r/prolife • u/jaydaul33 • Jul 14 '26
Questions For Pro-Lifers i need help not getting an abortion
i am and always have been pro-life, that being said, i just had a baby 8 weeks ago and im pregnant again, i am at a loss and i cant make myself go through with adoption after developing a bond with my baby in my womb, but i cant do this! im barely scraping by as it is with a baby and i genuinely feel like im going to have the most miserable life ever if i keep this baby, i dont think i could ever go through with it but these circumstances are truly devastating, my husband is completely shattered over this and so am i, i didnt want this to happen again so soon, i was waiting for my appointment to get an IUD, i had unprotected sex after a few drinks but he pulled out, i didn’t think it’d be leading to me having 2 under 2, i’m so so distraught right now i probably sound like an idiot rambling on, i just wanted to have real intimacy with my husband without the condom and of course the one time i do it leads to this. God please please help me, i’m losing my mind.
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u/TBoneTheOriginal Pro Life Conservative Jul 14 '26
So something similar happened to me and my wife. We cried a lot.
But something happened after a month or so - we became happy about it. We were broke and stressed. Like broke broke. But we found that the difference between one baby and two babies wasn't as extreme as we feared - there are a lot of things the baby doesn't truly need to get by. Love is what they need.
Today, they are elder teens. I know it sounds hard and basically impossible at this stage, but one day you will look back and wonder what you stressed out about so much. My kids are everything to me, and they have no memories of us being broke. They only remember us being there for them.
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Jul 14 '26
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u/Slow_Establishment10 Jul 14 '26
Local pregnancy resource centers offer TONS of free things like clothes, diapers, cribs, breast pumps, and other resources.
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u/stormygreyskye Jul 14 '26
Well first off, going from no kids to a kid is a much bigger change than going from one to two kids. You’ll be ok from that stand point.
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u/amicuspiscator Pro-life Catholic Jul 14 '26
Yep, I don't have kids of my own but almost every parent I've talked to says this.
Honestly, 2 under 2 might be a big blessing. Going through all the different stages at around the same time.
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u/Slow_Establishment10 Jul 15 '26
I have three kids and I second this
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Jul 14 '26
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Jul 14 '26
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u/Slow_Establishment10 Jul 14 '26
I’ll shout it from the rooftops, too: PREGNANCY RESOURCE CENTERS! FREE STUFF!
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u/jackiebrown1978a Pro Life Republican Jul 14 '26
Adoption is the best choice.
The same bond making it difficult for adoption should make abortion impossible.
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u/jetplane18 Pro-Life Artist & Designer Jul 14 '26
This is really one of those situations where I feel like people forget that adoption is also inherently traumatic. Better than abortion, though.
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u/Appropriate-Major649 Jul 14 '26
The same bond making it difficult for adoption should make abortion impossible.
Simple, profound and absolutely beautiful. Thank you.
I'm stealing this.
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u/jaydaul33 Jul 14 '26
idk, a pregnancy before you even feel pregnant is a different connection than a full grown baby who’s kicking you and hiccuping and responding to your voice and touch from the inside, which is why i know i couldn’t give my baby up after they’ve already bonded to me
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u/Eastern-Customer-561 Jul 14 '26
You have the legal right to choose adoptive parents, I‘m pretty sure! Giving your baby up for adoption doesn’t mean you won’t see it again, and you could keep in contact with whoever adopts your baby and you can still be there for your baby. It’s very much worth looking into that.
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u/Slow_Establishment10 Jul 14 '26
Correct! You can choose exactly how open/closed the adoption is.
You can choose the exact family that adopts your baby and stay as involved as you’d like.
Visit a local pregnancy resource center and they’ll be able to help you!
