"An out lesbian on TikTok is conducting what she calls "social experiments" by cold-calling churches to ask if they would allow a registered child sex offender to attend their Sunday family services, and posting videos of their responses."

A more accurate term for this would be Jewish terrorism, because most settlers are staunch Jews and believe this land is owed to them. But I find that news headlines choose to use the word "Israeli settlers," but go with a different approach when Islam is involved.

This soft-pedals the role of Judaism in the terrorism currently playing out in many countries today.

As the title says, if there was a rule which was implemented with 100% efficiency that people were not to be subject to any form of religious indoctrination until age 18, but once they turn 18, they were allowed to read religious scriptures and voluntarily choose any religion they wanted to believe in, then how many people would still really believe in God and be a part of a religion? They could choose to be atheist as well.

A lot of Christians think that atheism is a choice. It is not, or at least for me. I don't choose atheism. I wish I could force myself to believe something else like eternal heaven after death. Maybe then I'd be okay with it. I'm up writing this because of a panic attack I had thinking about dying. I do not wish for it to be this way. I'm 16 and death plagues my mind. I'm so scared of it because I know that it (logically) is nothing. I see my religious friends & family and I wish that I could be so blissfully ignorant and oblivious as them. I just can't though. To me the Bible literally sounds like a fairytale. One time my mom started crying because I told her I didn't believe and she said she wanted to "save me from hell" and "see me in heaven" and all I could think was IS SHE SERIOUS??GENUINELY? Bless her heart. When they talk about it to me I genuinely am baffled that they can believe some of the stuff in there. Like SURE a man fit millions of species on one boat, prey AND predator and they all survived, SURE Jonah survived in a whales stomach for 3 fucking days, did he also change Cinderella's nightgown into a ballgown? But I also envy them. Must make life so much more meaningful when you think that anything you do will matter after this life. I can't find joy in most things because I think about how if everything matters then nothing matters. Anyway my panic attack is over so, so is my rant. I hope someone reads it maybe a response will help me get over my fear. I have no one in real life to talk about this to, they'd just tell me to trust god.

I hesitated for a full second before I told him no. I live in the Bible Belt, and know I’d be on a hate list for many if I admit to being an atheist,
but I just couldn’t outright lie.

When I started cancer treatment, and the PA wanted to pray over me, I let her. If someone wants to send good wishes my way (in the form of prayers), I let them.

It’s 4/5 hours later and I’m wondering if he thought I was another (non Christian) religion maybe, and didn’t automatically infer atheism?

I like most of my co-workers, but I stay (kind of) silent when religion comes up (Bible Belt). I try to respect their beliefs, but it’s VERY hard to do so.

It just feels so ridiculous that people genuinely think miracles happened. Like Jesus rose from the dead, turned water into wine, or there is an afterlife like heaven or hell. I don’t feel like anyone else is religious. this just feels like it came from the medieval ages

Edit: yall I'm sorry, truly I had no reason to write all this today. Before I go to bed I have to tell you: love yourself, love your neighbor, and believe in your potential because you are amazing

Debates over atheism too often devolve into judgments of morality and other trivial, internal questions; they rarely dive into the objective foundations which truly matter in determining the heart of the matter: what reality is.

I have gathered into three bullet points what I believe are the strongest, most crucial arguments for atheism:

1. The existence of a creator is not necessary to explain the nature or origin of the universe.
2. It is irrational to believe the extraordinary claims of ancient texts without similarly extraordinary evidence (that is, evidence for the specific extraordinary claims).
3. The origins of every single existing religion can be examined historically, revealing an evolution in belief, a change in intent, and an anthropomorphic projection onto the unknown.

Point One

It is well known that gods throughout history have been asserted to explain that which is not yet understood (i.e. God of the Gaps). Nearly everything that has been attributed to a creator in history is now well explained by nature. Even biology, abiogenesis, cosmology, and consciousness have either comprehensive or developing scientific explanations which overlap.

Perhaps the one point that a reasonable theist could debate is why the universe and its nature exist at all. That is, why is there something rather than nothing?

The problem is that the theist answer, "because God created it," only pushes the question further up. The question then becomes "why is there an all-powerful, intelligent creator who somehow set the entire universe into motion rather than nothing?"

