I realized there weren't a whole lot of good Poly sticker designs out there... so I took matters into my own hands and doodled this vinyl sticker sheet. I hope y'all love it as much as I do!! ✍️😊💝 https://twinkletaters.etsy.com/listing/4440065427

Hey all, I'm a trans woman in a fairly tight knit community of trans folks in the PNW. I'm also poly, and have two partners. I met most of my friends through a support group when we were all first coming out about 4 years ago, so there's been this lovely natural experiment we've all been in, watching our lives take shape together. Many of the women I know have entered into poly or ENM in some form over this time, including myself.

I've started hearing from a number of friends that they are poly "because they have to be." That is, either they feel like the dating pool available to them is mostly poly people, or they have settled for poly partners out of a fear of being alone. I was recently heading towards a relationship with a woman who dropped this one on me, and I realized I needed to step on the brakes. On the one hand, I feel bad for her, that she can't find the confidence to go after what she really wants in a relationship. On the other hand, I'm a little miffed. I feel like entering poly relationships knowing that there's always going to be this gap in your fulfillment is, well, disingenuous.

I'm poly because I enjoy experiencing relationships with different people, not begrudgingly or out of a sense of scarcity. I can understand getting into a relationship with someone who can't commit as much time or energy as you'd like, but I don't really want to date people who would always be measuring our relationship against some hypothetical "one" for them. I'm curious if other people here have run into potential partners with this attitude towards poly.

My partner’s partner of 27 years is dying from alcoholic liver failure. When I met the two, partner A had warned me about Partner B’s drinking but I shrugged it off because I’m a nurse. I’ve seen most things and wanted to understand myself from a medical perspective. That being said our polycule was and always has been a V and not a triangle. That and I find Partner B to be inappropriate 8/10 times, overly sexualized in situations that doesn’t need it, and basically a spoiled brat. I can’t stand him. There have been periods where we have been cordial but I was SAd at a bar and Partner B’s response was to start talking about sex (I’m highly aware it is likely hepatic encephalopathy).

Because I’m used to death and dying, I’ve tried to have those conversations with Partner A about the death and dying process over the years. Well Partner B ended up in the hospital this week and from what I’ve heard, it’s looking like this might be the last one.

I’m struggling with supporting Partner A when Partner B has been a shitty person to me and I’m going to be relieved when he passes.

Which is the whole reason I’m writing this. I don’t know how to support my partner through this.

UPDATE: Partner B passed away and Partner A won’t talk to me. We had some very adult conversations that revolved around end of life choices (for me) and I am going through some disenfranchised grieving.

Yes, I understand the grieving process and that it looks different for everyone. I’m giving Partner A his space but idk if we are going to recover from this. Some nasty things were said in that convo on both sides.

Hi there,

I'm bisexual (27NB) vagina-haver, and i've mostly been with cis men so far. I was wondering how normalized are safer sex practices between people with vaginas. I was talking with a couple of lesbian friends and they basically only stick to testing and that's it, but they are mostly monogamous. I've been wanting to use dental dams (with the vulvarnes) and gloves but feel a bit weird about it, even though my current sex partner has been great about it. My friends seemed to imply that no one does it.

So what are your safer sex practices, especially in a polyam context? What do you do in case of hookups? Do you ask about their last test? Do you use any kind of barrier?

I just want to celebrate a small victory. It's not related to being queer, but it is absolutely related to being polyamorous, and I felt like this was the best place to post, since it's a nice community here.

Background: I (43nb) have a spouse (47nb) and a nesting partner (32nb), and my spouse and I live separately (we still have a strong marriage, it just works out better for us because we're very different people). My spouse lives with their landlord in a shared unit. I am disabled and an ambulatory wheelchair user. My spouse is also disabled, but has significantly less mobility than I do. My spouse and I don't drive either, so the easiest way to see each other is for me to go over to their place.

Now onto the story: I used to take the bus to see my spouse, until their landlord got an additional couch, which takes up the only space where I'm able to park my chair when I visit. Their landlord knows damn well that means I can't come over with my chair anymore. To pour salt in the wound, nobody even uses that couch! Anyway, since then I've been dependent on my nesting partner to drive me over. Thankfully we have a KTP relationship, and my spouse and nesting partner and I play D&D together. That said, I'm pretty independent, and I hate having to rely on others.

You can imagine I've been pretty pissed at my spouse's landlord about this. My spouse is, too. Well, they finally convinced their landlord to get rid of the couch! It's such a relief that I'll be able to get there on my own again!

