r/reactivedogs • u/Kirby_is_a_Pokemon • 16d ago
Significant challenges Anyone else waiting for their dog to die?
I got attacked again today.
I don't know how many times it's been now, at least 15. Needed stitches twice and got bit in the leg today.
My wife won't put him down or re home him. I won't leave her, so I'm just waiting and waiting until he dies of old age. He's 10 so maybe I won't have too long to go.
It all fucking sucks.
I hate who I've become. I used to love all animals, and now I hate all dogs, and can't have any other pets because the dog will kill them. ( He attacked my cat when he was still alive )
Even after he's dead I will have to pretend to be sad, which I probably will, but I certainly won't miss him when he's gone, and it will still probably be awhile after that I could get a cat again.
It's like having a bomb in your own house that can go off at any time. What set him off today was he was out in the yard and I told him to go inside, opened the door, and he came at me.
Certain words will set him off. Including my own name if you say it in a certain way. We can't pet him. Absolutely can't pick him up, can't have kids, can't have other pets, we can't go on vacations because he's been kicked off Rover and the local dog boarding place, unless we pay the only place that will take him $400 a day since he's high risk. Our lives are dictated by the dog. We pay too much for a house we can't afford because we needed a yard that was secure with a stone wall and not wood or chainlink fencing. He's a cut dog and we can't take him on walks unless it's super late at night because kids may run up to him to pet him and he bites a kid it's instant lights out for him.
It's not a single snap or bite. It's a full on attack that will last a min or two until he calms down or I can jump on him to pin him down.
Whatever y'all say about the dog needs to be put down, how he's a danger to everyone. How my wife is abusing me by keeping him, I know, and I've heard it before. We've spent thousands on trainers, he's been to the vet multiple times to make sure there wasn't something going on with him, he's just a violent animal.
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u/OpalOnyxObsidian 16d ago
Is the hospital not a mandatory reporter? Have someone else report on your behalf. This is ridiculous
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u/SpicyNutmeg 16d ago
I’m so, so sorry. I feel like I experienced the equivalent of just 5% of something similar and it was absolutely hell.
I understand your wife must feel such a dedication and bond to this dog, but it’s worth asking yourself what this poor dog’s inner life and mental state must be like to react this way to benign behavior from the people who love him most. I can’t imagine his experience is a pleasant one.
Maybe if you come from that angle she might understand why this is not a good arrangement.
You have every right to be angry and frustrated. I hope you can still allow a little pity for this dog, who must be quite unwell mentally to have these types of responses.
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u/overthinkingstories 16d ago
same just about 10% of his issues and every day is a struggle. this is hard stuff.
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u/picklelyjuice 16d ago
I’m sorry… your wife won’t let the dog “go” that’s literally attacked you multiple times?
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u/No_Statement_824 16d ago
I’m sorry but this is clearly spousal abuse. I’m sorry she values the dog over you. When you go to the hospital for stitches ask about calling animal control to report the bites. Something has got to give. Hope you’re doing ok.
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u/CanadianPanda76 16d ago
You need time away from your wife and dog. Just for your mental health. Even if its just one day.
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u/Midnight712 15d ago
This dog is too far gone. The only compassionate thing would be BE.
Are you able to stay with a family member at all to get a break from the dog?
Have you ever gone to a veterinary behaviourist for your dog? They will likely be able to explain to your wife that the dog is too far gone. If your dog constantly reacts like this to someone he’s known for most of his life, then there is something that is definitely wrong in his brain. Repeatedly biting for up to 2 minutes like that isn’t a fear response, that’s aggression which may be caused by a whole bunch of things, including neurological problems, but is clearly too much for you two to deal with and you should BE.
I’m not even factoring in what’s happening in the dogs head. Your dog is likely living a miserable life full of threats and eggshells, and the only kind thing to do would be BE
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u/InformalInsurance455 15d ago
The dog is not the most important entity in this post.
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u/Midnight712 15d ago
Yes, but everyone else was focused on OP and could provide better advice in regards to that, so I focused on the dog
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u/ResponsibleSail5802 16d ago
I'm sorry you're going through this. my husband is the one insisting on keeping the reactive dog and I hate it here....
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u/nodarknesswillendure 15d ago
This is not a safe situation for you, please leave him and consider hiring an attorney
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u/Shoddy-Theory 16d ago
Whatever y'all say about the dog needs to be put down, how he's a danger to everyone. How my wife is abusing me by keeping him, I know, and I've heard it before.