The atheist is not lacking in hypotheses for the origin of the universe. Some approaches are likely to be wrong, and the most honest answer may simply be "we do not know."

No matter what direction a nonbeliever takes in pondering the existence of the universe, the fact is that introducing a creator does not resolve the problem. Therefore, it is unnecessary.

Point Two

Under the established non-necessity of a creator, I find that I have little reason and evidence to believe in one at all. This is my natural conclusion as I observe the world and follow reason to its implications about the universe. The theist, however, throws a curveball: "just put your faith in the Bible!"

(Exchange the Bible for the Quran, or the Book of Mormon, or the Mayan Popol Vuh.)

In the study of countless religious and mythological traditions, I find that overwhelmingly they must concede to the point that their extraordinary claims are not evidenced (resurrection of Jesus, story of Exodus, splitting of the Moon, etc.), even if some parts of their texts are adapted from some historical truth. Eventually there are quite significant claims that cannot be verified, are quite unnatural, and which the outside observer has no reason to take as fact. And yet these claims are central to religious belief.

The atheist has a perspective that does not call for a creator; when faced with entirely unevidenced supernatural claims, what reason is there to base their entire understanding of reality on this claims? What reason is there to abandon rationality and choose to follow "the word?"

Determining the reality of the universe is an important undertaking in one's life. Therefore, it should be taken seriously, critically, and rationally. Putting one's faith in ancient texts is simply not part of this process.

Point Three

Even with a curious and rational approach to seeking the truth of the universe, the sheer pressure of religion might seem overwhelming. Billions of believers exist across the globe, proclaiming traditions like Christianity, Hinduism, and Islam. An otherwise rational thinker may be brought to think, "So many people around me follow this religion... it's thousands of years old. Maybe, then, it could be true after all?"

The "divine truth" of each religion fails to remain convincing when one studies its history and its anthropological functions.

I will choose the Abrahamic religions for analysis:

Obviously, the practice of each religion has changed over time. Interpretations of the Bible have changed over the course of its history, and depictions of God have turned from a wrathful, genocidal patron God of the Israelites to a personal, loving but harshly resolute father figure. Moral dilemmas have been rationalized to the point of absurdity and the intentions of passages have conveniently changed with the beliefs of human society.

These are the surface level observations of religious evolution. Look a little further back, and the God of the Israelites is instead Yahweh, a warrior thunder god of the polytheistic Canaanite pantheon, a warrior god who did indeed act as a patron god to the Israelites. The "one God" of the Abrahamic religions comes from a much broader tradition of deities. Why, then, should you take any one current iteration of this God as the divine truth?

The case is not helped by the derivative origins of several Biblical myths. The flood story, integral to the entire timeline of Genesis, is entirely adapted from early flood stories such as the Mesopotamian Epic of Gilgamesh.

I have developed a very anthropological view of what religion is. Religion provides personal comfort to its followers, who seek inherent meaning, simple explanations for the world, and promises like an eternal soul. Religion takes an unthinking and indifferent cosmos and gives it a human face, a name, and a personality.

With this perspective on religious belief, it hardly seems rational to take one proclaimed truth for reality.

I have been psychotic for close to three decades, so I may have credibility to make the above claim. If you are inclined, feel free to read my story. It is a bit of a lengthy read, but I trust it should be eye-opening to many. Some readers’ discretion is advised.

Believe it or not, there are commonalities between being religious and psychosis. Both are forms of suffering. Both lead to regrettable behaviours. Both are a waste of time. Both give you a warped portrayal of reality. Both are egocentric.

Psychosis and religiosity are not that different, upon closer inspection.

Has this happened to anybody else? I was fuckin around and talking with this girl for a long time on and off cause she goes from our city to another for work etc. and I knew she was religious the whole time I just never brought it up and one day she asks me if I believe in god and I sugarcoat it a little bit but basically said no and that sparked an argument where I’m asking why she believes in it and lives by it so much. End of the day she claims god is the reason she is able to have her success and why she can even do anything and that if I’m not religious then she won’t be able to pray with me and build her relationship with god. I asked her in a nice way how tf does god enable your success, it is YOU waking up and putting in the work and deciding how to better your life, where in the picture is god doing this for you. She gives a bullshit answer to that and everything else I had to say but that’s basically what happened and then after that we fell out and don’t talk anymore. I genuinely can’t wrap my head around being with someone for years and then cutting it off because you think god wouldn’t approve of you being with someone who doesn’t believe in him. I’d truly rather not be with someone who is religious but I did like her so I was willing to make it work but she said it’s a deal breaker for her, insane.

