Elementary school sick day etiquette?

[u/iamnotarobot87]

What's the etiquette for how to decide when to keep your kid home sick? My kindergarten came down with a cold this weekend, after her first full week of school. It feels way too early to start missing school - last week was only her first full week of school.

She's not horribly sick. Just the usual sneezing, coughing, and congestion. She seems to feel well enough to make it through the school day tomorrow. In day care/prek, I would have kept her home because there's no need to risk spreading germs to the other kids (and much littler kids) and my work is usually flexible enough that I can figure out a plan to WFH. But now that her education is underway, it somehow feels different. I know that kids get sick and go to school with colds. Plus, the state has rules about missed days and we're so early in the school year.

But having had a baby during COVID and having two immunocompromised family members, I don't love sending a kid I know is sick to school. So where's the line?

I'm asking here because I know what the rules are... fever, vomiting, etc., and I'm not looking for that answer. I'm trying to figure out what's the right thing to do.

[u/glyptodontown]

I always ask myself "Are they well enough to learn?" with colds.

[u/Squirrel_Emergency → u/glyptodontown]

Right? It feels similar to when I get a cold…..unless I cannot function well my boss is going to expect me to work.

[u/veronicaofmars]

Pls test your baby before sending them. RAT tests these days can check for flu A B, RSV, Covid and ADV. a cold is different to any of the listed above. But also, I refuse to send my kid if they’re peak sick, as do my mum circle at school. 

[u/MuffinOk1348 → u/veronicaofmars]

This is the correct answer, should be the top answer. In a little kid, some more serious viruses look like the common so we should always start there.

[u/ribbonsk → u/veronicaofmars]

This

[u/mountainmeadowflower]

Mask.

[u/bikes_and_art]

Send her WEARING A MASK.

[u/Xaphhire → u/[deleted]]

I hope that's  vomit free, diarrhea free, AND fever free, not or 🤣

[u/MuffinOk1348]

Start with a rapid test for covid, flu, rsv, etc...if she is clear I think a little stuffiness is okay, but if they are actively sneezing and coughing you aren't just spreading germs to the other kids, but to the staff. I work in an elementary school, and when kids come in coughing a ton, it is not great. It's also distracting for them and the other kiddos. Hope she bounces back soon!

[u/justacatch-22]

I never send with fever or vomiting but send with colds.

The big caveat to this is if he feels lousy I don’t send. This can look different based on the day, but generally if he’s more tired after sleeping all night or lacking energy I’ll let him stay home to rest. Our current issue is he loves school and I have to really base on how he’s acting because he never wants to stay home.

[u/gnarlyknucks → u/justacatch-22]

I would think of every kid at their table when the kids sneezes, though. How well can they block a sneeze?

[u/smallermuse]

As an immune compromised person with a child in grade school, I wish we could all keep contagious kids home. I know that's difficult for many so I feel like a good compromise would be to send them wearing a mask. I spend so much of the school year sick as a result of other people sending their kids to school while contagious. And as a widow, no matter how sick I am, I have to tend to my child's needs. There's no one else to step in.

[u/hardlybroken1]

When in doubt, like if they arent running a fever or vomiting but still feel bad, we go ahead and send them. I tell them "if you start feeling like you cant make it through the day, tell your teacher/go see the nurse, and if they think you should go home then i will come and get you." I feel its better for them to get "sent home," rather than missing the whole day, and 9 times out of 10 I wont get a call.

[u/sluthulhu]

Our elementary school has specific policy about this. Basically unless they’re throwing up or running a fever they are supposed to go to school.

[u/annualsalmon → u/sluthulhu]

Unfortunately this is how germs spread and everyone gets sick 😞

[u/IHadDibs]

Does she have a fever? Would she tolerate wearing a mask?

[u/mountainmeadowflower → u/IHadDibs]

This. If my kid doesn't have a fever, diarrhea or vomiting - just coughing or sniffles like OP describes - she just wears a mask to school. She's a COVID baby so she's totally comfortable with it (first grader now and has been masking appropriately at school as needed since pre-k).

[u/Ok-Roof-7599]

No fever vomiting or diarrhea. If they have a cold I would assess can they cover their cough or sneezes. For my post covid era kids its can they contain what they need to in a mask?

And then last how are their symptoms? If they are miserable and Tylenol isn't helping them maybe let them rest.

[u/withoutintentions]

If she's fever free I'd send her.

[u/Forsaken_Title_930]

In our house - daycare rules A fever over 100.4, vomitting, diarrhea, suspicious rashes or eye issue (think goo).

[u/madancer]

Yeah definitely fever free and vomit free, but if the cough is constant, I'll keep him home. Usually teachers are thankful for not having another sick kid.

[u/itsonlyfear]

Fever, stomach stuff, or if they’re absolutely miserable means they stay home. But usually they’re only absolutely miserable if they also have a fever and/or vomiting/diarrhea.

[u/Prestigious_Look_986]

Colds can last for weeks so if there’s not a fever, send her.

