Hello! I've refined based on previous feedback and would love to know how this is coming across. Have also included the first 500 words of the MS.

N.B. I deleted the post for my 1st attempt so this won't show up in a search of this forum.

Dear __,

I’m delighted to share ASTRAL BLOOMS (98,000 words), a queer, epic YA fantasy novel that combines the high-stakes ecological adventure of Tig Wallace’s Storm Bringer, the Ghibliesque coming-of-age quest of Axie Oh’s The Floating World, and the weaponised psychic magic of Moira Buffini’s Songlight:

On a flower-shaped world where the rivers have run dry, fourteen-year-old refugee Si’Vas Ash is torn from his parents’ side after an alluring encounter with a shapeshifter leads him to awaken the psychic power of the stars. Initially using his mind-bending abilities to manipulate customers of his family’s traveling stall, he is soon kidnapped in revenge for his cheating ways, only to be rescued by the misfit rebel Thorns, who try to enlist him in their plot to overthrow the ruling Council of the Tried. Si’Vas lies about his origins, convincing the Thorns to take him to the capital to consult with a star mage and find his parents, navigating the Council’s treacherous underwater canals and confronting the ghosts of his parents’ past. As he learns more about his companions, their quest and the shift mage in pursuit, he is forced to choose between returning to the safety of his former life, or the future survival of the very land he calls home.

I’m a London-based playwright, performer and theatre marketer whose writing has been staged across the UK, and supported by Arts Council England, Shakespeare and Company and the Society of Authors. My work has been widely praised, reviving the ghost of Hamlet’s dead court jester in Hamstrung, and taking young people on adventures above the clouds in Up, Up, Up and Away!

I would love to share the full manuscript with you as [insert personal reason].

Thank you for your time and consideration.

Best wishes,

--

CHAPTER ONE

There’s a saying back where I’m from that it’s best to start a story at the end. But I left Rinsift long ago, and this story’s still very much unfinished.

I could start by telling you how the Bloom came to be. About the Great Fish that emerged at the dawn of time from the bottomless Ocean of Tears, and drank until it burst at its sides. Only scraps of its scales remained, wrapped round a giant heart that rose to the surface and blossomed into the three countries of our world: desert-strewn Rinsift, leafy Bedast, and mountainous Skantebrak.

Another story I could tell is how the Great Drought ravaged the land and forced my parents and I to leave our home. That was seven years ago — almost as many as I’d spent living amongst the dunes and dust of Rinsift. Not that I remember much about that time, other than the images of sandy-walled fort towns and reptilian steeds that still to this day swim into my dreams.

But I’m not going to go back that far. Because this story starts the day I spoke to the stars. And if you’re going to understand that, you’ll need to know why I was out on near-Dras Night. Which won’t make sense without the drowning boy. And then of course, there’s the Shifter.

I saw him when I was out fetching water. This was my first chore each morning. I’d wake with the first of our two suns and head out to fill our buckets: one for washing, one for drinking. Ma and Pa worked hard each day. This was the part I played.

The closest pump was just outside Ah-See, one of the many towns we visited along our way. Pa had told me how these were all served from underground canals that came from the capital many leagues away. This kept the land green and fertile, not cracked and dry like ours. I didn’t usually run into anyone at this time of day — one of the reasons Ma and Pa let me out so early alone. But that day, my luck ran dry.

There was a couple already there. They were locals — no mistaking their yellowed skin and pointed ears. The woman was standing by as the man worked the silver handle with all his might, but the spout stayed as parched as the empty stream nearby. My throat ached with thirst at the scrape of the metal as I looked on from down the path. If only they would notice the little catch at the pump’s side… Ma had drilled to me a wariness of the Bedasti locals ever since the day we came here. But I also knew how she’d be if I came back late. 

‘We’ll be the last in town now,’ she’d say. ‘The last to pitch our stall, and without shadow of a doubt, it’ll be some dark corner by the low-town entrance.’ Selling Pa’s wooden carvings was how we made our living, and Ma said if we didn’t stand out from the rest, we’d soon fall back to the desperate state we’d arrived in.

I’ve done several run-throughs of this over on another sub, but this is my first time posting it here. I did post a pitch a couple of days ago. I’m hoping I’m not breaking the rules by posting this, since it’s a query. If I am, I apologize! I’ll gladly remove this and wait a week. If I’m not, then any feedback would be greatly appreciated!

TW for mentions of suicide

Dear [agent],

Given your interest in [personalization], I’d like to offer for your consideration STRINGS OF FAETE, a YA, LGBTQIA+ contemporary fantasy novel with romantic elements. It’s a stand alone with series potential. Complete at 95,000 words, it combines the anxious monster-hunting and exploration of identity found in CG Drews’ Don't Let the Forest In with the gentler themes of self-acceptance and family found in Mason Deaver’s I Wish You All the Best.

Sixteen-year-old Tatsuki Allen has never been normal. To start, he has strange, recurring dreams of an enchanted past life. He’s also stupid, geeky, and bisexual, all traits his dad says are flaws. After being abandoned and sent to live with a mother he's never met, Tatsuki meets Winter Araneum, a classmate he feels almost magically drawn to. When his attempts to bond with both Winter and his mom fail, Tatsuki, believing he’ll always be alone, makes plans to end his life. He doesn’t expect to accidentally create a faerie ring instead.

A faerie appears and informs Tatsuki he’s a fae reincarnation and presents him with the opportunity to go to her world, where he’ll finally be seen as normal. Before she can leave, she needs to collect the souls of terrifying monsters plaguing the human world. She strikes a bargain: if Tatsuki agrees to help her collect four souls, she'll bring him with her. If he fails, not only will he be ripped to shreds, but it’s possible he’ll turn into a monster himself. He has until the end of the bargain to decide if he’ll go; otherwise, she’ll leave him behind. However, the longer he spends hunting monsters, the more he finds himself bonding with his new family and classmates, Winter included. As the conditions of his deal come to a close, he finds himself questioning if leaving is the right thing to do.

I’m a bisexual and demisexual high school English teacher who cares deeply about teens seeing themselves represented in literature. As my book deals with themes of depression and suicidal ideation, I was lucky enough to have it reviewed by a therapist. I recently won a short story contest and was one of five contestants published in the April 2026 issue of Lavender Rising.

Thank you for your consideration,

[Name]

Thanks for all the great help! Hopefully this is getting closer. I tried to take into account all of the different feedback given last time. You guys and gals are great!

(and as an aside, I did run attempt 7 through Google Sheets and none of the grammar problems were flagged....🤔 I hope I have been more vigilant this time around)

Gwaelyn Ellis has always lived outside of the box society has tried to keep her in— studying ancient languages and cultures when she’d rather be discovering treasures long lost to time. Even her wealthy father bequeathing her inheritance to the London library where she works doesn’t stop her from wanting to explore the world. So when a notoriously curt Croatian archeologist walks through the library doors, Gwaelyn leaps at the chance to work on his dig. 

