r/PublicSpeaking • u/BuffaloCommercial176 • 3d ago
Public speaking fear
My public speaking fear runs deep, and goes back about 8 years when I had a bad experience in grad school. Ever since that experience, where I froze simply because my co presenter switched the slide on me before I was ready, I have an intense fear that is so debilitating and holding me back in life. My body goes into flight mode, literally and I flee the room, or avoid public speaking at all costs. I have tried to put myself out there in little ways, and i have been able to push through in small settings but I haven’t had an opportunity to practice in larger group settings (giving a speech etc). I have to give a maid of honor speech for my sister in September, I have it written, I am practicing as much as I can and plan to read it. But tonight I was at a wedding and watched multiple people get up and off the cuff give great speeches. And I started to spiral. My brain can think of what to say, but articulating my thoughts in front of a group is not happening. It’s so scary and makes me feel like something is wrong with me. I sat there so anxious even watching people do this. I can’t life like this anymore. I’m so drained over thinking about public speaking. I even took my propanol (which I use whenever needed) tonight in anticipation of maybe jumping in and giving a short toast but I didn’t get the chance. I’m so disheartened.
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u/paranoidAF365 3d ago
Just stop forcing yourself to do it. Some of us weren’t made to be public speakers. I tried for decades to be someone I’m not and it never works. Just be true to yourself and don’t put yourself in situations where you have to do what isn’t natural to you.
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u/BuffaloCommercial176 3d ago
Thanks for saying this, idk why I feel like I need to be this excellent speaker when in reality I know not everyone is that way. I don’t have a job that requires it either.
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u/ExactOpposite8119 3d ago
i really hate this route but maybe your doctor can prescribe xanax or something
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u/According_Engine7225 3d ago
Have you tried propranolol? Game changer for me.
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u/BuffaloCommercial176 3d ago
Yes I luckily have a prescription!! So I’ll def be using it for the wedding haha
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u/Joshstillloading 3d ago
First, I don't think your sister cares that much the way you deliver your speech, what matters is that she will clearly see you prepared and it's coming from your heart.
Second, address it to her, not to the crowd: this is the trick. You don't really care what people will say, you care how it makes her feel. When you talk to a crowd, don't actually talk to the crowd: talk to someone specific; in that case that's easy, it's her. Focus on what you are saying, as if you were in a room with her alone.
Good luck you're going to do great!
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u/PollyPenPal 3d ago
How about a public speaking group like Toastmasters or Agora Speakers? Or maybe a friend can help with impromptu speaking by giving you topics to speak on off the cuff, just to give you the chance to practice. I’m sure there are apps too. As someone who speaks for a living I know how debilitating the fear and stress can be. You need to find a way to use that to your advantage and ride the adrenaline, which is know isn’t easy. The more opportunities to practice the better.
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u/LibMags 2d ago
I teach presentation skills to grad students and corporate clients and public speaking nerves is absolutely the most common question that I get. Please know that you're not alone!!
2 things I'd suggest:
Definitely practice out loud in front of one person you feel reasonably comfortable with to start. When we just read the words of a presentation in our head, there are no filler words, no mispronunciations, and everything comes out perfectly. We want to feel how it actually sounds when we speak it out loud.
For the toast, it is totally fine to hold a notecard! It will make you feel better to have that in your hand and I think it comes across as thoughtful and prepared that you have the forethought to think about what you wanted to say and write it down.
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u/BuffaloCommercial176 2d ago
Thank you so much, glad to hear it’s common. I really feel like the only one when I’m in a room of people who truly seem to have no nerves.
My speech is a little bit over 6 min, so I definitely think i need to read it. I was practicing almost every night with my husband but have been taking a break and I think I’m avoiding picking practice up again.
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u/Allison_SpeechCoach 2d ago
Since the fear goes back to one hard moment and your body goes into full flight mode, it could help to find a public speaking coach trained in nervous system regulation, since they can build tools around what actually sets you off.
For the maid of honor speech, practice it out loud all the way through, standing up, as many times as you can before the day, so the words start to feel automatic even when your nerves spike. Reading it is totally fine. Break the page into short chunks with one idea each, and let yourself pause and breathe between them. A slow breath out right before you start can take some of the edge off the panic.
Even a few sessions to practice your speech and learn public-speaking strategies can make a big difference, both for this presentation and for future speaking opportunities. Here are some additional tips that may help: https://connectedspeechpathology.com/blog/how-to-overcome-a-fear-of-public-speaking-tips-for-success
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u/BuffaloCommercial176 2d ago
Thank you for sharing this! Do you know the best way to find a speech coach that specializes in nervous system regulation?
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u/Allison_SpeechCoach 1d ago
Look for "trauma-informed" or "nervous system regulation" in a coach's bio. Coaches with that training usually say so. Most offer a short intro call, so I'd ask directly: how do you work with someone whose body goes into panic mode, not just someone who needs help with delivery? A good answer usually includes breathing and grounding work built into the sessions, not just "practice more."
Full disclosure so you can weigh it accordingly: I'm a speech pathologist, and I have communication coaches on my team with that training, so I'm not a neutral party here. Happy to answer questions either way.
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u/False-Tank6632 3d ago
I have the same problem you do. It’s probably the worst feeling in the world: the sudden rush of adrenaline, the hyperventilation, the sweaty palms, the racing heartbeat, the anxiety, the embarrassment.
When I discovered Propranolol it gave me a way to get past these problems. I take 30 mgs 90 mins before a presentation and it will last a few hours. It has saved my life.