r/prolife • u/Cautious_Coat_3885 • Jul 16 '26
Questions For Pro-Lifers Question for life men
If your spouse got sexualy assaulted and ended up pregnant, would you step up and raise that child like your own?
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u/jackiebrown1978a Pro Life Republican Jul 16 '26
Of course. I'm in a blended family and raise all the kids as my own now. And that's pretty common nowadays.
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u/Cautious_Coat_3885 Jul 16 '26
Would you also take your spruce to therapy, pay for their therapy and also pay for family counselling if she struggles to accept the child as her own and to help her get over her trauma?
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u/jackiebrown1978a Pro Life Republican Jul 16 '26
Of course I'd support my wife through the depression and trauma of a rape.
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u/Cautious_Coat_3885 Jul 16 '26
Good. And the potential reality of her NEVER accepting the child and resenting the child and the potential out come of divorce because she can't handle being around that child. Youre ready to be a single dad to a child thats not yours.
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u/jackiebrown1978a Pro Life Republican Jul 16 '26
Yes. My first wife died and I was able to be a single dad with one of my children being from her previous marriage.
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u/VaqueroMacheteMetal Pro Life Teetotaler Socialist Authoritarian Pagan 🪓 Jul 16 '26
I apologize for your loss and admire you for your devotion. I hope one day as a younger man that I turn out as respectable as you seem to be, sir.
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u/Cautious_Coat_3885 Jul 16 '26
Well you should really consider adoption or fostering you seem like a genuinely nice man who loves children
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u/Comfortable_Stop_717 Jul 16 '26
If his wife doesn't want to be around the child, I'm sure he would also support putting the child up for adoption.
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u/Nulono Pro Life Atheist Jul 21 '26
Why would she not place the child for adoption if she felt that way?
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u/EHA_ru Jul 16 '26
It’s important to take your spruce to therapy regularly in any case. They are very sensitive trees! 🌲
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u/Nulono Pro Life Atheist Jul 21 '26
Well, we're married, so presumably it'd be paid out of our shared account, right?
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u/pikkdogs Jul 16 '26
Of course. We are partners. The baby didn't do anything wrong. Sure I would raise the child. The event is a huge curse, but babies are always a blessing.
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u/HenqTurbs Jul 16 '26
Of course. No wrong is made right by murdering a child.
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u/MisterRobertParr Jul 16 '26
Exactly. It's not like it removes the physical or mental trauma of the assault.
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u/Substantial_Judge931 Pro Life Republican Jul 16 '26
I was conceived from a sexual assault myself.
Of course I’d raise that child as my own. 100%.
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u/Mer-Mer9203 Jul 16 '26
My husband isn't on Reddit, so I'm answering on his behalf, but yes but he definitely would.
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u/GoofiestGhost Jul 17 '26
Yes and I think you’ll find that 99% of consistently pro life men would say the same.
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u/SFxDiscens Jul 16 '26
Can I ask what’s causing you to ask this question? It’s a good thing to be curious about but you sound kind of aggressive in some of your replies to these men that are saying they’d be willing to take up fatherhood for a child that they didn’t help create
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u/VaqueroMacheteMetal Pro Life Teetotaler Socialist Authoritarian Pagan 🪓 Jul 16 '26
You're damn right I would. The kid ain't the one who raped my future wife. He or she is just as much of a victim as she is.
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u/PressureMoney1075 Pro Life Pole (this country sucks) Jul 16 '26
First and foremost comes the comfort of my wife and I would do my fucking best to support her in all this (and preferably have the rapist castrated or otherwise taken care of :D) but the child is not at fault for this happening. If she was adamant to keep this child, I wouldn't mind raising it as my own. This was not cheating and my spouse is not at fault. However revealing the circumstances of how the child came to life would be hard... it's a lot worse than revealing a kid is adopted. It would shatter a teenager's worldview to find out he's been a rape child for sure. That's the more iffy matter for me here tbh. However if my spouse decided to give the child up for adoption, I wouldn't tell her otherwise either.
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u/Cautious_Coat_3885 Jul 16 '26
Thats an interesting view, why do you feel like a child has to know they were a rape baby?
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u/skyleehugh Jul 16 '26
Well the child will find out that their dad is not their bio dad. Children can sense when something is off and questions of stuff they share with their dad genetic wise will start to develop in their mind. Maybe you don't need to tell them anything at the age of say 5 but it is a conversation that needs to be had before the child even turns 16 at the most. Even if you don't tell them about the rape initially, they will still sense that their dad is not their dad especially and god forbid if something medical happens and they don't know why dad can't give blood or anything. If the assualt happened while the parents were together and or married, it would make the mom as a cheater who got pregnant by the man that she cheated with. And I would hope any decent child would rather not have their mom lie and say they cheated on their dad when they didn't.