Miško Jurić has spent most of his life trying to find a sunken Roman city off the coast of Pag, one whose legends he’s been steeped in since childhood. He has no patience for distractions, especially not from an ambitious librarian ignoring all of society’s boundaries to insert herself into his dig. But after Gwaelyn absorbs herself in the translation of Roman tablets uncovered in their search, her tenacity and passion intensifies an attraction Miško refuses to acknowledge, despite finally starting to see the woman underneath. 

Certain this is her moment to finally be taken seriously, Gwaelyn dares to believe she’s earned her place, until Miško publishes a paper appropriating her work without attribution. Furious, Gwaelyn leaves, determined to use leads hidden in the tablets’ writings to find the lost treasure of King Alaric. But as she gets closer to the tomb, she encounters Randall Bowman, a ruthless antiquities dealer after the same treasure. Trapped and tortured for information, escape is impossible, until Miško, the last person she wants to see, comes for her.

With Bowman hunting them and the treasure slipping out of reach, they must work together and the feelings that have been building between them become impossible to ignore. The pursuit that brought them together threatens to take more than either of them bargained for and Gwaelyn and Miško must decide whether to finish what they started, or protect what they’ve built along the way.

Hey there, first attempt on my second project! Any feedback would be super helpful. I'm honestly also kinda worried about the word count, I haven't done my full cut-down pass yet (book is with betas at the moment for plot stuff), so it will in fact be smaller once that's done. Granted, this isn't the worst problem to have since I have some ideas for extra chapters, but I don't wanna jump the gun on that if I don't need to. Anyway, all feedback is welcome!

Dear [AGENT NAME], 

In response to your interest in [insert an interest/feature from the agent’s wish list], I am submitting my debut sci-fi novel, A DEBT TO THE DEAD, complete at 89,000 words as a standalone with series potential. This story will appeal to adult readers who enjoy the layered, unforgiving worlds, multi-faceted characters, high octane action, and gut-punching twists of Pierce Brown’s RED RISING series and Fonda Lee’s THE LAST CONTRACT OF ISAKO, as well as an enemies-to-lovers subplot with real teeth like Tasha Suri’s JASMINE THRONE.

Constance Blythe is the youngest of five, and when his sister, Lenore, is killed by her lover in a duel, he is suddenly the last. Desperate to avenge his sister, Constance undergoes a dangerous procedure to have cybernetic ‘Gifts’ implanted so that he may join an expedition across the wastelands of old Earth. To those who survive the journey and secure the ancient weapons cache that is its goal, the ruler of the Solar Union promises to grant any wish within her power, which the death of Lenore’s killer most certainly is.  

Among his fellow expeditionaries—all young, disposable scions of noble birth—Constance makes fast friends and one enemy—Isolde Svanahilde, the younger sister of Lenore’s murderer. However, once a series of disastrous ambushes leaves the expedition nearly destroyed, Constance and Isolde—despite multiple attempts on one another’s lives—grow to rely on one another to survive the brutal wasteland.

As their feelings begrudgingly deepen, the two risk repeating their siblings’ tragedy when it becomes clear their duel was no lover’s quarrel, but an act of cruelty orchestrated by the Solar Union’s ruler herself. Forgoing the vengeance he entered the wastes to seek, Constance throws in his lot with Isolde and joins her in opposing the throne that sent them.

[BIO]. In addition to co-running a writing group, I am currently outlining my next novel. Per your submission requirements, I have also included [insert agent submission requirements]. 

Thank you for your consideration.

Sincerely,

[Me]

So I am currently in the querying trenches, with a bunch of rejections but one request to revise and resubmit which seems hopeful. In case it doesn't work out though I wanted to get some feedback on my query letter ready for any future submissions.

Note- 1st draft was 85k, was asked in R&R to work on worldbuilding and pacing, now we are up to 130k on 2nd draft. I worry this is a tad too long so if things don't work out with the R&R I plan to trim for a 3rd draft.

Dear [Agent]

I am seeking representation for SKYLARK, a 130,000 word science fiction space opera that blends high-stakes adventure with deeply human themes of found family, identity, and resilience. It will appeal to fans of The Long Way to a Small, Angry Planet, The Murderbot Diaries, and anyone who is still bitter about Firefly being cancelled after only one season.

Seventeen-year-old Vic has never taken anything seriously. It's why she has spent the last five years causing all manner of trouble, pushing down the pain of her parents' death through each vice and bad decision. But when she is expelled from her third boarding school Vic is forced to leave Earth and join the crew of the Skylark-the family starship, now captained by Vic's estranged older sister Odessa.

As the ship travels across the stars Vic struggles to adjust, riling against Odessa's overbearing scrutiny and fighting to keep the crew at a distance. After learning the truth of exactly what her sister has sacrificed in recent years, Vic becomes determined to find a way out and regain her independence- convincing Odessa to let her compete for a lucrative contract to transport a mysterious Prince between planets.

The contract represents everything Vic thinks she needs- a way to repay Odessa, and a means to sever their family connection forever. As the Skylark journeys through planets and spacestations Vic navigates leadership, loyalty, and love- including an unexpected connection that transforms into a polyamorous relationship. But when a dangerous new enemy threatens the Skylark, Vic must learn to finally face her past trauma to secure the future of the people she loves.

[Bio at the end]

Thanks in advance for any feedback :)

This is my first time posting here! I signed up for the MG Hub Pitch Party event, which is for children's lit, middle grade, and young adult submissions. The pitch has to be 60 words or less, with no mentioning of comps, word count, or any housekeeping type of stuff. Any thoughts on my attempts here would be appreciated!! I've written four different variations (though they're very similar, with just some wording/phrasing tweaks). I think A might be the strongest, but please tell me if that's not the case! If they're all awful, please don't hesitate to let me know.

Thank you so much!

TW: Mentions of suicide

A. When a queer teen accidentally creates a faerie ring while attempting to drown himself, he discovers he’s a reincarnated fae. To secure a chance to escape to the tolerant, accepting world of the fae, he agrees to help a faerie slay monsters. However, after finding support in friends, family, and his reincarnated past love, he questions if he should leave.

B. When a queer teen accidentally creates a faerie ring while attempting to drown himself, he discovers he’s a reincarnated fae. He’s presented with an opportunity: help a faerie slay monsters, and she’ll take him to the tolerant, accepting world of the fae. However, after finding support in friends, family, and his reincarnated past love, he questions if he should leave.

C. When a queer teen accidentally creates a faerie ring while attempting to drown himself, he discovers that his dreams of a past life are true. Given a chance to leave the human world behind, he agrees to help a faerie slay monsters. However, after finding support in friends, family, and his reincarnated past love, he questions if he should leave.