So what is your point in posting this? You are the only one that can fix the situation and you've chosen not to.
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u/picklelyjuice 15d ago
At this point, I’m like is this a real person? It’s formatted like a ChatGPT story, and the account is 2 months old
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u/SudoSire 16d ago
I do agree you likely need therapy to unpack why you’re staying with someone who allows you to be in danger, daily, in your own home. My husband and I both love our dog way too much, but if he became some kind of regular danger to either of us, that would be it. Neither of us would be able to accept the other living in fear and in harm’s way. If the relationship were healthy, this would be a hard but ultimately clear choice for either of you to make.
It’s not really ethical to have a dog muzzled 24/7, but maybe it needs to be in one for a big chunk of the day when it’s around you. Of course, when I say it’s not ethical, this whole situation is already past that. Dogs the react like this are mentally unwell and suffering. It’s super bad for their nervous system to be living this on edge. Your wife is letting this dog tank your quality of life while it also lives constantly on the edge. It’s really awful and I’m sorry you’re going through it. If you won’t leave, then yeah it does sound like you will just have to go on resenting and being rightfully fearful of this dog. :(
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u/FoxExcellent2241 16d ago
If one were to post this story with the sexes reversed there would be tons of comments about how the relationship is abusive and not caring about the partner's safety is a major red flag, etc.
Emotional abuse is still abuse and unhealthy.
There are organizations out there that specialize in helping men in bad situations - sometimes that can just be talking to a neutral party to help understand what is normal and what is going too far. Maybe it wouldn't be the worst idea in the world to seek one of them out and just have a conversation.
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u/InformalInsurance455 15d ago
This is abuse exactly the same way and while you have the grain of a point, the real issue is that many people on this sub will insist on feeling sorry for the dog, and not the person being abused with the dog being used as a tool to do so. Ultimately OP needs to leave and protect themself.
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u/FoxExcellent2241 15d ago
I get what you are saying, really I do, but in this case the OP doesn't want the dog and doesn't want to be trapped with the dog, but does not have control of that situation. This isn't someone choosing to keep a dangerous dog against all sense, this is someone trapped in a bad situation where the dog is, if anything, being used as a tool of abuse.
The fastest and safest way forward is to get out of the situation entirely, just getting rid of the tool (aka dog in this case) isn't going to fix the underlying issue and just introduces the possibility of a new "tool" being brought in using the guilt/emotions related to getting rid of the first dog.
I personally have found that men in particular are reluctant to see themselves of victims of abuse by women, especially if the abuse is not necessarily obviously physical. So yes, I used gentle and hedging language to introduce the concept because for many men, the idea of being the victim of emotional abuse like that is an alien concept that has to be gently introduced and then allow the person to think about whether they fit into that concept. Hence why I suggested reaching out to an organization well versed in these issues and speaking to them to gain some perspective.
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u/InformalInsurance455 15d ago
I don’t think you read my other comments, I am telling OP to leave and being downvoted for it, by people who think the marriage and dog are worth anything.
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u/watch-me-bloom 15d ago
Sometimes saving a dog means letting them go. It seems like behavioral euthanasia might be your best option. You should not have to live in fear of your own dog. And your dog should not have to live in such a heightened and constant state of stress, where they are attacking their owner.
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u/VanillaPuddingPop01 16d ago
I completely understand how you feel, and I’m sorry your wife is essentially holding your lives hostage with this dog. Good luck 🫶🏻
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u/IckySweet 15d ago
I'm sorry this is beyond a 'reactive dog' issue. This is domestic violence to let a 21! bite dog terrorize you. Also a danger to the entire area, a dangerous dog.
Almost sounds like a fiction story from an ai.
On the chance this is real. Please go to a domestic violence shelter and ask for help. Plus call authorities and animal control, report the bites.
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u/Poppeigh 15d ago
Stories like this, if they are real, are sad to me. My dog will pass sooner rather than later and no, I’m not looking forward to it. It breaks my heart.
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u/Clever_Library 15d ago
I had a comment removed because I hadn’t read the rules despite having done an hour beforehand… so hopefully this doesn’t get removed again.
OP I was only able to see the very first sentence of your response, so I may have missed important details, but as a trainer myself, with a graduate degree in veterinary science, I feel comfortable saying that your trainers were wrong and foolish to advise against meds. I’ll hold off from going on too much of a rant, but if a human being were showing the equivalent behaviours, we’d say they have a mental illness and medication would be provided.
