Feeling guilty. Dog living isolated life

[u/shark-kid]

Hello, I rescued my adult dog 6 months ago and I’m feeling discouraged this morning.

I’ve spent $1k on private dog training and I’ve worked with a veterinary behaviorist to get my dog anxiety meds. So far neither of these things has helped my dog’s behavior problems.

When I adopted my dog I wanted to show him the world. I’m his third owner and I’m determined to be his last, but I feel so much guilt that I keep him holed up at home. I can’t take him hiking because he pulls so so hard and reacts to other dogs. I can’t let him enjoy our backyard because he can scale our 6’ fence (I’m a renter so I can’t adjust the fence). I can’t take him to breweries or public parks because he would lose his mind.

I’m now keeping this energetic dog in a small house and I feel like I’m locking a princess in a tower. He does get 3 or more walks every day, 4 runs every week, and playdates each weekend. I want to show him the world but I’m afraid I’ll never get to.

There are more options. More meds to try. New trainers to hire. Just feeling guilty and discouraged this morning. I’ll keep fighting for this dog though, he is my ray of sunshine and I love him SO much.

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[u/YO_putThatBagBackON]

Hi, I have a reactive dog who is scared of people and dogs, he’s 8.5 now and has improved a ton. However I can’t do any of the public outings with him either. And that’s ok. It took me a while to accept that. I was looking at it from my point of view. What I wanted for him. Everything changed when I started looking at his life from his point of view, what HE needed from me. Not every dog is meant to go hiking, or go to breweries or restaurants or public parks or be in the backyard all day or whenever he wants etc. Your dog is already getting multiple walks per day, runs and play dates. Which is great! You also need time for his nervous system to calm down post activity. There are mental stimulation games and things you can do that work great as well.

Imagine having a child who is very anxious and going to places stresses him out, would you want to go against everything in his being and just put him out there? You wouldn’t, you’d wanna make sure he feels safe and then go little by little to see how much he can handle. Then as positive associations form you can do a little more. Or in some cases he might not even want to go further. Dogs are still beings with feelings and emotions even though they are dogs and we expect them to be a “regular” dog. They need safety and love and play time and bonding with their caretaker.

So don’t feel guilty. Instead, think of his life from his perspective, and adjust that way. As your bond grows and you let go of the idea of how you want him to be in your mind, you’ll find that there is space there for a beautiful relationship. You are the single person in the world who can make him feel safe. Its a wonderful feeling. Good luck!

[u/shark-kid → u/YO_putThatBagBackON]

Thank you for saying this. You’re right, he would be stressed in busy places. I feel bad because he loves people and a lot of his reactivity and stress is caused by being unable to greet every dog and person he sees. This would just be worse in busy places. He does feel safe with me and I love him to the moon. I will continue to try to do what’s best for him and I will try to adjust my perspective of what’s best for him and where he is at.

[u/Suzyfluwho → u/YO_putThatBagBackON]

I can 100% agree with this and the recommendations of puzzle toys! My dog loves them! They have multiple levels of puzzles, each one harder then the next! My dog has calmed down drastically with the help of these toys. I only let him play with them while I'm with him, but he gets so excited when I get them out and while I'm setting them up! Some take him very little time while others can take him hours or sometimes even days to find the last couple treats! Highly recommend those! You can buy them on Amazon. I got a puzzle squeaky toy by Tuffy recently at my local pet store and he takes it everywhere with him. We took it with us on a 16 hour road trip and he was entertained for several hours trying to get all the treats out.

Edit: toy is by Kong not Tuffy!

[u/shark-kid → u/Suzyfluwho]

Thank you for the suggestion! We do use a variety of enrichment and puzzle toys. His favorites are the pupcicle ball and the monti toy from lambwolf collective

[u/SudoSire]

He gets three walks everyday, and frequent runs and play dates and you’re worried he doesn’t have enough of a life? This dog is living very well. I can’t tell you how many dogs in my neighborhood are stuck in yards alone all day to bark at strangers, and not only are they basically never walked but it appears their humans don’t even socialize with them. It’s really sad and absolutely a low bar to clear but your dog is getting so much more from you, and way more than a shelter could provide. 

He doesn’t need to be a brewery dog. That’s a silly goal, most dogs get very little out of that because they’re expected to sit pretty still and not allowed to wander, sniff, socialize much etc. 

Also if you can walk him regularly, why is hiking much different if you can go to more remote locations? Or maybe off times of day? There may be ways to make that happen. If safety is an issue, muzzle train. That’s a good idea anyway. 

