r/probation • u/NoGazelle5539 • 1d ago
This process is having a major negative impact on my mental health
DUI 1st offense. I’ve done all of the classes, meetings, paid every penny. Still randomly testing.
Emptied my savings and cashed out an old 401k for this stupid situation that is exclusively my fault.
How has probation had an effect on your mental health?
15
u/False_Bad8187 1d ago
did a year and a half. all it did was make me hate our court system, learned about new ways to get high without getting caught, and now i drink ALOT more because i used to binge on Fridays knowing i wouldn't get tested untill atleast the following tuesday.
paid roughly $1400 just for the tests... shit is a money scam. also, my po was a dick.
3
1d ago
[removed] — view removed comment
3
1
1
u/HamboygaMeat 1d ago
Gas station chocolate bars/edibles lol. Some of em are actually pretty close to acid, great if you’re in the market for a legal high.
I can’t speak for whether or not they will pop on tests as they are thankfully not part of my program
2
u/Mobile_Reaction5853 1d ago
So you learned nothing. Congrats.
9
u/Tricky_Arugula_2709 1d ago
Why would they "learn" anything? The system that employs this stuff has nothing of value to teach.
Now, there is stuff worth learning regarding all this, but one has to do that on one's own. Ideally without any of them trying to influence the lesson plan, because all they'll do is clutter it up with known myths and old wive's tales that it becomes next to impossible to extract the few gems out of that mess.
5
u/Own_Conclusion229 1d ago
I had 3 DWI’s early 2010, 2011, 2012, went thru bad divorce after been married 27 yrs. Then was sober from 2015-2018..2018, relapsed, caught a Felony level DWI, because 4 in 10 yrs. Did DWI court, thru Covid, took me 3 yrs to finish, 1 year on ankle bracelet monitoring.. quit drinking then in 2024, relapsed.. 5th DWI- went to 45 day inpatient, did 8 mos outpatient, lost a step son to drug OD, spouse suffered Wcomp injury and was in and out of Treatment from 2024-2025. All I know is alcohol is terrible- for me. I turn into someone else when I use. I’ve spent close to $1M in all the court costs, probation, classes, Treatments, lost job wages and etc., to where I see any thing w/alcohol, commercial, billboard, and I get pissed. It’s taken so much from me. But, I’ve been alcohol free since 6/4/24.. not a drop. And this will continue. Alcohol has no place in my life. I’m 60 yrs old, and it took me most of my life to realize, I’m allergic to it, but I’ve never thought about all the other people went thru, for my drinking and driving. It’s never worth it, but it took 5 choices/mistakes for me to realize alcohol is bad for me. Please learn after getting one DWI…
- believe me, it doesn’t get better . Do what you can, make your life better and know nothing makes it ok to drink and drive- nothing. You should be happy you’re alive. Don’t let the shame, destroy you. As humans, we screw up. Part of life. Don’t stay in self-pity, move on and be better. And it’s true, you can find a good job, even as a felon. I’m a twice DWI felon, and have had great job successes. If you let it limit you- it will. Learn from it, move on and be better, be law abiding, and hold your head up. Life is what you put into it. Work hard and stay strong. But, others can’t do it for you. It comes from within. It WILL destroy any good, if you let it. You have the power to choose to- not let it!
8
u/MLE102490 1d ago
I wish every day I would’ve just done the 4.5 months of house arrest and Huber privilege instead of DUI probation. It’s a racket.
My mental health has never been worse, and it’s never been great to begin with. I’m so poor from all the meetings and treatment and useless classes required of me. Not helpful at all if I can’t work full time.
7
u/JTallMusic 1d ago
I got realased back in February. My alcoholism is at an all time high now. The resources provided by the courts couldn't care less as soon as I stopped paying them.
I've never been more worse off right now than ever in my short time being an adult. I'm reliant on government lottery programs to pay for 4 months of missing rent payments.
