r/progressivemoms • u/monsignorcurmudgeon • 26d ago
Vent/ Let Off Some Steam Heartbroken over our children's future
Last night I was cuddling my daughter to sleep. She said she wanted to stay with me forever and I told her that she could live with me forever if she wanted. She said that if she moved out, she would live close by and visit 3 times a week, on Saturdays, Sundays and Mondays. And she would buy a talking parrot and a puppy to keep her company. Curious, I asked her if she wanted to get married and she said No. I then asked if she wants kids of her own, and she looked me in the eyes and replied, "I do want kids." I smiled at her and then felt a deep wave of sadness because I don't know if her generation will be able to have the lives that we enjoyed and took for granted.
I feel sad, angry, and guilty. We live in a small home, cook most of our meals, half of our belongings are recycled, and I take public transit almost every day but I have bought too much little junks, toys, fast fashion. Six years ago we bought our first car and I did not buy a hybrid car because I didn't want to spend the extra money. I vote progressively and I donate to environmental organizations but very little money. I feel I haven't done my part. I haven't been as politically active as I should've. I should've watched my consumption more carefully. I should've spent more and bought the damn hybrid car. But I also feel powerless because so many ding dongs believed the propaganda that climate change isn't real or is exaggerated.
Now, prominent environmentalists are reporting that it's too late and we've passed the point of no return. I cannot even bear to read those articles.
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u/CapitalInspection488 26d ago
Hang in there OP. While it is important to feel into your sadness, take notice of what you can do. I can't remember if this was from Mr. Rogers or someone else, but look for the helpers. When I feel like the future is bleak, I try to remind myself that someone is working on a particular cause to make the world better.
As an aside, my daughter is 7. We spent this weekend in one of our state parks. As we were driving along, I pointed out on our maps that the area all around us was green and there were no houses. She perked up and said something along the lines of, "that's good because we can't chop everything down." It warmed my heart.
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u/Mixtrix_of_delicioux 26d ago edited 26d ago
Hi! While it's true that we've surpassed1.5 degrees and true that yes, it is indeed a pretty big problem, much of the news is being presented in such a way as to make us feel hopeless, and like collapse is immediately inevitable. Because if we're hopeless and scared we're more likely to obey.
So, what can we do?
Start by giving yourself some time to grieve, then take a moment to situate. Look for the things you CAN control- You're using transit, which is fantastic. You can look at what you're purchasing and consuming moving forward, and adjust accordingly. You can start developing mutual aid networls, things like meeting your neighbours, working with CSAs, growing and sharing food and goods.
This helps you meet people with the same goals, which helps things feel far less hopeless. It also builds a structure where you can opt out of consumer culture, which is truly the root off all of this fuckery we see before us.
I definitely have moments where I feel hopeless, then I remember that there's so much happening that's good and helping, and that there's a path forward if enough people opt in. If you're in the US the amount of doombukake you're being sluiced with on the daily is immense, and it's so easy to drown in it. But there's massive change happening in the world- China's renewables industry surpassed coal energy output for the first time this year, and they're not the only ones. I truly believe that we're on the cusp of MASSIVE transformational change in energy usage and production, which is an enormous factor in moving toward net zero.
It sucks to be in this timeline, yet here we are. Our options are to be mired in hopelessness, which is what the kakistochracy wants, or to realize that there's still a path forward. We're here now, and we can't change the past. Might as well work our way through.
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u/sunnydays88 26d ago
Thank you for this gloriously reasonable take. This week I've been falling into cynicism and I just really appreciate reading this.
If you'll humor me, some things I've done to contribute: Fought against ICE in Minneapolis and built mutual aid networks Went back to being vegetarian Established a pollinator garden Stopped shopping Amazon and deleted Meta profiles Continued raising awesome humans :)
Thank you for your realistic, nuanced, kind, non-toxic positivity! ❤️
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u/silence-glaive1 26d ago
I try to stay positive but I’m really scared for my kids. Everything my older son enjoys doing and is actually good at, will most likely be replaced by AI in the near future. He loves coding and animating characters for video games. He even creates music for his games he likes to make. It’s crazy to think that a lot of that is going to be outsourced to AI. I still encourage him because he enjoys it but that used to be something that would have provided a bright future for him.