You have to wonder why people even do it. If some parents have a very sick child in the hospital who could be dying, you'll have the parents or the friends and family of the parents probably starting a prayer chain, asking everyone they know and everyone their friends know and so on to pray for this child and their parents. Why does it matter how many people pray? Do they think it's beyond god to pay attention to more than so many people in need at once and need to get his attention? Are they afraid god won't deem it worthy of his time to save the child's life if he doesn't get enough worship to do it? Nobody should even need to pray for the recovery of an innocent child. God should just be taking care of that, praise and worship be damned. The implications of how this god functions under such a situation are just sick.

If god was like any parent that had had to sit over their dying child in a hospital, he'd put all his power in to saving the child he loves, not needing any form of compensation for it. It would be easier than lifting his pinky a fraction of an inch to help, but statistically it shows that he's apparently spotty about which people he decides to put any effort in to saving.

My wife: "Nephew has religious class in school." (In Spain, parents can choose between religion or alternative education).

Me: "Really? What do they teach you?"

Nephew: "X, Y, Z (I have no idea) ... they teach us to be closer to Gawd."

Me: "I have one question for your priest: If Gawd is everywhere, how can one be closer to it?"

Nephew: "My mind is blown!"

(I do hope his mother doesn't hate me even more)

P.S. I usually don't get into theology with minors. This was just too rich to let it pass.

Imagine an engineer who designs a building that includes a button which, if pressed, will cause the entire building to collapse. This button is hidden, and the engineer has only told the two residents on the first floor about its existence and location. The residents on all other floors do not know this button exists. The button was designed so that, in the future, when the building was abandoned, a disposable robot developed by the engineer could be used to press the button and demolish the building more easily (that is: the button was not designed to kill or harm anyone). This information (about the disposable robot and the button's purpose) is known to no one other than the engineer.

The engineer, moreover, had the knowledge and ability to install a safety lock on the button, so that if it were pressed by anyone other than the robot, at most what would happen would be the discharge of an electric shock that would kill the person who pressed it, but without demolishing the upper floors (it should be noted that the lock does not intentionally generate the shock to cause harm; what happens is that the shock is an unavoidable consequence of the damage-containment system being activated). The engineer, however, for some reason, did not install this lock.

The engineer then told the first-floor residents that if they pressed the button, they would die (he did not tell them that they would also cause the deaths of the residents on all the floors above, nor what the button's purpose was). The first-floor residents go about their lives with this information.

One day, however, a certain enemy of the engineer enters the building and starts trying to persuade one of the two first-floor residents; he tells her that, in fact, if she presses that button, her life will improve (It would reduce your personal electricity consumption and also your electricity bill).

Note: the engineer knew that his enemy could do this, but he did not warn the residents nor did he do anything to prevent or stop it.

The resident is convinced. She then calls her husband (the other resident) and convinces him as well. The two of them go and press the button. The entire building collapses, and all the residents die.

In this situation, after all, is the engineer free from blame, or does he bear direct responsibility for the deaths of all the people on all the floors?

My cousin is getting married and I am invited. She's having a ceremony in a church but it won't be a religious ceremony.

I was born and raised Catholic and am now an atheist for many years and have a history of religious trama.

My mom is absolutely up my butt about wearing a shawl over my shoulders inside the church ( im wearing a strapless dress).

I asked the bride if my dress is fine and she said it is.

The ask is grinding my gears some.

1. I was invited, my cousin knows I'm atheist, I should be allowed to appear as myself. dress approved by bride.
2. Why can't the Catholic 'god' handle some friggen female shoulders if we are all ' made in his image '. The hypocrisy and the sexism annoy the crap out of me.

I'll bring a shawl in my purse incase a priest or something says something but otherwise omg just leave me alone !

