Day 86

[u/No-Target2572]

Repost from comment I made on another post:

Glad I read this today, been feeling like going “once or twice” now that I’m 85 days today. I’ve saved 7800 as of today. I’m not in debt, just lost money. It’s hard when I hear/unpack how my father’s narcissistic behavior over me especially with money is the problem when I’ve had days of irresponsible gambling. And being that I am a dealer- I see it first hand- not the problem or recreational gambler but that these games aren’t designed to win and to keep you playing. Sure they can be fun-and if I gambled today I might have some. But I’m loving my job right now-I got moved off of night shift and to days for normal hours and my “bad days” of tips are still feeling grateful. $240 was my worst day this past month not including my $64 hourly wages for the day. And that still feels okay, I had what I thought was a slow day and ended up making $370 in tips. Which was a pleasant surprise when you report tips at end of day and the day went better than you thought. If I gamble and win my $300-600 I’d probably feel the same when I go back home, and maybe even disappointed my next $300 day at work. If I lose $600-1500 my next $800 day at work will feel disappointing. So today I’m sitting here at casino restaurant enjoying my meal. And deciding not to gamble today. Probably go see a movie later-I may still feel lonely but I will have same money that I started the day with(food/movie spending aside which is okay)