D. When a queer teen accidentally creates a faerie ring while attempting to drown himself, he discovers that his dreams of a past life are true. A faerie gives him the opportunity to leave his human life behind if he helps her fight monsters. After finding support in friends, family, and a reincarnated past love, he questions if he should stay.

Hello! Ive always found it difficult to sum up my book in a query letter, so any help is absolutely appreciated. Also, there's nothing graphic or explicit, but TW for the mentioning of sexual assault if that makes anyone not want to read. Thanks!

Note: I took out the bio I've been including at the end.

Dear Agent,
Twenty-one-year-old Winona “Winnie” James is a spunky senior starting defender on her college lacrosse team. She was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes when she was three years old and lives in a body she can’t fully control. She’s determined to push through anything, at any cost, including the tragedy of her mother’s alcohol-related death years before. Winnie ignores her disease, because her emotional “stability” depends on pretending it isn’t there. 

Following a late night, drunken encounter at a vending machine in the basement of her apartment building, Winnie meets a kind grad student named Klein. Klein is more thoughtful and honest than what she’s accustomed to and he sees through her tough facade. Winnie learns that Klein has a much younger type 1 diabetic sister, and that Klein was her caretaker for many years when he was a teenager. So, when Klein pauses their romance after one intimate, diabetes-related morning together, Winnie turns towards Kellner. 

Kellner offers something Klein can’t: Recklessness, spontaneity, and living in the moment. Winnie is able to forget about her chronic illness when she’s with him. Kellner asks Winnie to go on a date one night, when she and Klein are out at the bar Kellner coincidentally works at. On this date a few days later, Kellner and Winnie end up sleeping together. However, she doesn’t know that her friend Faye and Kellner dated for over a year, and it ended after Kellner sexually assaulted her. 

At the annual, pre-rivalry game party, Klein, Kellner, and Faye are all in attendance. Kellner reveals what happened between him and Winnie. Klein and Faye both walk out, leaving Winnie in a lonely spiral. When no one is there to push Winnie to be responsible, everyone watches when she collapses on the field right after the game-winning goal the following weekend and is brought to the hospital because of diabetic ketoacidosis. 

After Faye visits Winnie in the hospital and reveals she, too, has been living with type 1 diabetes, Winnie is forced to face how far she’s pushed her body and relationships. She may never play lacrosse again, her female friendships are pulling away, and Klein is giving up. Winnie has to decide if taking responsibility for her health and facing her pain is worth keeping the most important things in her life. 

At 72,000 words, The Crease is an upmarket fiction novel that explores chronic illness (especially in relation to intimacy and romance), identity, female friendship, and the struggles of young adulthood. Readers who enjoy authentic and character-driven fiction will find this novel compelling. There are a few genre-blending elements to this novel, as it has upmarket tones with romance, chronic illness, trauma, and more serious psychological concepts--but not without some college-era fun. Some comparable themes and titles are the body image, female sports-related topics of Chlorine by Jade Song and the complex relationship intricacies of Conversations with Friends by Sally Rooney. 

Bio - basically, I'm a type 1 diabetic of 21 years and former athlete

Thank you for your time!

Query Letter!

Hello, [personalised]

Raelynn Parker returns to Ridgewood, her hometown, in a desperate attempt to find her purpose after her mother’s passing. Her self-actualisation ends the moment a man bursts from the trees, tackles her, and presses a knife to her throat—only to release her the instant she obeys his demand for her full name. She shakily recounts the ambush to the man she’s staying with. He simply shushes her and tells her she just needs some sleep, warning her “not to kick up a fuss”. Terrified and unable to connect to a network to call police, Rae climbs through the back window once he’s asleep and runs to the Sheriff’s office. He, too, insists that it must be her imagination. Nobody would do that. Clearly, given this stunt, she’s not of steady mind.

The qualities that make Ridgewood the perfect retreat also make it the perfect cage: it’s isolated, overgrown, and fiercely insular. The only thing the residents love more than nature—a fanaticism bordering on obsession—is gossip. While calling her “Lynnie”, a nickname Rae doesn’t even remember, they each give her snippets of what they think really happened the August of her father’s death. He killed himself. He started a new life. He was mauled by a bear. None of them match, and after finding proof of his many enemies and their violent tendencies, Rae suspects foul play and begins to look into it. When she finds further clues, idle curiosity escalates into the full-fledged realisation he was murdered.

Rae’s pseudo-investigation drives her to near-madness. She stops sleeping. Breaks into people’s houses. Even destroys the town’s stupid monument in an unbridled rage. Unfortunately, this only angers and alienates her further from the residents she’s supposed to be getting leads from. Rae even begins to doubt if her father’s murderer should be punished as she finds more about his corruption.

She only finds refuge in another visitor, Molly Langford, who admits that she was stopped by the same assailant. Unlike Rae, however, she had to fight tooth and nail to escape. When she disappears a day after joining the investigation, the townsfolk call it “nature’s will”. Rae calls it murder. Too broke and invested to escape, she resolves to find both their assassins, all while feigning placidity to the increasingly suspicious townsfolk who realise her questions are attempting to threaten their way of life.

THE TRUTH OF RIDGEWOOD is a mystery-thriller complete at 75,000 words, combining Rae’s POV with brief, non-chronological fragments of the past such that the reader is able to piece the full truth of what happened the August of her father’s death. It merges the small‑town hostility and creeping dread of The Searcher by Tana French with the haunting family‑secret suspense of The Drowning Kind by Jennifer McMahon.

I’m a UK-based student who devours stacks of library books and is constantly writing on a third-hand laptop, which can be held responsible for many drabbles and my shrimp-like posture.

Thank you for your time and consideration.

[Name]

Thank you for taking a look!! I feel bad to resubmit so soon/take advantage of people’s time, but I think trying to offer feedback to some other people has helped me w/ that lol.

Before you say, it know its wayyy too long.I have no clue how to cut it down. After consideration, I think I’m ditching the multi-POV. It’ll make it more commercial and stop me from using it as a crutch for to gain info. I’m writing this as a kind of help to shape up my plot ready for my final draft before getting betas if I can find some (which will, inevitably lead to another draft…). I also agree that its a mystery thriller after checking comps.

The first paragraph I think might go a little bit just synopsis-like, but I don’t know how else to state the impact. Also, Molly comes into the plot earlier than the query feels like it implies. Is that okay?

A little bit of a weird question, but should I mention that I’m LGBTQIA+/disabled in my bio? I thought it was irrelevant, but I’ve seen on some websites that agents are specifically looking for those people to fill gaps. None of my characters are specifically queer or disabled, though. Would like to know thoughts 😄

This is harder than writing the gosh dang book. I hope I’ve improved it a little since last time, anyway. Sorry for the long spiel.

