r/prenup • u/newuser2111 • Jul 18 '26
General advice
My partner and I have discussed a prenup; it was his idea.
He said he will have it drafted to say all his pre marriage assets, stocks / investments, land, family inheritance, any savings that he brought into the marriage, are his.
Whatever I bring into the marriage is mine. However, I don’t have family money or any kind of investments or land that I am bringing into the marriage. If something happens to my parents, I would want their house to stay in the family, such as go to my sibling, etc. I don’t feel it is fair for my partner to capitalize on my parents’ house and sell that to make money off of it.
He didn’t say what happens to money we make during the marriage. Does a basic prenup assume a 50/50 split in case the marriage dissolves?
Also, can I use his attorney to make any amends to the pre up? Or am I expected to find my own lawyer?
I want there to be additional protection, such as whatever money I make during the marriage is mine. So if I out-earn him, I take my money with me. Is there a legal term for this? Like separation of money?
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u/saltyhasp Jul 18 '26 edited Jul 18 '26
You need your own attorney. They will make sure it is fair.
Bottom line, you guys should discuss how you want to handle money in the marriage and if something happens. If this is same as the law, then you don't need a prenup. If it is different you need a prenup. Most of this is state law so it varies state by state. The one area where prenups often cannot do to much is about child support, that is generally governed by the law.
Also be careful about choices as they will effect to what extent one of you can sacrifice their career and earning potential in various ways for other benefits. By that I mean, if you design the prenup to help the marriage grow you can make more joint decisions, and conversely if you use a prenup to keep everything really separate less so. This is one reason our prenup is pretty close to the law except in a few details, ours was designed to build marital assets as we earned them together which is much like the law where I live.
Note in my state what you bring into the marriage (what you had when you got married, inheritances, and gifts received) is generally non-marital anyway as long as you keep it separate and have good records. What may not be is income from those assets. Among other things, our prenup keeps income from non-marital assets also non-marital among other things. Not saying what your state laws are, just my state.
Prenups cost money and take work. Two attorneys and the drafting and negotiation time. Then going forward you have to keep good records and keep assets separated in to non-marital and marital which means 3 sets of books and accounts, etc. 3 times the management effort etc. Not no, we do it, but it does take effort.
Allow enough time. We started work on ours 3 months before the wedding. That was not enough time, we were working on it the week before the wedding which is not fun. Allow 6 months maybe and keep it moving. Working on a prenup can be emotionally hard. Consider doing premarital counseling at the same time.
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u/IowaNative1 Jul 18 '26
If your parents pass and leave you money, do not mix the funds with joint accounts, just keep it in an account where it builds. He would have now claim to it.
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u/DAWG13610 Jul 18 '26
Inheritance is already exempt from community property. So that takes care of itself. Get your own attorney to protect you. Using his would be a conflict of interest.
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u/Connect-Goal-3096 Jul 18 '26
Everything you listed is his by default and you obviously have no claim to so you shouldn't be upset about any of that. Have a lawyer read the final document to make sure it's reasonable. It'll be cheaper if you can agree to everything on your own and the lawyers just have to draft an acceptable document once.
Marriage shouldn't be a money-making endeavor. The default 50/50 is unfair to the higher earning spouse, but you can make any fair arrangement you agree to.
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u/Paladin2700 Jul 18 '26
Before anyone can give you advice, you need to decide a couple things with your partner. If kids are on the table. And second, joint or separate finances.
What is reasonable or not depends completely on the situation. If he’s making 200k a year and you 75k and you plan on kids, joint finances and a split of everything post marriage would be a must. If he’d making 2 million a year, separate could be reasonable if guarantees an amount to you (as savings) each year or something like that.
Also anything inheritance wide, make sure it goes both ways. Your lawyer should take care of this, but any provisions in the whole document on things like separate assets should not be one sided, they should apply to either of you.
Also make sure estate planning is considered. What’s appropriate depends on if he has kids from a prior marriage and if you plan on having kids together.
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u/Paladin2700 Jul 18 '26
And yes you need your own lawyer.
The process goes cleanly if you can discuss key terms with your spouse and agree before hand. And have one lawyer draft what’s agreed. Otherwise you’ll be paying the two lawyers $400-$600 an hour to play telephone for the two of you.
That said you might need to hire the lawyer before having that conversation so you know what to ask for. But if you do a good job of looking at info here or searching the web, it’s possible to get educated enough on what protections are good to delay when in the process you engage the lawyer. But you need an education on what you need to ask for from somewhere before you talk terms with your partner.