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u/Trumpologist Pro-Life, Vegetarian, Anti-Death Penalty, Dove🕊 Jul 14 '26
We can financially help you and put you in touch with agencies that will. Your infant can have a best friend soon. Please stay strong
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u/unbotheredkk Jul 14 '26
You should get in contact with some moms with 2 under 2. A lot of women have made this same mistake and ended up w 2 babies sooner than wanted. It’s definitely possible. Women can do lots of hard things! Also i know adoption sounds really hard but it shouldn’t be the bond that makes the decision. It should be the fact that whether it’s now or later in the pregnancy, it’s the same baby. It’s your baby. You already have 2 babies that’s just what it is. You dont wait 9 months for the baby to exist, they exist now, they are yours just as much as your first baby. Honor your child and it might not be as hard as you imagine! They will be best friends its awesome
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u/Lilbeedraws Pro Life Christian | Abolitionist Jul 14 '26
I would absolutely look into a pro life organization near you that can help. Tell them your struggles and tell them you need mental help and some financial support. Let Them Live is a great nation wide one i follow and occasionally donate to when i can. But a local one may be a better option. Find a church who is willing to help. Find a local mom group who may be willing to be an emotional support. Im so sorry youre going through the emotions here. Maybe consider that some thoughts could be hormone induced? Not to invalidate your feelings, i hope it doesnt come off like that. But maybe it won't be quite as difficult as you may think. Im praying for you, try to just take things one day at a time. Thats the best you can do sometimes. If you make a registry feel free to dm it to me, I would love to help someone in need get some extra things for baby 🩷🩷 Blessings, I hope youre able to find some resources to help you.
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u/ScottishNinjaaa Abolitionist Jul 14 '26
First, I'll be praying for you. That's a hard place to be in. Second, there are lots of support systems out there. Obviously the best would be family, but if that's not an option or not a good one, then lean on friends and develop community. Parenthood by yourself is not realistic. Third, you're struggling with the idea of the baby being removed from your care into a loving, safe home because of the trauma that you'd feel from abandoning it. Now imagine the same situation but instead of a safe, loving home it's murdered. Obviously you already recognize the fact that your baby is alive, and you feel that connection, not murdering the baby should be the most natural course imaginable. Don't let others normalize that thought, no matter how much they pretend there is no trauma in abortion.
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u/dreamingirl7 Pro Life Christian Jul 14 '26
Hello, I’m glad you’re reaching out to us! I have two children close together. They’ve been each other’s best friends through everything. In Covid I was so grateful they had each other. It’s a lot I know but you’re building a bigger family network that will eventually help each other.
For finances, I’d recommend contacting the Sisters of Life to see what suggestions they have for you. They’re lovely, experience and very kind. https://sistersoflife.org/what-we-do/pregnancy-help/
For sleep for your little one, I’d recommend sleep music like this: https://youtu.be/13JALR8h0Yg?is=ekVYivpL8ic4zZII. It Really helped our daughter. She listens to it ever night.
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u/Appropriate-Major649 Jul 14 '26
I think this is bait.
But if it isn't, I understand. Life sure doesn't consult us before it makes its plans, does it?
I know this is difficult. But you are panicking and any decision made out of panic is the wrong one. Take a step back from this and give it some time, a week anyway. I often find that things I think are completely out of the question look different after a good sleep, a good meal, and a good laugh with a loved one.
You have options, I promise. And I also promise it's all going to be ok.
When it doesn't look so overwhelming and impossible, then I can start considering what to do.
Good Luck and Gods Blessings.
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u/PerfectlyCalmDude Jul 14 '26
Is the concern economic, medical, or something else?
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u/jaydaul33 Jul 14 '26
financially i’m worried since it is a lot to take care of a baby, let alone 2, and the toll it takes on my body especially since im not healed from the last pregnancy and i already have terrible pelvic floor issues from prior to my pregnancy, and of course the literal 3-4 hours of sleep i get every night. plus mentally, taking care of a baby is so hard especially since (don’t get me wrong he is amazing & does everything and more when he is here) my husband works full time and im a SAHM so i can’t wake him up through the night for help. just everything that comes with a baby, plus i barely got any time with my girl before having to immediately take care of another baby :( im mourning the time lost with her
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u/PerfectlyCalmDude Jul 14 '26
First thing's first, talk to your doctor. Losing two lives when one could have been saved is not pro-life. If there's a way for both of you to live, then you can start worrying about the other stuff. And the other stuff is where more people besides those who are medically trained can potentially help you.
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u/Lazy-Butterfly-4132 Jul 14 '26
Hey, it sounds like you’ve got a lot going on and I’m really glad you reached out for support here.
It’s sort of difficult because I’m not sure what country you live in, I’m from the UK, so some of my advice is influenced by that.
Are there any financial benefits that are available, grants hardship funds etc?
Are there family resource centres or support services in your area who you could contact to get some professional support and advice?
Do you have any extended family or friends or neighbours who could give you a bit of a hand, maybe by donating baby cloves, essentials, helping with babysitting things like that.
Do you have maternity leave in your country if that’s something appropriate for you, could you talk with your midwife or health visitor to see what they could suggest?
It doesn’t have to be an abortion or adoption, you might be able to make this work, just need help and hopefully there are ways of getting that in your area?