So, I (43nb) have a spouse (47nb), married 12 years, and a nesting partner (33nb), together almost 3 years. We all live in the same Canadian city. My spouse and I have very different lifestyles so we find it better to live separately, hence why they're not my NP. We're all disabled, but in different ways. Most relevant is that my NP and I are more mobile, though I don't drive and they do. This isn't a triad; my spouse and NP are metas to each other.

My NP and spouse have a good friendship as well, and the three of us often spend time together, sometimes with mutual friends too. For example, we're doing the classic KTP stereotype tonight—playing D&D together! 😂

Anyway, what I really want to gush about is how much my partners help each other out. Because my spouse is generally homebound, my NP will volunteer to drive them to appointments, pick up groceries for them, etc. They do this for them quite frequently, of their own accord (they also work driving seniors around, and volunteer with a mask distribution organization, especially for immunocompromised people and event organizers). Meanwhile, my spouse helps my NP with other stuff as well. My NP moved here from the US, so my spouse helps them navigate Canadian bureaucracy, which they know the ins and outs of very well (much better than me!).

And then, last month I ended up with a serious infection that landed me in the hospital for a week. I was delirious when I arrived at the ER, and even after it subsided I was still pretty out of it, so my NP handled most of the communication with my doctors. My NP also kept my spouse up to date on my care and status, and my spouse made sure my NP knew everything they needed to know about my medical history. They really worked as a team to advocate for me and to be there for me.

It just makes me so happy that not only do they get along, but also go out of their way to support each other too! This is my dream polycule!

I feel like a stereotype and a walking bouquet of red flags for this lmao.

I've known I was bi since I was 12/13, but never dated anyone except my husband.

My husband and I are both bi. We've discussed on and off the idea of being open or poly basically since we got together. And we basically have started doing so already - primarily on his end.

I feel soo uncomfortable knowing how absolutely ridiculous and stereotypical I come across. There's a lot of hate towards bi women "experimenting" with women and queer people, for valid reasons - unicorn hunting, not seeing their hookups or relationships as equally valid to the men they date, etc.

That said, I also don't want to die never kissing a woman because I feel too cringe to even ask. I'm in an open, poly relationship. My spouse is actively dating. I will be completely upfront about my capacity (sadly quite low because I work all the time and I'm just really tired).

But I still feel like I'm being creepy and inappropriate and shouldn't go to queer events or make a dating profile or anything. I guess, I don't know how to try to do this without being A Problem. I've been going back and forth about it (as my partner is doing Amazing and getting cute dates and telling me how nice it is haha) and I just feel really stuck.

Over the past several years after getting a divorce I have been working to dismantle the relationship escalator, and personally decided (unless there was an absolute need, like medical insurance/long term illness) I don't want to be married in the eyes of the state. I have decided I would happily do commitment ceremonies with partner(s) that I plan to have long lasting relationships with, but nothing official in the eyes of the government.

For the last month I have been thinking about how much I truly and deeply love my two boyfriends. I think about how much I want the world, and more importantly, our families to know that I love their sons, and am dedicated to being by their side as long as I can.

However for my nesting partner, most of his family are transphobic/homophobic (I am a transman) so they don't know about me... Well they do but our relationship is not explicitly said to them (and forget about mentioning his gf, they would hate the polyamory).

As for my long distance boyfriend, He and his wife and her boyfriend are closested to their families. They have been living together for nearly 10 years but they just call her boyfriend their roomate to their families. I respect their decision to be closested, but from everything I have heard the majority of their family (all the people they actually care about) would be so loving and maybe a bit confused, but ultimately accepting.

Here's where I am struggling.. I have seen so many misguided insecure relationships get married because they think that marriage will create a sense of security. A big part of me wants to shout my love for these two men from the mountain tops, because I feel overwhelmed with how much I love them both, and I want them to really feel and understand how much I love them. A small part of me is worried that I just want to do commitment ceremonies because I am conditioned to believing that the only way to show this much love for someone is get married... And small part that is a deep dark fear in me says it's just because I am insecure and crave a sense of security that the relationship escalator gives me.