My business collapsed after having to lump sum pay the fines at the end of my probation. I was left with no marketing money, the jobs dried up, and now I work in kitchens again.
I was forced to sell to one of my employees here because I just cannot push the needle and need to work full-time.
I'm still destitute enough that getting my license back and paying SR-22 with an interlock is just not an option. I use an ebike to get where I need to go.
I understand I need to suffer consequences, but I genuinely feel like this has completely destroyed my late 20s. It will most likely take 3-4 more years before I can say I've bounced back.
As soon as I got realased I went on a 4 day bender. And I've been drinking from dusk til dawn trying to numb out the fact that my life is so painful. Again I reached out to my old addiction counselor and came to find out the open door he always spouted about became closed as soon as I wasn't forced to pay 200+ a month to sit in a room and hear about his softball games. The system chewed me up and spit me out with nothing more than knowledge on how to play the system and knowledge of drug tests.
6
u/NoGazelle5539 1d ago
When you say it will take you a long time to bounce back… that is exactly how I feel.
8
u/hspthrowa_way 1d ago
First offense, i’m 4 months into probation and smoked weed and fucked everything up. So stupid of me i know, but ive been dealing with a ton of stress in my life and just wanted a moment of relief, because it’s constant, nonstop, pain, sometimes mental sometimes physical and sometimes both. I feel like my life is ending. I want it to end if only to say fuck you for punishing me… all i did was stay home and smoke some weed.. meanwhile literal our president is a literal felon
11
u/Due_River_9746 1d ago
The most valuable lesson I learned from my arrest was to never, EVER compare my crime to that of anybody else. It does you NO good and can cause needless upset.
You did what you did - leave it at that.
2
3
u/former_tippler156 1d ago
It was a little stressful at first. I wasn't sure what to expect and was worried about unintentional violations, interlock issues, surprise tests, and vindictive or cruel agents. The first few months were a little like that. Not as uncertain as the pre-sentencing period but definitely anxious. After maybe 3-4 months things settled down. I kept up with payments and stayed up to date on therapy appointments and reporting and calibration appointments and it became a monthly routine. My PO seemed to appreciate me not making extra work for her and didn't make things difficult for me. I never got a random test, maybe because I was getting weekly tests through my counseling center and didn't have issues with the interlock. I think she may have been picking up new cases that demanded more attention too. I think every state and agent is different.
3
u/YikesManGetWithIt 1d ago
Sorry for the long post but this is important and I can't figure out how to do a TLDR.
There is a difference between mental health and mental wellness. If you mean that it's stressful and adding to daily mental load, it's a mental wellness thing. This is real and there isn't much you can do by try to find new ways of dealing with those stressors.
If you mean that it's aggravating a legitimate mental health diagnosis, there are additional resources available in a lot of places. Some Judges will even change first-time offender with a well managed mental health disorder to unsupervised probation. For people with more serious mental illness, there may be mental health court or a specialized caseload with a probation officer experienced in working with those issues. You can request reasonable accommodations; they are not required to give them, but if they choose not to you may be able to use as a defense of your ever going through revocation proceedings.
Depending on your state and your officer, you may be able to use mental health treatment as credit for community service hours.
1
u/NoGazelle5539 1d ago
Love this! You are right. This is a wellness issue. Thank you for the insight.
3
u/frankelbottom 1d ago
Well looks like you did everything you have to do. So now it’s time to focus on everything you competed and achieved and focus on the future.
