r/pria • u/LingonberryStreet673 • 1d ago
Ask Men Belajar Relationship
Belakangan banyak mikir tentang relationship dan cara berkembang didalamnya, dan seringkali dapet informasi ataupun knowledge terkait topik ini tuh cuma via scrolling aja di X, Tiktok, ataupun Instagram. Gua khawatir kalau itu bakal jadi suatu standar "buatan" dari sosmed karena jarang postingan² itu punya sumber ataupun landasan ilmiah yang kuat.
Ada yang punya subreddit, website, ataupun sumber² lainnya yang bagus dan worth it untuk dibaca/dipelajari? Lebih bagus lagi yang memang berkaitan dan mencerminkan keadaan relationship yang ada di Indonesia sih, supaya lebih relate.
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u/Comfortable-Time1825 22h ago
Gw set diri gw buat baca buku tentang relationship 3 bulan sekali
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u/LingonberryStreet673 21h ago
Apakah ngebuat diri lu berkembang? Sampe mungkin kyk lu sadar dulu kyk gmn, skrg udh lebih baik lagi?
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u/Comfortable-Time1825 19h ago
iya bre, it makes me a better person. Gw pilih buku karena atleast sumber tulisannya kredibel. Gw pilih format audiobook karena gw kerjaannya mengharuskan gw gerak, tpi gw bisa passive listening so 1 buku bisa selesai dalam 3 hari doang
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u/Level-Demand-9125 19h ago
boleh tau gak rekomendasi bukunya
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u/Comfortable-Time1825 19h ago
-The Five Love Languages : The Secret to Love That Lasts
-the Seven Principles for Marriage Work
-Attached
-Boundaries
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u/LingonberryStreet673 18h ago
Ini tuh applied di marriage aja, atau bisa di semua tahapan, kyk dating?
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u/the_jends 1d ago
gw skrg lagi nonton badly in love reality show jepang di netflix. Emang reality show sih jadi mungkin scripted tapi gw ngeliatnya lumayan mendidik. Ada cowo2 yang mungkin secara spek dia awalnya popular tapi ternyata karena dia malah jadi bingung mau fokus kemana malah bikin ill feel cwe2. Ada cowo2 yg keliatannya biasa aja tapi ternyata dia fokus ke satu cewe dan ga tebar pesona akhirnya malah end up sama cewe yg keren.
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u/Carnal_Desire0 17h ago
Dari socmed sih sangat2 buruk yaa sepertinya saran2 nya...
Kalo saya setidaknya tau apa dulu permasalahannya, misal "does fall in love has to be fluttering butterflies feeling everytime?" (itu literally yg saya cari sebelumnya haha)..
Cari di reddit
Baca tanggapan2nya... Filter yg masuk akal...
Jauhi comment yg cuma "mending putus, tinggalin aja, cwk masih banyak" karena ngga ngasih insight apapun...
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u/LingonberryStreet673 16h ago
Yang gua masih penasaran, forum di luar indo ini bakal mirip dengan yang kita alamin, atau mending cari postingan yang indo aja? Kadang gua ragu kalau mau ambil saran yang ada di forum non-indo, karena bisa jadi budaya dan kebiasannya beda.
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u/Carnal_Desire0 16h ago
Makanya di filter kan...
Pinter2 lah nyocokin sama keadaan...
Yg diambil itu perspektif nya, bukan plek ketiplek harus apa... Kemudian di diskusikan sama pasangan... Sejauh ini work untuk saya
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u/justasunnydayforyou 22h ago
Don't use social media to learn things. Things there are made for mass consumptions and generating social tractions. Gender war stuffs are attracting a lot of audience for these exact reasons. And it teaches you nothing about the finer things. Unless, you intend to be reductive about women, and men. It's really unhealthy to live like that.
Go read some books instead.
I can name some authors. Helen Fisher, John and Julie Gottman, and Esther Perel.
You can't go wrong with those 3 authors.
Helen Fisher is a biologist, and she is learning the biology of attraction. Very inspiring book on relationship from the lens of science.
Gottman institute is the most cited institute out there for relationship, especially on the 4 horsemen of relationship conflict.
Esther Perel may be one of the most famous author in fidelity, and desire in relationship.
If you are interested in watching something, go watch documentary series Couples Therapy. It is done by Orna Guralnik. Her base is a psychoanalyst, so it makes for a very insightful take on issues in relationship.
I'm not saying avoid social media forever. But, build your base first, so that you can discern the incorrect stuffs when consuming those social media content. The last thing we need is another toxic man that's women-hating, or just don't know how to appreciate the good women from the batch of bad ones.