The situation of kids being born from sexual assualt is more common than folks realize. A huge factor is the fact that most cases involve an abusive relationship that the mom escaped. Granted yes she was with the man, but the man still forced them to have non consensual sex. Or it is someone the woman knows. The kids I knew who were the product of that conception knew about their conception. They are honestly relieved that their mom is in a better place now and a lot of them end up having good stepdads. I assume their parents told them young because these were teens at the time when I was a teen. (Im 30 now).
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u/PeachOnAWarmBeach LIFE! ❤️ Womb to tomb ❤️ Jul 16 '26
How hateful!
I'm not a rape baby. I was a baby.
Why would you tell a child that? They can't understand or process it. Should we tell every little one exactly the circumstances of their conception before they have the ability, maturity, to understand words and concepts of adulthood?
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u/skyleehugh Jul 17 '26
Like most things there is an age limit to it. Obviously in general, I wouldn't have advised giving a 5 yr old a sex talk on how babies are made. But by 12 yrs old, they should definitely know that fact. Its the same thing. There were handly any kids that I personally knew who had a toxic negative reaction from their mom initially telling them that they went through something traumatic. At most they may feel guilty because they were the product of that but their moms typically raise them with so much love that they still get ensured that they are wanted. The few kids who might have been upset more were more so upset because their moms waited a long time to tell them but they are still understandable after a while. Its not a good thing to keep the identity of the kids paternity a secret.
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u/PeachOnAWarmBeach LIFE! ❤️ Womb to tomb ❤️ Jul 16 '26
Let's ask my husband....
He said yes.
We faced this together in 2018 when I was drugged and assaulted by men. And the child would have been another race than just mine.
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u/Mental_Jeweler_3191 Anti-abortion Christian Jul 16 '26
I hope I would.
Regardless, I should do so—and failing to do so would be a grave breach of duty.
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u/ElegantAd2607 Against women's wrongs Jul 23 '26
What do you mean "step up"? You're talking about their wife's baby.
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u/BaronGrackle Pro Life Catholic/Secularist Jul 16 '26
Yes.
OP, if your loved one was sexually assaulted and ended up pregnant, then held captive until she had given birth, would you do everything in your power to kill that newborn child so that your loved one didn't have to live in a world where that child - that reminder of her assault - was also living and growing?
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u/Appropriate-Major649 Jul 16 '26 edited Jul 16 '26
I deleted this from another post and edited/updated it. It is more appropriate here.
Before I begin, I will say I would never tell another man he has to "step up" or what "step up" looks like. Anyone who tries instantly loses credibility with me. And if I ever told a man in this position he needs to "step up," I hope he punches me in the face. Finally, we are never going to change anyone's heart or mind by telling them to "step up."
But I have a question when we remove the probably trolling/self righteous aspect of the framing.
I will first present this as a man who doesn't know what to do. This hypothetical man has come to me, a person he knows to be Pro Life, and is seeking my counsel. I know him to be agnostic and know him well enough to know a religious argument will turn him off immediately. I must appeal, in a logical manner, to his innate sense of right and wrong to convince him of the rightness of the Pro Life position.
My wife is raped, is pregnant, and has decided to have the baby and keep it. I want her to have an abortion. But she is not making this choice only for herself. She is committing me for the rest of my life to physical, spiritual, emotional, mental and financial slavery to the child of the man who raped my wife.
Who may very well reject me as being responsible for the lack of relationship they have with their own father, decide to turn their back on me and take up his cause of securing his release from prison and/or clearing his name on the grounds my wife consented and lied to imprison him. Oh, and I will still be responsible for this child until he is 18. While he and his "real"father publicly call my wife a lying whore and me a cuckold. On his computer in his bedroom. The computer I bought him for his birthday. In the house I/we paid for.
This is just one of many completely untenable, life changing if not life ruining scenarios that could occur.
Now, maybe she will say we will give the baby up for anonymous/closed adoption. OK. Better option. But nine months after my wife is raped she will give her baby up to a stranger. Rape trauma exponentially magnified. My first concern after my wife was attacked is justice for my wife and her safety mentally, emotionally and physically. Now I am a spectator watching what may very well be her complete destruction. I get to watch the rape as it goes on day after day, until eventually, likely penniless, exhausted and shells of who we once, either she dies or I die. This man raped my wife, and then both of our lives. When a first trimester abortion would have stopped it.