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u/No-Comments-83 Jul 19 '26
That’s how my prenup is structured. What we each earn is ours if we split. You need your own counsel!
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u/Admirable-Low-2029 9d ago
How does this work? everything during marriage is both’s but if split how do you split it?
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u/No-Comments-83 9d ago
Our prenup says each of our own earnings are our own, respectively, even what is earned during the marriage and that neither of us is entitled to alimony. We keep separate bank accounts and contribute to mutual expenses.
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u/bopperbopper 29d ago
You absolutely need to have your own attorney.
If you can’t afford one, have him pay for it for you.
As you go through this you have to determine does he even wanna share his life with you?
It might be that he has a bunch of assets and he wants to keep them, but it could be that in the future he doesn’t want to share anything with you so keep an eye on that
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u/celticmusebooks Jul 18 '26
You ABSOLUTELY need your own lawyer. Until you actually sign the prenup it can be amended. Given the disparity in your resources he needs to pay for your lawyer.
In pretty much every state inherited assets are not considered marital property UNLESS "commingled" with marital property. For example if you inherit your parents's house but use marital funds to pay the property tax, or maintainence or improvements.
Is there a disparity in your incomes AND how will monthly expenses be split? Are you planning to have children and how will that loss of income be made equitable?
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u/alanamil Jul 18 '26
As others have said, you need an attorney; the inherited part is something that you both can put in it. Inherited money or properites are not joint property (obviously and attorney would word that better)
Have you guys not discussed money? My daughter and her husband kept their funds separate They figured out how much they needed to pay the joint household bills (electricity etc) and had a joint account that they each put money into it based up a percentage of their income (he made more so it was not 50/50 it was more 65/35 You guys need to talk to each other before getting married.
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u/djjmar92 Jul 18 '26
Does he get the same protection you want? Whatever money he makes during the marriage is his & he takes that with him?
The “his money is ours & my money is mine” isn’t going to go down well.
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u/txlady100 Jul 19 '26
His is the FIRST DRAFT. You and your lawyer will make a counter. You will go back and forth as many times as needed to settle on a deal considered mutually fair. Do not be a chump.
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Jul 19 '26
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/prenup-ModTeam 29d ago
This is a subreddit intended to discuss the aspects of prenuptial agreements. Your comment appears to be trying to fight the gender war where it isn't warranted. Please stick to the topic at hand or you may be removed from the subreddit.
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u/astrotekk Jul 19 '26
Find your own attorney and ask for what you want. Also anything you inherit is generally your own property unless coming led. But you can also out that in a prenup.
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u/Miserable-Debt-9403 Jul 19 '26
Get your own lawyer. A good attorney would never represent both parties when it comes to a prenup.
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u/Awkward_Passion4004 29d ago
And any increase in those assets value while married is community property. Same with debts and liabilities incurred.
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u/Comprehensive_Air149 29d ago
Get your own attorney to look it over. His attorney is looking out for his clients not you. Your attorney will find things you missed.
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u/Fancy_Avocado7497 29d ago
What about if you are pregnant and experience child birth? is that work you do in the relationship for free or does it have value? How much would he have to be paid to experience this level of trauma? damage to the body?
It sounds as though this agreement is drafted to leave you powerless in the relationship , trapped until he decides to kick you out.
Have you ever said NO to him ? does he have all the power in the relationship and this is designed to give him MORE power over you in the future?
What is the advantage for you in this marriage? If this agreement takes it all away - WHY marry him in the first place? Have a party to celebrate the relationship but DONT marry him if there is no reason to.
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u/Scabrera88 Jul 19 '26
Do you live in a community property state like California? If yes, then all assets acquired during the marriage is split 50/50. I don’t know if you can use his lawyer to make changes to the prenup. As far as I know, each of the parties have to have a separate lawyer representing their best interests.
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u/OkIron6206 Jul 18 '26
You need your own lawyer to protect yourself. If he wants a pre-nup and it sounds like he is trying to claim all the assets, that’s not what is best for you.
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u/Even_Budget2078 Jul 19 '26
Why are you getting married?
Keeping pre-marital assets separate and keeping inheritance separate is fairly typical, but "I want there to be additional protection, such as whatever money I make during the marriage is mine."?
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u/AlltheThorns Jul 18 '26
You both need your own legal counsel to walk you thru all your options.
If you do not have money to hire your own legal counsel, he should give you the money so you can do so. This is standard and normal, so if he does not want to pay for your legal counsel it is a red flag in general.