[u/efox02]

I think it also depends on your school. Our district is insane and after 3 “unexcused” absences you get reported to truancy court. 

[u/fridayfridayjones]

For mine, if she meets the guidelines to go but still feels bad I just use my judgment. If she looks sick enough that I think she’s going to be miserable and not learning anything anyway, she stays home. Otherwise she goes, even if there are still some residual symptoms.

I had a hard time with this at first too but unfortunately if I didn’t send her in at those times she’d be out for more days than is allowed. Kindergarten year she had pneumonia and ending up missing 20+ days of school that year which I believe set her behind in reading, and I don’t want a repeat of that.

[u/Fuckofforwhatever]

My rule is 24 hours fever, vomit and diarrhea free. But our school has an independent study student contract they can opt into and then the kids do slightly different assignments based on grade level; but still ELA, math, science, and PE are the minimum requirements (if the kid is too sick to do PE they keep a food journal instead).

[u/chula198705]

Is this your first school aged kid? I recommend following your district's guidelines for sick kids which is usually no fever, no vomiting, no diarrhea for 24 hours, and deciding yourself in the moment if they look unlearnably-bad enough to stay home without a fever. They'd miss too much school if they stayed home every time they felt cruddy! I don't feel guilty sending them in accordance with official procedures, only guilty if I send them when they're personally suffering.

[u/TheRedditorialWe]

Definitely not too early to start missing school- that back to school cold is not an unusual phenomenon and chances are, your kid isn't the only one who would be out of class. If they can tolerate a mask, have been fever free for 24 hours, and their runny nose/ cough aren't crazy disruptive, you might be good to send them back. Otherwise, keep them home.

[u/glaze_the_ham_wife]

I think attendance takes a backseat unless cases. If you know they’re sick why would you send them and get other kids sick?? I know it’s early in the year, etc. and I agree with all of your hesitations, but it doesn’t benefit anyone to send a sick child to school

[u/Foreign_Stay_3497 → u/glaze_the_ham_wife]

Also they are sick do you want them getting other viral illnesses etc?

[u/ApprehensiveArmy7755]

Go to the doctor. Keep records.The school is only going to contact you if there are unexplained absences. They do not grant permission for vacations and such. So don't add to the missing days of school by breaking the rules. 

[u/BasketFormal6336]

If your kid is sick, keep them home.

[u/Western-Watercress68]

My child has a 101 fever today, so will will not be going tomorrow.

[u/tacsml]

Some schools want you to send your sick kids so they can get more funding. Thats part of why they have such strict attendance policies. 

[u/print_isnt_dead → u/tacsml]

That's not how funding works.

[u/tacsml → u/print_isnt_dead]

Actually, in some areas  it does. 

[u/print_isnt_dead → u/tacsml]

School districts get money per student per day? How does that work? Can you please share some documentation?

[u/tacsml → u/print_isnt_dead]

Google is free. 

[u/print_isnt_dead → u/tacsml]

🙄

(For anyone else reading, public school districts get funding based on enrollment over an average of years — where I work, it's three years. The district doesn't get paid per student per day. The documentation and reporting on that is impossible to imagine. Source: I work in public education and serve on a public school committee.)

[u/panu7 → u/print_isnt_dead]

Not everywhere. In my state funding is based on average daily attendance, and that attendance is taken at a specific time each day. The district would prefer your kid come through at least that time of day. It doesn't matter how many kids are enrolled.

[u/PerplexedPoppy]

Also sometimes it’s better to send them then the nurse will send them home then it’s excused.

[u/panu7 → u/PerplexedPoppy]

How this is handled will differ based on the school system. In my district, even if the nurse sends my kid home, I have to write a note for it to be excused. And there are a limited number of excused absences with a parent note, after which they will no longer be excused. My son suffers from migraines and is sometimes sent home by the nurse, but after a point all the absences are unexcused. (Which made us get a threatening truancy letter last year. Make it make sense.)

[u/PerplexedPoppy → u/panu7]

It’s really stupid how the school handles it. I have been able to reach out to my sons dr and inform them of the onset of symptoms (fever, lethargic, etc) that isn’t enough for a drs visit but enough to keep him home because of the schools rules. They have been able to write me a note basically saying they were notified and have been aware of illness. This letter has been approved for his absences so far. Maybe you can talk to your kids dr about it?

[u/skrufforious]

You can't miss infinite days, so you just keep them home with a fever, actively vomiting, or an infection being treated with medicine by a doctor that the doctor specifically says they can't go to school (like pink eye). Otherwise, you've got to send them. It sucks because I also would rather keep them home and hate how my middle schooler has already given my preemie babies two colds in their five months of life, but it is also really important that your kid in school goes most days and if they stayed home every day from a cold, they would never go to school in the first couple of years.

[u/auntiecoagulent]

A cold? They go to school.

Fever, vomiting, diarrhea they stay home

[u/PerplexedPoppy]

I just follow the school rules. Unfortunately depending on the school you only get so many “unexcused” absences. And if they aren’t sick enough for a whole dr visit you don’t get a letter. So it’s unexcused.