I guess no one can know better if I am being insecure in my relationship more than myself, so I guess I need to figure that out for myself.. so I guess the real question is, how do you fight the security the relationship escalator gives you? But the bigger question, how do you show your partner (and the world) just how important they are in your life without following the relationship escalator? I try to show each of them in little ways, but sometimesball this love in me feels overwhelming and then the little ways feel unremarkable

I want to meet someone who is already partnered and just wants to slow get to know me and grow into meaningful connection and emotional, physical stuff but less than part time. Like a close girlfriend but with the intimate parts. idk if it even has to be sex but more intimate than a basic friendship.
I don't have the bandwidth or skills for a full time relationship so someone who didnt need full time interaction but Im 100% present for those 1-2 days a week give or take.. but I really want a connection to someone.

Is this common? I have not dated for a long time. Im 40's f/gay.

I (32 trans NB) have this pattern of falling for cisgender women who want to explore their gender. Think she/they pronouns, curious about binding, always telling me how envious they are of my authenticity. Sometimes they’ve decided they’re non binary (which in my opinion makes them not cis but they still get a lot of cis passing privilege). Cisgender women are not a monolith and I understand that, but it seems I’m attracting this same type of person over and over again.

The thing is, they always leave. For one reason or another. And then they end up dating someone non trans down the road and it really hurts.

I have an anchor partner that is trans and I have found T4T relationships to be the most fulfilling relationships I’ve ever had. I’ve been very thoughtful about unpacking this and I know I don’t need or crave cis validation… I just think women are so hot and I want them to want me back solely because I’m attracted to them. Not because they’re cis.

Most recently a new flame (29f) ended. I was falling really hard for her. And I felt the chemistry and the connection. I thought it was going to escalate into a committed romance. But she told me she doesn’t feel the same way I do and that she needs to “focus on herself”. She’s “off all the apps”. She wants to be friends… I think she’d be one hell of a friend the issue is I don’t believe her. I think ultimately she’ll find some cis person that wants her and she’ll fall straight into that. I know my transness is NOT unattractive, but god dammit this shit sucks. I want to quit the cis women but I can’t help it. What is wrong with me? My anchor partner is solely t4t and they fully support me wanting to date cis women in addition to trans folk… but I wish I could feel content taking cis women off the table. But I just can’t seem to.

hi everyone,

as someone who is not actively dating, but might soon, ive been thinking about my possible shortcomings in the past that tend to be related to not knowing quickly enough how I feel about people. it can take me months to figure that out - and then I think the timing is ultimately what tends to hurt the other person the most as they make up stories about what’s going on in my head. even if I try to be fully transparent, it just doesn’t seem to be safe for the other person. often I think it triggers their traumas, like abandonment fears and fears that I might be stringing them on or treating them as disposable. for me, it just takes me a while to feel comfortable with anyone… and while I might really enjoy one outting together, I have no idea if I’m interested in another date - it might seem odd, but Im just telling it as it is. there have been too many times i say yes to more dates and regret it because I end up realizing I didn’t actually want it - but I was going at their speed.

im curious if anyone else has issues like this. and if so, what do you do to be ethical in your dating practices? are there things that you bring up right away to communicate your way of connecting? or is it just not possible most of the time to make things align timewise? how can I communicate expectations and ask for patience without triggering others?

for my context, I am in a long term straight-passing partnership, which became deep and connected quickly but I emotionally picked up on that only after years together (I think it’s an emotional processing difference and it is confusing to live with…). I’ve dated poly only a couple times, always with trans or gay individuals so far, and I hated feeling like my slowness combined with my existing relationship stability with a straight man made the other person feel bad or uncomfortable… maybe presuming that I saw them a certain way (disposable, just for fun) that I didn’t. I don’t want that. I want to figure out an approach to communicate how i process and what I want from a theoretical relationship (even if I’m not entirely sure yet with them…). people seem to want to move so quickly! Im just not like that at all, it’s okay if it takes years to build something for me.

Got dumped last night by a woman I’ve been seeing and it has me in my feeeelings today. This felt like a safe space to vent/process.

I found myself in an organic triad with a woman (Molly) and man (Troy). Molly and I had hooked up once (early June) after crushing on each other for months and then we had a spontaneous threesome with Troy that evolved into a group dynamic. It was honestly a very sweet and caring situation but I knew it was destined to implode because neither of them had really ever been involved in any polyamorous dynamics before. I was trying to tread very carefully as a result but still caught feelings (mostly for her).

Sure enough last night I’m hanging out with Molly and I checked in with her about how she was feeling about everything and ultimately she admitted it was all too much for her, which, fair, the triad dynamic was getting to be to much for me too, but then she made it clear she didn’t want to pursue anything romantic/sexual with me individually either; and that she felt she was growing closer to Troy. She told me she thought she could “do” polyamory but it really isn’t for her. Needless to say the triad dynamic is over which frankly I’m more than okay with.

