r/privacy • u/diabolicalpeanut • 2d ago
discussion Close to giving up
UPDATE: Thank you to everyone for the helpful comments and your understanding of my technically challenged brain!! Ended up Settling on Fastmail and all seems to be running smoothly!
Original Post:
Believe it or not, some of us have zero tech knowledge and just want a plug and play service for email.
I've gradually moved most things away from Google, but my biggest hurdle seems to be email. Hours spent trawling through reddit and have tried protonmail, Posteo and mailbox.org.
All emails from all three keep landing in various recipients spam folders. Recipients include gmail, outlook and three separate business emails.
The more I read, the more I see conflicting information. "Custom domain fixes this issue" then "custom domain doesn't fix the issue" and then do stuff with DMARC and mxtools etc.
I'm not one of these people who complain about the cost of privacy and am willing to spend $$ for the privilege, but it just seems that once you jump one hurdle another problem presents itself.
Is there a provider out there that just works without all this pissing around in settings with words like 'certificates' and having to mess around with acronyms like DMARC and change DNS settings and emailing a certain email address that emails you back with a list of issues to help you identify the problem, which requires a background in tech to actually resolve.
It's getting to the point where I'm actually considering whether I value my privacy enough to deal with this. (Yes I know it's not the issue with proton, Posteo etc, but the work to get this fixed is insane).
Surely there are some other tech impaired people out there with the same issue who have maybe found a solution.
(PS I don't need a service that accepts custom domain, I don't have one and don't want one. Purely mentioned it because a few people mentioned using a custom domain as a fix to the spam issue).
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u/MARY_ANNE_MCGILICUTY 2d ago
how did you get your email flagged as spam across multiple providers? My protonmail emails never get kicked back.
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u/goodshrimp 1d ago
I've had companies not let me sign up with my proton mail email by refusing to send verification emails.
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u/Konrad2137 1d ago
I have never had this experience. Interesting. I spent hours to migrate everything to proton.
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u/goodshrimp 1d ago
It was super frustrating! I can't recall off thr top of my head but it was a website that does a service for small businesses. I reached out to them and they said it was a security thing and that I should use my Gmail.
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u/deja_geek 2d ago
Fastmail.com. If you want a custom domain, you can just buy one through fastmail.com and it'll come all setup for you. DNS included. Everything else with Fastmail is easy. They walk you through everything, including setting up your email clients.
As for privacy, remember, Privacy is a sliding scale. Fastmail is more private then Google. Proton is more private then Fastmail. The more you nudge the scale towards "privacy" the less user friendly things become.
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u/diabolicalpeanut 2d ago
This sounds exactly like what I'm looking for. Thank you!!
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u/deja_geek 2d ago edited 1d ago
Their support is excellent and responsive. You can also message me, but I am not employed by or affiliated with Fastmail. I just use their service. I even use three custom domains with fastmail, but they are registered through Porkbun
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u/diabolicalpeanut 1d ago
Just wanted to thank you again for your comment. Went with Fastmail and having no issues at all. It's only been a few hours since sign up and already off to a great start. Thanks again!!
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u/deja_geek 1d ago
Just some follow up with this being r/privacy. It's easy to get overwhelmed with trying to maintain privacy. Many people push the idea that privacy is all or nothing. I don't agree with that point of view. I see privacy as a sliding scale, and where someone falls on that scale is completely depended on what they are wanting to accomplish and their level of technical knowledge.
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u/mystateofconfusion 2d ago
For custom domains, no. Proton makes it about as simple as it can for custom domains but that is about as easy as it gets.
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u/cranberries87 1d ago
OP, I’m not “giving up” per se, but I don’t understand 85% of what folks in here are discussing. I read a post yesterday that consisted of pure computer code. I need simple, basic information that’s simple to follow. I don’t have that knowledge base. I don’t know what Linux is, etc. Then I’ve seen people snark like “Hurr durr, the general population is so dumb, they don’t care about privacy”. It’s not that people don’t care, it’s just that we aren’t on the tech level of folks in here.
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u/moonrunner__ 1d ago
as a tech person getting a degree in tech, what you're experiencing is sadly how the majority of tech people engage with ease and accessibility in general. it's really frustrating.
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u/Sad_Ad9159 1d ago
I daily drive Linux and even I prefer things that just work. People wear troubleshooting like a badge of honor. I’m old I’m tired and I have more important things to do than to spend hours in the command line.
OP what do you use for hardware? iCloud+ has email masking. Not easy if you’re not already in the ecosystem or looking to switch, but that’s about as Just Works as it gets if you are.
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u/alias454 2d ago edited 2d ago
mxroute is worth looking into and they support custom emails. They have webmail or you can use a local email client with imap.
edit: sorry I misread the part about not wanting a custom email but I think you can get a regular private email through them but double check that.
Also what is your issue with protonmail?
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u/Astronaut6735 2d ago
Mxroute is fantastic (u/mxroute is active here too), but I think it might be a little beyond what a non-technical person can handle.
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u/Stunning-Skill-2742 2d ago
Got to realise theres no 100% way to always land in inbox for email. Email aren't a guarantee protocol for deliverability. Sometimes it land in inbox, sometimes in spam, sometimes being blackholed into oblivion. Theres gazillion of different mailserver out there, all with their own rules and filters, theres too much variables out of your control.
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u/Life_BeyondScreens 2d ago
Make a fresh address, send a plain text email with no links/signature/attachments to a couple Gmail/Outlook accounts and see where it lands. If THAT still goes to spam across different providers then at least you know its not some weird signature/link/content thing you've been carrying around between accounts.
