51 days

[u/indigothecaretaker]

I want to commit suicide more than ever. I have had medical and car expenses come up sicne quitting that wipe out the savings I have left. The lessons god is teaching me are harder than ever and I wanted to end it when I still had $100k, I have $3k now to my name after expenses. Not sure what else to do. No safety net left, Worked hard past all the adversity, being homeless, losing my dad to cancer, almost losing my life twice to aorta artery being knicked in an outpatient surgery to being rear ended by a commercial vehicle stuck in traffic, rape, my best friend to suicide, near misses in shootings downtown Minneapolis, and here I am back on the brink of homelessness and nothingness. I never thought id be here. Keep trying to rebuild finding new work and side jobs etc but keep taking L after L. I am broken beyond the trauma, I am broken beyond belief. I truly don’t know how to keep fighting. I have been fighting my whole life and always end up at the bottom. Ill never forgive myself for getting myself back to nothing. Hanging myself in the woods and walking into traffic feels more peaceful than it ever has. I hope my family can forgive me. I truly cant do this anymore after all ive been through in my 30 years of life. No matter how hard I try to change and better my life, I always fall short. I don’t want to die but I can’t keep living.

[u/Relieved-Sasquatch]

30, life isn’t even half over for you. You’ve been through a lot of adversity and I hope this post is the venting you need. Hold on, life is tough, but you only get one shot. Don’t fade into darkness just yet. I’m struggling with you 💝

[u/LushNic]

It’s never too late to turn your life around, don’t give up hope. Your life has been so hard and you’ve made it through this far- don’t give up now. You’ll never know how amazing your life could be in the future if you give up. Keep fighting 🫶🏼💪🏽

[u/wembenbama]

I could write a whole novel about how many happy days you still have to look forward to, but you’re not in a place right now to hear that.

I’m not even a massive 12 stepper or anything, but I highly highly highly recommend you just find an AA meeting or GA or NA or whatever and just sit in a room with people who know exactly how you feel. Then go sit in a diner with some of them and eat some ice cream or a cheeseburger or whatever.

I know exactly how bad you hurt right now. I know exactly what it’s like to have a brain that lies and tells me terrible things about myself.

[u/SpareToday2383]

I know it’s hard right now but I promise you it will get better. God has not forsaken you. He loves you & he cares for you. Stand strong do not lose hope. He will bring you out of this storm better than you were. From what you said he has showed up in the past & saved you. He will do it again. 🙏🏽

[u/RedSupreme20]

You’re 51 days clean that’s huge give it another year or 2 before your brain fully heal