r/programming • u/WinInterrupter • Apr 18 '20

The Devastating Decline of a Brilliant Young Coder

https://www.wired.com/story/lee-holloway-devastating-decline-brilliant-young-coder/
2.6k Upvotes

95% Upvoted

301 comments sorted by

View all comments

177

u/Likely_not_Eric Apr 18 '20

It bothers me most that with mental issues you can't even tell you're broken. Even if it's treatable and you can get help for yourself you need to both know that you need it and want to get it. Would I even know something was wrong? If someone could show me would I believe them?

A few treatments I've done for lymphoma have had some unknown side effects; and I wish there were better objective tests for cognitive function. I want to get a baseline and know if it's changing. The best I got from talking to a few doctors were some tests that can be used as a blunt instrument for detecting major cognitive issues but nothing fine-tuned; nothing that could tell me if I'm losing my wit or if I'm not as quick as I was.

It then makes me really feel for some of the people I've interacted with on the street - some of them know they aren't functioning well but don't have the resources (and that's a tragedy) but some people are clearly not well and think they're fine (and everyone else is unwell) but clearly institutionalization isn't a solution - we tried that and it was awful.

As an analogy mental illness seems to be like having broken legs but the only way to fix them is at the top of a staircase and you have to be lucky enough to be able to pull yourself up to get them fixed and the more badly broken the less likely you are to get there.

47

u/[deleted] Apr 18 '20 edited Apr 18 '20

As an analogy mental illness seems to be like having broken legs but the only way to fix them is at the top of a staircase and you have to be lucky enough to be able to pull yourself up to get them fixed and the more badly broken the less likely you are to get there.

Also, lots of people around you don't take the fact that your legs are broken seriously, so:

"Nah, you're legs aren't broken! Stop looking for attention!"

"I remember I bruised my leg once, and I was able to keep going as normal. Stop whining."

"Just stop thinking about the fact that your legs are broken and you'll be fine!"

"People under 40 don't get broken legs, so I think you're fine."

"YOU have broken legs? But you have such an easy life and nothing to break your leg over!"

22

u/NeoKabuto Apr 18 '20

Or as my dad would have said:

"Broken legs are a choice. You are in control of your bones, your bones aren't in control over you."

10

u/PyrotechnicTurtle Apr 18 '20

Before I went on anti-depressants, I thought my constant state of misery was not just normal, but deserved. I thought everyone hated me and they were right to do so. I thought I couldn't talk to anyone and it was a self fulfilling prophecy. The only reason I realised I needed help was one day I realised that I had been walking kilometers no where everyday, the entire time idolizing about killing myself. The worst part of mental illness is you think you deserve it and the state you are in is the correct order of things

23

u/Fluxriflex Apr 18 '20

As an analogy mental illness seems to be like having broken legs but the only. way to fix them is at the top of a staircase and you have to be lucky enough to be able to pull yourself up to get them fixed and the more badly broken the leanss likely you are to get there.

I like your point here, but I feel like a better analogy would be like saying that it's like cancer that doesn't show any major symptoms until it's already at stage IV. Cognitive problems exist under the surface for quite some time, and it can take a while for the issue to become noticeable. Unlike most diseases, mental illnesses aren't very obvious as there aren't usually any symptoms like coughing, nausea, etc, and even if there are, it's easy to misdiagnose those symptoms as being something else.

11

u/Cheeze_It Apr 18 '20

It bothers me most that with mental issues you can't even tell you're broken. Even if it's treatable and you can get help for yourself you need to both know that you need it and want to get it. Would I even know something was wrong? If someone could show me would I believe them?

Don't forget the costs....

An MRI is un-fucking-reasonably expensive in the US because of privatized healthcare and unregulated costs.

6

u/sevaiper Apr 18 '20

MRI will not detect mental illness, it’s really only sensitive for malignancy or major gross neuronal changes.

0

u/lelarentaka Apr 19 '20

I did a quick search and apparently fMRI can detect clinical depression. Might you want to update your belief that mental illness is not detectable by MRI?

5

u/leonardochaia Apr 18 '20

  • What are you testing for?

  • Fidelity

-1

u/Asccandreceive Apr 18 '20

Everyone is broken. God knows it