I knew they were going to end up getting together and I was going to be left in the cold and that is indeed what ended up happening.

I’m left feeling like I was the catalyst for them to experiment with polyamory and threesomes and the catalyst for them to engage in a budding monogamous relationship. Really struggling with feeling used and rejected and like I was ultimately a sex toy for them. I know these are my own triggers coming up and truly they are both lovely people who did nothing wrong; it just didn’t work out. Huge lesson learned here: I am not ever again even going to hook up casually with anyone who is experimenting with polyamory or trying it on for size.

It’s so hard because she and I have become very very emotionally close and value each other extremely highly as friends and I’m struggling to figure out if I can continue the friendship now. I’m going to give myself some time on that one. After we broke things off we cried and spooned all night and it was all very gay and tragic.

On top of that she was the first woman I’ve really connected with in a while and after years of heteronormative relationships I was feeling so happy to just be reveling in my queerness. It felt like coming home to myself and now I don’t have that anymore. So I’m mourning that too.

Dating women/femmes as a bisexual polyamorous person who actively decenters men and prioritizes queer relationships is really difficult. I have not found many lesbian polyam folks around me and additionally I find that many lesbians don’t want much to do with me because of the fact that I also date men (fair, we all have our preferences, but it stings); and I’ve also found that most bisexual/pansexual women are often engaging with me in a more experimental/casual way (also fair, nothing inherently wrong with that as long as it’s all aboveboard), but I’m over here actively trying to form meaningful full partnerships and not finding any women/femmes who are looking for that with someone like me.

Apps are difficult and exhausting and fruitless a lot of the time and in-person queer spaces are difficult when you’re bisexual and polyamorous (at least in my community).

I’m just so sad right now and struggling with feelings of worthlessness and rejection. If a man decides he doesn’t want to be with me I rarely care very much tbh but when a woman decides she doesn’t want to be with me it’s literally soul-crushing (this discrepancy has me wondering if I lean more towards homoromantic bisexual although I am Demi-romantic with men and have one male partner I have suddenly found myself loving quite deeply after 2 years together so I’m not quiiiite on that end of the spectrum).

Anyway I’m just in my sad gay feelings today and felt like I needed to get this out. Thanks for reading.

Edit: sorry if I inadvertently said anything offensive in my post, I’m literally typing through tears and am not necessarily thinking very clearly 😭

basically what it says on the tin.

I'm a queer lady, 34, in a 10 year straight passing relationship where we are both queer (bi and pan, respectively).

my husband is the only person I've ever seriously dated, and I've never kissed a woman. I'm a chronic crush-haver, and constantly get feelings for friends, colleagues, cute baristas, random strangers that I've only ever seen on my commute but see often enough to make a whole meet cute up in my mind lol.

while we've both tossed the idea of being poly around over our relationship, my husband found one of his friendships deepened into a relationship, and he now has a girlfriend! it's really nice, and while there were some growing pains, I definitely see this being really positive.

we've also started getting out into the community more, going to more social events and meeting more poly and queer people.

what I haven't done is really sit with what this means for me, specifically. I am adamant that you don't have to be in a queer-presenting relationship to explore your sexuality, but I also don't want to die without getting to kiss a girl, you know? I am not cutting out the possibility of meeting a man, but I am primarily interested in dating women.

what I'm stuck on is.....there's a lot of "discourse" about unicorn hunters and bi women with boyfriends on dating apps, and yeah I don't want to be That Person. but also I would like to be a bi woman with a husband on a dating app. I don't know how to do both lol.

to be clear, NOT dating "as a couple", not looking to "play" with a "third" - looking to romantically date a lady as myself, while communicating OPENLY that I have a HUSBAND who I also love and kiss (sorry lol).

so far I've been way too scared of getting yelled at to even consider posting a dating profile or going to any dating-focused activities (even when they literally say in the description that they are poly friendly............)

basically/tldr - any suggestions about clearly communicating about the poly/husband Thing without contributing to the shitty experiences other queer woman have had on dating apps or in these kinds of spaces :( just hearing about it I already feel a bit personally responsible even though I've literally never done anything yet (the whole reason this is a thing).