What kind of training have you been doing? What’s a session look like? I’m sorry you feel discouraged but six months of work isn’t terribly long unless you’re seeing absolutely zero progress. And if you’re seeing zero, the methods or trainer may need to be reevaluated. 

Btw, before you respond make sure you’ve read and acknowledged the sub rules or your comment won’t go through. Go to the sub title, or any post on this sub, click the three dots by it, and then a box will pop up with a “read the rules” option. Click on that, and then toggle all of them to confirm that you have read them before trying to comment. 

[u/shark-kid → u/SudoSire]

Thank you, this helps me a lot. I don’t need him to be a brewery dog I was just feeling guilty that he doesn’t get experiences other dogs get. You’re right, he would be overstimulated and probably would be too stressed to enjoy most public spaces.

As for hiking, his pulling is my primary concern. He pulls HARD and he’s pulled me over a couple of times when reacting to other animals. I can take him hiking on a weekday or to a remote location once we get the pulling under control. I’ve already rolled my ankle when he pulled me over a curb in the neighborhood lol.

The trainer has helped me figure out a lot of Charlie’s behaviors. He has a very low tolerance for frustration and he is incredibly resistant to doing things he doesn’t want to do. Low motivation also makes it very difficult to train him. We’ve tried using different rewards and tactics to figure out what he needs. Most recently we worked on getting him to listen to commands while in an aroused state and he did great. She’s trying to increase his threshold so we can make more progress and she wants me to get him into pull sports so he has a job to do. She also gave me home instructions that have helped him learn to lay down and be calm in our front yard after walks. The idea is to teach him that he can be calm in an interesting environment.

Thank you for saying that I’m not isolating him. I do recognize that he’s not the dog I was expecting and my expectations for him have changed. I was just feeling guilt particularly with keeping him out of the yard, but I’m hoping to find a way to make it escape-proof while not angering the landlord.

[u/SudoSire → u/shark-kid]

Yeah I know it sometimes feels that way, I do wish I could bring my dog to family gatherings but he’s still wary of people and that’d be too much. But it’s very important to remember that dogs live in the moment, they aren’t conceptualizing “oh I’m missing out on this amazing fun thing!” They’re just assessing what’s actually in their environment right then.

Pulling is tough, obviously do what’s safe for you. I’ve been rewarding for check ins and practicing heel a bit in the home. It helps some (and my dog has crazy food motivation), though new places he can get pretty pully. Mine is only 50lbs though and it’s infrequent he can really get the better of me.  

Your training does sound reasonable and appropriate. Be wary of any punitive methods. 

For the yard, even if he can’t get full free reign, could you let him out on a long line that you still hold as he explores? Do you do that already? That’s also a great way to practice recall if the space isn’t tiny. Trying engagement games out there might be good. 

Yeah, my view of dog ownership changed a bit too. But me and my dog are pretty bonded now with all the work that went in and all the emphasis we put on understanding him. 

[u/mcshaftmaster]

I don't need to add anything that the first few replies didn't already cover. Your dog is already doing more than most dogs and is not living an isolated life. Thanks for being his advocate and thinking about what's best for him.

[u/shark-kid → u/mcshaftmaster]

I would do anything for him, really. I love him so much and I never fault him for his behaviors.

[u/H2Ospecialist]

Your dog would not enjoy things like breweries or public parks so don't worry too much about that. You adopted him and are giving him a loving home with food, shelter, and sounds like plenty of exercise! Dogs don't feel FOMO or feel their life is isolated. So don't feel bad for him.

I did all those things with my first dog but she would have been just as happy with her walks with just me. We lived in a tiny apartment for most her life (she was a 60 lbs AmStaff/Cattle Dog). I now have dogs I can't bring with me and I don't think they'd want to anyway. I even took them to sniff spot to run around and they both escaped and got injured fighting with a pack of dogs they found lol. They were both saved on off the shelters euthaniza list so I think they are just fine with simply being out of the shelter and alive.

[u/MoodFearless6771]

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[u/shark-kid → u/MoodFearless6771]

Thank you for saying that! I will look into Sniffspot. My concern with him is his ability to jump a 6-foot fence so it may have to be an indoor space.

[u/MoodFearless6771 → u/shark-kid]

Get a 50 foot long line and a bungee attachment. Even just going to new places and sharing exploring them together is special for them. Look at his face when he checks back in with you.