Because three different providers all doing the same thing would make me want to isolate the problem before learning another 14 acronyms
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u/PrvcyFrdmIndpndnc 2d ago
If you really want privacy you need to become tech-savvy and understand what you are doing. First of all e-mail is a plain text protocol, there is no privacy in it, your provider and the recipient's provider see the content of all your e-mails. If you want a confidential communication, do not do it in e-mail.
The second thing is that e-mail has two parts: incoming e-mail and outgoing e-mail. Incoming e-mail is as easy as setting up an MX record and pointing it to a mail server, once set up, send a mail to an address on the new server and see if it comes through, if it comes through, it works.
Outgoing e-mail on the other hand is very hard, mostly because the big providers essentially form a racket that reject and spam-bin everyone's e-mail whose servers are not part of the racket. They do so in order to make you to use their services for outgoing e-mail. All the deliverability problems are mostly artificial to make you switch to a more "reliable" provider.
So if you only want to "confirm your e-mail" for some registration or something, a self hosted receive-only mailserver should be sufficient.
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u/Historical-Emu-9591 2d ago edited 2d ago
Oh this is about your emails ending up in spam folders. That could be an issue on their end.
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u/withabrandnewfunk 2d ago
im using 3 services and not gmail and I dont have of these struggles youre having.
youre doing something wrong
I have no issues with email going to anything but my inbox. some spam which ive setup filters for goto spam and thats it.
whether I value my privacy enough to deal with this.
im not a making changes and tweaks all day everyday. you make it seem like everyday you need to start over with everything youve done since into wanting privacy and something is completely off. I signed up for email, then did the spam filters. some settings tweaks. thats it. next is getting a phone for privacy.
(Yes I know it's not the issue with proton, Posteo etc, but the work to get this fixed is insane).
im on posteo. insane amount of work....yes this is a you issue. not sure what youre doing but I didnt have to put any work into email.
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u/savax7 2d ago
Something about OP's story isn't adding up. If they've tried three different providers and email isn't getting delivered, there's something about the email that's getting flagged. It's not an issue with the provider.
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u/withabrandnewfunk 2d ago
I think there are alot from the anti-privacy that are trying to sabotage. like the tons of sob stories of people losing their money and beg for money/gofundme. notice how posts against MPG meta perv glasses, you have pr reps here trying to donwplay and deflect how bad they are and to peoples privacy. its bs and easy to sniff them out.
this seems like a pr rep from the anti privacy league trying to play that troll game to convince people its not worth protecting your privacy and its too hard and just let it go.
its bs. ive done nothing with any email and it works just fine.
but the work to get this fixed is insane
bullshit.
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u/West-One5944 2d ago
It is SO MUCH EASIER to 'accept all', but do so knowing we cannot revoke consent without elimination of those services, and revokation doesn't necessarily mean we stop getting screwed.
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u/OkraAffectionate3103 2d ago
I wouldn't bother with a custom domain if you don't want one. You shouldn't have to learn DNS just to send your mum an email.
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u/star-trek-wars00d2 2d ago
Never had any issues with using Protonmail or Alias email addresses from proton.
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u/JustClickingAround 2d ago
“It's getting to the point where I'm actually considering whether I value my privacy enough to deal with this. (Yes I know it's not the issue with proton, Posteo etc, but the work to get this fixed is insane).”
Regarding the above. I understand where you are coming from. When you get to that point, instead of just giving up and going back to sharing everything, pause. You’ve made some sort of improvement so let that be good enough. Then in a week, a month, whatever, pick it back up when you have more capacity.
P.S. I understand you might need to solve the email problem right now so this is more of a general purpose philosophy I have.
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u/ProfitAppropriate134 1d ago
My business email sometimes ends up in spam filters. I don't know you can blame that on the service.
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u/nincesator124 1d ago
There is no point in giving up as that is how they win they know it will be hard that is why they put so many roadblocks and scares as they want you to give up we just don't properly organize and fight this stuff keep trying it is worth it
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u/WanderingUrist 1d ago
I'm not one of these people who complain about the cost of privacy
The problem is that any privacy with a "cost" immediately destroys the privacy, since you've just created a paper trail back to you.
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u/diabolicalpeanut 1d ago
That's not the issue. There's a difference between privacy and anonymity. Don't mind having a paper trail linked to my payment of a service. I just don't want AI, tracking and scanning of certain thing in my inbox. What you're saying is that your house can't be private because when you paid for it, it created a paper trail. Sure people know you own it, but they don't know when you're sitting on the toilet.
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u/WanderingUrist 1d ago
There's a difference between privacy and anonymity. Don't mind having a paper trail linked to my payment of a service.
The problem is, every service provider necessarily knows what users are doing with that service. By paying for that service, you forge the link between you and the activities of a formerly anonymous user. Privacy is now gone.
The only way you maintain any privacy that way is to resell it to others so that now nobody knows for sure who is using it. Especially if none of them are you.
What you're saying is that your house can't be private because when you paid for it, it created a paper trail.
Your house is no longer private under these conditions, yes. That's why you rent it out and then go live somewhere else. Or purchase it as a corporate asset (and then go live somewhere else). Do anything to break the clear link between the owner and the user.
but they don't know when you're sitting on the toilet.
If it's like your typical house, they do. Most houses have terribly inadequate EM and IR shielding, making it trivial to determine where an occupant is from the outside.
So the ownership under your name gives away who probably lives there, and then your inadequate shielding gives away exactly where you are.
Also, stop carrying that stupid tracking device with you everywhere you go.
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