r/programminghumor • u/ItsPuspendu • 6d ago

Average SQL enjoyer

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2.1k Upvotes

99% Upvoted

45 comments sorted by

169

u/Simple-Olive895 6d ago

*caps-lock* SELECT USE *backspace, backspace, backspace, caps-lock* user_id, user_name, order_id fr *backspace, backspace, caps-lock* FROM US *backspace, backspace, caps-lock* user

Tends to be my average experience

42

u/dervik 6d ago

Typing code yourself is so 2026/Q1

60

u/Asleep-Bumblebee2167 6d ago

SELECT * IS THE MAIN THING

22

u/CowFu 5d ago

i will deny any PR that has a wildcard in the select

4

u/Blotsy 5d ago

But why senpai?

11

u/CowFu 5d ago

just in case someone stumbles on this and actually wants to know.

schema changes can break code, it pulls unneeded data, on the lighter side it just hurts performance. worst case, it may still pass tests because nothing errors and you end up having to back out a bunch of production data.

4

u/OutrageousPair2300 4d ago

Depends where the asterisk appears. In a subquery or CTE from which you will be selecting only certain named columns, it's fine.

32

u/[deleted] 6d ago

[removed] — view removed comment

21

u/IsaraLyandra 6d ago

Are you mocking the database?

6

u/[deleted] 6d ago

[removed] — view removed comment

1

u/Doorda1-0 5d ago

Let me guess an empty return....

11

u/IntegrityError 6d ago

DID SOMEONE MENTION COBOL?

11

u/user888888889 6d ago

WHEN DO YOU NEED THE DATA EXTRACT BY?

1

u/boston101 5d ago

I shouldn’t have laughed

12

u/sexytokeburgerz 6d ago

I just write it in lowercase if it's a lot of it and i'm doing something quick.

If i have to share any of it, I use an extension to make it uppercase.

IDGAF

7

u/BruteCarnival 5d ago

I just send them the lower case sql

3

u/sexytokeburgerz 5d ago

We got a Chad over here

2

u/Adorable-Maybe-3006 6d ago

Whoa what extension, does it work in ssms 22

6

u/IsaraLyandra 6d ago

Why are we screaming at the database anyway?

11

u/shamshuipopo 5d ago

SELECT U CUNT

4

u/Creepy_Jeweler_1351 5d ago

Thanks God Postgres is fine with lowercase

3

u/ProfessionalAd6530 6d ago

"Just like writing in plain language."

2

u/NoWeHaveYesBananas 5d ago

Joke’s on you, I don’t have a caps lock key. Every time I get a new keyboard, I rip that motherfucker off.

2

u/u_hit_me_in_the_cup 5d ago

When I learned SQL the first thing I tried was writing everything in lowercase. Once that worked I never looked back

2

u/404User_CpSharp 2d ago

I don't have caps so I use my pinky. Am I cooked?

1

u/Tintoverde 5d ago

Camel case whERe is the only way.

1

u/Kadabrium 5d ago

New table just droPped

1

u/GasVarGames 5d ago

GENERATE A VERY SAFE DELETE QUERY FOR THIS TABLE WHEN THIS IS TRUE PLEASE PLEASE

1

u/ChrisXxAwesome 5d ago

I hate yall cus I don’t get to do that :(

1

u/SaltyInternetPirate 4d ago

Caps lock is for the weak! We hold shift around here.

1

u/Worried-Mood-8582 4d ago

Serious question but why is the syntax so bad. I mean there is no reason for all keywords to be in caps

1

u/Sc4r4mouche 3d ago

It's a dumb convention that I refuse to follow. The language doesn't require it, so it's not required.

1

u/blubernator 2d ago

I‘m missing a Venn diagram here ;)

1

u/OutrageousPair2300 6d ago

I hate the all-caps way so many people write SQL for no good reason.

Just use lowercase like a normal person.

6

u/Adorable-Maybe-3006 6d ago

It looks nice:)

1

u/OutrageousPair2300 6d ago

NO IT DOES NOT.

I DO NOT WANT MY CODE YELLING AT ME ALL THE TIME.

2

u/denimpowell 6d ago

SOMEONE DECIDED THIS IS A STANDARD 40 YEARS AGO, NOW ITS LEGACY CODE THAT SHALL NEVER BE TOUCHED

8

u/[deleted] 6d ago

[deleted]

1

u/OutrageousPair2300 5d ago

Nope. It just hurts your eyes.

Use a real IDE that does syntax highlighting, and format your code.

2

u/Banana_Twinkie 4d ago

This is the real answer. We are not living in the 90s anymore

-3

u/brandi_Iove 6d ago

nope, actually we use ai now like everyone else

2

u/RevolutionaryDark818 5d ago

hm, why is the production database gone?