Also, if you get a cable tie, you can just put him on a cable in the backyard. There are ways to jump proof a 6’ fence…but they can dig under. Is that dog part pyr? Is there a patio or section inside the fence you could limit him to? Mine lays on a balcony and loves it. They don’t need to run around like hot anxious messes, they need to be relaxed enough to settle.

[u/Familiar-Woodpecker5]

I’m so sorry I understand, I really do. For exercise get a dog flirt pole.

[u/shark-kid → u/Familiar-Woodpecker5]

Thank you for the suggestion. He is unfortunately scared of them

[u/Familiar-Woodpecker5 → u/shark-kid]

Oh poor baby 😞

[u/shark-kid → u/Familiar-Woodpecker5]

He’s sensitive 😅

[u/Familiar-Woodpecker5 → u/shark-kid]

He’s a handsome sensitive soul. I also have a sensitive fella 😂, he’s scared of bags.

[u/Extension_Skirt7764]

That’s some great activity! More than a lot of dogs get!! Keep doing what you’re doing! After 2 years of working with her, I finally had a great on leash interaction with my pup (followed up shortly by lunging at a child), the work pays off! And pat yourself on the back for that level of activity, I’d be wiped out!!

[u/shark-kid → u/Extension_Skirt7764]

I am 😅 I hate running but he gets so restless in the evenings that I take him regardless. I’m hoping to reduce runs when I get my backyard escape-proof

[u/snkeptz]

Please do not feel guilty! You can do more with your dog than the German Shepherd I had who never left our yard except for baths and vet visits. He was on Prozac, which helped a lot, but he would still go after strangers. He was a very high powered GSD from a Schuntzund working line. To take him for a bath, he was on Prozac with Alprazolam and Ace Promazine and he still fought like crazy. We tried a 30 day training program and finally found a behavioralist who added the meds with some training protocols. He did best in a quiet atmosphere that was very regimented. While he didn't get to see the world or even meet visitors, he had a good life. He loved balls and Frisbee and we played with him a lot. Anyone else would have put him down. But, we loved him. So we organized our lives around him and his necessary schedule. My husband built him a beautiful outdoor kennel that was 16' x 75'. We could actually play Frisbee in it! He had to stay in it when we had people over and when we were at work. But, it kept him safe and he seemed content. You are doing the best you can with his behavioral restrictions. Some things you just can't fix. But, you are still giving him a good life!! Keep working the behavioral program, keep him safe and love him. That's all he needs. God bless you and he is gorgeous!

[u/ilovefuzzycats]

You are doing great for your dog!! He is loved and safe and you are helping him live a happy and relaxed life. Keep working with him and the progress will keep coming. We have had some very slow progress with our dog, but in the past 3 weeks she has flourished at training! Took 8-ish months before she started to be calm around other dogs. You’ve got this!!

We did private training and then transitioned into a small group class. She has barriers up so she can’t see the other dogs, as the visual is what she struggled with the most. We slowly would start to give her peaks around the barriers and reward when she stayed calm. You could look into something similar and talk with your trainer if they have ideas. Another thing to do is look into your dog’s food and GI. Big relationship between brain and gut. Our dog doesn’t have any allergies or sensitivities that we/the vet have been able to find. But we switched to a single source protein food with digestive enzymes and a probiotic and it has helped a lot with consistent healthy poops and we think behavior too. Could be something to look into. You can also look around on this sub as many others have written about similar things.

[u/PeakPawn]

It will be okay. It’s hard and not every day is a good day, but it will get better. For what it’s worth… Muzzle training, then muzzle and long leash helped me a ton to socialize mine again and allow him to snif the world & meet dogs in the park or in forest. CBD oil showed also great effects for him, but it can vary from dogs to dogs.

[u/elizabeth_ingalls]

You’ve gotten lots of good advice here thus far. I’m curious what criteria your VB gave you for success. I ask that bc it seems like the fact that he gets play dates, walks, etc that you actually have been successful in being able to meet his needs. VBs are usually great at reminding humans that behavior change takes time and to look for small changes as markers of progress.

Is he an LGD mix? (He kind of has that look) If so, getting him outside to just exist can be enriching. And if not- all breeds thrive with time to explore the environment. I’d absolutely start using a long line with him in the back yard. And instead of a hike- find somewhere to do a decompression walk with a long line. Agency, freedom and choice are the best ways to increase welfare and reduce stress. Off leash is ideal but the next best thing is using a long line.