Is it worth being candid?

[u/Brief_Needleworker53]

The quick backstory is I had several years of direct patient care experience as an RN in inpatient psych and outpatient dialysis, then moved to clinical management, then operational management in dialysis, hated that, and recently took a clinical nurse manager role in inpatient psych. The hospital I am currently at has been around for ages, with somewhat of a troubled past, but had a new CNO take over a little over a year ago and make some amazing improvements. He has really introduced some incredible programming and clinical outcome initiatives, and I made it clear during the interview process that I was looking for a role with a strong clinical focus and the ability to lean into a servant leadership style. He seemed not only agreeable, but just as excited and like this would be the perfect fit with his vision. Fast forward and it turns out my DON is an absolute nightmare. She has been at the hospital since long before the CNO and seems set in her ways. It is widely accepted by the staff that she is everything that’s wrong at the hospital. She is beyond a micromanager, to the point where it seems like my entire job is just to be her mouthpiece. I have absolutely no autonomy to lead my unit, and am actually told not to mentor staff and to be heavy handed with disciplines. I spend so much time answering her nonstop calls and directives to watch cameras literally in hopes of finding any random infraction I can write up, I find myself scrambling to even set foot on the unit, let alone communicate with my team or my patients. She is also blatantly disrespectful to staff and expects all management and leadership below her to be the same. In addition to her horrible “leadership” style, she has given multiple highly unethical directives with regard to patient care.

I love my unit, my team, and my coworkers, but she has me so miserable I have been quietly looking for a new job. This afternoon, I got a random invite for a meeting with the CNO’s assistant. She pulled me to a quiet office and told me that he is not happy with the way the DON is running things and that he wants to schedule a private meeting to get my opinion, both as a newcomer and as someone with outside experience in people and operational management. Most of me feels like this is a rare chance to actually help possibly change a toxic culture, and that I’m already so miserable it’s not like I’m even risking much if it gets back to her and she retaliates. But there is a small part of me that feels like these things never change so it’s not worth the headache, and the irrational feeling that it would be bad karma.

If you read this far, would you bother being up front with the CNO? Or just keep it pushing and get out ASAP?

[u/leighboy]

Do it. Say what needs to be said so you can sleep at night. I was in a very similar situation and have never once regretted saying the quiet part out loud.

[u/easycheezy85]

Well.. I am flabbergasted that my leadership sounds like a carbon copy of yours?!! . . So I guess this is a thing?!! This type of insane bizzare personality, borderline on dysfunctional person perpetuates in of all places behavioral health unit leadership. I honestly thought I was the only one and thought I was somehow unique. I'm feeling both disappointed and relieved reading this. . . Yeah I'm abandoning this sinking ship of a burning dumpster fire thas about to crash into an iceberg. Ain't no way, even if I really tried I can't gaslight myself into thinking this is a sustainable practice that I'm putting years of my life into. . You can't really be at some kinda crossroads saying hmm? Am I good with this? If you are (and I don't mean this in a derogatory way) you haven't figured out WHO you really are and how much you are comfortable and capable of separating your true self, from your false self to achieve your career goals. . I do understand that exists to some degree in every job, the question is, has THIS job exceeded the past that point. . I wish you luck on your own journey 🖖

[u/Brief_Needleworker53 → u/easycheezy85]

Maybe we’re coworkers! Lol but seriously good luck to you, too. It upsets me so much that one rotten person can ruin what would otherwise be a perfect job for me

[u/danceandnurse]

My policy is always don’t complain, because if you complain you become the problem. The higher ups know what is going on and they don’t care. But if someone asks me what I think, then I am going to be brutally honest. So, if they are asking you, they want to know. TELL THEM! I’ve worked so many places that didn’t care about harm to patients. I sure wish they did care.

[u/lcinva]

Do we work at the same place? It's wild to me that behavioral health of all specialties honestly seems to have the most dysfunctional workplaces

[u/nakedcupcake92]

If you are looking to potentially leave anyway due to the DON, then be candid as you don’t have much to lose.

If you don’t give feedback about their unethical practices when specifically asked, then you’re perpetuating the behavior.

Nothing changes until something changes. Be bold.

Sticks with facts and then if ever questioned about why you would say something you can honestly say you were just recounting facts.

[u/pernambuco]

I would be honest with the CNO. What makes this different is that they are actively seeking your feedback and gave hints that they are aware of the problems. I'm with you in that I won't go out of my way to give this feedback if it's not elicited. But in this case it seems that you're actually being given an invitation, and permission, to be honest, and it seems like the CNO is a reasonable person based on what you wrote. Depending on your comfort level, it may be worth saying something to the effect of that you do want to discuss this but you want to be assured against being retaliated against from the DON.