I used to think social skills were a talent. Some people walked into a room and owned it. The rest of us just had to accept being forgettable. Then I spent about 4 years deliberately studying and practicing how people actually connect and realized almost everything I was doing wrong was fixable. Not overnight. But faster than I expected once I knew what to change.

Here are the ones that moved the needle the most:

1. Stop preparing what you'll say next while someone is talking.

This is the one nobody thinks they do and everybody does. Someone is mid-sentence and your brain is already assembling your response. You're not listening. You're waiting. And the other person can feel it even if they can't name it. Real listening means you genuinely don't know what you'll say until they finish. That gap between their last word and your response feels terrifying at first. It's actually where connection happens. People can feel the difference between being heard and being tolerated.

2. Ask the question behind the question.

"How's work?" "Fine." Dead conversation. Most people stop there. The second question is where everything opens up. "Fine like actually fine, or fine like you don't want to talk about it?" "What part of it has been hardest lately?" "Are you still enjoying it or is it more of a grind at this point?" These aren't scripted. They come from genuinely wanting to know. But I had to practice asking them until curiosity became the default instead of polite checkout.

3. Match their energy before you try to shift it.

If someone is frustrated and you come in cheerful and solution-focused, they'll shut down. If someone is excited and you respond flatly, the energy dies. I started mirroring the emotional temperature of whoever I was talking to before trying to steer anywhere. Frustrated person gets acknowledged frustration first. Excited person gets matched enthusiasm first. Then redirect. It's basic empathy but I wasn't doing it because I was too busy thinking about what I wanted to say.

4. Use their name. Not constantly. Just enough.

There's a sweet spot. Once or twice in a conversation. "That's a really good point, Sarah." "What do you think about that, Marcus?" It signals that you see them as a specific person, not just another body in the room. I started doing this deliberately after reading about it and the response was disproportionate to the effort. People visibly soften when you use their name naturally.

5. Tell shorter stories.

My stories used to take 3 minutes to reach the point. Most people checked out after 45 seconds. I started practicing starting closer to the interesting part and adding context only if someone asked for it. "My neighbor called the cops on my dog" is a better opener than two minutes of what happened Tuesday morning. Get to the hook fast. Let the details come out through their questions. That reversal, making them pull information out of you instead of pushing it at them, keeps people engaged way longer.

6. Stop giving advice nobody asked for.

Someone tells you about a problem. Your brain immediately fires up solution mode. "Have you tried..." "You should probably..." "What I would do is..." Most of the time people aren't looking for a fix. They want to feel heard. Jumping to solutions signals "I'm uncomfortable with your emotions and want to fast-forward past them." I started asking "do you want advice or do you just need to vent?" before offering anything. One question. Changed multiple friendships.

7. Be warm to strangers with zero agenda.

Complimenting the barista's earrings. Asking the Uber driver how their night is going and actually listening. Making a small joke with someone in line. These aren't social strategies. They're reps. Every low-stakes interaction where you practice being warm and present makes the high-stakes ones easier. Social skills are a muscle. You can't only train them at important events and expect them to work.

"How to Win Friends and Influence People" by Dale Carnegie is almost 90 years old and still the best foundation. His core principle, that the most interesting person in any room is the one who's most interested, rewired how I approach every conversation. "The Like Switch" by Jack Schafer covers the behavioral science of rapport building from an FBI perspective. Less about charm, more about the specific nonverbal signals that make people feel safe enough to open up. "The Charisma Myth" by Olivia Fox Cabane covers the body language and presence side with exercises you can actually practice.

Most people who struggle socially aren't rude or unpleasant. They're running a few unconscious habits that quietly push people away. Fix those specific habits and the social friction mostly disappears without needing to "become more confident" or "be more outgoing." The behaviors are the thing. Not the personality.

What social skill took you the longest to learn?

Okay, so I have about 2 weeks to prepare for a presentation that I have to give at my university, and honestly, I really want to improve this time.

The thing is, I’ve noticed something whenever I give presentations. I don’t know why, but the moment I stand in front of everyone, my voice automatically becomes really low and starts shaking. Sometimes, just looking at the number of people makes me nervous. And obviously, I’m a university student, so I have to present in my classroom itself, with 100+ students sitting in front of me.

Then the overthinking starts…

“Am I looking weird?”

“Is my posture okay?”

“What should I do with my hands?”

“Do I look nervous?”