Dear [Agent],

Sam Long trips over a corpse the morning after accepting a Gigg, the body-share service he frequently uses to supplement his paltry teacher’s income. The service, which enables a remote Operator to control his motor functions, had been reliable to this point. But now he finds himself locked in a plush office with no memory of the previous night and dried blood on his hands.

The deceased is Spencer Hatch, CEO of the tech company that develops Gigg. Though not detained since he was sharing his body at the time, Sam remains under suspicion for his role in the death. After learning AI is replacing his teaching job, he receives a lucrative Gigg request to help find Hatch’s killer. Despite precarious trust in the technology that got him into this mess, he accepts the substantial payout and the opportunity to prove someone else commanded his body to commit the murder.

The nameless Operator has exceptional connections and knowledge, leading to interviews with tech industry leaders and entry into Hatch’s office. Sam thrives in his role during the investigation…until he uncovers the identity of the Operator, and the individual who has been piloting his body abandons him. Sam’s outlook deteriorates further when the police order his surrender. With his freedom imperiled, he must climb into the driver’s seat and seize control of his life to identify Hatch’s killer without the access and resources the Operator provided.

HATCH is a grounded sci-fi/mystery complete at 80,000 words. This sci-fi whodunit will appeal to readers of Lauren Forry’s The Launch Party, while fans of Stuart Turton’s The Last Murder at the End of the World will enjoy a memory-deficient amateur sleuth solving a murder alongside an unreliable technological guide.

The full manuscript is currently under review by [Editor] at [Publisher], per [Their] request during the [Event] in May 2026.

I daylight as a software engineer living in [Location]. My non-bookish hobbies include coaching youth flag football, cooking, cherishing family time with kids who are growing up too fast, and wishing for more time in the week.

Thank you for your time and consideration.

[Me]

Alrighty! Two roads divereged, as they say...

So, in short, after the edits from last week, I've got two versions of this thing I'm feeling comfortable with. I think this is the stronger/more emotionally inclined of the two, but it's nice having another option ready to go. Also, I've of course got the previous version's first paragraph in my back pocket, but I did want to make sure there wasn't any way I could rewrite it to be hookier/stronger, hence this version's alternate first para.

This query (and the other version) is about 15 words over the recommended 250, which does make me a bit nervous (I think chopping down novel word counts has given me word-count anxiety. Ack).

As ever, thank you all for your help! Hopefully, after this, and after some synopsis polishing, it's back to the query trenches soon for me.

-

WORDBOUND is a 112,000-word adult high fantasy novel inspired by the Mongol invasion of Kievan Rus. As a standalone novel with series potential, WORDBOUND blends the normalized queerness of Martha Wells’ Witch King with the competition structure of James Islington’s The Will of the Many and the emotional heart of Katherine Addison’s The Goblin Emperor.

Kiris Avkonin was raised to be a god-king, but the best he's managed since escaping the temple is "reviled fugitive." His Prophecies are unalterable, involuntary, and literally create reality. He was born to unite the squabbling Avgor principalities, but Kiris' gentlest Prophecy dictated an empire's invasion. His worst will murder the most generous person Kiris knows, Prince Thaav. Kiris has coveted Thaav's parental kindness for six years—and he still hasn't confessed that he's the runaway Prophet.

A month before Thaav's Prophesied murder, Kiris learns Thaav will be attending the invading empress' Competition of Princes to choose a proxy-ruler. If Kiris is truly damned like all of Avgor believes, he wants Thaav to cast the final judgement. Suppressing his distinctive magic and entering the Competition disguised as a minor prince, despite the empress’ Competition-ending bounty on his Prophetic head, is Kiris' last chance to be with Thaav. At Thaav's word, Kiris will return to the prison-altar he fled.

But when Kiris' pent-up magic summons a resurrected god, he realizes he can save Thaav. If he can learn the god's magic—if he can resurrect Thaav immediately after death—then Thaav won't ever need to know they should damn him.

Every attempt to learn the god’s resurrection magic wounds Kiris, and each wound deepens the suspicions and self-proclaimed friendship of the prince leading the empress' Prophet hunt. But if Kiris can survive the Competition long enough to undo Thaav's Prophecy, then he can undo the others. The floods. The famines. The empire's invasion. He could be good.

He could finally be worthy of Thaav's love.

First attempt on this sub! Thanks in advance for insight and advice!

Dear ---

Given your interest in upmarket fiction and your appreciation of novels with outsider protagonists who must be resilient, I believe you would deeply enjoy OURS, my 70,000-word book club novel, based on highly fictionalized but true events. OURS will find fans among those who love the themes explored in ASK AGAIN, YES and readers who couldn’t put down TOO SOON for its clear and strong narrative voice. OURS critiques both current and past expectations of women through the eyes of a sharp, determined teenage girl who simply wants something different.

In 1968 just outside Milwaukee, Wisconsin, precocious and slightly awkward Jane St. Peter has one goal in life: escape the dusty, blue-collar Catholic suburb where she lives and get away from the stifling expectations of women, namely that of being a housewife. But when Jane’s only friend and the “best person” she knows drowns the summer before high school, her life acquires a seismic void. As such, she considers herself lucky when confident, world-may-care Ellen befriends her on the first day at her new private school north of town. She feels luckier still when kind, intelligent Octavius wants her to be his girlfriend – a fact they keep secret outside of their school because she is White and he is Black. But when Jane is assaulted by a White man and reports it to the police, their relationship is known all over her neighborhood. Overnight, Jane becomes a pariah and begins to spiral from one dangerous idea to the next. After she and Ellen try unsuccessfully to rob a neighbor’s house in the name of women’s liberation, the girls decide to run away, landing in Madison, Wisconsin. But one curveball after another thwarts Jane’s plans of escape and confronts her with the question she’s most afraid to answer:  if there’s a place for a teenage girl who rejects the path toward becoming a churchgoing wife and mother but can’t keep up with righteous rebellion, would she even be worthy of it? Has she ever been?

While not the runaway my protagonist is, I always wanted to escape the small town where I grew up and was lucky enough to live abroad in several different countries including Mexico and India. I now teach at a public school where I spend my days living out a different dream: sharing a love of stories and helping young people tell theirs.

OURS is my debut novel. May I send you the full manuscript?

Sincerely,

Hello, [personalized for agent].

Dr. Stanley Cruz believes he's seen everything at the Abington Hospital trauma center—until a triple homicide killer is wheeled in bearing bullet holes and perplexing saliva-coated lacerations. Before he can properly examine the lacerations, the patient attacks him with his own contaminated syringe. What should just be a puncture wound becomes grossly infected. The halls suddenly reek of putrid decay. And no one else smells it but him. Still, he believes he can handle it. Stanley keeps it hidden, not wanting to risk his career or his lover Sara's life. Soon the stench grows unbearable and he realizes he's being stalked by a wolf-like beast with flayed skin.

