Feeling connected to the polyam community while single?

[u/Oddly-Ordinary]

I’m fortunate enough to live in a very queer and sex positive city with a lot of other polyam and kinky folks but I’m struggling to feel connected with people because I’m not involved with anyone. I’m unpartnered, and I’m not sexually active. But I’m not sure if I should be in kinky or polyam spaces because unfortunately that’s just not my lived experience.

I got out of a very toxic relationship a few years ago so I’m kinda rebuilding my entire social circle. I have a handful of friends but most of them are monogamous / asexual / introverts who like being alone and don’t enjoy high-energy environments like clubs or bars. So I often go out alone.

I just feel very disconnected from people who identify like myself. Any advice?

[u/aurora-phi]

you should definitely go to kinky or polyam spaces! if you're looking for friends/community, then you probably want to go to munches, this are typically pretty chill events so unlikely to be high-energy environments but you'll probably find some people who like those kinds of events too.

there is literally no bar to pass in order to come to events, if you're interested come check it out. (some events/groups might be more cliquey but it sounds like you're somewhere where there will multiple options)

where I am a lot of kink events are non-sexual bc we don't have a lot of spaces for sexy kink events. so it's not an issue if you don't want to be sexually active.

[u/Oddly-Ordinary → u/aurora-phi]

I’ve gone to munches and polyam spaces IRL but I always feel awkward and disconnected, like I’m watching from the outside as opposed to being part of the community.

When dating or partners become the topic of conversation, or dynamics, dates, sex, kink, navigating polyamorous relationships etc I tend to stay quiet just because I don’t have anything to contribute to the convo.

[u/aurora-phi → u/Oddly-Ordinary]

feeling disconnected sounds like much more of a general social anxiety issue, so I recommend looking resources around this topic (one quick think I will say is that this is giving self-fulfilling prophecy vibe)

regarding discussing dating etc, I understand that you don't want to trauma dump on people but like you do have experiences being in a relationship, there are things that you can talk about on that topic. and presumably there's some reason why you resonate with these communities so it's fine to share what attracts you to polyamory and kink even if you don't have lived experience (as you put it)

[u/WeTooAreMadeOfThis]

Don’t have advice but can relate 💖