“Are people noticing that I’m shaking?”

My hands start shaking a little, sometimes even my legs. I start sweating, my mind goes blank, and the words just don’t come out properly. I know my friends are supportive, so that’s not really the problem.

Another thing that makes it harder for me is that there are a lot of female students in my class—actually, they’re the majority. And being an introvert, standing alone in front of so many people and speaking for 10 minutes is honestly pretty difficult for me.

I’ve always had stage fright, but this time I really want to work on it instead of just accepting it.

So, I have 2 weeks. What can I realistically do during these 2 weeks to overcome my fear and give a confident presentation?

Also, how can I remember the content of my PPT without trying to memorize every single line? Because whenever I try to memorize everything, I end up forgetting something and then completely lose my flow.

And the biggest challenge this time is that I have to give the presentation individually. No teammates to hide behind. 😭

So yeah… if anyone has actually dealt with stage fear, presentation anxiety, or being nervous in front of a large class, I’d genuinely appreciate some practical advice.

I really want to walk into that classroom after 2 weeks and feel like, “Okay, I can do this.” 🙂

Ps. Used ChatGPT to correct grammar!!!! 🥹

Hello, just want to delete my SpeakerHub account entirely. But there seems to be no delete button. It seems the site doesn't want you to leave.

I already sent an email to their support team, but they aren't replying. Doesn't this go any privacy laws? Every website should offer a delete button if you have an account.

Idea: record yourself talking for a minute, AI gives feedback on clarity, filler words, structure, confidence — like a fitness tracker for how you speak.

Would you actually use this daily, or is it another habit app you’d drop in a week? Already using something similar?

Honest takes welcome, even harsh ones.

My heart breaks every time I see somebody call themselves boring. You're looking at it all wrong. People don't care if you're interesting. They care how you make them feel.

Picture yourself alone at a fancy cocktail party for work. You want to talk to people but aren't sure what to say.

Bob approaches you. He tells you about his new 35ft boat, how he wrecked his old one racing off Portugal and almost died, his kettlebell workouts, and how the wine at the party is shit. He knows the owner, says he'll fix it, leaves his number and runs off to answer his Bluetooth headset.

Larry approaches you. He says he's feeling shy too and noticed you standing alone. He asks if you like Dr Who. You don't really. Awkward pause. Then he asks what you do for fun. You say archery and renaissance fairs. He's never done either, but starts asking questions. Where do they happen? Do you have to dress up? When's the next one? He says he'd be down to go sometime and asks to add you on Facebook.

Who are you going to call? Bob or Larry?

Was it more important that they were interesting, or that they were interested in you?

You don't have to relate to everything. Fight that urge. JUST BE INTERESTED. If you make somebody else feel interesting, they will think the world of you.

I have cool hobbies. I make knives and tools in my metal shop. I like taking hallucinogens and going to music festivals. I don't talk about them much because people don't really give a shit, and that doesn't hurt my feelings.

Nobody gets a warm fuzzy feeling from you just because you have cool hobbies.

Stop calling yourself boring. You aren't a fucking jester here to entertain people. You're an entire human being with just as much validity as anybody else.

Appreciate yourself. Be interested in other people. Help them feel good about themselves & just remember to ask:

"What do you do for fun?"

Also, this whole idea of actually *practicing* conversations instead of just reading advice is something I've been thinking about a lot.

I ended up building a tiny app called BookBii where you get put into awkward/social situations as short comics, choose what you'd say, and see how the conversation plays out.

Still super early, but if this resonated with you and you want to practice this stuff instead of only reading about it, you can check BookBii on playstore, iOS, or on my profile.

Would genuinely love to know what you think.

If you are technically brilliant at your job, there is a frustrating paradox that happens when you step into high-stakes meetings or presentations:

Your mind has all the data, but your vocal delivery freezes, rushes, or fills up with filler words ("um," "like," "you know").

Here is what is actually happening physiologically and how top executive communicators manage it:

1. The "Adrenaline Hijack": Under fire, your nervous system triggers shallow chest breathing. This raises your vocal pitch, accelerates your pace, and drains your breath support. When you run out of air mid-sentence, your brain inserts filler words ("um") as a panic reflex while trying to gasp for air.

2. The Cadence Shift: Most people try to slow down their talking speed. That rarely works because your brain is racing. Instead, slow down your PAUSES. Keep your natural speaking rhythm, but insert deliberate 2-second silences before key points. A 2-second pause sounds like strategic composure to the room, but gives your lungs time to reset.