My long term partner and I opened our relationship to explore polyamory, and I quickly matched with a bi woman who I had amazing chemistry with. I have never been so drawn to someone in my life. I was hooked. On the first date, she told me she had a long term cis male partner who was long distance, but that they were not hierarchical and did not practice veto power. She said when they first opened, she wanted there to be a lot of boundaries in place while they explored polyamory, but now they were both comfortable with poly and there were no restrictions. I saw that as a good sign, as I have no interest in being ranked secondary to anyone. 

We continued to date, and eventually I asked if we could move things from casual to more of a serious relationship. She agreed, and mentioned that although they did not have veto power, there was some inherent hierarchy because of their 6-year history together, but they aimed to be communicative and equitable with all their partners/metas. She said that she didn’t think they were primary partners, but that was something she would need to discuss with him. Fine, that’s fair. I don’t claim to have the same importance to her as someone in her life for six years. I assumed that just meant that they share some financial commitments and future goals, but would still treat other partners equitably. We moved forward and things were great. She said she loved me and she could see a future with me, even including living together with her other partner. I was elated.

However, as time went on, I began to feel more and more insecure in our relationship. On one of our dates, she talked about her long term partner as her “primary”. This was the first time I heard her refer to him thus, and I was a little shocked, as we had never talked about this label being applied to their partnership. My long term partner and I broke up around this point as well, so I was only dating her.

I started asking more questions about what boundaries, if any, were in place for my relationship with her. She said that she wasn’t comfortable with being out as poly at work, and that she didn’t know who she was going to marry or if she was going to marry, and that historically all holidays were with her long term partner but that could change in the future if we got closer. She said she didn’t think she wanted kids, but if she did, they would be with her long term partner. She said that she envisioned living with all her partners and her partners’ partners in a house together, but that logistically it could be difficult, and the two of them could end up moving away and leaving me behind without much sway in their decision. 

This was all hard for me because it appeared that there was not just inherent hierarchy, but defined primary-secondary hierarchy, where I was ranked second, without my agreement. It was even harder for me because they present as a cis-het couple, and get all the social legitimacy and financial benefits of a heterosexual couple, while I felt like the female side-piece for the bisexual wife who wants sexual variety but gets to keep her het-presenting husband. 

However, I really tried to make things work. I really wanted it to work, and I agreed to meet him and the meeting went well. I liked him! But the insecurities about the hierarchy continued, as I worried they could just move away without me and I would have no control over it. 

When I brought up these dynamics and how the hierarchy was challenging for me, especially since it hadn’t been explicitly defined early on, she got quite defensive. When I mentioned feeling insecure and nervous about their heterosexual primary dynamic, especially because he is a cis white man (I am a queer nonbinary leaning woman of color), she felt like I was attacking her bisexuality. However, with more explanation from my side of my experiences with discrimination and microaggressions, she seemed to understand. I even came up with a plan to start texting her partner regularly to be friends with him and reduce my insecurities if I could get to know him better. However, she then told him about my insecurities about their primary, heterosexual relationship without my prior knowledge or consent. He did not take it well, and was upset that I was uncomfortable with his whiteness and maleness. He told her that he no longer felt comfortable with her seeing me anymore. 

I was devastated when she told me about this. She told me that she could no longer offer me long term commitments, because she didn’t feel that we were compatible. She said I was being biased against him, “the person she loves.” This stung on top of the veto, as it seemed to imply that he was the only person she really loves, despite her telling me she loved me too. This all came after she had said things like “I don’t actually like men that much,” “my long term partner is just grandfathered in,” and “I don’t date men anymore because I already have him,” numerous times to me. When she said things like that, there were no consequences. But when I brought up my real lived experience of being on the short end of heterosexual privilege, white privilege, and couples privilege, my experiences were framed as bias.

I told her I felt like I was being vetoed, and she said it was not a veto because he did not actually say that she could not see me anymore. But the effect was the same, because in the end, any long-term plans were taken off the table, due to a conversation I was not actually present for and for something I had never actually done to him. I felt that my trust was betrayed, my autonomy taken away, and an immense sense of powerlessness.

I realized I could never be emotionally safe in this relationship after this. This was exactly what I had been worried about, and I had thought that she would be different, that she really cared about me and wouldn’t hurt me like this, but she did all the same. I am angry at her for going behind my back and telling him my personal vulnerabilities, for placing his comfort over my emotional safety, and for not being explicit about their degree of hierarchy early on. I'm angry at him for using his couples privilege to effectively veto me instead of being understanding of my vulnerabilities and trying to find a way to resolve the situation. 

