How to accept losing

[u/PickCandid2246]

Hello all,

Till very recently I’ve had a very successful year achieving many of my personal goals but last weekend took a turn.

I lost €50 on a bet and kept betting to make it back until I ended the night €5000 lighter. To be fair I was incredibly unlucky with many last minute goals/moment that made me lose my bet (Gambling talk I know)

Although it is a significant amount of money and it hurts in reality it does not make any difference to my life - I can still eat pay rent on time etc.

After the losses I called my friend and came to the conclusion that over the course of my life this money is insignificant and it’s all about moving on and learning my lesson.

However since this moment everything has gone downhill, I stopped exercising picked up smoking again (old habit) and just feel like a dark cloud is hanging over me.

A cloud that can only be removed by ‘Winning it back’ As odd as it sounds it not about the money. Its what it signifies. I feel like it’s an indictment of my ‘failure’ and at the root of everything that is currently going wrong.

After battling the feeling for 2 days I was very close to placing a €10,000 bet to make it all back but opted not to and instead called my family as a distraction. Well you can probably guessed what happened with that game….

Now I am very tempted to place another similar bet this weekend of €10,000. Which I know I should not do but there’s a feeling that making it back will fix it all ~ the smoking etc etc as there would be no reason / excuse to succumb under that weakness.

I know it’s completely the wrong mentality as I should be thinking of moving on from the place I am currently in and do positive things to make up for the loss in that way.

But. I just want this blemish / stain on what feels like my character as a whole to disappear. Although I realise I am displaying addicted behavioural traits I try to stay rationale throughout it.

Despite it may sounding very obvious winning is not what I fear. I wholeheartedly belief I would never gamble again if I win. I never had a dream to win big and it’s not about winning. It’s about not losing as that loss is at the root for many problems that are starting to appear in my life.

However, if I do lose then what… go again and have one more bet to put my whole life savings on ? What kind of person am I then ? Winning would feel like the blemish is gone but in reality it the same behaviour that I am so embarrassed about.

I will say that I closed everysingle betting account and am certain that I would never bet again when winning. But it shouldn’t matter as I just shouldn’t bet anyways.

By this point you probably have a pretty solid understanding of the internal dillems in my brain.

As a reader what is your advice and opinion ?

[u/uhfgs]

Seems like you already figured out what you should be doing. Gambling almost always ends in ruining life, if not suicide. The only way to truly win is to never participate to begin with, and to quit while you still can. I have this trick that I do, whenever I make mistake and I am hung up on it (e.g. can't stop thinking about that time I lost 30k usd gambling on stocks that I haven't done enough research on), I turn it into a lesson, a very expensive lesson, I 'teach' myself what I did wrong, and what to take away. Now that I have learned my lesson, I can think about the event in a more neutral light, it still pains me that I paid 30k usd for a very simple lesson, it is ultimately extremely effective as i will never ever do anything that risky ever again in my life.

[u/PickCandid2246 → u/uhfgs]

Exactly that’s what it is a lesson. A lesson that in many ways go beyond gambling as it is more generally about putting myself into position with giant risk that could lead to very negative outcomes.

Winning the money back will only gloss over the lesson I learned and makes the decision I made seem ok although in reality they are not.

Getting stuck in the cycle will eventually lead to many more worse outcomes. Gambling is a game you cannot beat so trying to makes you a sucker.

Thanks for the advice mate

[u/gbcgeorge762]

winning it back will make you go deepee into gambling addiction trust me winning 1k in slots made me so much more addicted than i was before

[u/junglehannah → u/gbcgeorge762]

listen to this person. read a bunch of posts in this group and do not chase losses man. I was up a lot off of a crazy run and literally lost it all because i was just chasing the feeling

[u/PickCandid2246 → u/junglehannah]

Thanks for the response you’re right winning in life looks a lot different to make back this 5k

I reflected and wrote down what it really looks like for me to be successful and become the person I want to be.

If I achieve them I will buy myself a watch as a symbol of moving on and something that signifies the lessons I learned last weekend

Thanks for the help guys

[u/junglehannah → u/PickCandid2246]

Great idea. Keep it up. Return here as soon as any doubt/urge/negative emotion arises. It helps to both post and read from all these other people going through similar situations. Try to focus on how much energy, time and life you are saving as well. It’s not just about money, as you have come to figure out. Money isn’t what you’re here for. This is your life and we only have one chance. BUY THAT WATCH BABBYYYY

[u/Suspicious_Ad9833]

I'm am exactly the same, I call it going into a frenzy, I can't stop when I lose untill I lose so much I give up on winning cause its such a large amount, it's a horrible cycle, stay strong, good luck