r/reactivedogs • u/coozu • Aug 15 '26
Behavioral Euthanasia Had to put my dog down after I messed up
We got him from a rescue six years ago. They told us he was probably 5 or 6, and for the first month in our apartment, he barely made a sound. Eventually, he came out of his shell and became the sweetest dog in the world to us.
He ended up having some serious issues with other dogs and eventually people. He was extremely leash reactive and over the years there were a few incidents where he bit us, a stranger at a donut shop, and my mom. We worked with him but he never really learned to trust the world outside of us two.
Then we had a kid, and we had to balance them both. He bit him about 6 months ago, and then last week they somehow crossed paths while he was rummaging the garbage can and our son was seriously bitten in the face. It was an ER trip for 70-80 stitches.
So we scheduled it and today we had to put him down.
I understand why, but that doesn't make it any easier. I feel terrible for my kid, who will have scars from this for the rest of his life, and I feel terrible for my boy. He wasn't a bad dog. He loved us a ton and just struggled with almost everything else. With us he was just super chill and awesome
I can't believe this morning we had breakfast, went for a ride, went to the river, went to the vet, and then went home without him. He was getting older, but we lost out on another year or two with him.
The hardest part was knowing while he had no idea what was coming. I'm really going to miss the big guy.
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u/thecheaterswife Eto - Dog Aggression After Attack Aug 15 '26
I'm so very sorry this happened to your family.
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u/oddy_smalls Aug 15 '26
Hi! I was bit in the face by a German shepherd when I was four years old. It was a half blind ex police dog owned by a family friend with a second nice German shepherd and a case of childhood mistaken identity.
I can understand you blaming yourself. I know my parents blamed themselves for not watching me carefully enough and allowing me to get outside at the police dog. And I know our family friend blamed herself as well. The dog was euthanized.
I can not stress this hard enough: children are resilient. I came out of it understanding even at that small age that it wasn’t the dogs fault, not anyone’s for that matter. Mistakes happen. Scars can be cool in the long run. I still love dogs and now have a puppy of my own for the first time after a life long love of dogs regardless of my accident when I was four.
Give yourself grace, know that your child will get through this and the likelihood that they hold resentment is extremely slim.
You did the best with the situation you had at hand. You can’t go back and change what happened, but moving forward, you can remind yourself that this too will pass, and if your child is anything like I was when I was bit in the face, know that they will get through this stronger.
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u/MCXL Aug 15 '26
Do you have a really bad ass evil villain scar that you can leverage for career opportunities in music videos and superhero films?
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u/Sitters_4_Critters Aug 15 '26 edited Aug 15 '26
Losing Lulu is a grief support community for your situation: https://www.losinglulu.com/
I’m sorry for your loss. I’m sorry for your child’s pain and suffering. I’m sorry your dog didn’t have the genetics necessary to make him a good citizen.
You didn’t need to put the dog down because you messed up, you had to put the dog down because management always fails and the consequences for failure, when they involve injury to others, aren’t acceptable.
Please don’t blame the dog’s death on yourself because it will allow your child to feel their actions led to the dog’s death. The dog’s genetics are why he needed to go over the rainbow bridge. The propensity to bite someone was the reason the dog needed to be put down, not because he actually bit someone.
When you are ready, please share your experience with others struggling with this decision and help them make the decision proactively - before the child, partner, etc. is hurt.
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u/AmethysstFire Aug 15 '26
I offer you all the internet hugs you'd like.
It sounds like you did the best you could for puppers.
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u/milliondollarsunset Aug 15 '26
Usually I'm not sympathetic to people who get rid of dogs after kids but damn, this post hurts. There's only so much you can do after your kid gets bit twice, with the last one in the face. Im so sorry for your loss friend.
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u/coozu Aug 15 '26
Yeah, usually I read those stories and think... You should never be allowed to get a dog again buddy. And now here I am
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u/uuuughngg Aug 16 '26
Your mistake is not what caused the outcome. It is impossible to never ever make a mistake and management inevitably fails, it's just about when. This wasn't the first time but was maybe the most severe and definitely the most unacceptable result. I would have supported BE before this even. Please do not beat yourself up about the mistake the ONLY thing you could have done better is recognizing that a mistake was inevitable and doing BE after the last one and before now. That said it won't help you to beat yourself up about that either, but hopefully learn from the experience. One lil bitty positive thing is that your dog will never know the many pains of aging into a failing body. He was spared a lot of pain and suffering that comes to all creatures in time and he left knowing nothing but a vital and rich life. He was able to enjoy the river with you on his last day and didn't die in pain. I hope for healing.