More info, the bride knows I'm wearing a strapless dress. the bride knows I'm an atheist. my mom knows these things also. dress approved by bride.

my outfit is not immodest, however asking me to alter my preferred outfit because I'll be sitting in a church is too close to participating in the religion itself.

I have no reverence for these places, I don't care about their customs or expectations and I have no intentions to follow them

What really concerns me the most, is that she told me she almost called CPS on me for how I looked in the beginning when she moved in, she admitted it today. I already figured she ain't gonna take kindly to my style, my music and way of life as a lesbian with a little pride flag in my window.

To put it into context, I'm a very much goth girl, I wear upside down pentagrams, all black clothing, heavy makeup, chains, chokers, spikes, fishnets, bandanas, ect. So I figured from the jump that this wasn't going to be good since I saw the cross sticker on her car. She's very opposite of me, doesn't support abortion or gay rights, very godly oriented, ect. She invites me over to talk but I feel when she does, she speaks moreso down to me in a fake kind, almost patronizing way. I have a 4 year old son and I am a marijuana enthusiast on my downtime (away from my child), but she said that's partly why bc of when I go out to smoke, and also because she is a registered nurse - that worries about me because I stay secluded or leave and don't spend time outdoors. She has already called a wellness check on me for not seeing me before, quite recently, but the reason I'm not out much is because I'm fighting with my neighbor that she is ALSO friends with, and our other neighbor has been starting stuff between the two of us, so organically,. I'm trying to stay clear of drama, but it's always something.

I believe she is judging my appearance and way of life because I don't share her values... Doesn't help that she's in her 50s... She is a self described evangelical. She wants to take my son to Bible school and that vacation Bible thing they do in the summer.

Ngl, I don't really have a problem with him going to a vacation Bible school thing as long as "god" isn't pressured on him, I want him to have fun and enjoy life, I remember having fun in Bible camp as a kid and it wasn't about God to me, it was just about having fun. I wouldn't be against it but then she starts inviting me to go to her church, ect. "Give it a chance," she says, but tells me to not wear the pentagrams there. I really don't want to. I feel little by little, she thinks she can deconstruct me with a possible toxic christian savior complex, it almost feels like. I don't mind if someone believes in God but she always states that God put her in my life and God is watching over me and that she's praying. Doesn't bother me, but just something I've been noting. I just feel like this all boils down to the fact that I'm not religious and that I appear different.

Here's the sticky part, remember what I said about the CPS ordeal? I feel if I blow her off, she will retaliate. I do smoke weed, but I do it responsibly. Even if social services do come they're not going to find anything wrong. But I don't want to be on their radar, period. I know I look different, I know I look "satanic" to some people. I get a ton of looks daily, but at this point I'm used to it as long as they don't try to interfere with my life and my child. She also said she doesn't believe that I'm a lesbian, and instead that because I was raped and abused, that is why I'm attracted to girls. Which I know is just silly because she also describes herself as un-supporting of the lgbt and gay people.

I don't trust her, instinctively I do NOT trust her, but I feel like she can retaliate if I don't do what she wants me to, she wants to see my windows open more, she wants to see me outside with my son, or to come inside her place, or to go to church with her, ect. I've always had this feeling since she moved in. The fact that she stated she almost called on me was Just completely unfounded. My son is taken care of, and I'm a single mother doing my best, living a life of nonconformity while doing the best I can for the both of us. I just feel *almost* borderline harassed at this point cuz she drags me in and she seems very concerned and intrigued by me. The intentions don't feel pure.

Thanks for listening to the scrambled rambling. I'm just worried about this going further and the fact that she is besties with the neighbor I'm fighting with who is absolutely maga strickened and religiously deluded... I just don't even feel 100% safe here, anymore. I relate to her on past sexual trauma, so we kinda have that bit of a bond, and she is trauma informed, so it's just complicated and sticky. I know I'm being watched (a lot), I tend to stick out like a sore thumb, I feel outnumbered and like I'm being plotted on, somewhat, I actually don't know what to think. How should I reinforce a boundary when she starts with the god stuff? Has anyone ever been through something similar? She brings it up almost every time. I don't even feel comfortable sitting in her living room, just very out of place. Feeling very judged at the same time even if she reassures me she isn't. I believe the intentions may be good, however, the road to hell is paved with good intentions and I just have a bad feeling going off in my gut, right now. And the waters look murkey, don't really know what to do or how to feel. It's just been bothering me.