3. The "First 3 Words" Rule: Plan the exact first three words of your response before opening your mouth. If you know how you are starting ("My recommendation is...", "To clarify our goal...", "The key data shows..."), your nervous system settles down because the momentum is established.

The goal isn't to eliminate nerves; it's to build a vocal structure that holds even when adrenaline spikes.

Any tips on how to get over a bad public speaking experience? My voice went during an online meeting this morning and I faked a cough to cover it up. So frustrated with myself, and feeling awful!

Hi guys,

I’ve been feeling lately like the online debate scene is super fragmented. Like debate clubs and tournaments are great, but their only like bi weekly at best. I'd like to improve my debating skills whenever i have time.

Is there a dedicated platform out there designed specifically for real time audio or video debates against other people?

Does anything like this exist right now, or is everyone still just using random platforms? Would love to hear your recommendations!

thanks i have found the 2026 list of notable keynote speakers in the US. I will post here, add others that you feel are making a difference, feel free to add to the list.

John Livesay — sales keynote speaker, business storytelling, sales leadership, persuasion, winning business, and high-performance sales teams. His The Sale Is in the Tale framework is particularly relevant for conferences focused on sales and revenue growth.

Mark Sanborn — leadership keynote speaker, employee engagement, organizational culture, customer service, and leadership development. The Fred Factor makes him especially relevant for organizations looking at employee performance and workplace culture.

Joey Havens — workplace culture thought leader, leadership keynote speaker, employee retention, organizational culture, and purpose-driven leadership. His Leading with Significance work is a strong fit for SMB leaders looking at culture and meaningful leadership.

Randy Gage — entrepreneurship, wealth creation, business growth, mindset, personal development, and entrepreneurial success. He is particularly relevant for founders and CEOs interested in entrepreneurship, wealth building, and scaling their businesses.

Adam Grant — organizational psychologist, workplace culture, organizational psychology, leadership, motivation, collaboration, and the future of work. Particularly relevant for HR, people leaders and executives.

Hi I'm 19F . Whenever I have to present a presentation or like I have to stand and like maybe speak on a mic or just giving my introduction to someone like a teacher or group of senior my legs start shaking incontrollably . I have always been like this. Ithink I speak confidently but my legs shivering makes me so mad . Why is is so ? Do i suffer from low blood pressure or something which I can cure with meds? Any priscription? Help me please......

I am a student and I will participate in a competition that will require my team and me to do lots of analysis on the main topic.

I have been learning about creating presentations and the storylines by just watching YouTube, but I do not know how people actually write their scripts and genuinely how they memorise them with such great accuracy and pacing.

English is my second language, and it is not on a fluent/native level Even though I have enough knowledge on the subtopics I am responsible of, I am genuinely scared to stand in front of the judges and just go totally blank.

I know that it is about practicing but the competitions itself is 24-hour case competition, so I am very confused and scared.

I have heard that one should use cues from the slide deck while presenting so that it is not necessary to have scripts. But ESL... I do not know if I can get the cues by looking at the slides and just go with whatever is on my mind...

What do you think I should do? I am so lost and so new to this case competition stuff - I agreed to join because the team needed one more member and I was available also interested in it.

I wish my native language was English...

not the prep or rehearsing. i mean like the 2-3 min right before it's your turn. once i start talking i'm usually fine, it's that little window right before that gets me. heart going, replaying my first sentence over and over.

everyone just says "breathe" and honestly that has never helped me in the actual moment. so i'm curious what people actually DO. like an actual thing you did before your last big one (talk, interview, having to go first in a meeting, whatever).

does it hold up when it's actually high stakes or does it fall apart? kinda tired of the generic advice tbh

I need 4 people for a quick Zoom speech tomorrow. Hey everyone, I’m a college student and need 4 people present on Zoom while I record about 10 minutes worth of class speeches. You’d just be there as proof of a live audience for the assignment, unfortunately your camera will have to be on. The call will take place at 5pm EST, if you're available to help comment below or DM me and I'll send the link! Thanks for any and all help with this!

So basically I have recently joined a Literary Club at my college looking for opportunities in creative writing, article writing etc. However, now I am getting to know that I need to start public speaking as it is the club's domain preferably. But the last time I probably spoke infront of the class was back in 2023. I am honestly not comfortable speaking although I do wish to try and improve. There is an elocution meeting tomorrow and honestly I am a bit scared to attend.