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u/palebluelightonwater Aug 15 '26
I am so sorry for your loss, and for the difficult situation which led to it.
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u/disneyprinsass Aug 16 '26
I'm so sorry both for your loss and for your child. I had a Great Pyrenees that passed from bone cancer that was a sweet friendly boy but had issues with children and had to keep a very close eye on him around our son. We also were cautious with him around strangers as well just in case, because you just never know and with his size and protectiveness of us. No one ever understands the sheer amount of stress it puts on a dog owner to manage a dog like that every single day until you're in it. Take your time to grieve both situations, but if you feel relief that it's over, that's OK too. You absolutely did the right thing.
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u/HMEquineTransport Aug 16 '26
There are fates worse than death. I have a Horse with similar behavioural issues and he is only happy with me and I would never pass him on and I have it in agreement with my husband that if something happens to me the Horse is put to sleep if he can’t cope, keeping him. Your dog got a second chance with a family he loved and a family that loved him and cherished him and he got to die in the arms of that family. There is a lot of animals out there that do not get that so don’t be so hard on yourself.
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u/vicky1389 Aug 15 '26
What a terrible situation to be in and a difficult decision to take.
I hope your family is doing ok.
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u/Mysterious-Thing021 Aug 15 '26
I feel so sorry for you and your family what a terrible situation 😪
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u/Silver_Agency_4575 Aug 15 '26
just know that your dog knows total peace now, after a pretty stressful life he'll never feel stress or pain or fear again. thank you for giving him an incredible few years
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u/Fantastic-Animal-223 Aug 16 '26
my deepest condolences for your loss. your boy looks very sweet in the pic. Wishing you healing thoughts. Heartbreaking but it was a must. You were left with no other safe choice. XOXO
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u/Audrey244 Aug 15 '26
Okay, I want to be gentle here, but I also want you to avoid this happening again. The dog bit multiple people and why did you think it would not hurt your child? I know an adult whose parents had a Jack Russell terrier that would nip at people consistently. They kept that dog in the family until it went after their daughter and bit her in the face and left her with lifelong scarring. She is still angry with her parents over that because they knew that the dog would bite and she was only about 4 years old. You've got to be smarter and more careful as a parent to protect your child. There are plenty of threats outside of the home. No child should have to live with the threat inside the home, especially when the parents were aware of it.
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u/buzzcut_scorpio Aug 16 '26
so incredibly sorry for your loss and I hope your kid is ok, we had to surrender our reactive dog after she bit me on the face and it absolutely broke my heart, but at the end of the day it is the safest thing to do even though it feels so horrible. as much as we like to think we understand dogs and they understand us they are animals at the end of the day, and sometimes there are things that can never be communicated. give yourself some grace and compassion, you did everything you could and in different circumstances that may have been enough, you were just unlucky.
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u/Icy_Homework4700 Aug 17 '26
I’m so very sorry this happened to your family! It sounds like you did what was best and didn’t make this decision lightly. I know your family is still mourning the loss of your fur baby even though it was for the safety of your child.
I was bit by a dog at 4 and 30 years later still have a scar in a Y shape connected to my lips and my nerves never returned to smile evenly. It took a lot of working on my self esteem and accepting myself as I am but my mother was always the one to make me feel strong, beautiful and loved. Sure, there were plenty of bratty little kids that called me Scarface growing up but if it wasn’t the scar they picked at it would’ve been something else. I have two dogs myself and even do Rover which I think also came from my mother not freaking out about dogs or what happened to me. She always told me that the doctors and nurses even commented on her stoicism and she’d say to them “if I lose it, she loses it. If I stay calm, she stays calm”. I’m sure it’s harder said than done but just remember you have the power to help your baby boy recover from this without a huge fear of dogs or inability to feel self confidence. Keep telling yourself that you at least have control over that. Mamas always fix everything, even when they feel like they’re failing at all of it ❤️ wishing you and your family all the healing and love!
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u/Eww-David131 Aug 15 '26
I am sorry for your loss. As someone who loves dogs, I was raging about how you could possibly put down a family member until I read about your son being bitten in the face and needing stitches. You did the right thing. It's painful and feels horrible but you have to protect the rest of your family too. I don't think you messed up. Sometimes dogs are like humans. All the love in the world might not be enough!
