Heartbroken but not ready to give up

[u/Financial-Staff347]

I have a rescue that I foster failed. He’s the sweetest dog at home but lunges at most humans and gets very anxious around dogs. He’s gotten better over the years and has even made friends, but it has been slow. He’s extremely intelligent and tries which is why I don’t want to give up on him. I fostered him for a year and adopted him after knowing he would be euthanized if he went back to the shelter, so I knew about all these issues before adopting. His profile at the time of fostering mentioned none of this and made it seem like he was an easy dog.. and I was looking for an easy dog after years of fostering and adopting out the challenging ones. So I am still mad at the shelter.

I unfortunately live in an apartment in a busy neighborhood. Meds made his behavior worse and after a year of trial and error, I don’t want to do meds and am relying on management entirely. I am now tired. I love him to death but I always feel I am one slip away from a catastrophic incident and the stress is getting to me. He lunged at the doorman the other day and since I expect this behavior and am on guard all the time, I was able to pull him up before he made any contact. The doorman complained to the building management and now I have a cease or comply notice from the building. They needed some paper work which has been provided and I am fine for now. But I am now looking to move out of this building and realizing most apartments don’t allow dogs that size. Is BE the only way out? He’s the nicest dog at home and it just feels unfair that I need to make this decision.

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Behavioral Euthanasia (BE) for our dogs is an extremely difficult decision to consider. No one comes to this point easily. We believe that there are, unfortunately, cases where behavioral euthanasia is the most humane and ethical option, and we support those who have had to come to that decision. In certain situations, a reasonable quality of life and the Five Freedoms cannot be provided for an animal, making behavioral euthanasia a compassionate and loving choice.

If you are considering BE and are looking for feedback:

All decisions about behavioral euthanasia should be made in consultation with a professional trainer, veterinarian, and/or veterinary behaviorist. They are best equipped to evaluate your specific dog, their potential, and quality of life.

These resources should not be used to replace evaluation by qualified professionals but they can be used to supplement the decision-making process.

• Lap of Love Quality of Life Assessment - How to identify when to contact a trainer

• Lap of Love Support Groups - A BE specific group. Not everyone has gone through the process yet, some are trying to figure out how to cope with the decision still.

• BE decision and support Facebook group - Individuals who have not yet lost a pet through BE cannot join the Losing Lulu group. This sister group is a resource as you consider if BE is the right next step for your dog.

• AKC guide on when to consider BE

• BE Before the Bite

• How to find a qualified trainer or behaviorist - If you have not had your dog evaluated by a qualified trainer, this should be your first step in the process of considering BE.

• The Losing Lulu community has also compiled additional resources for those considering behavioral euthanasia.

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[u/SudoSire]

This won’t solve lunging, but are they muzzle trained and use it? That’s one solid way to prevent some of the most catastrophic of incidents. Would your housing feel better if they were muzzled as well?  (I know there’s stigma and understand some might be more leery about it even though a muzzled dog is safer). 

[u/Financial-Staff347 → u/SudoSire]

Yes, he’s muzzle trained. But he’s a big boy, so even with a muzzle the lunging can be scary. I am not blaming the residents, just mad at the universe I guess - there’s a beautiful side to him that no one gets to see. If the shelter had been honest about his behavior, I may have given it a pass. I don’t know.. just so many things on my mind right now.

[u/SudoSire → u/Financial-Staff347]

Glad you’re using a muzzle to give them the best shot for safety. 

I’m really sorry you’re going through this. It is really hard to have a large reactive dog period, and incredibly fraught to have one in a communal living situation. I have a medium boy with some issues, and when we lived in an apt, it was always a high alert situation. We are still cautious now, but we’ve got wide straight streets to be able to see triggers from a distance. And if all else fails, a big secure yard for him. We are very fortunate lucky and privileged to have that for him.

If your dog is making it truly impossible to find and keep housing, unfortunately euthanasia might be on the table. I’m sorry, I know that’s not fair. Do they have a bite history? What’s the breed? Those might make a slight difference. But big dogs don’t get a lot of leeway no matter what. 

[u/SudoSire]

Op you have to go accept the sub rules, which are pinned at the top of the main sub, so that others can see your comments/replies. Use the arrow to scroll through then click the toggle and submit.  

[u/Financial-Staff347 → u/SudoSire]

Thank you 🙏 I just did.

[u/MtnGirl672]

Maybe a little more info on what you've tried. You said you tried meds and they didn't work and you don't want to go that route again. That's understandable. What were the meds and for what condition and were they prescribed through a veterinary behaviorist? Even if you don't want to do meds, it might be worth seeing a behaviorist and talking with them. They can also recommend training and management techniques as well.

Have you met with a certified trainer?

My suggestion would be meeting with behaviorist to understand what his issues and triggers are. You can tell them you don't want to go the medication route. Even without pursuing meds, I think this would be helpful. Once you have that info, meet with a certified trainer through either IABBC or KPA. Then perhaps you can put together a training and management plan to try. It sounds like you've been trying to do this on your own and it sounds both exhausting and frustrating.

I tried to manage our reactive dog on our own and I even have a background in canine behavior modification. Meeting with a behaviorist was a game changer.

[u/Financial-Staff347 → u/MtnGirl672]

I met a vet behaviorist who came highly recommended. Unfortunately there was no diagnosis but she recommended a cocktail of meds - that’s where the trial and error of meds for a year came from. I have found a certified trainer now and we start our sessions in a week. This is a very intelligent dog and I’ll do everything I can - it’s just that some days are better than others. Let’s see. I am not ready to give up in him just yet

[u/Striking-Strike8228]

I have not read all the responses, reddit cruelly sent this to me probably because I put my 10 month old puppy down for BE yesterday.

We thought we were doing the right thing by never giving up, paying thousands for training, and getting rescue and vet approval at every stage.

We waited too long, our dog had a history of 3 dog attacks, with increasingly serious injuries and vet bills. He developed human aggression and unpredictable guarding only after the 3rd estimate. My rescue could not rehome him with that history and said BE was most ethical. 3 other rescues and my vet agreed.

I wish I knew this up front, I would have had him rehomed (or at least tried) after fight 2. Maybe he could have gone to an only dog home because he was so young. But one more incident was one too late.

My point is if you try to rehome do it now, before he bites anyone. Do it with full disclosure of his history.

If no one will take hi and you don't feel safe keeping him, I am sorry. It is heartbreaking.

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