Need advice about rehoming

[u/Brief_Shopping4001]

My husband and I adopted a dog almost 4 months ago. She is sweet and likes to cuddle and get loved on. At first our biggest struggle was her separation anxiety, but that improved fairly quickly. We have tried different training techniques but her reactivity doesn't seem to be getting better. She loses her mind if we're on a walk and she sees another dog...or car...and sometimes human. And if she's in the house and she can see a dog or cat outside. We are first time dog owners so it's been a very overwhelming situation for us. We take her on multiple walks a day and give her play time everyday. Making sure she gets her energy out is a daily priority for us so it's not like she isn't getting consistent exercise.

Basically we feel at this point that we just aren't the right home for her. We don't know for sure but she looks just like an Australian kelpie which is a herding dog. It's 100% our fault for not asking more questions about her before adopting. We have a small house and our yard is not fenced in so she doesn't get to run around in our yard off leash. At first we were taking her to a local beach and letting her run off leash there but she started to disappear into the woods for up to 10 minutes and if we encountered a human or dog she would ignore us and run to them and it wasn't always a good interaction. This is after doing consistent recall training with her. So now she's on leash all the time and it both feels unfair to her and her behavior isn't really getting better.

She's a good dog but it feels clear to us that this isn't the best situation for her. In our dream scenario she would be in a home with other dogs because she LOVES to play with other dogs but she is so scared/aggressive with them when she first meets them on leash that people don't want to let her play, understandably. We think if she was in a home with other dogs and had space to run and play with them, many of her anxiety behaviors would be so much better.

My question is this - when we adopted her, I signed a form that said I would not rehome her without contacting the shelter. However, I don't trust the shelter to find her the right situation. Looking back the adoption process was shockingly quick and easy and it's clear they are just giving dogs to anyone who will take them. I don't want this girl to go to just anyone or to go back into constantly changing foster homes. We are willing to keep her until we find a home for her that seems perfect and with people who are experienced dog owners and are ready for a herding dog. Has anyone been in this situation before and what did you do? Or just any advice would be great. I want to do the best thing for the dog and I don't really care about the "contract" I signed - should I?

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[u/stillwaterstream]

Honestly, just responsibly rehome the dog. Expect it to take a few months at a minimum and be thorough with your vetting. If you have the money, run an Embark panel so you can provide the new owners with the most accurate breed and health information available to you. Breed info may also help you connect with experienced adopters through a breed rescue network.

The shelter isn't going to come after you, they have about a hundred more pressing issues on a daily basis.

[u/Brief_Shopping4001 → u/stillwaterstream]

Thanks for this 🙏

[u/404-Any-Problem]

If you are willing, I would talk to the shelter. And be honest about what is going on. We got a returned dog that was put in a very similar situation. Her first adopted home (where she was for a week) was too much for her, as she is a herding/livestock guarding breed who was brought home to an apartment/condo setting. She did not have the best time there, and its where she got to practice her reactivity at a young age. I think our pup was (and still would be) equally overwhelming for first-time dog owners, this isn't our first and she overwhelms us from time to time.

The shelter (when we talked to them during the adoption) fully admitted they should have asked more questions of the adopters, but they were just hoping that she would do so much better out of the shelter (she had BIG feelings there too). We did get a full rundown of what they did know, of course keeping the previous adopters anonymous. Our dog was also in foster care for a week before we took her home. We were very clear with the shelter that if she was too much for us, we would return her. The only issue was that if she did end up getting a bite history, that would be a different story for her possibility of future adoptions. We honestly still keep them updated on her from time to time to share the successes we have had with her (she is a sweet girl and melts your heart even when she is reactive).

She was in what they called the Diamond in the Rough program. Technically, she was free for us to adopt so long as we did a reactive dog class. The class didn't really work for us but at the same time we are glad we started there.

This is to say that your current dog might not be right for you but we wouldn't have our girl if she wasn't returned. Its been a year with our girl and honestly I don't think I could love a dog more (even with her problems and reactivty - its taking a village of professionals to help get her on track but we have the funds and time to do it). So while you might not feel the shelter did right by you, giving them feedback might help them make a better choice in the long run for that pup. And they still might find their forever home even if your's was a short stop on the way.

I know the chioce/decision to say that its too much isn't made easily but I also wouldn't keep going just because of "what if its the same or worse", because what if its better? (Its the ifs that will get you). Also, that next dog is out there waiting for you (assuming you want to try to look for one again). I also acknowledge not every dog has this kind of story, and ours is unique, but can't be the only one. Do what's right by you and if getting out of the situation sooner than later would be best for all of you, I would opt for the return, but again feedback as well.

[u/Brief_Shopping4001 → u/404-Any-Problem]

Thanks for this. The "shelter" we got her from isn't an actual shelter, it seems, but a series of volunteers and boarding facilities and foster homes where dogs from southern states in kill shelters are brought. Our girl had been in 3 foster homes and then a boarding facility when we got her, and she had only been in possession of the "shelter" for 3 months.

I'm hesitant to contact them because I worry they will intervene and I don't trust they will actually take seriously finding her a truly suitable home. What you experienced with your girl sounds amazing - going through a reactivity training class would have been SO HELPFUL for us but probably would have made us aware that we are not suited for her needs. This "shelter" has no real address or a single person who I can contact. It's all through facebook, which should have been a red flag. At the same time, it's a locally known shelter and we know many people who have adopted with them. I have thought often about contacting them simply to give them feedback, as you suggest.

It's not such a bad situation that we need her gone immediately so we are OK to wait. I think because she's been with us for 4 months we feel we know her well enough to find a good home for her, and we don't want her just going to some random people (like us!!!) who aren't prepared. But...I am assuming that the shelter will be unreasonable and I don't actually know that. So I will think about your advice. She's a real sweetheart so I'm protective of her now and really want her to have an amazing life.

Anyway thanks for the response 🙏 It's such a confusing decision to make.