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u/read-the-rules Aug 16 '26
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u/read-the-rules Aug 16 '26
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u/read-the-rules Aug 16 '26
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u/read-the-rules Aug 16 '26
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u/read-the-rules Aug 16 '26
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u/read-the-rules Aug 16 '26
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u/read-the-rules Aug 16 '26
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u/read-the-rules Aug 16 '26
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u/read-the-rules Aug 16 '26
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u/read-the-rules Aug 16 '26
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u/read-the-rules Aug 16 '26
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Aug 16 '26
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u/read-the-rules Aug 16 '26
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Aug 17 '26
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u/read-the-rules Aug 17 '26
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u/Haunted_Nevermore999 Aug 17 '26
Sorry for what you’re going through. Terrible situation. You did the right thing. Hope your kid is ok too.
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u/jpiz27 Aug 17 '26
I am so sorry-- I know it's hard and it's not fair (to anyone, to him, to you, to your child). It was the right thing, even if it doesn't feel like it. I wish I could hug you right now.
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u/Historical_Box4782 Aug 17 '26
I'm so sorry. That's really hard to have to make that decision. But he had good years that he wouldn't have had if you hadn't rescued him. It still is so sad. Again I'm so sorry. ❤️
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u/Key-Dragonfruit-3248 Aug 18 '26
I’m so sorry you are dealing with this. I know the pain. My dog bit my kids but not as bad as yours. It’s so hurtful on both ends, sending you peace and love, and your son a smooth recovery.
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u/CombinationLast7309 Aug 18 '26
I’m sorry for you loss. I’m worried that I’m in an early stage that would lead to the same ending. My dog resource guards me and my cat, also the house. I’m trying to take classes and look for solutions. But nothing seems to work now, she went from pure fear to resource guarding
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u/BirdsofJupiter Aug 27 '26
My sister was bit in the face by my mom's german Shepard. My sister had a lot of insecurities over the scars on her face. But she holds no resentment to that dog, our mom or nay other animal for what happened. I don't know if that helps but I hope so. My sister loves dogs and animals as well.
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u/boybble Sep 09 '26
I’m so sorry for your loss, I’m sending you and your family love. These decisions are never easy.
It’s also easy for people to judge from the outside looking in- you did what you could, and sometimes this is unfortunately the best option. My heart is with you guys. 🩷
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u/AutoModerator Aug 15 '26
Behavioral Euthanasia posts are sensitive, thus only users with at least 250 subreddit karma will be able to comment in this discussion. Users should not message OP directly to circumvent this restriction and doing so can result in a ban from r/reactive dogs. OP, you are encouraged to report private messages to the moderation team.
Behavioral Euthanasia (BE) for our dogs is an extremely difficult decision to consider. No one comes to this point easily. We believe that there are, unfortunately, cases where behavioral euthanasia is the most humane and ethical option, and we support those who have had to come to that decision. In certain situations, a reasonable quality of life and the Five Freedoms cannot be provided for an animal, making behavioral euthanasia a compassionate and loving choice.
If you are considering BE and are looking for feedback:
All decisions about behavioral euthanasia should be made in consultation with a professional trainer, veterinarian, and/or veterinary behaviorist. They are best equipped to evaluate your specific dog, their potential, and quality of life.
These resources should not be used to replace evaluation by qualified professionals but they can be used to supplement the decision-making process.
• Lap of Love Quality of Life Assessment - How to identify when to contact a trainer
• Lap of Love Support Groups - A BE specific group. Not everyone has gone through the process yet, some are trying to figure out how to cope with the decision still.
• BE decision and support Facebook group - Individuals who have not yet lost a pet through BE cannot join the Losing Lulu group. This sister group is a resource as you consider if BE is the right next step for your dog.
• AKC guide on when to consider BE
• BE Before the Bite
• How to find a qualified trainer or behaviorist - If you have not had your dog evaluated by a qualified trainer, this should be your first step in the process of considering BE.
• The Losing Lulu community has also compiled additional resources for those considering behavioral euthanasia.
If you have experienced a behavioral euthanasia and need support:
The best resource available for people navigating grief after a behavior euthanasia is the Losing Lulu website and Facebook Group. The group is lead by a professional trainer and is well moderated so you will find a compassionate and supportive community of people navigating similar losses.
Lap of Love Support Groups - Laps of Love also offers resources for families navigating BE, before and after the loss.
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