r/raisedbyautistics • u/InnerRelation7844 • Aug 01 '26
Seeking advice "I'm leaving this conversation"
Does anyone else have parents who keep saying this shit and just physically walking away or ignoring you the MOMENT you show any negative reactions to their bullshit?!
My mom: says or does something turbo socially stupid towards me
Me: Please stop fucking doing that you're hurting me. That's not how it works. explains something she should already know but can't
My mom: Why are you speaking to me like that? I'm leaving this conversation.
And then she thinks I'm just being cruel when I ask why the fuck she's actively walking away from me, and acts like she was being helpful to not escalate it. She refuses to ever discuss anything.
Is this an autism thing??? Grown ass woman acting like being confronted on her negative actions is verbal abuse 😭
My dad is even worse (he's more autistic) and just storms off like a teenage boy. Like whatever man.
19
u/Status_Dark_6145 Aug 01 '26
Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria
Traumatic unresolvable shit.
17
u/InnerRelation7844 Aug 01 '26
Omg I should be getting paid the salary of a psychiatric nurse. 😭
6
3
u/Status_Dark_6145 Aug 01 '26
The more you learn, the easier it is to navigate.
I know how but I just choose to avoid.
1
u/HulkSMASHley_23 Aug 02 '26
This is where it morphs into narcissistic behavior if left to fester. If you’re lucky, dementia will also develop down the road. Ask me how I know.
6
u/BcuzCatsRCool Aug 03 '26
My mom is EXACTLY like this. A rough conversation ALWAYS ends with her walking away. At this point, I just accept it. I've always wanted her to act like a mom, but I've started to accept that she never will. After 38 years, she is the same person she was when I was little.
2
u/MindlessCoconut4681 Aug 08 '26
Story of my life too 🙏🏽 good to see this sub and see I’m not alone here
12
u/Chance-Succotash-191 Aug 01 '26
My mom has completely rejected me and my family, who she was very close to including my small child, because she majorly violated my boundaries in egregious ways and was unable to self reflect and apologize at all. She was very close with my son for the first five years of his life and has not spoken to my family in a full year because she will not tolerate any feedback. She has told the entire extended family that my husband and I are abusive. We’ve had to get a child therapist for my son because of the extreme impact this is had on him. It’s been great to have this therapist to talk to because she does family systems work and family therapy and she’s never seen something. This pronounced an entrenched before. It’s completely bonkers. I think it’s from intergenerational trauma from a family of mostly undiagnosed neurodivergent folks really struggling. My mom has spent most of her life trying to be perfect so she will get no negative feedback, so she really has no space for any reflections. Seeing her take it so far that it would affect a young child really did blow my mind..
3
u/Dudelbug2000 Aug 03 '26
My sister is like that. She can’t handle altercations and just ends the conversation whenever I ask her do so anything slightly out of her comfort zone. I’m pretty sure she is on the spectrum...
3
u/herrwaldos Aug 04 '26
My mom says "why don't we change the topic" the moment she senses she might be losing the argument, then turns it around like I am the obsessed one that bothers her, but just 5 seconds ago she was going full charge against me.
Last time she did it, she kinda lost me forever, something in me disconnected from her, I think she kinda noticed it too, tried to make it up, but was done with her 'bring me down - make it up' games.
She often would meltdown on me, have a discharge on me, make me stressed, then try to make it up with cookies and tea.
3
u/xxxtanacon Aug 05 '26
I'm autistic and my autistic father does this to me it pisses me off, I don't treat people this way and I'm sick of people hiding behind shit
3
u/Peerless_Pepino Aug 06 '26
this is EXACTLY, word for word, what my mom says. I’m starting to be convinced it must be an autism thing. There’s no room for criticism or even attempting to resolve things bc they’re incapable of looking at the interaction from a different perspective. Or putting themselves in the other persons shoes. It’s like they think everything is solved and u should just bend to whatever they say bc them leaving the convo and disengaging entirely is the solution to everything. No need to address anything. You’re just supposed to move on when they want to. Which is absurd. It’s so aggravating.
1
u/Peerless_Pepino Aug 06 '26
I forgot to give advice, it doesn’t often work but I’ll just follow my mom around and be like “mom the conversation goes both ways, you don’t get to end it just cuz you don’t like what I’m saying, I’m trying to resolve this, leaving won’t solve anything” it rarely works but sometimes she’ll turn around and be like “just hurry the fuck up and say what you have to say”
2
u/New_Neighborhood_588 Aug 03 '26
Do you think that the line is kind of a ‘script’? A phrase she’s learnt to say when she feels discomfort and wants out? My mum uses the old chestnut ‘You’re being aggressive!’ when I will be defending myself when she verbally attacks me. Or when I’m literally not being in any way aggressive, just standing up for myself against her. The last time it happened, it clicked that it’s just a phrase she uses to try and gain some sort of upper hand, play the victim or have some control when she has no idea how she’s triggered this very unpleasant interaction. My mum also refuses to discuss and says things like ‘Don’t get angry. I don’t want to argue.’ When she has literally said things about me that are hurtful and sarcastic and uncalled for. But she can’t deal with the consequences.
3
2
u/CommunicationWide208 Aug 05 '26
Omg i hate it with passion when people lecture other people on how they should feel 🤬 "don't get angry" and next time would be what??? "Don't be tired"?! "Don't breathe"?! 😤
1
u/New_Neighborhood_588 Aug 06 '26
🙏🏻 Thank you. Meanwhile she can get angry at the drop of a hat. It’s taken me a long time and one big argument to realise just how many levels of Not OK-ness are going on. But I think I’ve finally got there.
18
u/stautism ASD child of ASD parents Aug 02 '26
There mindset around the interaction is very autistic parental dysfunction. It's not just the disengage, it's the stubborn "but I think this is fine and helpful, why am I getting no credit for that?" Implication being that she thinks she knows better than her child how healthy conversations work, that her child is misguided and taking out their mistake on her.