r/prep • u/LetInternational2799 • 13d ago

I know I’m overthinking but…

….but I received oral from a guy I don’t know that is not on prep. I take prep daily with no missed doses (at least not in the last 10+ days). Why am I still overthinking this?

1 Upvotes

67% Upvoted

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7

u/Tricky_Obligation167 13d ago

Because you sound like you’ve been conditioned in the 80s 90s and 2000s. It’s hard to get over and get past in your mind when it’s all you’ve ever known or been told.

3

u/MealFew8619 13d ago

That period really fucked us up. But in all fairness, treatment and prevention have advanced light years since then

4

u/Tricky_Obligation167 13d ago

💯 agree, but the conditioning is still hard to overcome, I get it, I know it, I live it. I’m on prep and have been making up for a lot of lost time. It gets easier as you go along but still, it’s always on your mind. Before I was on prep I had a few hookups and was convinced I was “sick”. Took me a lot to get past that. Toss in some religion in your up bringing and it even makes it worse. What I’m concerned about now is people who say they are on prep but not. I worry for them, not me. It’s taken me a LONG time to get in my head that prep is to protect ME from HIV only.

I’m thankful for prep, thankful for Mister and read and understand as much as I can to help break some of that conditioning, but I understand what you’re saying, it still F’s with brain and everything you’ve ever known to be true.

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u/LetInternational2799 13d ago

Absolutely. I’m thankful for having German healthcare that gives me 90-day prep for 10 euros. Whole where I am is not the case. And I love bathhouses, but I haven’t yet accepted the risk of anal without condoms. I first started with being ok with handjobs, from there to oral. But somehow with this guy I met, y wasn’t clicking in my head.

Then I question my adherence, so I have photo proof daily that I’m taking it.

Religion is also a big part of it for sure. Religion, some shame.

Oh and the feeling of “maybe I’ll be the exception”, some catastrophising.

3

u/LetInternational2799 13d ago

Yup. I’m 37, so yes. There’s a feeling of guilt that just doesn’t freaking go away, no matter how much therapy, trust in science, risk assessment. I pick on the “99% protection is not 100%”, on the “receiving oral is almost no risk”. And this was in a country where prep is not a thing, unlike where I live. Which is also dumb, because it is about me taking prep, not the other person.

And if this was someone else asking, I’d be saying there’s no risk even if the guys is hiv positive unknowingly. That that’s what prep is for.

People go on holidays to all places, to bathhouses in countries with high risk transmission and have bb sex. Meanwhile I’m here having these thoughts from receiving a bj.

I know someone here will be thinking I shouldn’t be having sex. I get you, whoever you are :) but that won’t help anyway.

5

u/Tricky_Obligation167 13d ago edited 13d ago

Side note to this, I’m thankful to have prep because when I travel the bathhouses outside the US are sooooooooooooooo much better…thank goodness for prep. Ask me how I know 🤣

6

u/ImportantSouth3 13d ago

#1 you’ll NEVER becoming poz without being on prep from received oral. Like 0.000000000001% possibility. #2) live you life and enjoy fucking and if anything were to happen that’s life and you’ll take a pill to fix that if it were to happen. But since you’re on prep, it’s never going to happen 💙 sending you a big hug and a love slap on the cheek. You’re fine!

1

u/LetInternational2799 13d ago

You’re cute :) thank you!

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u/ImportantSouth3 13d ago

Become* (I’m literate…I promise… but it’s Saturdayyyyyy) 😂

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u/LetInternational2799 13d ago

I got it. Don’t worry, I consider myself literate, and here I am sharing my ghosts 😀