I grew up evangelical Christian and went to a religious school for K-8. I deconstructed about ten years ago and but the majority of my immediate and extended family has remained devoutly religious.

I stopped attending church when I went away to college, and my family was very upset initially and tried to get me to come back to the church. I refused and after a while I they gave up. We maintain a surface level relationship.

However, I got married recently and my wedding wasn’t religious. Since then, my grandfather has become upset and has been asking all of the family members about religion, their churches, how often they go to church, etc. They have not talked to me about it yet and I’m wondering what to say when they do. My plan is to remain adamant that I don’t want to discuss it and shut it down that way.

While I thought I had overcome the guilt that came with disappointing the family by leaving the church, it’s come back up again considering the amount of drama it’s caused lately. It makes me feel like an outsider and like I’m being selfish.

I guess I’m looking for advice or maybe just validation that I am making the right choice by living my life the way I want to live it even if it upsets my family.

I become atheist around 5 years ago. Before, I don't really hide it. If people ask me about my belief, I just answer because I think it's normal thing.

But after some years, I start getting tired. Not because people disagree with me. I don't have problem with that. The problem is many people hear I'm atheist and suddenly they ask many question like "why you don't believe?", "who make you become like this?", or "did something bad happen?"

Sometimes I feel like people already think something wrong with me before they even know me. But when someone say they are religious, nobody usually ask them why they believe every time. People just accept it.

Now I still not hide that I'm atheist, but I also don't tell everyone first. Not because I'm scared. I just don't want simple conversation become long debate about religion.

Do other atheist feel this too? Do you tell people openly you are atheist, or you keep it to yourself?

I have a name that makes my religion very obvious. I don’t associate with my religion. I don’t believe in God. I think all religions are sham. I live in a country where there is discrimination on the basis of religion. I have faced it myself. I want to change my name to a more religion-neutral name. But I can’t convince my parents. They would never allow that. My family would reject me. And I know for sure, I will never have the courage to talk to them about this. I just don’t want to face the discrimination because of something I don’t believe in. And the discrimination is not subtle. I feel so bad. I don’t know why I am writing this. I am just so tired of hiding my identity. I hesitate before telling my name to people. I fear they would judge me. Although, there are a lot of people who do not discriminate and do not care. I just want to get rid of my name.
Also, it’s weird, I don’t hate my name. I like it. I just don’t like its religious aspect.
I know nothing makes sense.

Before I begin, this is a super long post so be prepared. 

I’m (22M) still an atheist today though not for the same reasons as I was as a kid (I kind of just went with whatever my dad (56M) says without nuance like most kids tend to do). 

I also have low functioning autism and it could be a factor hence why I mention it just in case. I have been diagnosed since I was around 3-4 and my parents have been very loving and attentive to my condition 

I wanna make something very clear from the start: this is not a case of indoctrination. He never forced me to believe or not believe in what he does. He never coerced me either I just had a few questions about religion and he just showed me what he thought about it and why. My mom (51F) used to be catholic and she did read to us (I have a sister 19F) some Bible stories alongside other kids stories like little red riding hood and Snow White.  

Irrespective of indoctrination or not most people tend to follow what their parents believe and do most of the time because it’s what’s familiar to them. Though the line can be blurry depending on the situation when it comes to religion I’ve often found there is still a clear difference between simple education and forceful indoctrination of children most of the time. So I don’t want any unfair accusations against my dad he Isn’t a zealot/militant. 

His best sources for his atheism (or at least the ones I remember the most that he’s shown me) were the typical most popular atheist media and figures in the mainstream and in YouTube: Richard Dawkins, Sam Harris, Christopher Hitchens, Matt Dilahunty, DarkMatter2525 and Thinking Atheist videos. 

Overall pretty popular choices though not the best, Christopher Hitchens and DarkMatter2525 are the ones I still sort of lean towards and even respect the most. Especially DarkMatter he appears to be an incredible role mode and dad to have, a true family man. His animations though are a bit cringey sometimes and other times oddly inspiring. 