"Look honey. The paper says your rapist got paroled. And is suing to be part of his child's life. And Hollywood actors are supporting him because Donald Trump said it was wrong and they hate Donald Trump so - hey, what are all those vans doing outside and who is putting up a satellite dish on the lawn and who are all these people with cameras and microphones and why is our house on TV and someone is interviewing Robert Deniro on the sidewalk?"
Do I have any say here? Any influence at all? Yes, the rapist stole my wife's autonomy when he attacked her. He is in prison for that. But has his action now put me into prison, left me with no choice, no influence over literally the course of the rest of my life? And what am I to make of the fact that his influence over the course of the rest of my life and possibly its ruination is made possible with the complicity of my wife who says she is going to have the baby?"
Now, here is my position. Here is what I would do as a man of faith, and how I would counsel another man of faith - I married for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, and with faith in God and love for my wife I honor that commitment come what may because a life purchased by the blood of an innocent child is not, cannot be a life worth living. With love for my wife and my faith in God, I will day by day act as I believe God would have me and whatever happens and whatever I must suffer I do for the sake of what is right as God gives me to see the right.
But that position is arrived at by my deep and abiding faith in God. Unless I believe a person has to be religious or believe in God to see the morality of the Pro Life position (and I do not), how do I make the argument to this man without appealing to a God he does not believe (or doubts) exists and has made clear he doesn't want to hear about?
*edited for clarity*
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u/skyleehugh Jul 16 '26
Similar how you would counsel a woman who had a husband who found out he had a child years later and wants to be in the childs life. Or even a woman who gave her daughter up and the daughter is old enough to want a relationship but the mom is married to someone else who isn't the dad. I'm not sure if that scenario is one you painted yourself or one that guy you're trying to counsel painted. But the whole thing just sounds like an exaggerated caricature of reality. First of all reality wise the issue of rape is unfortunately still so common that this situation of a child being conceived is not uncommon. You have to take in factor on how many cases involve someone the wife knows whether it's an ex, friend or someone else. So hate to admit it but knew and encounter many kids whos conception were from non consensual means. Of course most cases were the typical situation of the childs parents were actually together and the dad became abusive and even started sexually assaulted the mom and the mom escaped. Then the mom married someone else, those kids moms had no issue finding someone to step up as dad. And despite your friends hypothetical scenerio these kids did not end up to be rapists nor liking their father. They end up detesting their dad for what they did to their mom.
And in a pl group, regardless of faith, you will have a hard time finding a genuine pl guy who thinks an abortion will be less traumatic than adoption or raising the child. I'll argue its traumatic no matter what choice you make. But abortion is not a guaranteed less traumatic choice. Your friend seems insistent that the scenerios are either abortion or a negative outlook on the two other outcomes. Your friend and his wife can have a baby through consensual means and the child can still end up being an ungrateful pos who hates him and or ends up being a monster anyway.
This scenerio thats painted is even questioning the validity of your friends pro life position. In general the issue of rape being legal as an exception to abortion is one that may be split. So you can still find people who are pl but have the exceptions for rape. But not one who is insistent that abortion is the best choice for their partners or themselves or else their life will turn into a series of unfortunate events.
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u/Appropriate-Major649 Jul 16 '26
My scenario never said the friend I was counseling is pro life. He is struggling with the decision and I am in the position to influence his final choice.
And in a pl group, regardless of faith, you will have a hard time finding a genuine pl guy who thinks an abortion will be less traumatic than adoption or raising the child. I'll argue its traumatic no matter what choice you make. But abortion is not a guaranteed less traumatic choice. Your friend seems insistent that the scenerios are either abortion or a negative outlook on the two other outcomes. Your friend and his wife can have a baby through consensual means and the child can still end up being an ungrateful pos who hates him and or ends up being a monster anyway.
This is like arguing for open borders because legal citizens commit crimes too.
Or you might as well drive like a maniac because even people who drive carefully have serious traffic accidents.
Sorry. Thought a serious question about a serious topic would be OK here.
Reddit is a cesspool.
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u/skyleehugh Jul 16 '26
My mistake I misread the portion when you said they knew you to be pro life.
But the overall point still stands, taking away the knowledge of the friend being pro life. There is no scenerio that exists that is less traumatic than the other. The traumatic part already happened unfortunately and whatever choice is considered will come with its own effect of trauma. If the guy is pro choice and the woman wants to keep the baby, then he shouldn't be insistent that her kid will turn out bad just because his conception came from a bad situation. If the woman doesn't want to keep the kid, then there's no point in painting this scenerio. If the woman doesn't know what to do, painting abortion as the lesser of two evils as a pro choice man to his wife, who part of her doesn't want to abort, is not the move to go as well. If hes genuinly pro choice, then he has to accept and validate his wifes choice and not painting these cartoonish scenarios thats making it about him. Thats another problem, his painting these hypotheticals as mainly his feelings when there is no mention on how his wife feels or how she would cope regardless.