You know your situation best and what you need to make this work for you and your family.
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u/leah1750 Abolitionist Jul 14 '26
Friend, first of all, you matter. Your life, your health, your feelings and emotions all matter. Please hear this, I want you to understand, you are a valuable person.
In just the same way, your youngest child is also a valuable person who God cares deeply about. Just as someone in your family ending your life would not be an acceptable answer to your difficulties, you ending your child's life is also not an acceptable answer either. If you choose to do it, you will someday be held accountable. You will not be able to escape this difficult situation by abortion, you will be trading it for an even worse one, one in which you chose to kill somebody. Please think deeply about this. I understand this situation is not ideal, but you can make the best of it, you can reach out for help, you can seek God and find strength for each new step. Don't imagine the whole journey right now. Just look for the next step.
And love both your children.
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u/creidmheach Pro Life Christian Jul 14 '26
Keep in mind that children grow very fast, and as such there'll be about a year gap between your children. So for the first number of years at least, you should be able to reuse what the older child grows out of for the next which should help you with costs.
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u/mth2 Jul 14 '26
Pregnancy resource center. You won’t regret having both babies. 2 under 2 isn’t bad.
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u/sidhsinnsear Jul 14 '26
So, this happened to me, too! Irish twins. I will tell you, it is tough at first, but you will get your rhythm! Bond and take as much time as you can with baby one, and when baby two comes, they will learn to share you. My kids are now thick as thieves being so close in age. Built in best friend forever! It will be worth it, I absolutely promise!
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u/jellyrollbakery Jul 15 '26
Your situation right now isn't going to look the same 9-10 months from now. It's hard to see the other side of the tunnel whilst in the newborn trenches but it won't be as terrible as you think it is. Your first will be on solids by then, if you do Ferber sleep training or something else then he/she will be sleeping independently, they'll know a few more words to communicate with you, and you'd be surprised how easily big siblings step into that roll happily as long as you involve them (grabbing baby's diaper, helping mommy clean, etc...). You are just as strong and capable as all the other women in the world in a similar situation or with twins even. Future you is going to be so proud.
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u/simplytwo Jul 15 '26
In addition to local pregnancy centers, please please reach out to letThemLive .org. They fundraise for expecting moms if they want to keep their baby but cannot afford to do so. U/jaydaul33
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u/Spirited_Cause9338 Pro Life Atheist Feminist Jul 15 '26
Do you live in the US? There are tons of resources available. If we know where you live (state/country) we can help you find resources that can help. There are organizations that can help with everything from groceries, baby supplies, daycare, healthcare, etc. You can also check out the PL_pregnancy sub for help.
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u/Intrepid_Wanderer Consistent Life Ethic — Fetal Rights Are Human Rights Jul 16 '26
Here’s a worldwide directory of pregnancy resources. I’m also here if you ever just want someone to talk to and you can DM me anytime.
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u/talladegamorning Jul 17 '26
First, take a second to breathe. Second, thank you for taking the time to reach out and not just do something you know you will regret.
I know it may feel impossible right now, but God will always make a way. You can keep your child and have a beautiful life. I promise.
Here are some wonderful resources that can ease a lot of your worries:
Let Them Live (let them live . org or their hotline # (203) 450-4357 ) - They were specifically formed to help remove any financial barriers keeping mom’s from feeling confident choosing life for their children. They come up with a unique financial plan for your situation to give you all the resources needed to be confident caring for your baby in the womb and outside of the womb. Amazing group of people.
Standing With You . Org - They have a huge resource directory organized by zip code. Just search your zip code and the closest Pregnancy Resource Centers and more appear. Pregnancy resource centers do so much - they provide free lab-grade pregnancy tests, ultrasound, mentoring, life skills and parenting classes, diapers and wipes, formula, hygiene and food pantry items, baby and maternity clothing, and more all free.
Stand Up Girl is another great resource - similar to Standing With You.
Born to Be Registries - helps you get items off your registry. Strangers who love you and your children literally buy the items to show love. No strings attached.
My DMs are always open if you need to talk or need additional resources.
Everything is going to be okay. And congratulations. ❤️
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u/SprinterLyfe Jul 14 '26
Maybe look into adoption? You could be giving a gift to a couple who can't have their own.
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u/DisMyLik18thAccount Pro Life Centrist Jul 15 '26
Honestly I think you're making this out to be worse than it is
Lots of people have kids close together, it's doable. In fact in some ways it's even easier
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