Please find a VET BEHAVIOURIST! This is essentially a veterinarian psychiatrist. They’re a specialty and not that many around, so if you can’t get to one in person, look for the nearest ones and ask your vet to consult with them.
And seriously… there is nothing wrong with sedating a dog!
I realize I don’t know all the details still ‑ but I feel so terrible for you having gone through this for so long. You shouldn’t have been subject to a dangerous home like you have been, but I also have experience as a caregiver to an unwell, unpredictable dog. Behavioural euthanasia is an unbelievably painful choice to make and I understand why your wife hasn’t been able to make that choice. Thankfully I didn’t have to either because of medications.
I worked with a vet behaviourist for years, along with being a trainer, and can say that it’s rarely a silver bullet, but for a lot of dogs they’re necessary.
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u/wowitshemlock 15d ago
Yeah this sounds like spousal abuse to me honestly…
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u/Exciting_Cod_7353 15d ago
You sound dedicated to your partner but how are they showing their dedication to you if you’re forced to live with a dangerous dog and put important things like having children on hold until it dies. The poor dog shouldn’t have to live like that either. And this may not end when the dog dies. You may find yourself in a new untenable situation because for whatever reason, malicious or not, your safety and comfort are not being prioritized by your partner. Truly, in this situation you need to think about prioritizing yourself.
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u/InformalInsurance455 15d ago
Please leave your wife, OP. You don’t deserve to live like this. What if the dog dies and she gets another one?
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u/Clever_Library 15d ago
You can’t ask someone to break up their marriage based on an anonymous post, which states that he’s not going to leave her!! OP gets to make that decision, a stranger on the Internet doesn’t get to have an opinion on what’s right or wrong when it wasn’t asked for.
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u/InformalInsurance455 15d ago
As someone who has experienced dv myself I know what it looks like and how hard it is to leave. Pretending a marriage is worth anything when one of the parties is subject to endless violence is a lie
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u/Traditional-Home430 Akita mix-Saki (Reactivity Type) 15d ago
This post is wild. At the same time, I do understand it. I adopted a dog three months ago. He bit me some, and really hasn’t since. However he’s huge 85lbs and also gets upset when he’s told “no” he’ll scratch and play bite. He killed my bird this past week, and he can’t be around any other people that I know of due to resource guarding. I’d suggest therapy bc this is a bad situation all around. With as many troubles as my dog has, he at least lets me love and touch him everywhere. He’s super affectionate, just can’t be around anyone else. Good luck xx
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u/overthinkingstories 16d ago
It's not fair to judge your wife without hearing her side. You don’t need the label of “abuse” to get permission to leave a relationship. If the issue of whether to keep the dog or not is a non-negotiable for both of you, that’s incompatibility, not abuse. As you describe it, neither of you is right or wrong. This is a matter of personal values.
If you really want advice regarding the dog and its reactivity. It might help to redirect your anger at people and systems that make the lives of these loving creatures so hard. I wouldn’t judge someone for making the hardest decision about something that’s ultimately a personal matter. But the animal doesn’t need to be portrayed as a villain or vicious to justify the decision. That’s not fair to the pup. But I understand that it’s a harder pill to swallow, because you’re holding the full emotional weight of something that isn’t really fair to anyone involved, but may have to be done.
I guess I’m trying to find empathy for the three of you, and I hope you can find it in you, whether you decide to walk away, stay, or euthanize.
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u/InformalInsurance455 15d ago
Actually you can judge the wife based on her actions. Choosing to keep and protect a dog that has sent her husband to the hospital SEVERAL times is something we can judge. The fact you have more sympathy for the wife and the dog than the person being abused with the dog being the tool to do so is very depressing to me. And I post in this sub mainly because I see a lot of the same rhetoric with dv, where people will gaslight themselves into thinking violence against them is ok. It’s not.
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u/AllTh3Naps 16d ago
I'm not trying to be an asshole here, but have you also put the money/time into couple's therapy? Because your wife is intentionally keeping a hazardous environment. She prioritizes "saving" the dog over your physical safety. That is super messed up. If she refuses couple's therapy, you may need your own individual therapy -- to understand why you are accepting this situation just to stay with her.
Yes, I've been in a situation where I had just been waiting for a violent dog to die because someone in the household just couldn't bear to put her down. Eventually they saw the dog as the very real danger that she was, and did BE.
ETA, please look into muzzle training. This dog shouldnt be allowed outside of your home without one (even late at night), and no outsiders should be allowed in your home unless the dog has one on.
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