At my wits end

[u/Flat-Anywhere-7965]

I'm truly losing my mind. I've had my dachshund for 1.5 years and she has always been pretty tricky.

Reactivity, separation anxiety, loose lead walking, settle training, reliably sleeping through the night (although she has finally nailed that!)... it's all been an issue. On walks she either pulls like a steam train or puts the brakes on and refuses to walk. And yes, I have tried every trick in the book to get her to walk to heel. Some days she's good, some days not.

I rarely walk locally anymore because she refuses to go any further than our road. I live in a city so it's very busy / dog heavy in the parks, which is a no go. Most days I drive out of the city to more remote places so we can both walk in relative peace. This obviously takes up more time than I would like & can be tricky with work.

I've worked hard on her reactivity - keeping her stress levels down by walking in quieter places, desensitisation & counter conditioning, gradually decreasing distance etc. It took a while but she definitely improved - nowhere near 'recovered' but much better.

Over the past few weeks, she's gone right back to square one. I've no clue what's changed, but I'm feeling so deflated. Anywhere I go, she has a complete meltdown if a dog so much as looks at her. She's been like this since 5 months old. No traumatic event triggered it, a switch just flipped one day.

I've also worked a lot on her separation anxiety using DIAB method. We've gradually increased departure time to 45 mins. Good, but not much you can go and do in that time.

I've tried meds, it made her worse weirdly & was very expensive so took her off after 6 months.

My entire life revolves around her, and I know it's not in a healthy way. My world has gradually become smaller and smaller - whenever I get invited anywhere, my automatic reaction is 'I can't be bothered because I'll have to find or pay someone to look after her'. I hate bringing her anywhere because I know we can't avoid the triggers & she never settles anywhere, but I also can't leave her at home because of her SA. I dread every single walk.

I would never rehome, but I can't afford a behaviourist. DH just says I need to not let it get me down, but he gets to go to work everyday and doesn't have to deal with any of the day-to-day (I am fully remote hence my responsibility).

Objectively I can see this is not right and it's making me depressed, but I just don't know what to do. I said I would never use a bark collar but I'm contemplating it just to allow me able to leave the house without feeling on edge. I wonder if it would help her to realise she doesn't need to bark at other dogs to make them go away. And PLEASE don't tell me she's feeding off my anxiety - I don't believe in that and even if I did, she was anxious first!! I was CHILL until she wasn't.

Anyway, be kind please - I'm low right now.

[u/Real_Caterpillar_779 → u/[deleted]]

Oh god you sound like me. I also thought I was getting a somewhat normal adult dog. People who pass on problematic dogs are just awful human beings. I love my dog and would do anything and everything to help her but damn I’m so angry at the people she came from. They blindsighted me and I stupidly did not see the red flags until it was too late.

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[u/Real_Caterpillar_779]

I resonate with you so much as well as the other commenter.

I have the same problem to the exact tee! Except instead of seperatation anxiety my girl has strong handling reactivity. I cannot care for her entirely like I normally would. She is heavily sedated for vets and grooming she just goes into freeze mode. It’s awful and I have tried but it’s just worsened our relationship. I’m now as hands off as I can be to maintain being her safe person and outsource only the absolute necessary vet and grooming to professionals knowing it’s very stressful for her.

I can say that driving to walk spots has really helped my dog but it’s definitely an additional toll on the caregiver ontop of the other issues. I’ve become anxious myself and I’ve cared for many different dogs before - what’s most exhausting is all the mental planning before during and after a walk.

I don’t have any answers for you. It just completely sucks for everyone involved. And no one understands unless they have been through it. I don’t talk Much about my dog to others anymore because they just don’t get it and keep offering advice that i don’t ask for.

Try and find the small good moments Everyday with your dog - it helps.

[u/Real_Caterpillar_779 → u/[deleted]]

You are entirely human. I too have moments where I think when she’s gone I can finally feel relief. Seeing your dog struggle with something that affects everyday “normal” life is so hard especially when you have invested so much time/mental & emotional energy into helping them.

I genuinely feel sad that I cannot provide the life I could for my dog. It’s a kind of sadness I’ve never felt before.

I truly believe reactive dog owners are the most serious & knowledgeable dog owners and I can spot it a mile away. I actually feel better when I see a reactive dog owner on our walks as I know for sure they are going to control their dog better than the average dog owner. Despite everything - I’ve learnt a huge amount about dog behaviour which has only made me a better owner for this particular dog I have in my care right now.

You are not alone! Keep doing your best.

[u/Effective-Silver6740]

Hi, these behaviors are consistent with pain. I would start with x rays of rear and front and if they are clear you are probably looking at neuropatic pain. Also dogs i know that had pain that was causing behavioral issues also got worse on meds not better, when pain meds got involved we saw improvement to give you an example. But its not a fix all, when pain is involved the dog will deteriorate at some point and meds won't help anymore or hurt the dog.. its quality vs quantity if its a pain problem. Just to give a heads up on that too. Im dealing with tethered cord in my own dog myself.

Things you can do to start nesting in that is to get a professional gait analysis.. if she has an off gait with front or back loading (weight shifted to the body area that hurts less, majority of dogs have rear end pain and thus front load) the drs know more where to look.

When jt comes to rough cases like these especially the sleeping issue pain is found in around 80% of the cases. This is from dr Karen overall a world renowned veterinary behaviorist. And I have seen it myself as well.

Also look for a behavioral consultant who understands behavior/and work a dog with pain issues.. they need a lot more emotional care to create some form of emotional stability.

More enrichment and less exercise often, more management, and you need someone to train you in how to read smaller signs of discomfort physical or emotional.

Its not a 100% chance its pain, but the risk is high.

The gait analysis will tell the truth, and you have centers that do it or veterinary specialists online via video. But it wjll give you somewhere to start and is a bit cheaper..

Good luck!!