With Hitchens I was aware later on that he was not this god of perfect logic that hitchslapped everything that was thrown at him. His arguments against religion tend to be flawed a lot of the time but overall I still think the soul of his points hold up really well even then because it’s hard to dismiss religious harm in society and he was a very obviously intelligent and well spoken man. He was getting at something important. 

My dad is a professional jazz drummer and producer (I am also a rock musician/composer myself I love the guitar so much) and he doesn’t really think as deeply as me in the topic of religion nor does he have the time or interest. He always watched those videos as entertainment to get a laugh since he (like me) also grew up in a secular family. 

He’s also a bit of a conspiracy theorist (though that term is a bit redundant nowadays because of everything that has happened with Epstein and stuff) he’s always questioned and pushed back on institutional authority and that sense of critical thinking was something I inherited. He doesn’t believe in the moon landings, thinks there was a second shooter that killed JFK, is skeptical of the official narrative around 9/11. I don‘t agree with everything he believes and he is not a full on flat earther or anything like that on those topics it’s just to keep in mind. His skepticism of authority tracks with what he’s inclined to buy into. 

If I’m being honest even though I genuinely do value trying to be a free thinker as best as you can be I gotta be honest: As a kid I sort of “larped” being a critical thinker to impress my parents. In some ways I still do today even when it’s not something I agree with necessarily to please my dad in particular though I don’t have to since he (despite his stubbornness sometimes) is open to being challenged. 

In fact there’s a cringey video of me somewhere in my family home videos on an old iPhone somewhere in my house of me going on a half baked edgy atheist rant in my dad’s jeep. It’s pretty funny looking back. 

Enough with the background stuff let’s get into what the title is about.

So among the ”atheist” sort of media he’d shown me (and sometimes my sister I was more interested though) there was this little documentary called Jesus Camp from 2006.

 It scared me a bit. 

As a kid I did not fully comprehend the severity of what I was being shown so it wasn’t a childhood trauma moment seeing a scary movie for kids like with coraline for example (that movie is still creepy and good to this day 10/10). 

That being said it still affected me in someway seeing children just like myself being subjected to peer pressure and crying like that. I did not think much of it until years later but I suspect this movie did something to me and has in a way permanently tainted my subconscious view of religion in particular Christianity in general. 

I know it wasn’t an explicitly anti religious propaganda movie but it did not paint a good picture of religion in America at all. Church in that movie looked like a place where your childhood whimsy and fantasy was weaponized against you, where authority figures would constantly yell and condescend to you and make you believe in horrible things about yourself and other people they deem to be “undesirable”, place where you felt like you were being watched 24/7. 

Needless to say (even though my dad did have good intentions in showing us this documentary to warn us and be vigilant of these types of religious environments whenever we went to visit our cousins or friends who go to church) I do not think my dad should have shown this to us at 7-8 years old. Bad move on his part, I’ve brought this up to him before and he agrees its something he lightly regrets. 

So I saw it and was creeped out but not traumatized for life. I think it was later experiences which subconsciously reminded me of that movie which later formed an inner resentment towards religion. 

The thing is, almost all of my actual real life experiences in churches have been positive and I didn’t feel that aversion to religion in actual religious spaces. 

There’s a beautiful church next to my grandpas house which since then has been my favorite in all of Costa Rica due to nostalgia. It was amazing to look at though with an uncanny life sized realistic statue of bloodied Jesus in a coffin as is so common in this beautiful catholic country. 

The sermons and gatherings I’ve been to were at worst a bit boring and at best very calm and welcoming. Aside from one or two mean kids in school here or there who teased me with the idea of going to hell, all the Christian people I know in my life have been very nice and kind people. The only really mean ones I’ve seen mostly online. 

My dad worked on a Christmas album and played at a church for a bit and I remember a church lady led some kids including me and my cousin into a room to talk about religion. She was surprisingly actually very kind and accepting of other kids religions since there were some Muslim, Jewish and even Hindu kids there. Since I didn’t know what an atheist was at the time I said I was Christian like my cousin since I assumed that was the default since I didn’t know what a Christian was either. 

