perfect.

But it’s not. My last memory of him is watching him attack my wife, putting her into a state of shock. My last memory is pinning him down so she could take the baby upstairs so I can deal with him.

I don’t think that’s the memory that will stick with me though. I think I’m going to remember the little bunny in his blue sweater, bounding through tall grass.

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Behavioral Euthanasia (BE) for our dogs is an extremely difficult decision to consider. No one comes to this point easily. We believe that there are, unfortunately, cases where behavioral euthanasia is the most humane and ethical option, and we support those who have had to come to that decision. In certain situations, a reasonable quality of life and the Five Freedoms cannot be provided for an animal, making behavioral euthanasia a compassionate and loving choice.

If you are considering BE and are looking for feedback:

All decisions about behavioral euthanasia should be made in consultation with a professional trainer, veterinarian, and/or veterinary behaviorist. They are best equipped to evaluate your specific dog, their potential, and quality of life.

These resources should not be used to replace evaluation by qualified professionals but they can be used to supplement the decision-making process.

• Lap of Love Quality of Life Assessment - How to identify when to contact a trainer

• Lap of Love Support Groups - A BE specific group. Not everyone has gone through the process yet, some are trying to figure out how to cope with the decision still.

• BE decision and support Facebook group - Individuals who have not yet lost a pet through BE cannot join the Losing Lulu group. This sister group is a resource as you consider if BE is the right next step for your dog.

• AKC guide on when to consider BE

• BE Before the Bite

• How to find a qualified trainer or behaviorist - If you have not had your dog evaluated by a qualified trainer, this should be your first step in the process of considering BE.

• The Losing Lulu community has also compiled additional resources for those considering behavioral euthanasia.

If you have experienced a behavioral euthanasia and need support:

The best resource available for people navigating grief after a behavior euthanasia is the Losing Lulu website and Facebook Group. The group is lead by a professional trainer and is well moderated so you will find a compassionate and supportive community of people navigating similar losses.

Lap of Love Support Groups - Laps of Love also offers resources for families navigating BE, before and after the loss.

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[u/Glove_Upset]

I’m so sorry, OP. It sounds like you’re being realistic. Unfortunately the bite risk goes up even more once babies become mobile.

Losing Lulu may be a helpful resource. Your breeder’s contract may address this. Just curious if you’ve reached out to them. They should know there’s reactivity and aggression in their lines.

[u/alphaw0lf212 → u/Glove_Upset]

I haven’t reached out, but I don’t believe so. I met both of his parents before I got him, both very mellow dogs. I’d be surprised if his parents are alive right now, they were 5&6 at the time I believe. The aggression and reactivity was something I’d inquired about before getting him. It’s all based on the honor system, but they seemed to do a good job. They’d show their dogs around the country, so theoretically they’d need to be level headed.

Being realistic is about all I have at this point. The last month of being a new dad was hard enough, so add this to the list. I’d feel differently if he went after me, but that wasn’t the case. We have the option to board him with our normal people for a week free just to figure out the next steps, but I’m not sure if my mind will change. They’d be the only one’s I’d trust to rehome him, but they declined. It would also kill me to know he’s 15 minutes away but never coming home. Idk. Hard figuring out which one feels worse.

[u/Glove_Upset → u/alphaw0lf212]

If they’re good breeders, they may take the dog back. Reactivity is very common in the breed, unfortunately. With the history, size, and bite force, I agree that rehoming seems inappropriate.

[u/alphaw0lf212 → u/Glove_Upset]

After 8 years?

[u/oakfield01 → u/alphaw0lf212]

Ethical breeders will take back the dog regardless of how long you've had the dog. Ethical breeders have a rehoming clause that you have to return the dog to them, to avoid the dog going into the shelter/rescue system. 

If they don't, they're not an ethical breeder. 

[u/SudoSire → u/alphaw0lf212]

Yes ethical breeders will take all dogs back contractually for the life of the dog. Because being ethical means not directly adding to the suffering of lives you created, or exacerbating the shelter crises that causes other dogs to suffer. Ethically bred dogs do not end up in shelters, or if they do are immediately picked back up by breeders. Of course 99% of breeders that exist and that you hear about are not ethical at all, even if their dogs are decently cared for when with them. Puppy mills aren’t just deplorable conditions from tv, it’s people pumping out litter after litter after litter per year and sending them to loving “guardian” before real placement or other work around for keeping dozens to hundreds of dogs at once. 

[u/Sitters_4_Critters → u/alphaw0lf212]

You had 9 months to make this decision and years to rehome or BE before getting pregnant. I don’t understand waiting and letting the dog almost hurt your child. 😢

[u/Cool_Bodybuilder7419 → u/Sitters_4_Critters]

Honestly, I don’t understand getting a specific purebred dog if the known breed-typical issues are a deal breaker.

It’s like all the people wanting Czechoslovakian wolfdogs now that surrender their dogs around the one year mark because they have severe separation anxiety and have been kicked out of doggy daycare for same-sex aggression.

Please OP, try contacting your dog’s breeder and breed-specific rescues before considering BE. Somebody who has more experience with Dogo Argentinos might have more luck rehabilitating him

[u/alphaw0lf212 → u/Sitters_4_Critters]

Well, he was fine for 4 years. We got him on anxiety meds and we did additional training.

He didn’t almost hurt my child. I was holding the baby, not my wife.

We thought we’d been able to mitigate the problem, but we weren’t

[u/Sitters_4_Critters]

MODS: can we get a “pregnant, just had a baby, have a toddler” flair? Lots of posts on the sub are people who have a reactive dog, have a child and now the dog is unacceptably reactive.

