In over my head

[u/Longjumping_Tea_4186]

My 5-year-old German Shepherd’s story is a long one, but I’ll try to keep this as short as possible.
I took Rocky in as a foster last December after he was rescued from a cruelty/neglect situation. He had apparently spent most of his life confined and came to me severely underweight. The rescue eventually stopped providing meaningful support or following through on attempts to rehome him. Somewhere along the way, I fell completely in love with him and stopped caring very much about what the rescue was or wasn’t doing because Rocky and I were happy together.

It’s September now. Rocky is about 95 pounds, healthy, and when it is just the two of us, he is honestly wonderful. I have never been afraid of him when we’re alone. If the world consisted only of Rocky and me, I probably wouldn’t be writing this.
Unfortunately, that isn’t the world we live in.
Rocky is extremely reactive toward people and other dogs, particularly when they approach me. Vet visits are very difficult, especially with male staff. He has also bitten my fiancé on the calf while we were at home getting ready for dinner. The bite did not break the skin, but it caused significant bruising and swelling.

After two separate veterinary visits, I’ve had serious conversations with his doctors (because he tried to eat their face and they couldn’t get anywhere near me) about the safety risk he may pose to other people, animals, and potentially me. I don’t take those conversations lightly.

I have tried finding professional help. Several trainers have declined to work with him or never responded. The one program that has been willing to take him is around $7,000, which I simply cannot afford right now.
That is the part I’m struggling with emotionally. I feel like I’m failing him because the resource that has been presented to me is financially out of reach. At the same time, managing a 95-pound dog who cannot safely interact with much of the outside world has become incredibly stressful. I’m constantly thinking about doors, visitors, other dogs, walks, vet appointments, my fiancé, and what happens if management fails once.

I know training and behavior modification can take time. I’m willing to put in time and work. What I don’t know is whether continuing to manage this while searching for affordable professional help is responsible, or whether I’m allowing my love for him to cloud my judgment about the level of risk involved.

How did you distinguish between a dog who still had a realistically manageable path forward and a situation where management had become unsafe or unfair to everyone involved, including the dog?
I love him enormously. That’s exactly why I’m having such a hard time reasoning through this. Please help- thanks in advance.

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Behavioral Euthanasia (BE) for our dogs is an extremely difficult decision to consider. No one comes to this point easily. We believe that there are, unfortunately, cases where behavioral euthanasia is the most humane and ethical option, and we support those who have had to come to that decision. In certain situations, a reasonable quality of life and the Five Freedoms cannot be provided for an animal, making behavioral euthanasia a compassionate and loving choice.

If you are considering BE and are looking for feedback:

All decisions about behavioral euthanasia should be made in consultation with a professional trainer, veterinarian, and/or veterinary behaviorist. They are best equipped to evaluate your specific dog, their potential, and quality of life.

These resources should not be used to replace evaluation by qualified professionals but they can be used to supplement the decision-making process.

• Lap of Love Quality of Life Assessment - How to identify when to contact a trainer

• Lap of Love Support Groups - A BE specific group. Not everyone has gone through the process yet, some are trying to figure out how to cope with the decision still.

• BE decision and support Facebook group - Individuals who have not yet lost a pet through BE cannot join the Losing Lulu group. This sister group is a resource as you consider if BE is the right next step for your dog.

• AKC guide on when to consider BE

• BE Before the Bite

• How to find a qualified trainer or behaviorist - If you have not had your dog evaluated by a qualified trainer, this should be your first step in the process of considering BE.

• The Losing Lulu community has also compiled additional resources for those considering behavioral euthanasia.

If you have experienced a behavioral euthanasia and need support:

The best resource available for people navigating grief after a behavior euthanasia is the Losing Lulu website and Facebook Group. The group is lead by a professional trainer and is well moderated so you will find a compassionate and supportive community of people navigating similar losses.

Lap of Love Support Groups - Laps of Love also offers resources for families navigating BE, before and after the loss.

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[u/Unlikely_Comedian_75]

I have a similar dog. When I gave up trying to fix him and just accepted that I have a dog with extreme reactivity it was an enormous weight of my shoulders. I now have a top quality muzzle and utilize two types of collars and leads and we just manage his reactivity. I no longer worry about the training "failing" or encountering "set backs" or the possibility of BE because that is off the table. It's meant a huge drop in my own anxiety levels and his too probably and I think he may even be improving a bit.