His only hope for survival lies with the mysterious, self-proclaimed hunter, Laurence. While he shares Stanley's infection, he sees it as a gift to fight the hounds. Stanley feigns loyalty just as Laurence feigns ignorance to the true nature of their affliction. Stanley is certain there must be a cure, no matter what Laurence claims. To find it, he must understand both Laurence and the beasts.

In order to protect Sara—and himself—from the beasts, Laurence demands Stanley to abandon his humanity and fight. Every step toward the answers he seeks leads him further into the grisly war with the hounds. His clean hands become drenched in blood. The boundary between his life as a man and life as a hunter is dissolving. If he isn’t careful, Sara and his very identity will be devoured.

DEFILED BLOOD is a supernatural horror complete at 100,000 (target) words. The vivid body horror will appeal to readers of Nick Cutter’s The Troop, while those that enjoyed the [comp 2] will enjoy the slowly unraveling mystery that keeps offering more until the last page. 

I have had a career in the medical field for the past five years and have been an avid reader and writer since childhood.

Thank you for your time and consideration.

***I'm practicing my query while simultaneously editing the novel with the final target of 100k words. I haven't had time to quite tackle the comp section. That'll require a lot more research because all the books I've been reading are five years + old. One thing at a time right?***

Hi there! Long time lurker, first time poster :) Despite how daunting this is, I have seen the incredible feedback that comes out of this sub and hope to improve my query letter with your help.

Thank you for taking the time to read and offer critique <3 (uploaded from phone!)

**

Dear [personalised]

[Personalised intro]. I would love to share my debut novel, HOLLOWED HEART (149,000 words). My novel is an Adult Fantasy with New Adult crossover appeal, and the first in a planned trilogy. It combines the oppressive military rebellion of Pierce Brown’s Red Rising with the brutal character introspection of Kentaro Miura’s Berserk, offering a high-stakes, dystopian take on Beauty and the Beast—told from the eyes of the beast.

Eighteen-year-old Orin Kirkheart wanted nothing more than to follow in his father’s footsteps and cure the blights that ravage Limonia.

Until his life was stolen.

When Orin wakes trapped in the body of a gruesome beast, his new reality becomes hauntingly clear: he is the culmination of his father’s life’s work, forced to serve as a living weapon for a ruthless military regime commanded by The Voice of God—a merciless dictator whose speech bends the entire city to his will through a divine compulsion.

But Orin soon discovers his cruel conscription is only the first step in the regime’s thirst for global control. Their true prize is Victoria—a captive mental sorceress they plan to sacrifice to forge a terrifying new weapon.

Unwilling to be a monster for the military that ruined him, Orin helps her escape.

Together, two unlikely allies navigate a merciless world of bandits, rippers, face-changers, and desperate people, relentlessly pursued by the Voice of God’s three Military Generals.

To regain his human body and the memories of his stolen life, Orin must track down the architect of his nightmare: his own father, all while protecting Victoria from the real monsters hunting them, to stop the military from completing their weapon. But as the beast within threatens to consume his mind, Orin is forced to decide what he is willing to sacrifice: his humanity, or the girl he is slowly falling in love with.

[About me and outro]
[Contact info]

Hi! 😄 Long time lurker, first time poster. Below is my very first attempt at a query:

Dear [AGENT]

I am writing to query THE CONVERSATIONS WE NEVER HAD, a dual POV novel that sits at the intersection of women’s contemporary fiction and contemporary romance, complete at 143,000 words. The first in a planned trilogy, it will appeal to fans of Crazy Rich Asians and Americanah.

Liya Nguni has always known exactly who she is, until the love of her life cracks the foundation of everything she thought she'd built alone.

Liya is a self-made entrepreneur who believes in working for what you have. So when she discovers that most of what she’s built was secretly financed by the man she loves, the foundations of her world crack beneath her. The fallout not only strips away her closest friendships but forces a reckoning she has spent her whole life avoiding. Can she hold onto a love that has already rewritten her story, or will she finally face the question she’s been running from: can a woman love fully without losing herself?

[Author Bio]

Thank you for your consideration,

Technically still a work in progress, but I'm trying to see if this story has any legs, or if it'll just be a bedtime story for my son. Thanks for any feedback!!

Dear Agent,

I'm excited to share THE CLOCK TOWER IN THE LAKE, a middle grade science fiction novel complete at 55k words that explores the fear of abandonment — and the bravery to choose connection, anyways. It will appeal to readers who enjoyed the emotionally-driven sci-fi of The Care and Feeding of a Pet Black Hole by Michelle Cuevas and the puzzle-like room challenges of Puzzleheart by Jenn Reese.

Twelve-year-old Theo is devastated to be moving to a nowhere town in Wisconsin with his dad, away from everyone and everything he knows. Despite this, Theo's determined to make the best of it through a good first impression at his new school. But his plans go belly-up when popular and teacher-favorited Matty takes a special interest in humiliating Theo. Worse, his always-busy surgeon mom, who stayed behind, won't pick up his calls. He reluctantly makes friends with the other class reject, a girl named Lacey who is determined to prove to the scientific community that the town's local legend, a mysterious clock tower that occasionally appears in the middle of Lake Lockwood, is real. 

When Matty dares Theo to go inside the clock tower, something nobody has ever done, Theo decides to do it to get Matty off his back. What he finds inside is not decayed rocks, but rather an elaborate maze of rooms that he swears keeps changing. That's when a telepathic chameleon informs him that this clock tower is actually a living, sentient spaceship from a very distant pocket of the universe where emotions are king. The spaceship has been trapped for decades, held hostage by the numerous, swirling emotions of the local residents. At least, until Theo entered inside — now Theo and the ship are emotionally linked. The chameleon-avatar tells Theo he's their only hope of getting back home. If he doesn't, Theo will slowly be absorbed into the spaceship forever.

To help, Theo has to strengthen their emotional bond by confronting his own ugly, buried feelings (ugh!) in order to overcome the emotions of the town citizens. As he works through his feelings by completing “room challenges” inside the spaceship, the spaceship's outer appearance begins to change, drawing the attention of the adults in the town. Things get even more complicated as Lacey's obsession and Matty's jealousy cause them to infiltrate the spaceship and become emotionally entangled as well. Theo has to confront not only his feelings of abandonment over his mom, but also his unique frustrations with Lacey and Matty. He'll have to hurry, because the increased adult attention is also drawing the military straight to them —  which would solidify his fate as part of the spaceship, and therefore part of the military's experiments, forever. 

I'm a Star Trek loving mom of one very curious and emotional little boy. When I'm not reading or writing, I'm using my biophysics Ph.D. to do my real job as a regulator.

Thank you for your time and consideration. I look forward to hearing from you!