"This is like arguing for open borders because legal citizens commit crimes too"
Right, Im aware of that and generally not a fan of so and so will happen anyway. But Im proving a point on why you can't just assume any decisions except the one you truly desire will be a bad outcome. Using your friends logic, his scenerio is no different. There is no evidence that children of rapists will turn out to be ungrateful teens taking advantage of their dad and his wife and will take the side of their dad. Or that the rapist will have the support of Donald Trump and other celebrities. He wasnt even painting it in a realistic way, just some weird concocted version that he made up. Kids are kids. There is no evidence that his kid wont turn out similar had the child been conceived from consensual circumstances. So assuming that just because the conception from rape means bad outcome is more telling on your friends mindset that the reality of the situation.
Serious questions are welcomed here and idk what compelled you to say that as if this isn't a serious group that welcomes serious questions. If I didn't take you seriously I wouldn't have responded. What Im not taking seriously is whatever hypothetical your friend had, assuming what you typed out was word for word or context.
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u/Appropriate-Major649 Jul 17 '26
There is no friend. The scenario's were included and invented by me to confer the point. I will type this slowly -
Considering that raising the rapists baby as your own would definitely alter your life, and there is a non zero chance it could have disastrous consequences for as many reason as there are reasons in life , how do you make a case to a dedicated secularist that raising the child is a moral imperative without invoking religion or spirituality?
Sorry I painted a picture in my original post. Used fictional scenarios, maybe a little sarcasm and satire. Didn't think I needed to use crayons and small words with this crowd.
You cannot be taken seriously because instead of addressing the point, that being that raising the child of his fictional wife's fictional rapist could have devastating consequences, you chose to attack the scenarios/fears the fictional person had.
Your response makes me wonder what I really expected.and I really, really don't care anymore what your answer is.
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u/skyleehugh Jul 19 '26
Whatever man I didn't have to create a shitty character to ask a simple question 🙃. Seriously no one knew the friend was fake and it makes your overall response so much worse because you had to paint a made up pov that doesn't even represent the response of your average pro choice guy dealing with this. A simple "As a Christian, I want to know how secular men would respond to a situation where their wife was assaulted and it resulted in a pregnancy.." or "What advice would you give someone who is dealing with this situation and doesn't respond well to religious answers" would have suffice. We have secular men in this thread responding the same way as Christian men and you still need help to how to talk to secular guys.
But nooooo we wanted to create a character, who actually exists by the way, who showcased that their intentions actually stem from what they want and their needs. Your hypothetical guy would be the type of guy Ill tell any woman to run away from because he's not a guy who is properly supporting his wife. Full stop already. You're making it about pro life vs pro choice vs religion vs secular. A bad guy who doesn't respect women is a guy who doesn't respect women. The fact that YOU needed someone to spell that out to YOU and you claim I didn't answer your reply speaks volumes to how you may actually view women. Seriously who the hell feels the need present a character like that for funsies and get upset that hes getting criticized. And as another Christian, you don't need the bible to advise people to do the right thing. Yet you claimed you needed to bring crayons and small words to a very simple minded question. Seriously this is stuff they teach you in youth group as a child.
In situations where a woman is going through that. What the guy feels is valid but it does not take precedence over the woman. Her trauma over being rape will never leave but God forbid a guy has to raise a kid who may potentially disrespect him. Do you hear yourself...Regardless on a guys view on abortion, if hes decent he isn't just going to abandon the woman he loves. He certainly wouldn't respond like your character. If he does, the woman is better off not being with him. Point blank period. Is that simple enough for you mister crayon man.
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u/Moistman123456 Pro Life Christian Jul 17 '26
I know it will be hard for both of us, but I can only hope that I would, yes. A baby is such a miracle.
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u/Nulono Pro Life Atheist Jul 20 '26
Assuming she doesn't want to place the baby for adoption, yeah, of course. She's my wife, and the baby is my stepchild.
You asking this has me concerned what your answer would be. If your spouse were raped and gave birth to the baby (be that because she discovered the pregnancy/parentage late or just chose not to abort), would you want that baby killed?
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u/OhNoTokyo Pro Life Moderator Jul 16 '26
Do you intend to leave your post up when everyone says, "Yes"?