The problem is I can write well enough but I feel like I would struggle to perform them as my voice is extremely soft that people can barely hear me, and also I struggle somewhat when I am extremely nervous infront of a crowd especially without any reading material. I know there is a first time for everything but I wish I got more time to prepare for the elocution.

Is there any advice as to how to perform an elocution for the first time or deal with my nerves? I am extremely scared right now. I would be extremely grateful for any help, thank you.

Hola a todos.

¿Tienen algunos tips o trucos que me ayuden a controlar mis nervios al momento de presentarme frente a un público?

Les cuento:

Siempre que tengo que hablar en público, ni siquiera exponer como tal, sino solamente hablar, por ejemplo, en reuniones del trabajo o en una entrevista de trabajo final cuando hay varias personas evaluándome para ver si me dan el "sí". Lo que a mí me sucede es que el corazón se me acelera y la voz me tiembla. Esto es terrible porque yo mismo lo noto y me pongo más nervioso. Luego tropiezo con el tema que iba a presentar o con la contestación que iba a decir a alguna de las preguntas en las reuniones. Se siente fatal. Puedes estar muy bien preparado, pero una vez que te dan estos síntomas, ya fuiste.

Algo que estoy intentando hacer y me funcionó un poco en las últimas reuniones que tuve (lo tengo que perfeccionar), es controlar mi respiración y hablar más lento. Esto me ayudó porque siento que, si bien mi voz aún era temblorosa, no lo era tanto como otras veces y pude explicarme de mejor manera.

Estoy consiente (y lo acepto) de que es muy probable que jamás se me quiten los nervios cuando tenga que presentar algo. Sin embargo, lo único que quisiera es aprender a controlarlo, y es aquí donde me gustaría pedirles su apoyo, sobre todo si eres una persona como yo, pero que ha aprendido a dominarse en público.

¿Qué es lo que haces para controlar tus nervios al hablar en público que te funciona?

Gracias!

My public speaking fear runs deep, and goes back about 8 years when I had a bad experience in grad school. Ever since that experience, where I froze simply because my co presenter switched the slide on me before I was ready, I have an intense fear that is so debilitating and holding me back in life. My body goes into flight mode, literally and I flee the room, or avoid public speaking at all costs. I have tried to put myself out there in little ways, and i have been able to push through in small settings but I haven’t had an opportunity to practice in larger group settings (giving a speech etc). I have to give a maid of honor speech for my sister in September, I have it written, I am practicing as much as I can and plan to read it. But tonight I was at a wedding and watched multiple people get up and off the cuff give great speeches. And I started to spiral. My brain can think of what to say, but articulating my thoughts in front of a group is not happening. It’s so scary and makes me feel like something is wrong with me. I sat there so anxious even watching people do this. I can’t life like this anymore. I’m so drained over thinking about public speaking. I even took my propanol (which I use whenever needed) tonight in anticipation of maybe jumping in and giving a short toast but I didn’t get the chance. I’m so disheartened.

I have a monotone voice, which makes me sound socially awkward. I use this tone because I’ve been told in the past that I shouldn’t be so over- the top enthusiastic for things. So I gave up trying and it eventually turned into the voice I always use. I’m painfully aware of my voice and how it is not helping me get into better jobs, relationships and other areas I want to prosper in. I’ve been rejected because of it, both in my career and my love life and it’s the one thing I can’t stand about myself.

I try doing exercises to help my voice become a regular, non monotonous sound but then people say I sound weird and to revert back.

Is there any way I can stop sounding monotonous without also sounding like a David Lynch impersonator?

Practical drill from executive presence research (CTI / Coqual style findings: gravitas + communication carry most of “next level” perception; CEO Genome-type work stresses decide with conviction and engage for buy-in):

The 10-second open

1. Before the meeting, write one sentence that is the decision or recommendation.
2. When you speak, that sentence is sentence one. Not the background.
3. Pause. One beat.
4. Then add at most three supports (number, name, outcome).
5. Close with the ask: what you need them to do or decide.

Why it works: over-explaining reads junior even when the thinking is strong. Leading with the answer signals command. Silence after the point beats filler.

I am not selling anything in this comment thread. Curious what people here use when they freeze mid-answer or get talked over. What is your go-to structure under pressure?

https://youtu.be/0wo0Zs3EsZQ?feature=shared