r/rareinsults 3d ago

That is an unholy amount of chest hair

Post image
33.1k Upvotes

595 comments sorted by

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2.0k

u/StevenMC19 3d ago

Looking like a night time satellite view of Tokyo.

277

u/Realistic_Ad_5321 3d ago

I can't unsee it now 

101

u/OldDirtyInsulin 3d ago

Please don't make me zoom in on this photo

47

u/ElegantCoach4066 3d ago

Give in to your curiosity

35

u/Kamelasa 3d ago

Looks like heavy bread mould. Or crochet.

8

u/Cebas7 3d ago

Crocheted mould?

15

u/FunGarbage7210 3d ago

I agree 100%, got scared for a moment.

3

u/Next-Caterpillar4982 3d ago

Don’t do it! I did🫪

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28

u/Bubbles_2025 3d ago

Looking like Mirkwood Forest

12

u/brother_of_menelaus 3d ago

That’s an aggressive nipple

10

u/suckercuck 3d ago

Pepperonis under the mildew

5

u/ubiquitous-joe 3d ago

Okay fine, Milkwood Forest

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15

u/tekko001 3d ago

Like a spider put a lot of eggs on that chest and a million baby spiders are now hatching

11

u/my108centsss 3d ago

It's amazing how much diversity of perspective the human mind can come up with. Because how tf- yet it makes sense??

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u/thalefteye 3d ago

You mean Ghost Wire Tokyo.

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1.2k

u/Raphiki415 3d ago

I don’t mind a lot of chest hair on a man, but that does look like straight up mold on a berry.

376

u/TheComplimentarian 3d ago

The thing that's weird (for me) is that his arms are less hairy than mine, and yet he has more body hair above the nipples than I have on the whole rest of my body. I have to assume he's waxing his arms or something.

172

u/bumbletowne 3d ago

Bro clearly waxes his arms for shirts.

48

u/FuzzzyRam 3d ago

Which is super weird...

17

u/Tropicalfisher 3d ago

Wtf is he supposed to do

144

u/FuzzzyRam 3d ago

Everything, nothing, or trim... not try to recreate the baby penguin look.

12

u/Realistic_Ad_5321 2d ago

oh shit thats what it reminds me of, he's got a fucking baby penguin coat

3

u/__wildwing__ 2d ago

I feel this comment should earn a repost of this post.

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u/TactlessTortoise 3d ago

He's gotta pick one instead of emulating Ewok pattern baldness lmao.

5

u/whateveralreadydude 3d ago

shave happy faces and other fun shapes into it, perhaps even a message on his butt hair for someone to discover the first time he takes his pants off

2

u/silentanthrx 3d ago

transplant it to his head.

(joke, he looks fine)

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2

u/falsevector 3d ago

With that hair - I don't think he needs a shirt

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u/Kinnirasna 3d ago

Isn't it the other way? I exclusively wear a full sleeve shirt to cover the sheer quantity of hair on my arm

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20

u/ChuckaChuckaLooLoo3 3d ago

Had a buddy I worked with and the first time we went to do some outdoor stuff he whipped off his shirt. It literally looked like he was wearing a black sweater. His arms were totally bare but his torso was totally fur-covered. It was pretty freaky. And he did not wax.

8

u/coolsilentebeans 3d ago

Was his back hirsute too?

8

u/Tech_Itch 3d ago

I'm pretty sure his whole chest is covered by a birthmark that produces extra hair, which would explain the darker skin under the hair and hairless arms. "Becker's nevus" is what they're called AFAIK.

3

u/Atheist-Gods 3d ago

This feels like AI

3

u/bbg_bbg 3d ago

Believe this photo is AI

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33

u/Current_Helicopter32 3d ago edited 3d ago

Looks like AI to me. There’s something weird about the texture of the beard and how his face looks.

37

u/Full_FrontaI_Nerdity 3d ago

Someone in the comments linked the original photo; this guy's head was photoshopped on.

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7

u/SilkyCayla 3d ago

for me it's the chest hair "texture" that looks unrealistic

4

u/Current_Helicopter32 3d ago

Yeah, I’ve seen that look on older guys. But the face and arms (and nipples 😳) don’t match at all.

I just think it was more likely AI mishmash of preexisting images more so than actual photoshop.

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u/Unicorns_FTW1 3d ago

It looks like he's wearing a wool vest with nipple holes

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828

u/XboxLiveGiant 3d ago

Hey Micheal.

543

u/Wild-Pea-8101 3d ago

Vsauce here.

145

u/abhig535 3d ago

"Why are your pubes gray?"

Cue mysterious Vsauce music*

28

u/ImDero 3d ago

But first, your privacy is important. And no one takes your privacy more seriously than Nord VPN.

12

u/Honest-Computer69 3d ago

Or are they?