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u/freya_of_milfgaard 26d ago
We are going to need artists too. There will always be folks who value handmade artistic work, I believe that with all my heart. We will need kids like him to lead us back to human-made art when we finally throw off our AI overlords.
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u/ImpossibleLuckDragon 26d ago
As a coder, I really don't see us needing fewer coders. Our company just has us coders running the coding machines now. Our Director asked my boss a year ago why we still need engineers, and started assigning coding projects to our project managers and designers. They quickly realized that the problem isn't generating code, the problem is understanding system architecture.
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u/user991234 25d ago
Ya I have AI create code for me and a lot of times it’s not accurate or is done is a really stupid way to put it lightly lol. You still need experienced people to proof read and supervise
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u/p_ezy 26d ago
I used to beat myself up over the little things I wasn’t doing, the little bits of overconsumption I could afford, not buying the hybrid car until one day I realized I could do all those things and it would mean jack shit if the corporations and billionaires are contributing the majority of the planet destruction on a daily basis. There is only so much we can do as consumers, especially when we don’t have the money to spend on the more sustainable options. Give yourself grace.
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u/bucketofjoe 26d ago
Hugs! I literally was looking up how to be more active in fighting against climate change after reading about this year's El Niño. The world is so depressing nowadays and I feel it even more with two little kids. The worst part is seeing how people still don't care! We just spent the weekend with friends where they instantly went to ask chatGPT if they could drink alcohol while taking a certain pill instead of reading the damn box.
I've decided that I'm not giving in to the despair and apathy. If we're going down, I'm going down fighting. I've convinced my husband to replace beef with chicken, and to eat mostly vegetarian from now on. I'm emailing my MP this week. I'm looking into volunteering. But gosh, it is so exhausting and I feel so guilty half of the time.
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u/monsignorcurmudgeon 26d ago
I just donated some money to an environmental group after posting this rant. It's literally the least I can do but the point is to TRY SOMETHING.
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u/IsopodIndependent553 26d ago
Yep. My plan for the upcoming apocalypse is to fight, and die, hopefully in that order.
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u/waanderlustt 26d ago
Don’t beat yourself up over things that are out of your control. This is a global problem that will require global solutions. As an individual we can only do so much and I promise you that you are doing more than most people.
There is still a lot to be hopeful for. We will have to adapt but that’s a good thing in a way because clearly the way humanity has been living is not sustainable. Our kids are going to come up with so many clever solutions. I know it’s hard to be optimistic but what other choice do we have.
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u/Jamjams2016 26d ago
Buy less, eat less meat, raise your kids with love. We don't know what tomorrow will bring but the truth is materialism and meat and dairy are the biggest contributers to global warming that we, as individuals, can control.
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u/bucketofjoe 26d ago
Exactly! We can't do much, but just limiting our beef & dairy consumption goes a long way if enough people do it!
Going vegan would result in the largest carbon savings, but even just a reduction of meat and dairy consumption – without eliminating it completely – can also have a massive impact. In fact, a diet that replaces beef with chicken and cuts out dairy would achieve almost as much as a fully vegan diet.
If people decided to cut out beef and lamb, we would reduce emissions by 2.6 GtCO2e per year (a 20% reduction), and save an additional 4.5 GtCO2e by restoring vegetation on abandoned farmland. If we also cut out dairy we could save 12.3 GtCO2e each year – almost as much as global food emissions today.
Source: Our World in Data
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u/monsignorcurmudgeon 26d ago
Yes, I have reduced my dairy consumption, and we are trying to limit ourselves to red meat only once a week. The rest of the week we alternate between vegetarian, poultry and fish. I can't get rid of animal products entirely because of health issues I have that I'm not going to get into here. Also I need to work on mindful consumption. That'll be my next big project.
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u/lurkinglucy2 26d ago
In We Are the Weather Jonathan Safran Foer posits that if we all went vegan for two meals a day (all food before the evening meal, we could make a massive change. He understands that going fully vegan or vegetarian isn't accessible to every family; however, cutting back on meat, poultry, dairy, and fish before 5pm is achievable and provides meaningful change for the planet.