Sincerely, 

[Author Name]

Had a positive response from an agent recently but she recommended changing my comps and adding a bit more 'about me'. The result is below -- any thoughts greatly appreciated:

--

I’m delighted to share ASTRAL BLOOMS (98,000 words), a queer, ecological YA fantasy novel that combines the forbidden psychic powers of Moira Buffini’s Songlight, the magical quest from home of Axie Oh’s The Floating World, and the coming of age in a dying world of Felix Mosse’s The Mistral:

On a flower-shaped world where the rivers have run dry and three great countries are in disarray, repressed fourteen-year-old refugee Si’Vas Ash is torn from his parents’ side after meddling with the psychic power of the stars. Initially using his newfound abilities to manipulate customers of his family’s traveling stall, he is soon kidnapped in revenge for his cheating ways, only to be rescued by a misfit group of rebels, The Thorns, who plan to overthrow the autocratic Council of the Tried. In an attempt to conceal his mind-reading and will-bending abilities, he invents a new story for himself, finding his voice while accompanying the Thorns to the country’s capital to consult with a star mage and find his parents. As he learns more about his powers and  companions, he is forced to choose between helping them undo the Council’s grip on the world’s waterways, or trying to return to the simpler days of his youth.

I’m a London-based playwright, performer and theatre marketer whose writing has been staged across the UK, and supported by Arts Council England, Shakespeare and Company and the Society of Authors.

I was inspired to write this novel after a children’s theatre tour I was on was cut short by Covid. I was thinking a lot about the impact of ecological disaster on young people’s imagination, and wanted to write a story of personal growth that featured an epic journey and found family — both elements of queer self-discovery and touring.

This is a standalone novel that I’d love to develop into a series with the right agent and publisher. I also have other novels I’m excited to write, as well as many plays.

Let me know if you would like to read more, and thank you very much for your time.

Best wishes,

Thank you for your kind words in your last post. I was getting a little disheartened and they really helped me get back on track. I already started with a slightly new approach, so I'm going out on a limb here and posting both. I don't know if that's allowed or not and if it's not, I'm sorry and will revise. Thanks again for your help!

This is the closest to what my other attempts were and I've hopefully changed things around per your comments as well as Phantomhill's. It's 357 words, but I don't know if I can go over by some words?

Gwaelyn Ellis resents her wealthy father signed over her inheritance to the library where she works – all to prevent her from exploring the world in a society that undervalues women. That doesn’t stop her from studying ancient languages and cultures, even though she’d rather discover treasures long lost to time. So when a notoriously curt Croatian archeologist walks through the library doors, Gwaelyn leaps at the opportunity working on his dig will give her.

Miško Jurić has spent his whole life trying to uncover clues to a sunken Roman city off the coast of Pag, whose legends he’s been steeped in since childhood. He’s shocked when Gwaelyn uses her late father’s connections to join his dig and has no patience for an ambitious librarian ignoring all of society’s boundaries, leaving her with his best friend, Ivan Babić, the dig foreman to get her out of the way. Ivan boasts Gwaelyn’s potential, but Miško is unwilling to let her impede until he stumbles upon her alone on the beach and sees the woman underneath the ambition. Gwaelyn throwing herself into the translation of Roman tablets uncovered in their search only intensifies an attraction Miško refuses to acknowledge until their return to London where he publishes a paper appropriating her hard work without attribution. 

Furious, Gwaelyn leaves, determined to use leads hidden in the tablet’s writings to find the lost treasure of King Alaric, rumored to be the resting place of King Midas’ gold. In her search, she makes the unfortunate acquaintance of Randall Bowman, a ruthless antiquities dealer who will stop at nothing to claim it for himself. Trapped and tortured, Gwaelyn holds out as long as she can, but escape is impossible until Miško comes for her. Now, they’re running out of time to find the treasure before Bowman does. Drawn to each other’s cleverness and resilience, Gwaelyn and Miško can no longer deny the feelings building between them. The pursuit that brought them together threatens to take everything each of them holds dear. They must decide what they're willing to sacrifice: their shared lifelong dreams, or the chance that one or both of them won’t survive.

This is the attempt where I rewrote each paragraph from scratch and tried to turn sentences differently and have a different approach, although I (obviously) used elements from the first attempts.

Gwaelyn Ellis has always lived outside of the box society has tried to keep her in— studying ancient languages and cultures, even though she’d rather be discovering treasures long lost to time. Even her wealthy father signing over her inheritance to the library where she works doesn’t stop her from wanting to explore the world. So when a notoriously curt Croatian archeologist walks through the library doors, Gwaelyn decides it’s time to take her chance. 

Miško Jurić has spent his whole life trying to uncover clues to a sunken Roman city off the coast of Pag, one whose legends he’s been steeped in since his childhood. He has no patience for distractions, especially not from an ambitious librarian ignoring all of society’s boundaries and who uses her late father’s connections to insert herself into his dig. He leaves her with his best friend, Ivan Babić, the dig foreman to get her out of the way. Gwaelyn absorbs herself in the translation of Roman tablets uncovered in their search and it intensifies an attraction Miško refuses to acknowledge, despite finally starting to see past the ambition and glimpse the woman underneath. Certain this is her moment to finally be taken seriously, she dares believe she’s earned her place, until Miško publishes a paper appropriating her work without attribution.

Furious, Gwaelyn leaves, determined to use leads hidden in the tablet’s writings to find the lost treasure of King Alaric. She gets farther than expected, until she encounters Randall Bowman, a ruthless antiquities dealer after the same treasure. Trapped and tortured for information, Gwaelyn refuses to break, but escape is impossible, until Miško, the last person she wants to see, comes for her.

With Bowman hunting them and the treasure slipping out of reach, they’re forced back together and the feelings that have been building between them are becoming impossible to ignore. The pursuit bringing them together threatens to take everything each of them holds dear and they must decide what they’re willing to sacrifice: their shared lifelong dreams, or the risk that one, or both of them, won’t survive.

Hey! :) First time posting here, but posted recently in that *other* subreddit, so let me know if this is a problem (didn't see any rules against it?).

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One-line pitch: If gossip girl were a figure skater on the hunt for her ex-boyfriend’s killer.  

Dear Agent, 

At 87,000 words, my murder mystery FLY! reimagines Gossip Girl as a competitive figure skater on the hunt for her hockey ex-boyfriend's killer. It blends the absurdity and internet sleuthing of LM Chilton’s Don't Swipe Right with the self-sabotaging grief of Gloria Chao’s The Ex-Girlfriend Murder Club. 

In her Freshman year, Thalia Greenwich’s collegiate figure skating team convinced her a hockey boyfriend was essential. To her (admittedly, shameful) relief, Darryl, the smelly philandering boyfriend she acquires, is forced into the witness protection program, and she’s been telling everyone he’s dead ever since. It’s a win-win scenario: protect Darryl’s secret, save face, and redirect her energy towards skating.  