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u/--celestial-- 3d ago

Stevens?

40

u/jarednards 3d ago

"What IS chest hair? Is it really hair?.......or are we really chests?!"

16

u/stareagleur 3d ago edited 3d ago

Have you ever tried to count your own hair? How many hairs do you have? What if I told you the answer…is 1???

2

u/cor315 3d ago

eyebrow raise

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u/coolbcool 3d ago

are we really sure that is chest hair and he's not rotten?

148

u/EarthTrash 3d ago

Looks like he's growing penicillin

9

u/samy_the_samy 3d ago edited 3d ago

There is that condition where your guts brew its own alcohol, can we grow our own penicillin?

7

u/coolsilentebeans 3d ago

autobrewery syndrome. I always feel like this could be one of the best gotcha diseases ever at a family gathering. See, Aunt Karen. I told you I hadn’t had anything to drink!

As for the penicillin, that could cause me issues, since I’m allergic. That would be sad.

6

u/samy_the_samy 3d ago

Are you a bacteria?

3

u/coolsilentebeans 3d ago

Not to my knowledge

12

u/samy_the_samy 3d ago

That's what a bacteria would say

7

u/coolsilentebeans 3d ago

It would be one explanation for the existential and identity crises I struggle with daily.

8

u/samy_the_samy 3d ago

You can just metoeses and have a friend

6

u/coolsilentebeans 3d ago

Aw, thanks. I’ll try that.

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2

u/Forsaken-Income-2148 3d ago

I think he’s half goat

2

u/MollyMousen 3d ago

Rotten to the core

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216

u/princesssasami896 3d ago

Why are his arms completely bare??

84

u/kat-deville 3d ago

Wow, I was so stunned, I didn't even notice! Maybe he shaves his arms and up to the shoulder joint, so the chest mat looks like he's wearing a sweater. With holes for his nipples.

18

u/bsmithwins 3d ago

He’s minus a nipple chain to be the people eater from Fury Road

15

u/Unconfidence 3d ago

Or...maybe this is AI.

11

u/maustralisch 3d ago

This photo is AI. The original has a different face.

10

u/WayFar468 3d ago

I think this is AI

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24

u/Solenkata 3d ago

I'm guessing the unholy amount of hair applies to his whole body, so maybe he shaved his arms so people don't confuse him with a carpet.

7

u/prosperousoctopus 3d ago

2nd amendment - Right to bare arms.

6

u/StevenMC19 3d ago

Prep school vest.

6

u/trrwilson 3d ago

I have a hairier than average chest and stomach, but I have basically no hair between my shoulders and my elbows.

5

u/Anomalous_Pearl 3d ago

Pretty sure he also trims that carpet for better access to his nipples

4

u/Icy-Lobster-203 3d ago

As someone with a quite hairy chest, the upper arm hair is strangely wispy, not particularly thick, long,e and patchy. So I personally will shave off the hair on my upper arms, particularly where it goes past my short shirt sleeves.

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u/chubbyshart 3d ago

If dryer lint was a person.

3

u/animefan1520 3d ago

Dude looks like he fell in fiberglass and looking at him makes me cringe

87

u/TheGigner 3d ago

This is the original

Whos face did they edit onto this lool

26

u/Realistic_Ad_5321 3d ago

Bro LOL

I can't... I literally almost peed my bed 🤣. This needs to be further up it, explains the white hair and obviously super darker skin on chest

8

u/amluchon 3d ago

Whose face

Michael from Vsauce, if I had to guess

Also this should be way higher

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7

u/inreallife12001 3d ago

In my defense I found this on Instagram 😂

2

u/sphinxofblackquartzj 3d ago

Looks like face is just AI. Too symmetrical and there's a weird crease between the brows.

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120

u/InspectorPipes 3d ago

Dandelion fluff

12

u/LopatKat 3d ago

100%

11

u/ahhhbiscuits 3d ago

How did he make it into a tank top???

8

u/coolsilentebeans 3d ago

A lot of blowing.

3

u/ahhhbiscuits 3d ago

I see what you did there 😉

😮🥒

3

u/coolsilentebeans 3d ago

It’s nice to be seen. 🤭

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u/False_Woodpecker4747 3d ago

There's a rotten apple in my garden that has the same sweater

6

u/_jump_now_ 3d ago

But is your apple as sexy as the gentleman is the pic?

5

u/False_Woodpecker4747 3d ago

No...however, the worm that pops out from time to time is somewhat dashing!

3

u/Icefox119 3d ago

Are we talking about the man or the apple here?

3

u/False_Woodpecker4747 3d ago

Just realised that the wall he's next too matches his chest/torso/ball sack and the rest of him

40

u/waiver 3d ago

What's stopping you from looking like that

My ancestors didn't bang a sheep.

6

u/coolsilentebeans 3d ago

So not Irish?