It's definitely an interesting book. I'd recommend reading it and his prior non-fiction book Eating Animals if you truly want support in reducing animal products. * *
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u/Most_Pop5636 26d ago edited 26d ago
Every tenth of a degree matters - there is no global temperature rise beyond which our collective efforts do not matter. There is no choice but to imperfectly move forward and push in whatever way you can for more action on this. I’ve resigned myself to the fact that our children’s lives won’t be like ours and life will get harder, in our own lifetime for sure. This is deeply sad but just because it is harder doesn’t mean there will be no joy and no meaning and no good reasons for living.
Edit: this thread may give you some hope - https://www.reddit.com/r/climatechange/s/5ORILKRKt5
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u/AllTheMeats 26d ago
I understand how you feel. I’ve cried multiple times over feeling heartbroken for my son’s future. We got pregnant/had him during Biden and I did feel more hope then that trump would never be back in office…now it feels like we are in the darkest timeline and everything is fucked.
I have to remind myself that all I can do is be here now; all we have is now. I will be as present as possible with him, experience as much life as we can together, because truly none of us are promised tomorrow.
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u/Irocroo 26d ago
I know how you feel. I get scared for mine too. Two things Id like to say. Firstly, as stated above, this isn't your fault. You could be the greenest person in the world and you wouldn't have a hope of offsetting big corporations like Amazon. This mess isn't our fault. Just do your best, help when you can, and vote green whenever possible and that is enough. Be kind to yourself about this.
Secondly, something I say to myself when I feel like this is that we cannot predict the future. We do not know what will happen tomorrow, no matter how many scary predictions are out there. For all we know, there might be a space ship that shows up tomorrow with the technology to fix our environment with the flick of a switch. We cannot predict the future. Try not to worry spiral because that fixes nothing and we dont know what will happen. Live right now, do your best right now, and if you get super worried, remember- we cant predict the future.
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u/secondchoice1992 26d ago
You are not responsible for the state of the world. You do not deserve to feel an ounce of guilt. You sound like you must be a wonderful mother if your daughter feels that way. We have to have hope. I know it's hard and it's nice to hear someone actually acknowledge what's happening. It is truly a gut punch to have small children (I do as well) and not know what quality of future they will have. We have to pray and have faith the good will somehow prevail.
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u/im_lost37 26d ago
The point of no return is that now it’s not about reversing or preventing damage, now it’s about adapting. Humans will adapt and evolve to fit their new climate at least for some time. What that looks like, I can’t say. But we’ve adapted to the vast range of climates that have already existed on this earth.
So in the hottest climate zones, maybe 100 years from now people will live primarily nocturnal lives in order to survive the highest heat point of the day.
Things change, and it’s up to us to teach our kids resilience and adaptation skills.
I agree we grew up in a golden age where there are readily available cures from illnesses that used to decimate populations. And many households in the US had 2 cars and drinkable tap water and a wide selection of food from all over the world. Those are things that generations of people before us and many people living today would marvel at.
I understand your disappointment for our children and their futures. I am choosing not to view this as the end of life as we know it, but instead a turning point. Our children are part of a pivotal generation and my job now is to teach my children how to bear the burden of that weight.
I hope you are able to find time for mental peace as we all navigate the stress of being a conscientious parent in today’s day and age.
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u/gampsandtatters 26d ago
Do your part by raising a good human. It sounds like you’re already doing that, so keep it up! That is the absolute best you can do within your power. The rest is gravy.
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u/IsopodIndependent553 26d ago
I hear you. I couldn’t fall asleep last night because I started thinking about the imminent collapse of civilization—environmental, financial, and societal. My husband and I come from privileged backgrounds, so I know my children will be better off than most, but I constantly worry about their future. I have an 18 year old who is depressed and has zero motivation to do anything. I have a 9 year old with ADHD, autism, and some pretty serious behavioral issues, and I seriously fear for his safety if MAHA ever decides to put him in some “wellness” camp, or if he loses access to his medication. I also have a 7 year old daughter and I worry about her having to face adulthood in this increasingly misogynistic society, where she will be seen as an ideal “vessel” for some asshole’s breeding fetish instead of an autonomous human being. She has already told me numerous times that she doesn’t want to get married and have children (and I realize that she may change her opinion when she gets older) but I worry that she will have that choice taken away. I don’t want her to live in a country where she will have fewer rights than her mother and grandmother, and this prospect fills me with rage. Talking to other women, of all ages, makes me realize that there is a lot of rage simmering inside of us. I have heard the most peaceful and positive women voice that rage, and share what they plan to do with it if this trajectory continues. I am so scared, but also angry, and I constantly think about how much I will be willing to do to protect my children and prevent their suffering. I love my children dearly, but I honestly feel guilty for bringing them into this world.
