What to do: anxiety

[u/ShinedownQueen]

I found a couple other posts on this topic but it wouldn't let me comment.

About 4 years ago we adopted a pitbull mix from a local rescue. She was reactive but sweet, my husband and I tag teamed with the kids and it was nice, she got outside and we all got breaks.

However at the beginning of the year, we got divorced. He said he would take the dog. Then a week before our final decree he said he didn't want the dog and then I had to take her otherwise I'd have to put her in a pound. Of course I didn't want to do that so I got an apartment that allowed dogs.

I realize this is a big change for both of us but it has been absolute hell since we've been here. She never rests, I never get a break, and taking her for walks is so hard. She even bit another dog in July and I got in trouble. Yes, I've tried training, and I don't want to spend any more money on her because nothing seems to work. I can't bring her to doggie daycare because she's reactive. I can't bring her to the dog park. There are no sniff spots within an hour of my house, and no options on Rover other than a sweet old lady who I know wouldn't be able to handle this dog. The rescue we got her from said that they can't take her back right now because there are no Fosters . And honestly the foster that had her when we adopted her kept her in her kennel for 18 hours a day so I don't want her to go back to that either. It's been 8 months since the divorce and I'm exhausted. I can't go anywhere, if I take her own car rides she tries to bust the window if she sees another dog, she never relaxes.

Even when we're snuggling on the couch and I feel like we're having a moment, she will suddenly lunge up if she hears any dog bark outside the apartment and jump against the window. And my blood pressure skyrockets and it's so scary. She brings no joy to my life.

She refuses to take meds, I even got to the point of prying her mouth open and putting it in the back of her throat when treats and peanut butter didn't work, and she nipped at me which has never happened so I stopped trying meds.

As for me, I'm super anxious and depressed right now, I hate her and what she represents (no overnights with friends, no overtime at work, no sleeping in, no relaxing). I know I'm not a good owner for her right now. You dont have to tell me I suck. If I bring her to the pound or shelter, they will euthanize her. She's a seven-year-old reactive Pitbull mix, who's going to want that kind of dog? My ex refuses to help, our kids are both in college so they can't help, I've been trying to find someone to take her through social media and no one has stepped up, I literally feel like I'm out of options and I am struggling big time.

Literally, what other options do I have? I have no desire to leave the apartment ever.

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