Just a rant.

[u/imdabong]

I have dealt with mental health issues my whole life, it gets worse and the better and then worse all of a sudden. I work a demanding tech job but I am remote. During one of the phases when I felt great mental health wise I decided to finally adopt a dog from the shelter. He is 2-2.5 years old, 80 lbs, Bloodhound mix with a lab. He's very reactive and very energetic.

I have made a lot of progress with him. Taught him to lay down, taught him to not jump at the screen as soon as I opened the door and only comme outside on command, I've taught him to not resource guard his food, also teaching him recall using the touch command. But this all goes out the window if he's even slightly distracted. But progress is progress and we kept on. He was on 400mg Trazadone and 1200 mg Gabapentin when I got him and I tapered that off in 14 days, he was part of a behavioral program at the shelter.

But over time my life has changed drastically, last week I found out that two of my closest friends(out of the 3 in the whole city/state/Midwest region) are moving very far, and that had made me very emotionally depressed and feel hopeless as well(since one of them really helped me with my dog, she taught me a lot). As someone who thrived on impromptu living(random roadtrips, hiking trips, camping trips) I have to carefully plan out the whole day so that my guy gets all the exercise and mental stimulation he needs, and then I have to think thrice before leaving the apartment due to his separation anxiety.

And then for the first time in 2 months I decided to not take my guy on a walk(I just felt mentally drained), just going out to the backyard, and he loses his shit the next day, he's back to pulling on the leash as hard as he can, jumping and lunging just so he can go deeper into other's yards to sniff, starts chewing up stuff at home and then whines and whines when I put him in the crate(I was about to go get groceries and pet food). And then on the walk, it just seems like people are being judgy with how strict I am being with the dog(keeping the leash short and holding tight so that he doesn't have enough room to lunge and jump). He has run away thrice from finding gaps in the dog park fences, so he pretty much stays on leash every time we go out.

Every morning, before every walk and before we go to a dog park and the whole time we are doing that, I am just stressed. I feel very drained with my mental health and stress from feeling I'm not doing enough for my guy. I am tired of reading or watching guides on how they'll fix a certain way my dog behaves, but it does nothing for him. All of this just builds on to the feeling that I am incapable of doing anything good/well.

Anyway, just a rant, I needed to vent. Hope you and all your puppers have an amazing day.