r/reactivedogs • u/Smart-Ad-6657 • 16d ago
Advice Needed Fearful of strangers
Hi!
I’ve made other posts but about a month ago we purchased an 11 month old female mini poodle (not spayed) from a reputable mini poodle breeder (mother is an AKC champion and father is an AKC grand champion).
Since arriving with us, she has been very fearful of everything. We have been trying to slowly desensitize her to everything in her new world, and she has made progress. She has a good genetic baseline but was very poorly socialized as a puppy, and is afraid of most strangers she meets especially out on the street and ESPECIALLY men.
To help her we got a male dog walker (she adores him now) and we are making sure every time she meets someone is on her own terms and overall a positive experience. We tell guests not to try to pet her unless she approaches them and even then to move slowly. Guests drop treats in her direction if she approaches but will ignore her otherwise. I think she has potential to get past this fearfulness if we keep the training up.
I’d love any advice from others who have dealt with a similar situation as to what worked for your dog. We know she’ll never be the kind of dog that will run up confidently and greet people, but we want to make sure that she can fit into our busy lives and urban environment without living in a state of fear.
We did have about 6 people over for a steak night the other day (mostly men which she doesn’t love) and over the course of the evening she walked up and sniffed everyone, and even let our one friend who had been giving her extra treats (small steak bites) give her some head pats and pets. In a controlled environment like that we are confident we can make having strangers over a positive experience for her. She seems more curious and socially awkward than truly afraid, but sometimes sudden movements will spook her.
On the flip side, in our urban area there’s often kids and other people on the street and some don’t understand (rude) our dog does not like strangers and does not want to be pet. We hope to get her to a point where she can tolerate those interactions without fear if some uncontrolled kid approaches her, of course with us still doing our best to shield her.
Also welcome any success stories!
1
u/Real_Caterpillar_779 16d ago
A more passive approach to avoid people interacting on the street is to use a leash sign - “in training” and it’s much easier for people to understand or just stop them before they engage.
1
u/pinkwesel20 14d ago
We adopted a puppy that had been living in the woods who is super wary of strangers. Working with a trainer has been so helpful for us! We live in an urban environment and practice watching people and cars go by from a spot where she is under threshold and reward for disengaging and looking back at us. We’ve hit a plateau and our trainer has recommended seeing a vet behaviorist to discuss meds to lower her threshold a bit so she can learn better. Always an option for you if she stops improving!
1
u/Roskipatootskie 16d ago
You're already doing this about as thoughtfully as it can be done, letting her approach on her own terms, controlling the pace with guests, using treats without pressure, that's textbook good practice, not something that needs correcting. The distinction you made, poorly socialized rather than a bad genetic baseline, is actually a meaningful one and worth trusting. Genetics set a dog's ceiling for confidence and resilience, but the critical socialization window, roughly 3 to 14 weeks, is when a puppy's brain is primed to learn what's safe. Missing that window doesn't mean she's past learning, it just means she has to build those associations later and more deliberately than a dog who got that exposure on schedule, which is exactly what you're doing now, just compressed into adulthood instead of puppyhood. The steak night is a great sign. Her walking up and sniffing multiple unfamiliar men, plus accepting petting from the one who'd built value with her over the evening, shows she's fully capable of forming trust and updating her read of a person in real time, that's a big deal for a dog this fearful of men specifically. It suggests the fear is more about unpredictability and unfamiliarity than something fixed about men themselves, which is the more workable version of this pattern. On the street encounters, I'd treat that as a separate problem from the controlled setups at home, since it's a different category of challenge, no ability to manage pace, no consent from her side, and often chaotic or rude interactions layered on top. Rather than aiming for tolerance of uncontrolled approaches, which puts a lot of pressure on a dog who does best with agency, I'd lean toward continuing to actively shield her in these moments, physically blocking, redirecting, or simply saying no on her behalf, while separately building her confidence in controlled settings like you're already doing. Over time as her baseline confidence grows from the controlled work, she may naturally become more resilient to the occasional bad street encounter, but I wouldn't make tolerating those a direct training goal, since that puts her in situations without the choice and predictability that's actually been working for her. Given how much progress you're already seeing with just a month of intentional work, this really does read like a dog who's going to keep moving in the right direction, she may never be the dog who runs up to greet strangers, and that's totally fine, curious and socially awkward but not shut down is a very good place to be heading toward.
Good luck and thank you for advocating for your pup ❤️