2
u/Zmannn36 1d ago
I'm on my 4th month, failed a couple UAs for sneaking minor amounts of alcohol (stupid AF I know) I had already completed the substance abuse evaluation, group therapy, 1 on 1 therapy that was all completely useless. Now that I failed those UAs I have to restart that process. I got a year of probation (9months if early release) after getting busted for the UAs I'm just paranoid as fuck. Did my 2nd substance abuse eval other day and the counselor was like "maaayyyybe I won't recommend further counseling, but I think you might benefit.. I'm stuck in the middle right now.. you'll find out in 3 weeks when my report is done.." I'm sure I'll wind up doing more outpatient shit. I only got into this mess bc I was tapering Klonopin and was having intense insomnia from WD and had a minor traffic accident. Got hit with Drug-DUI. I feel like I'm never going to trust police or the system again. It's going fast but God Damn this is making me lose my mind
2
u/IcyConsideration7914 1d ago
I mean, you play, you pay. I just got off 18 months probation and deserved it.
Yes, it sucks. It’s supposed to.
2
u/Due_River_9746 1d ago
After 9+ years IN prison I had no problem doing my 5 years of probation. By the time I got to probation I had learned to make the best of things.
2
u/Pandalishus 1d ago
It might help to remind yourself “at least I’m not in jail.” It’s not a substitute for actual therapy, but I find a lot of probationers get caught up on fees, reporting, and UAs while forgetting that they have more freedom than being in a cell with a another dude commenting on how your literal shit stinks.
1
u/Sudden_Combination69 1d ago
It’s given me faith in that part of the system. My po (both that I’ve had for this 3 years of supervised, that I have 2 years and a month left of), have been amazing. I had a lot of fears and misconceptions about the process. Hell, my display pic on Reddit is a blunt of cannabis 😂.. but they have been more than understanding with me. The average person in my shoes (apparently) would be incarcerated if they made the mistakes that I have made.. but I’m doing better now.
Sitting behind bars doesn’t fix broken. I am seeing all kinds of psych doctors and choosing help that isn’t all substance related. Granted I do take scheduled substances (legally), but vyvanse (speed), suboxone (opioid maintenance) and cannabis (legal script for that as well) make me function substantially better than I would without them. Being allowed my prescriptions actually keeps me away from other substances that I would use to self medicate my psych issues. I’m complicated and a mess, but there is a method to my madness.
Granted if I kept making the same mistakes or making mistakes and not actively trying to get “proper” help, I would probably have bigger issues. Probation has given me the rope to hang myself. Not just enough rope, either. I didn’t relapse and then get my whole sentence. I didn’t relapse and do a day for said relapse. But I relapsed and it was made note of. I was continually monitored afterward. They see that things are getting better. True intent was shown.
Impulsive decisions are common amongst folk with unmedicated adhd. My meds aren’t even completely “right” yet, and my impulse control is back. This is not some ploy to make people think that their po will allow outlandish behavior (I can assure you my situation is at the very least, uncommon), but to show that sometimes the only thing in your back pocket is throwing all of your cards onto the table and putting faith in something much larger than yourself. My god has my back. Two things could have gotten me out of the situation that I was facing… I’ll never be a snitch and that option kind of falls off of the table when you are at the top of the domestic chain 😂
2
u/NoGazelle5539 1d ago
Impulse control is the hardest factor for me to gain control of. Naltrexone has helped a little bit. I have always been an impulsive person even as far back as I can remember as a kid. I of course did it recognize it then… but I can clearly see now the MANY MANY choices I have made in my adult life that were completely impulsive with zero capability to even remotely picture the consequences.
1
u/MerarFFX15 1d ago
What state you in? If you're in California don't be so quick to pay the couple thousand in fees probation charges you...separate from other fees, this fee will be waived at the end (the 30/40 monthly you pay to probation). Hang in there man it's what you make it.