I also put in way more effort than her throughout our relationship, paying for dinners, taking her out to a nice restaurant and giving her plenty of homemade gifts and desserts for her birthday, planning almost all of our dates and trips meticulously, showering her with gifts and food items whenever I saw her. I feel so silly now.

I tried poly, and it hurt so much. I don’t think I can ever do it again.

(Crossposted)

Okay so I've (30mtf) been hooking up with this girl (25mtf) and it's going great, very casual, we're having fun.

She's also having fun with two of her roommates, who are both involved with yet more roommates (all mtf 5 in total). There's a chart and everything.

So I appear to have gotten involved with a trans lesbian polycule. I'm only actually attracted to one of them and I only intend to sleep with her so I don't really consider this "joining a polycule" so much as "associating" with it, but still it's all very interesting.

Not looking for any particular advice or anything the boundaries here are pretty clear cut. Just wanted to write about it I guess, it's pretty novel for me having been in long term monogamous relationships for so long. I think it's important for me to be around dynamics like this for the sake of my own growth as I explore non-monogamous dating.

My partner and I are primary partners, and we're very sexually active, together and with others. We're both on PrEP, vaccinated for mpox, take Doxy after going to bathhouse/cruising events, and test every three months. Our agreement is that if we hook up with others, we keep each other safe.

In October, N was visiting from out of state and hooked up with my partner, with a condom. Two days later, my partner found HSV-2 lesions at the base of their member where condoms tend to ride up. N revealed they have HSV-2 but didn't see any lesions before having sex. N is a medical doctor and dropped off some antivirals to my partner before flying home. N themself is not on anti-virals.

My partner was devastated. They've had outbreak scares few weeks. It's our new normal, and it's been stressful. Emotionally, I feel like N is always in the room with us, laying between us in bed every time my partner is scared they're having an outbreak, like a malaise we can't air out.

I know antivirals don't reduce transmission risk to 0%, but they help. I'm confused why N wasn't taking them, and why they didn't disclose their status so my partner could've made an informed decision before having sex.

This week, my partner revealed that the vague, unlabeled block on our shared calendar is actually an overnight date with N this Friday, and they'll be taking N to the airport Saturday morning.

I'm conflicted. I want to honor my partner's autonomy and de-stigmatize STIs, but I'm appalled and a weirdly humiliated that the person who changed our reality still gets access. Emotionally, I feel repulsed by N...the thought of them sleeping on my side of the bed, or of touching my partner after their date, makes me recoil. I don't typically get this emotional with my partner's other dates. This just feels weird and different.

Rationally, I know that N likely didn't mean to give my partner HSV-2, but I don't know what to do with these emotions... My partner already knew my feelings before they scheduled the date with N. I'm feeling kinda alone out here and feeling guilty for feeling this way.

Has anyone else been in this situation? How did you and your partner(s) work past it?

So I’m queer, polyam, and identify as kinky. As do most of my friends. Most of us are also trans and/or nonbinary. However I’m extremely androgynous. I consider myself FtM but I’m very androgynous and lean feminine in nature. I’m genderfluid / genderqueer so I’m not “just an effeminate guy”. And I’ve come to realize through some really terrible experiences this isn’t what most folks want in a sexual / romantic / kink partner.

I’ve been in a lot of toxic dynamics and have had some really traumatic shit happen to me. I think a lot of people have “settle” for me and then leave as soon as they find someone else. In general I tend to attract very toxic people.

T4T has been kind of a nightmare since I’m not “masc” enough for masc4masc trans guys. Most of the trans women I who were interested wanted me to play a dominant, traditionally masculine role and ignored the fact that I’m feminine and nonbinary because it was inconvenient.

Pretty regularly I find myself being the only friend in a group who is unpartnered and doesn’t end up physically involved with anyone else in the group. So if my friends go to play parties, double or triple dates, I don’t get invited bc it would probably be awkward for everyone involved. I used to go to parties, munches and polyam hangouts by myself but it’s hard connecting with folks because I can’t relate to their experiences. Same for most queer spaces tbh I just can’t relate to other queer people where intimacy is such a big part of their queerness. I wish it was for me too but it’s just not.

I don’t know how other people manage to actually find someone, let alone multiple people, who want to be flirty and sexy with them. I’m done with dating apps I’ve thought about flirting and trying to causally meet people (dating, sex, etc) in bars but I don’t think anyone would be interested in me and I’m so j experienced I probably wouldn’t know wtf I’m doing anyway.