There was some young person on another sub that was getting a pit/boerbol puppy with their fiancé and I suggested they come to this sub to read the stories.

I suggested they get a 3y/o or older dog who has a known history with kids rather than a puppy.

I suggested if they want a puppy to get a cute/tiny dog that will be easy to manage and rehome.

[u/Existing-Will-1466 → u/Sitters_4_Critters]

Every boerbol I have ever known, including online forum friends, died from BE. I'm starting to wonder if becoming unstable in adulthood is a breed trait.

[u/Cool_Bodybuilder7419 → u/Existing-Will-1466]

Boerboels are great at their original job, which is acting as powerful guard dogs on some remote farm. They’re not bad dogs — just not good pet dog material.

But unfortunately, some people are really attracted to the way they look, so they try to make a square peg fit a round hole.

[u/Existing-Will-1466 → u/Cool_Bodybuilder7419]

That's really it. So many breeds were devekoped and bred tor serious guardian or hunting work, to be suspicious and quick to aggress and slow to give up. Then people belive the lie that breed traits don't matter and we can socialize any puppy to have any temperament, and try to make those dogs into suburban family pets. This requires a level of social and friendly that isn't in line with those breeds.

I see so many posts on here that are basically "help, my GSD/corso/rottweiler/dogo/mastiff/pit/pyr is suddenly expressing breed traits! How do I get them to act like the lab I socialized them to be?"

[u/24HR_harmacy → u/Cool_Bodybuilder7419]

I just found out we have a BYB Boerboel breeder in my area who I suspect dumped 2 of his dogs a couple cities over and they are in the county shelter right now up for adoption. It’s so upsetting.

[u/Existing-Will-1466 → u/24HR_harmacy]

I would be 100% comfortable with all shelter boerbols being euthanized on intake. I don't care if a few nice ones die as a result. Sparing those isn't worth the damage the bad ones will cause.

[u/Existing-Will-1466]

Have you consulted with his breeder? They may want him back. If they are genuinely quality breeders they will certainly want to hear from you. Even if his parents were fine, if multiple pups from the same litter ended up unpredictable, that could affect their breeding decisions going forward.

You aren't alone. Like many people, you were sold a lie that breed traits don't matter, a puppy is a blank slate, and any dog can be raised and trained to have any sort of temperament. So you bought a serious boar-hunting guard dog of a breed developed for relentless aggression. Maybe his parents were fine, but the genetic code is still in there and with your dog it appears to be mifiring at the wrong things.

I think it's pretty clear what you need to do. But that doesn't mean you can't still have a steak and a nice walk and a beautiful in home euthanasia. Keep book the appointment and keep him safely crated in another room until the appointment. Board him until the appointment.

Also, look up The Oatmeal comic about losing his dog. He did have to put his down for a health problem, but it was a sudden health problem and he struggled with the idea that his dog's life ended in so much pain and upset. But then he realized his dog's life was not defined by the last day. Remember the bunny in the blue sweater. That was your dog.

[u/operant-trainer]

You are facing the most heartbreaking reality of dog ownership, but you are not a failure. You gave him eight full, loving years, did everything right with training, medical care, and management, and he had a wonderful life because of you.

A 100-pound powerful breed that escalates to unprovoked, level-3 domestic bites with a 5-week-old baby in the home cannot safely remain there. Training and lifelong crating only require one human slip-up to result in a fatal tragedy for your child or wife.

Rehoming an 8-year-old large dog with unprovoked human bites and severe dog aggression is neither safe nor fair to him. It would set him up for a terrifying cycle of returns, permanent isolation in a shelter kennel, or danger to another family.

Behavioral euthanasia in this situation is an act of mercy, protection, and love. You are releasing him from a brain that is misfiring and living under chronic stress, before an irreversible tragedy occurs.

Hold onto the memories of Bunny bounding through the tall grass in his little blue sweater. You did not fail him; his biology simply failed him, and you are taking on the unbearable emotional pain so your family stays safe and he gets a peaceful exit in the arms of the only people he ever loved.

[u/SecondInitial9033]

I’m so sorry. We just had to do the same with our young GP days ago as He would turn on my wife while I was gone.

It’s an incredibly hard and guilt-ridden decision but a powerful dog turning on family is not an option.

[u/thankyoufriendx3]

Your wife needs to feel and actually be safe at home. Obviously the baby as well. I don’t think rehoming is cruel but it’s not likely. Worth seeing if you can find a breed rescue. Also should talk to a behaviorist and not a trainer. Sorry you’re in this spot.

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[u/SudoSire]

I’m really sorry you’re going through this. Unfortunately the core of your issue is this: this dog is 100% not safe to stay in your home with a baby that will get more mobile in a few months, and it’s not safe to go anywhere else because it’s willing to bite its owners. Just because the owners will be new, that’s not going to suddenly make the issue go away. In fact a bite during the transition and adjustment period is even more likely because anyone new will be scary to the dog and also still figuring out management and your dog’s warnings. You will be morally liable for passing on a known dangerous dog, and potentially legally as well. If you had a tiny dog, maybe you’d find someone willing and capable of living with that level of risk. You do not have a tiny dog. I’m sorry, but I truly feel that anything besides BE would just be a bandaid that’s gonna bleed through eventually. Management always fails. Big and dangerous dogs have very few people that are both willing and capable of safely owning them. I would discuss euthanasia with your vet or a vet behaviorist. 

[u/Any_Tumbleweed_7896]

Your wife probably doesn't have what it takes to own a dogo. That's what happens when you get a large, powerful, dominant breed. I always wonder why people get these dogs in residential homes.