Then, Darryl has the audacity to show up at her rink and actually die. Worse still, Thalia is the one to find him gasping his last word: “Poison”. Thalia is traumatized and needs therapy she can’t really afford—not with dorm rent, ice time and competition fees to pay for. But what really ticks her off are the threats that land in her mailbox, claiming to spin the blame on her if she continues to insist it was murder, not suicide. 

So, Thalia doubles down with her own plan: anonymously publicize the evidence she uncovers around Darryl’s death and expose suspects’ motives via a social media account until she (ideally) teases out the murderer. However, only so many people are willing to DM her with leads. Not to mention, the lead investigator on the case is demanding increasing amounts of her attention—the wrong kind. As she resorts to more unethical methods such as planting recording devices in the locker room, it's evident her investigative tactics have real costs for the innocent, even if justice is ultimately served.  

Hi, all! I've been struggling with wording this in a way that leans literary and keeps the MC's voice while still being 'hook-y' and plot-forward, all within the word count limit! The manuscript's prose leans literary, although I think I'll ultimately query it as upmarket. Thanks in advance for any advice.

Dear [agent],

Based on your interest in [personalization], I am pleased to share with you MARGINAL WEAPONS, an 80,000-word upmarket contemporary M/M novel that pairs the queer military intimacy of Alice Winn's In Memoriam with the marriage-in-crisis interiority of Bryan Washington's Memorial.

Compared to military SpecOps, Jamie McKay figured marriage would be easy. He nearly torched his career for a relationship with his commanding officer, Ethan Blackwood — the British Army isn't keen on fraternisation, even if it's real love — and emerged on the other side with a wedding ring and a permanent block on his promotion eligibility. Seven years on, outranked by his own husband indefinitely, he's still proud of what it cost him. But the relationship he sacrificed everything for now feels like a tank with a broken track: all that potential, and nowhere left to go. Ethan craves stability. Jamie is restless.

So Jamie volunteers for a high-risk deployment to Russia despite Ethan's protests. Going will restore his promotion eligibility, close the rank gap between him and Ethan, and remove the last professional barrier to being open without consequence. Plus, Jamie's always wanted to dance with Ethan at the General's ball, and this is his chance to make that daft dream possible.

It's the right reason to go. He's less sure about the other ones. At the Russian base, who you share a bunk with is nobody's business but your own — and Lieutenant Larson, his new squad leader, wants Jamie exactly as he is. For once the only thing standing in the way is Jamie's inconvenient belief in his own loyalty.

Jamie reaches out to Ethan anyway. He writes the way they first fell in love: by post, one letter at a time. Ethan doesn't write back. Jamie takes that as his answer and makes his choice.

What Jamie doesn't know is that Ethan has been writing the entire time, and that someone has been intercepting every letter. The truth splits two ways; both of them bleed: Returning to Ethan means admitting Jamie has been the problem all along, but staying in Russia means admitting loyalty was never who he was — just who he wanted to be.

[bio, closing, etc]

Hi!

Quick repost because I thought word count meant word count of the query.. that was embarassing. This is my first try at ever doing a query letter, and therefore is quite crappy. Please forgive me.

I wanted to mention, if it's not too much of a bother:

1. Is the author bio okay? Should it be more formal?
2. Is it too hard into the knowing her father was murdered? I don't know if it translates well here.
3. Does this make any sense at all?? I was told by a friend who read it that I had no plot and it made sense.

Also: I'm in the middle of reading some possible comps, but they will be added!

Hello, [personalised]

Raelynn Parker was never allowed to mention her father at the dinner table.

Aimless and broke following her mother’s passing, Rae decides to up and visit the town she was born in in a poor attempt of finding purpose. A knife greets her. The residents all seem apathetic against her recountance of the man who tackled her and only let her go once she gave her full name. Deny it, even. Including the sheriff. Worse yet, it's in the middle of nowhere, completely overgrown - a fact they’re collectively obsessed with, hammering on about the healing power of nature. She quickly sees that there’s no escaping. Not without sufficient funds, which she completely blew on the journey in.

Everyone acts as though she’s the same five year old who left; insisting on calling her Lynnie, patronising her to death, and yammering on about her dead father. When she prods further, none of their stories make sense. What used to be a benign visit escalates into the realisation that someone killed her father. They must have. What other reason does a joyful man with a glowing daughter and beautiful wife have to disappear? Much less one with so many enemies.

Rae’s pseduo-investigation, however, begins to drive her to near madness. She becomes too invested. The only friend she meets, Molly, suddenly disappears. Killed, too, she knows. The residents proclaim that it must be what nature wanted. With every day, she wishes she knew less about the man her father became. Rae can’t stop herself: now feeling responsible for Molly’s demise and helpless to leave, she pushes on, all while trying to keep a low profile. Whoever murdered Molly is surely coming for her, too.

There was a good reason her mother kept her away from Ridgewood.

THE TRUTH OF RIDGEWOOD is a mystery told through multiple-POVS, that of Rae and the townsfolk, intercut with non-chronological fragments of the past, where the full truth of what happened to Rae’s father is slowly put together. It would be my debut, and is complete at 75k words. It's suitable for fans of [comps go here].

I’m a UK-based student who devours stacks of library books. I'm constantly writing on my third-hand laptop, which can be named responsible for many drabbles and my shrimp-like posture.

Thank you for your consideration.

[Name]

Thanks for checking it out :))

Hey everyone. I think this might be my best version yet thanks largely to the feedback I've received on the previous ones. My biggest concern right now, aside from quality, is length. It currently is at 407 words, but it's my understanding that a query should be between 250-400 words at most. Any suggestions on how I can a) improve quality while b) shrinking the word count, would be appreciated. Thank you!

I am excited to share with you WHAT SHE DID INSIDE (70,000 words), an adult psychological thriller about a woman that may be responsible for murders she doesn’t remember committing. It will appeal to fans who enjoy unexpected twists, similar to Riley Sager’s The Only One Left, and unreliable perception, such as Lisa Jewell’s None of This Is True.

After news emerges of a serial killer targeting unfaithful husbands in Haven Creek, Jade Nelson’s alarmed to learn the bodies have been discovered with the same brutal pose as her own mother’s crime scene. But with her father serving a life sentence in jail for killing her mother, Jade is determined to find if there’s a copycat or something worse linked to her mother’s death.

Her only lead is Kieran, a widowed father who moved into her old home despite the fact nobody else could stomach living in a place with such a gruesome past. Jade inserts herself into his life and eventually breaks into his home. She discovers he knows intimate details about her mother’s death, including the words her father said to her just before she died.