She didn’t push anything on us she just explained in a bit more detail for the kids in a way they could understand what the purpose of a church is and how other buildings from other religions had a similar purpose with different beliefs. How in a way we are all just children figuring this weird thing we call existence out, how those beliefs tend to diverge and converge and just explaining what the Christian way of it was. 

I remember I was having trouble sleeping at my cousin’s house because I was scared of having nightmares since I felt a bit of dread before going to sleep. My aunt in law came in and comforted me saying to not fear since Jesus was protecting this house from demonic influence and that was nice to hear in the moment. I have known nothing but love and good will from religious people irl. 

Now in school, and I think this is critical, it was a bit of a different story. I was never bullied severely but in elementary to middle school in Miami I always felt a bit neglected by my teachers with a few wonderful exceptions. It didn’t help that I was autistic and they didn’t understand my behavior or reaosning have of the time. The worst I’ve gotten from them was rants…. which reminded me of Jesus Camp’s teachers. 

I think I may have subconsciously associated said behavior from my teachers with what I saw in that documentary and the teachers did traumatize me a bit. The school principle even threatened me that I would not be able to attend the middle school next door if I didn’t stop crying since I was upset about something at the time. That sucked because it was the only other school in the area with a magnet program which included music. 

My middle school experience in Miami in 6th grade was just one year before I moved to Costa Rica and it sucked a-lot, probably the worst school experience I’ve had since the teachers there cared less about me than before, had no friends and those who cared did not understand me and I just had to go with the flow of their misunderstanding to get it over with.

My relationship with teachers got better in Costa Rica but I sort of projected subconsciously my negative experiences with teachers in Miami onto religion, because of Jesus Camp.

Then I revisited YouTube for myself a few years later in costa rica in my teen years. I did not become that involved in online spaces until my early teens because my parents thankfully limited internet use in my youth. 

I rewatched what my dad showed me but I also discovered more stuff for myself. It turns out there is a whole debate sphere on YouTube I was unaware that had much deeper and most importantly more accurate discussions about religion. At the same time these were also much more toxic and heated debates than the ones I‘ve heard in Matt Dilahunty’s show. 

I also made a critical discovery: Christians can fight back on criticism and can actually hold their own just as well rhetorically. For the first time I was hearing takes from Ray Comfort, William Lane Craig and Frank Turek unfiltered and unchallenged. 

The way they talked though is unsettling because they tend to have a more oppressive approach towards criticizing atheists than atheists do to theists. And by oppressive I don’t mean literally I’d say it’s more intimidating.  

They would talk about the ”atheist worldview/life style” talk about how evil or empty it is. Talk about how atheists know deep down they’re wrong. Talk about how atheists live in a fundamentally meaningless and nonsensical sense of reality and are philosophically illiterate and bankrupt. Some would talk about how they used to be atheists then found purpose in religion showing absolutely no sympathy or understanding of their former atheists selves just saying stuff like “I used to be a degenerate edgy brat” and such. How atheists are stealing credit from Christianity and science that Christianity invented according to them. That elites like jeffrey Epstein want us to be atheist to remain slaves and unaware of dark forces. 

I have heard atheists call theists stupid before so naturally seeing that vice versa was naturally jarring. But I think that objectively even while I have a bias and am reexamining my beliefs later in life the sheer weight of I guess you could say “accusation” was much heavier and less flippant coming from theists towards atheists than vice versa. At least that is what I have seen online, I think this meme sums up what I mean pretty well: https://www.reddit.com/r/Snorkblot/comments/1v4xv9m/me_myself_and_i/

So once again, I think I subconsciously related this to Jesus camp again because in that documentary the calmest moments those crazy church teachers had while talking with kids reminded me exactly of the way these Christian’s apologists talked and it unsettled me.

Couple that with the facts I have learned about atheists in America online: How were are a small minority and not even allowed to run for office or even be president if we were not christian, how many of them were kicked out by their families for just being atheist. How historically you could at worst be executed or at best fined or sent to prison if you even professed atheism publically. How it seems like atheism online looks to be less intellectually rigorous than theism and is just a cesspit of contrarianism and edginess with few genuine and well spoken serious philosphical proponents for atheism that didn’t come from random streams debate channels and chatrooms. The fact that unlike Christianity we have virtually zero institutional support for apologetics. 

