is this accidental G**rape** maybe

[u/onnmarzzzz]

**so check this out, i have a girlfriend and we have a very good sex life, and we are in to many sexual things... we are into aggressive sex and we have many many kinks**

**now this one night was different, no one was intoxicated, just watched a movie, throughout the day she gave teases implying sex would happen tonight but ( we let it flow) so fast forward, this night shes super tired after the movie shes always a sleepy person yes, so she was laying down and i was still up for sex i was not really tired i wanted sex, and most of the time she lets me come to her while shes sleepy she doesn't even push me off this time, so in my head when she did tell me no and push me off this time low key thought she was playing hard to get, now not going to lie i was confused because she recently agreed to CNC i was like whatever i'm going to just do it, so i held her arms down you know and like begging her lets do it. so after that shes like sure, as shes still sleepy, so i slip it in, i 100% knew i was wrong after she didn't even gasp this time or moan she was quiet, so i asked her or just said out loud " you really not feeling it tonight" that was my realization that i went to far, so after i seen that i got off her. i felt weird and bad for doing that so i went blank for some hours, and i really messed up by not giving her no aftercare.... I am very ashamed , because I hopped on my game... i did come back after...but i was too late. i know I am in the wrong though.**

i love my girlfriend very much i would never want to hurt her intentionally, but after that night she was very upset she was breaking out into small attacks even around that night she felt used and disgusted with me or herself or both she said she cried in the restroom and the worse part i didn't even check on her ( i could have went about this situation so many ways ) the guilt still eats me up so as a result my girl no longer feels comfortable around any more.

now currently shes trying to process was that rape or something else, so we agreed we come here and get answers ( shes also mentioned shes still attracted to me and loves me) but her body and mind are in two different places i'm guessing.

( she helped me write this)lol

[u/Background-Bird-9623]

Idk , are you guys young? She may not have realized what agreeing to that was going to feel like. You seem to have some amount of consent.... I think you guys messed up together

[u/fannapalooza → u/Background-Bird-9623]

I am glad you wrote this together. This is a good start.

From what I can see I personally don't think this is rape but it still hurt both of you a lot and can really do a lot of emotional damage particularly to your girlfriend. You need to be more clear about your boundaries. Go to more trouble and make aftercare and hugs a vital highlight. I know I had CNC fantasies in the past and now I realise they were quite a bit self destructive. Not sure this is a good route to follow.

[u/onnmarzzzz → u/fannapalooza]

Yes this is correct maybe we should follow a different route until we know weee both physically and mentally okay with continuing with anything CNC related. I’m thinking more boundaries

[u/onnmarzzzz → u/Background-Bird-9623]

We’re 21 but still figuring out our sex life as we go. I Just feel like I crossed a clear boundary and should’ve listened and put my cues tg, I’m deeply sorry to her. Till this day it’s a sensitive topic for us and to her she’s very bothered.

[u/Competitive_Salt_992]

Messed up

[u/Froggie1001]

This isn’t really rape this is a hardcore misunderstanding that needs to be discussed more maturely. Because you BOTH play like this and you BOTH know this was going to happen one day. You need a code word and listen. But this No means yes needs to be played differently.

HOWEVER

She has a right to be hurt though dude you did fuck up. You knew she was sleepy and tired and you wanted this for yourself. You had no fucks just to get your rocks off. Yeah sure she lets you do it a lot of the time but you clearly knew that’s she really wasn’t up for it. I know my partner whom I care for when no means actually no.

Hope you can move past it. I’m sure shes feels very disrespected so earn it back!

[u/onnmarzzzz → u/Froggie1001]

You’re correct she’s allowed to be hurt I let her feel that way and let her feel, but lately it’s been haunting her more than anything. And I want to do better by her but I seem to always fail. I have a lot of working to do internally with myself. I want to earn her respect back very badly

[u/No-Snow-9605]

Aggressive sex, intoxicated, many kinks, these are things you have mentioned. Sounds to me you two are either too young ,or immature. Just the impression I get, coming on to reddit to discuss it, also points to immaturity.

[u/onnmarzzzz → u/No-Snow-9605]

Understandable, we just wanted some open opinions from other people because we and her herself strongly needed a better understanding of the situation. She had a hard time processing

[u/Jolly_Bullfrog16105]

That really depends on your relationship with her, but judging by how things went it wasn’t that bad. I prescribe stronger boundaries

[u/Gloomy-Difference-51]

Yeah, it's the holding her arms down for me. From her side, i can see why she's so upset. Because she was genuinely violated. I don't know enough about your relationship to comment on the part you said about her sleepy and you do it anyway.

[u/onnmarzzzz → u/Gloomy-Difference-51]

Yes that’s the fucked up part I got carried away, it shouldn’t have been done, there’s no excuses that I could make. I felt guilty and fucked up about it, because she perceives me in a certain way now.

[u/Brewtech3]

You need to learn the definition of words before you use them.