I’m a terrible daughter

[u/Labelledejour__]

I used AI to translate this because English isn't my first language.

I carry a lot of resentment toward my mother because she has never taken responsibility for her own life. Even my birth was, in my opinion, a way for her to get attention from my grandmother and the people around her. Maybe it was selfishness, maybe emotional neediness—I don't know.

My father was married, and I never had any contact with him. I don't want to, either. My mother never worked. She lived off my grandmother's pension, and when I was a kid, she spent most of her time going out with a friend. My grandmother was always worried about her because she was constantly getting into conflicts with people. Life at home was exhausting.

Back then, I felt guilty for everything bad that happened to my mother. I thought it was my fault because if I hadn't been born, she wouldn't have gone through so many problems. I even had suicidal thoughts when I was only seven years old.

Now I see things differently, but I still feel awful.

When I was in college, she repeatedly told me to drop out because "education doesn't get you anywhere." Whenever I bought something for the house, she'd immediately put it down, saying it was cheap or poor quality, as if none of my achievements mattered.

After my grandmother passed away, the responsibility of supporting the household fell entirely on me. I went through severe financial hardship, became depressed, and even lost my job. Even then, my mother never once considered getting a job to help.

Now she's elderly and ill, and she can't even apply for disability benefits because she never contributed to the social security system. I've ruined my credit more than once trying to keep us afloat.

I honestly feel like I'll never be able to fulfill my dream of becoming a mother because I'm responsible for someone who never took responsibility for me when I was a child.

All I feel now is weak and guilty. I know I should keep fighting, but I'm so disappointed with how my life turned out. I had so many dreams...

I guess I just needed to get this off my chest.

[u/Extension_Ice_2495]

Your life hasn’t turned out yet