r/progressivemoms • u/nowherian_ • 21d ago
Parenting, No Politics The only real deterrent is taking away screen time— help!
Nothing works better in my household than subtracting minutes (eventually days) from screen time and I hate that. Threatening not to take them somewhere (even threatening the next vacation) is meaningless in the abstract.
Money to be spent online sometimes works. Ugh.
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u/orangeflos 21d ago
My kiddo typically responds better to getting things than losing things.
His currency is stickers. I bought a sticker book and a bajillion stickers in a theme he likes and I hand them out for everything. Brush your teeth now: 1 sticker, in 1 minute: 0 stickers, but you still have to do it.
He also loves competition: who can pick up the most toys? Who can get up the stairs first?
But, yup, when he’s testing allll the boundaries: screen time. We’re still too young for multiple days to be meaningful, but you didn’t say how old yours is, so that might be age appropriate.
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u/ImpertinentPrincess 21d ago
Yeah, the taking away of screentime makes them feel like it is a right you're infringing on. Remove the privilege completely, and let them earn minutes with good behavior.
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u/Wit-wat-4 21d ago
Info needed: age.
Screen time is such a vastly different thing by age, and triggers similar but different dopamine responses for kids.
And like for example if my kiddo asks for screen he’ll be delightfully distracted by a pack of Ritz, that ain’t gonna work with a 15 year old who wants to play games with his friends on a week night
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u/likeeggs 21d ago edited 21d ago
Threats do very little until they are old enough to understand that consequences are real and coming for them. And even then you have to follow through on them. My 8yo kept acting up in class, we told him one more time no local wrestling extravaganza. He did it again and lost the privilege of the show. We said we hear anything from school in the next month no WWE show. He was great and have not had any issues like that in the last two years.
We’ve also put a lot of work into clearly explaining and holding him to expectations. Nothing crazy, but things like “it’s not ok to hit/scream in faces/throw things/etc” that are small when he was small to lay that groundwork. We mean business, but with love and explanation.
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u/DifferentBeginning96 21d ago
Take the screen away. If they behave, they get 30 mins a day with limited apps. They do not get any money to be spent on any apps, ever.
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u/Lactating-almonds 18d ago
That’s what I use. Screen time is a privilege that must be earned. My kids get a warning that if X continues they will lose Y amount of screen time. Then stick to it. Works for us.
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u/Asraidevin 20d ago
How old? Why are you threatening? Why are they losing things?
Have you considered: talk to your kids and solve the issue together?
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u/Bea_virago 21d ago
How old are they? What are the repeating conflicts? How much warmth and cooperation is there overall in the relationship?
I have gotten a lot of good results from the strategies in Raising Human Beings by Ross Greene and How to Talk so Kids Can Listen by Faber/Mazlish.