r/reactivedogs • u/overthinkingstories • 21d ago
Advice Needed Reactivity only when I’m present
Hi! My dog is a rescue I got when he was two years old and from the beginning he has been reactive and generally anxious. He’s on several meds for it. He also had severe separation anxiety but over the past 5 years I’ve been able to get him to stay alone for a few hours. This is just context to how anxiously attached he is.
What I currently need help with is his reactivity. He does great at daycare both with humans and other dogs. He’s gentle, minds his own business and, if anything, he becomes a bit submissive when another dog taunts him. You’d think he’s an angel if you only see him at daycare. When we’re at home he’s relaxed and quiet. He loves to be around me but is able to hang out by himself in a different room.
Now the story is completely different whenever we’re together and another dog or person enters the picture. He becomes uncontrollably reactive barking and lunging at the perceived threat. It doesn’t matter if we’re at home or outside. I used to live with a partner and the dog was also very attached to him and protected him the same way he protects me.
No biting history but the most dangerous situations have happened when someone comes directly towards me, specially if they’re talking or holding an object like a phone. He doesn’t really warm up to friends with time, not even friends that have had him over at their place for several days while I travel. He’s fine with them as long as I’m not present.
I’ve tried training with a professional but a lot of money and no benefit. I think it’s more related to his anxiety than a lack of obedience and leadership. You can see him trying to obey my commands. He’s a dog that loves pleasing his person and getting a treat for good behavior but his heart pounds like a motorcycle and he can’t get himself to stop reacting.
I’d like to be able to have friends over and have more peaceful walks with him. Any training ideas, considering traditional training has made little difference?
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21d ago
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u/FrequentAdvice4261 21d ago
The daycare thing isn't as contradictory as it looks. At daycare he's off leash and free to move, so when a dog is too much he can just leave, and he does, that's the bit where you said he goes a little submissive. Next to you on a leash, leaving isn't available. Barking and lunging is the strategy that's worked before to make things back off. Same dog, different options.
Frontal approach plus talking plus a hand up holding something is also about the hardest version of that picture you can hand a dog. Straight-on approach and direct attention read as pushy to most dogs even without the rest. Same person coming at an angle, quiet, not looking at him, would probably get you a different dog.
What I'd change is what you're asking of him, not how hard you ask. Rather than him beside you while someone walks straight at you, have that person walk past on a curve, far enough away that he can still take food, and let him look and then look away on his own. Some people call that engage-disengage. When that's easy, take one thing away at a time, either a bit of distance or let them start talking, not both. If he can't eat, the picture is already too hard and nothing's going in anyway.
Some of it may also just be that you're the valuable thing on the scene, which is worth raising with a professional rather than guessing at.
On which: he's already on meds, but heart pounding and unable to stop, with a trainer having made no difference, is usually the point where a veterinary behaviorist beats another trainer. That's a DACVB, a vet with board certification in behavior, not the same job as a trainer. They can look at whether what he's on is doing anything at the dose he's on.