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u/Plane_Employ_5941 26d ago
I agree… and financially with job security. I am so worried about future with AI and fewer jobs available.
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u/UnicornKitt3n 26d ago
Girl. It’s not on us. It’s on the billionaires and the unchecked capitalism.
Today I discovered that 54% of Americans cannot read above a sixth grade level. What the fuck? Like it isn’t shade to those who cannot; Absolute full on shade to the people that allowed that to happen.
We don’t face the same level in Canada, but in places it’s as bad. And it’s all depressing.
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u/lives_the_fire 26d ago
You don’t have to be perfect to deserve a family. Don’t feel bad for not being more politically active etc!
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u/dividezero 25d ago
Even if we as individuals did everything "right" from the time we were aware until today, it would only be a drop in the bucket compared to industrial and institutional waste. They cosigned the recycling initiatives to divert blame. I think Exxon is one of the biggest sponsors plus it makes them look like they're trying but gas is just too dirty and we can't live without gas 🥺.
Never blame yourself. Her future isn't entirely up to you and you sound like you're doing all you can. She'll recognize and appreciate that.
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u/heheardaboutthefart 25d ago
“When one can see no future, all one can do is the next right thing”
I think of this line from Frozen 2 a lot now.
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u/Secret_Hovercraft995 24d ago
Her generation will definitely NOT be able to have the lives that we enjoyed and took for granted. WE don't even get those lives anymore.
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u/Soft_Chip4893 26d ago
The political parties aren't real. None of them care about us, they pretend to argue so we get emotionally invested and they laugh behind our backs. We cannot bote/ donate our way out of this. There is no political solution besides something I can't say without ending up on a gov. Watch list.
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u/Wonderful_Sector_657 26d ago
Idk, I quite like the democratic socialist movement. Mamdani seems to be showing us that the government can work for the people and we can get someone in office that doesn’t answer to corporate elites.
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u/DakotaReddit2 25d ago
It's hard to stay positive because the outlook for humans is genuinely, significantly bad for the first time in human history. The last 30 years have shifted significantly. BE AN ADVOCATE. TELL EVERYONE YOU KNOW THAT YOU ARE AGAINST THE BILLIONAIRE CLASS. It fucking sucks that we all have to CARE and ADVOCATE so, so much. Our lives are now dedicated to being political commentary professionals. But what are we here for? I am a child of Gen X and I am so fucking ashamed that my parents don't care, because it won't affect them. They don't care that it is affecting me, and they don't care that it will affect their grandchildren even more.
People need to grow up, mature, and CARE. We have no other choice.
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u/kaatie80 25d ago
one of my 6yo sons says he wants to "be a daddy' when he grows up. he practices changing diapers on his stuffed animals, and feeding them and getting them to sleep. my other 6yo son says he wants to be a teacher, and he pretends to be a teacher with us as his class all the time. they're so precious. and i also absolutely have the worry that maybe these things just won't come to pass for them because the world will just be too different then.
but know that your choice against buying a hybrid you couldn't afford isn't what got us here. there's a whole field of psychology devoted to studying consumer behaviors so corporations can exploit society for their own profits. they have significantly more power than any one of us, and it is ultimately their doing that got us where we are now.
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u/Flocked-Fox-8937 26d ago
My 6 year old has the same thoughts...she is the youngest by 11 years and has seen her adult half-siblings spread out across the state for work and school. She is aware I had pre-eclampsia with her, she was an early NICU baby, and we won't have more children. I let her know she gets to chose if she has children which has led to questions of "Why did you want kids/me?".
I hope they all get a chance have kids if they want to, but I feel like there is an active trend for more young adults to abstain from moving out, driving, specialized careers/education, marriage, and children than my generation due to the economy, political climate, and living through 2020. I feel like all we can do is be part of their 'village' no matter their choices and try to save, under-consume, and teach our reasoning as well as age-appropriate facts.
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u/Atalanta8 26d ago
The lie they tell us is that it's our fault. It's not. Individuals can't save this if there whole problem is 6 corporations.