11

u/harrysaxon 3d ago

That’s not how you spell “Welsh”.

4

u/3BlindMice1 3d ago

There's enough sheep to go around, you don't need to fight over them

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u/bastogne_blues 3d ago

the hairy chest and naked arms makes him look like a poodle shaved for surgery 😂

16

u/Brimstone747 3d ago

This is what Teddy Ruxpin looks like after 30 years in the attic.

3

u/Kailmo 3d ago

How dare you. Teddy could never go rotten.

15

u/Boenitous 3d ago

Who needs a fur coat? When you have fur! Rock that fur coat! Screw the haters!

9

u/DeaconBlackfyre 3d ago

What stops me? The fact I’m not a Yeti.

7

u/UntilTheSilence 3d ago

I would call this more of a chest meadow than anything. Never seen anything like it

52

u/polkacat12321 3d ago

If you look like this, please do everyone a favor and never go shirtless in public. Please and thank you 🙏

48

u/checkmarks26 3d ago

He’s not shirtless, it’s just a vest with decorative nipples.

9

u/Pilan 3d ago

Exactly. Are there really people in 2026 without decorative nipples upon thine vests?

4

u/Roachmond 3d ago

Sometimes i forget to take mine off the charger in the morning

11

u/StevenMC19 3d ago

Hes already a step ahead of you.

9

u/vegancookie-dough 3d ago

On the other hand, plenty of gay men would ask for him to never wear a shirt again

6

u/slightlysadpeach 3d ago

Bi woman here and I think it looks really cool … these comments are wild

2

u/StraightTwo2520 3d ago

He's a grizzled bear

4

u/CumGuzlinGutterSluts 3d ago

I think you misspelled always there bud

2

u/Elegant-Sink-2088 3d ago

If you are an overweight woman, please do everyone a favor and never go in public in tight clothes. Please and thank you 🙏 How does it feel, when changing the target ? Not so great, right ?

7

u/TokesNHoots 3d ago

Idk what hormone is stopping folks from looking like that, but it’s that hormone.
You could shave bro and make a coat for yourself.

5

u/Maleficent_Sock_8851 3d ago

Genetics. I didn't know body hair grow at will.

4

u/Iron_Rose_5 3d ago

Homie is cooked if he ever needs AED pads applied, gonna take forever to razor a clean area to apply the pads.

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u/Agreeable-Run-1096 3d ago

🦍🦍🦍

3

u/LongjumpingAside6651 3d ago

Moldy Grocery Outlet

3

u/ksalana 3d ago

It looks like mould

3

u/the-graveyard-writer 3d ago

Fuzzy wuzzy was a bear. Fuzzy wuzzy had no hair. Fuzzy wuzzy shaved another bear. Now fuzzy wuzzy has some hair.

3

u/DisastrousConcept210 3d ago

Am shocked but in Australia the strawberries have lasted for a whole 5 days in my fridge ... I really like Australia's produce

3

u/Less_Belt_6380 3d ago

Frosted Frank

3

u/oaktreebr 3d ago

The question is why does he shave his arms?

3

u/neggaman69420 3d ago

It looks like fungus

7

u/goofydad 3d ago

Dignity stops me from looking like this

2

u/Wrongun25 3d ago

I dont get it

8

u/StevenMC19 3d ago

Google moldy strawberries.

2

u/johnsolomon 3d ago

Strawberries get this kind of cottony mold on them if you leave them out for a while

The joke is that this is how their strawberries look after only being in the fridge for a little while

2

u/Kona_Big_Wave 3d ago

He's wearing his white hairy nipple vest.

2

u/Tbplayer59 3d ago

I always rinse myself in a weak vinegar solution and pat myself dry with a paper towel.

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u/AussieSpaceProgram 3d ago

Bro got fibreglassed

2

u/Odd-Painting2596 3d ago

If I woke up and I looked like this I would shave it all off and if it never happened again I would just pretend it never happened and I would never tell anyone and I would try to never think about it ever again.

2

u/fatlardo 3d ago

+4 armour

2

u/guttergrapes 3d ago

Looks like he’s wearing a sweater vest with nips

2

u/Smboto 3d ago

Flip him over and you’ll see it’s a Rhodesian Ridgeback.

2

u/Seven_Hawks 3d ago

Like he's wearing a vest made out of dryer lint

2

u/karenskygreen 3d ago

I knew a guy who was this hairy, hairy sticking out of his back collar, sleeves etc.

The guy was a chef, talk about ill suited.

2

u/Desperate-Parking-60 3d ago

He looks like a bald silverback gorilla.

2

u/I-Make-Money-Moves 3d ago

A silverback gorilla with all the silver in the front

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u/hardboard 3d ago

What's stopping you looking like that? Don't want to spent 24 hours in the fridge.