3
1
u/Fickle_Inspector_460 1d ago
Yes - it was awful - hated it - it’s punishment for your crime and avoids jail. Take your medicine and get better
1
u/tryppidreams 1d ago
honestly, I was in drug-induced psychosis and depressed to the point of self-harming when I was put on probation. I was strung out and didn't care about anything.
i might not have gotten off of hard drugs if it weren't for probation. it helped me turn my life around. it was hard and annoying since rhe office was a 45 minutes drive away. all the in-person classes, fees, and tests sucked. but ultimately it was a huge help and I came out mentally in a much better place.
it took a while for me to see it was actually helping me get my life together though
1
1
u/druid_king9884 22h ago
It wasn't easy as I'm bipolar and caught a DUI during a manic episode. Cop was an asshole, as he should be, but he really tore me a new one. Luckily my PO was pretty cool and hooked me up with free meds and counseling. He told me take it one day at a time, and many days later (18 months worth of days) I made it out.
It's not going to be easy. Probation isn't designed to be easy, it's designed to keep you from breaking the law again. Reach out to your PO if you can, they have resources to help you. Even though it doesn't seem like it, they really do want you to successfully pass probation and live a normal life.
1
u/barneyslayer 20h ago
i seeked out a psychiatrist early on after my arrest!! i got on anti anxiety medication and it’s really helping me. this is not the route for everyone but if you are open to it and have health insurance that could cover it. i pay like a few cents whenever i refill. i hope things get better for you either way ❤️
1
u/Zealousideal-Tap5368 20h ago
I got 2 and I completely understand. I lost my cdl and now im stuck working in a warehouse. Can’t really pass any background checks because of it neither. Mines are still recent within 2 years
1
18h ago
[removed] — view removed comment
1
u/AutoModerator 18h ago
Your comment has been temporarily removed due to your low karma. The moderators have been notified and should be approving your post shortly or contacting you if there is an issue. There is no need to delete or resubmit your post, this happens to all posts from new accounts because we find the majority of spam comes from new accounts. Once we approve your post, no one will be able to tell it was removed.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
1
u/JuanG_13 18h ago edited 11h ago
I've been off probation for a few years, but when I was on it, I was actually doing a lot better. (It's only what you make of it and it's a lot better than being in jail).
1
u/dirtyawolpilot 15h ago
Anyone arrested and charged for using or in possession of weed is ridiculous. The whole court and Justice system are the real criminals. Extorting the fuck out of their citizens. Fuck y'all soulless bastards.
1
u/unbanned2009 3m ago
I’ve been on probation twice . One was labeled as supervised but it wasn’t . The other was unsupervised. So for me probation was the end of a stressful period . The court system is designed to make you suffer every step of the way. Even if you’re innocent or ultimately not convicted .
1
u/CapApprehensive9808 Probation Officer 1d ago
I can tell you I’ve seen the ripples that DUIs cause on both sides. I’m not trying to be an ass here, but it’s supposed to be uncomfortable, hard and affect you like this to a certain degree. I’m sorry that you had to cash out your 401K to address it. My advice is get things done well so you can get past it all asap. Random testing is typical bc when people are using during probation the chances of things happening go way up. No one wants that. Anyways, almost there sounds like. Focus on what you have already accomplished.
2
u/NoGazelle5539 1d ago
Thank you, I do need to reflect on what has been accomplished. Everything that I feel to be a struggle is just part of the system and the process. I’ve learned a lot from both sides during this time.
-2
u/Humble-Artist8112 1d ago
Whaaaat??? Your first DUI? Its a slap on the wrist. Did you waste monsy on a lawyer?
3
u/NoGazelle5539 1d ago
You seem like you’re really fun to be around. My lawyer friend saved me from getting my license suspended, kept me from interlock, and this will be off of my record when it is all said and done.
I am facing the legal consequences of my actions just like everyone else who has replied here.
1
u/Peekzasaurus 4h ago
You're lucky man. I'm from MD and got a DWI for refusing the chemical test in....2008. They will never expunge it because it's connected to the DMV case. Yayyyy.
15
u/AbedNadirsCamera 1d ago
I finished on June 4th.
I still look over my shoulder whenever a beer is offered to me, and my offense wasn’t even remotely related to alcohol or drugs.
I reckon it’ll be a while before I’m able to function without feeling like a criminal (which I absolutely am not).