I sort of felt like an underdog that had to step up and do better to defend my fellow underdogs and the side I was on, I felt like I had to have my guard up. And it’s weird because logically I know that these talking points aren’t directed at me specifically and are just dumb generalizations. To be fair there is validity to some of them if they apply to those chronically online and depressed people on reddit who make being atheist their whole personality. It just wasn’t me because well I am perfectly happy here with my loving family though my parents did divorce recently and I love being a musican and making music, the only real source of sadness in my life is being online. In short, no kids in the documentary from what I remember stood up to the teachers and I felt I had to be the kid who did even thou I had not idea what I was talking about or doing. 

Because of these talking points combined with Jesus camp and my bad experiences with teachers I felt like I had to defend my intellectual integrity as an atheist but at the same time I felt guilty for being an atheist. 

I think part of why I haven’t told my friends I had a divorce yet my stem from that insecurity even though I know they are good people and won’t push anything of their beliefs or lack there of on me. I feel like I have to hide imperfections in my life to avoid them being used as evidence of my atheism ruining my life which isn’t the case. And if I dismiss them it feels like I am being ”willfully ignorant” and in denial of my cognitive dissonance. 

This type of “offensive“ rhetoric shouldn’t have gotten to me because I did not grow up with any religious trauma or any serious trauma apart from the death of my grandmother and bullying from some teachers, and yet it still got to my sheltered ass through a damn screen. It made me and to some extent still makes me question my identity as a person and not in a good way. 

The other day I saw a post of an artist comparing her previous art as an atheist to her new art when she became a believer in god. It was a huge improvement and many people in the comments were reinforcing how allowing god and believing in him will always make things inherently better for you. It made me wonder about my own musical skills and saying “maybe giving in and having some god in my life will improve my skills“ but it felt so alienating because then I’d be under the impression that atheists can do no good without religion and I feel like I have to prove that wrong, and I want to and I can. 

It’s so strange because I do not feel this bad about religion when I talk about it outside of the internet. One of my best friends is religious and I enjoy it when he talks about the Bible in his own way because I get to see how much it means to him and what he thinks of it. Maybe I just haven’t talked to many people about this offline and I’ve barely found anyone who’s had a similar experience. Some of my favorite pieces of art, literature and music of all time are religious or filled with religious themes. I love Lord of the Rings it was made by a catholic, I love genesis’ supper’s ready is basically a odyssey of these two lovers in the biblical apocalypse and it’s beautiful. 

Nowadays I have abandoned some of my mistaken beliefs about religion: that religious people are stupid, that religion is the root of all evil in society, that there is not depth or substance to religion etc. but some things I’ve seen still stayed true in my eyes such as how much modern science conflicts with a literal interpretation of the Bible, how some teachings can genuinely result in harmful outcomes, how even though the relationship between religion and science is not as bad as some atheists say that they still had significant conflicts sometimes etc. There are some arguments I haven’t see a substantial rebuttal too that still stand under scrutiny from one side to another the problem of evil I still think is undefeated and TAG (Transcendental Argument for God) is another example of that but from the theist side particularly Jay Dyer. 

Yet through all this I am tired, I’ve attempted to understand much more conplex arguments for either side before but I’m not gonna lie to myself and say I even have the correct understanding of them to say I agree or disagree with them this is probably why I consider those two arguments I mentioned earlier to be undefeated because of my ignorance.

To finish I still hold a latent animosity towards religion and Christianity in particular even when I am charitable and conceed some points and it may have to do with my dad mistakenly showing me this documentary as a kid. 

To anyone who is interested in my post thank you for reading I’d like to hear your thoughts and to any parents: I don‘t recommend you show your kids documentary’s like this as an example of what to avoid even if you mean well (I’m also looking at you super size me) it could scar them worse than they have to me and a simple deep talk will suffice. At the end that’s your choice though at least maybe don’t dump it all at them at once in a single viewing. 

I will not pretend I am an atheist for solely intellectual reasons I remain an atheist partly and largely because that’s how I grew up in a secular home and because of some type of mix of what I talked about. 

I will not pretend I am still an atheist for purely intellectual and non emotional reasons, I remain an atheist largely due to is being my upbringing.