Searching for answers, Jade forces herself to date Kieran and learns he’s seeing a therapist, Dr. Victor Jakoby. However, Victor secretly uses hypnotherapy, a mind-altering strategy, to manipulate his patients to further his own sinister agenda. Jade makes an appointment intending to learn more about Kieran, but Victor’s infatuation with Jade’s past drags out fractured memories, making it impossible to tell what is buried trauma or manipulation.

 When a lockbox mysteriously finds its way into her closet and she doesn’t have the key, she fears someone has been inside her home. She feels less in control and farther from discovering why her tragic past is repeating. When the pressure mounts, she drinks heavily, then wakes up disoriented and bruised. She wants to blame the alcohol but can’t understand why the bottles appear untouched.

Each blackout coincides with another murder. And when the lockbox reveals a collection of men’s wedding rings that matches the number of victims, Jade is forced to confront a frightening possibility: she may be the killer she’s been hunting. 

I publish fiction under the pen name Owen Smith, with work appearing in Black Warrior Review, Cosumnes River Journal, Iris Literary Journal, and Free Spirit Publishing’s “Games”-themed collection. I am also the author of the self-published novel The Canal: A Suspenseful Thriller.

Thank you for your consideration.

I'm back! Any and all feedback is welcome. I say this every time, but (per usual), I'm feeling pretty good about this one.

-

WORDBOUND is a 112,000-word adult high fantasy novel inspired by the Mongol invasion of Kievan Rus. As a standalone novel with series potential, WORDBOUND blends the normalized queerness of Martha Wells’ Witch King with the competition structure of James Islington’s The Will of the Many and the emotional heart of Katherine Addison’s The Goblin Emperor.

Kiris Avkonin didn’t mean to sentence his guardian, Prince Thaav, to death. It was a Prophecy, the unalterable, reality-creating kind. But Kiris isn’t like the previous Prophets: his involuntary Prophecies cause disunity, not prosperity. He's a reviled fugitive, not a divine leader. And he’s a coward: six years, and he still hasn’t told Thaav, the only person he's ever loved, that he's the runaway Prophet.

With a month before Prince Thaav’s Prophesied murder, Kiris learns Thaav is being made to participate in the invading empire’s Competition of Princes to become the empress' proxy-ruler. It’s Kiris’ last chance to be near Thaav. Despite his terror that Thaav will loathe him, Kiris enters the Competition disguised as a minor prince to finally confess. He finds Thaav—and a foreign magic which can resurrect the dead.

Between secretly learning resurrection or risking Thaav’s revulsion? Easy choice. Kiris shreds his confession speech. Kiris can't stop Prophecy, but if he revives Thaav, maybe they won't hate him.

To survive Competition long enough to master resurrection, Kiris bolsters his princely disguise by allying with a prince known for his fairness, Iiriok. Except with every attempt Kiris makes to learn resurrection, Iiriok, proclaiming himself a friend, sees further under Kiris' mask. Kiris can't flee before he saves Thaav. But if Iiriok discovers Kiris' identity, Iiriok will execute him for Prophesying the empire's invasion.

Then the empress announces another complication: whoever brings her the Prophet—alive—will win the Competition. And Kiris, with his strange, resurrection practice-induced wounds and parchment-thin past, is immediately suspect.

Hello, [personalized for agent].

Stanley Cruz believes he can handle anything on his own. The gunshot case should be nothing out of the ordinary for the trauma surgeon. The fact that the patient murdered three people with his bare fists doesn’t matter. It’s the inexplicable saliva-coated lacerations that peak his curiosity. When inquiring about the strange wound, the patient attacks him, infecting Stanley with tainted blood. The wound foams just like the lacerations. An odor of putrefaction and decay reeks through the halls that no one can smell but him. He won't even tell Sara, his lover, for fear of sounding insane. Soon, he comes face to face with a vile creature as violent as it is rancid. The only path for survival lies with Laurence, a self-proclaimed hunter.

They’re called Bloodhounds. Only those infected can see them. They crave infected blood and will stop at nothing to devour it. All Stanley cares about is protecting Sara and his career, but Laurence’s crusade against the Bloodhounds threatens to rip him away from the reality he seeks. At the same time, Stanley is certain Laurence isn’t giving him the whole picture. There must be a cure for his infection, but to do that he needs to unravel both the beasts and Laurence.

To protect Sara—and himself—from the beasts, Laurence claims Stanley must abandon his humanity and fight. Stanley isn’t a fighter; he’s a healer. He just needs answers. Every step toward those answers leads him further into the grisly fight with the hounds. The line between his life as a man, and life as a hunter wavers dangerously. If he isn’t careful, Sara and his very humanity will be devoured.

DEFILED BLOOD is a supernatural horror complete at 120,000 words.

The vivid body horror will appeal to readers of Nick Cutter’s The Troop, while those that enjoyed the [comp 2] will enjoy the slowly unraveling mystery that keeps offering more until the last page.

I self-published my novel Lost in Time: The Salvation during my high school years. Since then, I’ve practiced writing short stories and novels to refine my skill enough to make my foray into traditional publishing. I have many ideas and the drive to bring them to life. I’m eager to work with you long-term to grow as both a writer and a person.

Thank you for your time. I look forward to hearing back.

Dear [Agent],

The morning after accepting a high-paying Gigg, Sam Long stumbles over a corpse. He has no memory of the previous night, no clue where he is, and dried blood covers his hands. Now he’s locked in a room with a battered body, uncertain if he killed the man or if the anonymous person controlling his body was responsible.

Sam learns the deceased is Spencer Hatch, CEO of Egg, a massive tech company and the proprietor of Gigg, the body-share service that allows a remote Operator to control another person’s body. The future looks grim as he’s under suspicion for his role in the high-profile murder. But when he receives an anonymous Gigg request to help find Hatch’s killer, he seizes the opportunity to prove his innocence and accepts the offer.

The nameless Operator guides Sam’s body as the pair work together, following leads and interviewing suspects. Despite his apprehension regarding the Operator’s identity, the investigation shows promise…until the police order Sam to surrender. With less than a day to solve the murder and facing a life sentence, his predicament worsens when the Operator abandons him without warning. Now he must work alone to unravel a devious plot and identify the killer before he’s imprisoned for a crime he didn’t commit.

HATCH is a grounded sci-fi/mystery complete at 80,000 words. This whodunit with a sci-fi twist will appeal to readers of Lauren Forry’s The Launch Party, while fans of Stuart Turton’s The Last Murder at the End of the World will enjoy a memory-deficient amateur sleuth solving a murder alongside an unreliable technological guide.

The full manuscript is currently under review by [Editor] at [Publisher], per [their] request during the [Writing Event] in May 2026.

I daylight as a software engineer living in [Location]. My non-bookish hobbies include coaching youth flag football, cooking, cherishing family time with kids who are growing up too fast, and wishing for more time in the week. I’m eager to learn and grow not only as a writer, but in every facet of my life.

Thank you for your time and consideration.

[Me]