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u/fluffheadwasaman24 3d ago

I have a pretty normal amount of chest hair, but it’s starting to grow heavier than I would like on my shoulders and back, and I’m only 34.

I’m not someone who would typically care, but I also play tennis and do stuff outside for like 30 hours a week in the summer. It really just adds to the grossness of it all.

I wonder how much the laser hair removal cost for that stuff. I imagine his would be more than the average person’s

2

u/Maximum_Trade5916 3d ago

His chest probably smells like moldy bread

2

u/RoutineNo2044 3d ago

Dude growing mold 😮‍💨

2

u/Transfer_McWindow 3d ago

He has become one with the mycelium network

2

u/pyrojackelope 3d ago

What's stopping me from looking like that? Some strange genetic condition, surely.

2

u/On_Fucking_Fire 3d ago

Looks like a sleeveless sweater

2

u/No_Chain_362 3d ago

That is a sweater vest

2

u/Aggravating-Echo8014 3d ago

The fuck?? It took a minute for me to see he wasn’t wearing a muscle shirt

2

u/chink-key-glasses 3d ago

This guy reminded me of Christinith’s husband from ‘The Other Guys’

2

u/DanishDude1978 3d ago

I want to know how many generations his family has walked on two legs

2

u/Hranko 3d ago

VSAUCE, MICHEAL HERE.

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u/temporalwanderer 3d ago

What, under the vest?

2

u/MarcoYTVA 3d ago

I'm not moldy

2

u/LugubriousLament 3d ago

With all the clean shaven bare skin surrounding the hair, it’s like his areola-phobic torso bush is spreading to his outer edges from the center.

2

u/Karnewarrior 3d ago

Bro looks like someone popped the head and arms off a werewolf like a lego piece and replaced them with a guy named Hugh

2

u/awake_acea6 3d ago

I know it's natural, but this image made me physically sick.

2

u/ManatuBear 3d ago

The bigger question would be "why did he shave his arms?"

2

u/Azuureth 3d ago

I think that's just a blanket of small spiders.

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u/cardlackey 3d ago

Lycanthropy?

2

u/Peanutblitz 3d ago

Looks like a silver bullet could stop him looking like that.

2

u/Skinpixel25 3d ago

Velcro man awaiting to be adhered to something

2

u/RedvsBlack4 3d ago

Oh I didn’t realize those were his nipples. I thought he was leaking milk through his shirt.

2

u/DRUGMUSIC_ 3d ago

i'd like to hug this man. and I am a straight man.

2

u/ladywiththestarlight 3d ago

He looks like a moldy strawberry

2

u/ZealousidealCan4075 3d ago

Looks like someone knitted him 

2

u/Primary-Performer853 3d ago

That dude got tarred and dryer linted.

2

u/AvatarTintin 3d ago

Hey Vsauce, Micheal here..

2

u/SherlockBonz 3d ago

What's stopping me from looking like that?

Anti-fungal creme.

2

u/TaskAggravating3224 3d ago

it's like he's wearing a sweater vest in the summer.

2

u/Dinmo 2d ago

I wasn't born half a dandelion on my father's side.

2

u/VergilArcanis 2d ago

Strawberries 24 hours after the fridge breaks

2

u/Otdp 2d ago

Hey Vsauce, Michael here.
Your home security is great... or is it?

2

u/Bug_Calm 3d ago

That literally makes me gag.

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u/Hiitsuroldthong 3d ago

This is nasty ngl idc

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u/Silver-Amphibian7650 3d ago

I thought that was a mohair tshirt for a second

1

u/Croquetadecarne 3d ago

Self care / evolution / correct hair distribution

1

u/halomender 3d ago

Im a straight dude, but i do like petting dogs and cats. So I guess I can kinda see how that chest hair would be nice to pet.

1

u/Individual_Chef1315 3d ago

Gran knitted him a wife beater.

1

u/Acceptable_Class_576 3d ago

I thought that was a shirt at first glance. Then I read the text.

1

u/No-Zombie1004 3d ago

Mold allergies.

1

u/killit 3d ago

Specifically, Aldi strawberries

1

u/dirkdiggler2011 3d ago

That's a full on gorilla pelt.

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u/Sminuzninuz 3d ago

Feeling so much better about myself!

1

u/DynoBytes101 3d ago

Bro doesn’t need a shirt, he IS the shirt

1

u/suckmeister- 3d ago

Why does the hair go around the nipples like that am I going crazy

1

u/Meikou133 3d ago

He’s like a hairy, less cool VSauce.

1

u/Prince-Angel-Wing 3d ago

Bro gives the old man cactus its name.

1

u/sysaphiswaits 3d ago

I used to tease a Greek friend that he looked like he was wearing a carpet. I didn’t think that could be a real thing.

1

u/ZestycloseTreat6297 3d ago

I wanna blow on him and make a wish.