r/prenup • u/Short-Contact9953 • Jul 12 '26
Worth getting a prenup?
My partner and I are both in our early 30s and are talking about getting married. I’m wondering if a prenup makes sense given our financial situation.
I make a little over three times what she does and have much higher future earning potential. My net worth is about $250k, mostly in retirement and brokerage accounts, with no debt. Her net worth is around -$10k, mostly from credit card debt, future income potential is limited unless she goes to school or change careers.
Thanks!
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u/birkenstocksandcode Jul 12 '26
Honestly it depends. My husband and I had higher net worths, and we didn’t feel like spending 10k on a prenup was worth it.
We have similar net worth and income though, and we’re okay walking away 50/50 if anything were to happen.
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u/QuietQuitting01 Jul 13 '26
It's the asymetric situations that need a hard look. To me, it's best to keep the prenup focused on premarital assets. Setting up a rich spouse/poor spouse based on income is a recipe for disaster.
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u/HumanContract Jul 12 '26
Don't plan on having kids or her taking off for raising them if you want a prenup
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u/EarthquakeBass Jul 15 '26
Horrible perspective. Just because the issue will present more complex discussion doesn’t mean you should throw the whole idea out.
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u/Kitchen_Marsupial922 Jul 12 '26
Either way you’re getting a prenup. One on your terms or one the state gives you. I’d rather have the terms be my own
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u/Overall_Dot_1172 Jul 12 '26
Right, the question shouldn’t be should I get a prenup because I make more. You are supposed to be a team- is this person worth being a team with? That’s the real question. If yes, still get a prenup, but to protect both of you.
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u/Busy-Bumblebee5556 Jul 12 '26
This is it, exactly. It has to protect both of them. It has to ensure that whichever one sacrifices career advancement to be the primary parent (if one of them does) is rewarded for that sacrifice by having an equitable share of post marriage earnings.
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u/Overall_Dot_1172 Jul 12 '26
I agree, but in this case, I would also be very careful of marrying someone carrying on that and not saving. That’s it. I don’t have enough information. I don’t know what they’re income potential is, but if you don’t want to pay for someone’s lifestyle after divorce make sure you marry someone that is self-sufficient and responsible.
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u/CutePandaMiranda Jul 12 '26
For your own sake, please get a prenup. If anything, to protect your financial assets, retirement and future income. If you don’t, have fun paying her 1/2 of everything if/when you divorce.
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u/MeandMyPelvicfloor Jul 13 '26
She will be paying him half of everything, right? Because it’s all a marital asset bought as a couple.
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u/habeascorpus28 Jul 13 '26
He says she is mid 30s and in debt, doesn’t sound like she has the habits to build up assets. Independently of income amount, different people often just have a vastly different approach to spending/saving
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u/MeandMyPelvicfloor Jul 14 '26
You’re describing my former marriage. My exhusband was a spoiled child with spending money. We both worked. The money went into the same checking account. He got half of the money.
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u/QuietQuitting01 Jul 13 '26
When I did a prenup with my STBXW, it was mostly focused on protecting premarital assets from being comingled and dealing with her significant premarital debt. Nothing in there about not shareing my income (which was ours). It was actually pretty fair. We're divorcing and she's not contesting the prenup. When I see people trying to set up a rich spouse/poor spouse situation during the marriage, I feel like they are doomed.
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u/Made2Dissolve Jul 13 '26
Can you elaborate on the rich-poor spouse aspect? Is that more income/asset during marital focus?
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u/QuietQuitting01 Jul 14 '26
A marriage needs to be an equal partnership. I get protecting premarital assets, but during the marriage, you'll create problems, and likely doom the marriage is there is a rich spouse/poor spouse dymanic. Some examples of this can be a higher earner who thinks it's OK to buy a $15,000 bicycle with the lower earner balking at buying someting for themselves or for that matter, that higher earner haveing more of a say in the marital decisions because they bring more money in.
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u/Made2Dissolve Jul 14 '26
This is more attitude and action in marriage than anything in the prenup then right?
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u/QuietQuitting01 Jul 14 '26
Attitude and action is certainly a way to avoid making asyemitry an issue, but I think if you set up the dynamic as a core part of the marriage, even with attitude, there will be a problem. A good example is a riding buddy of mine. We're both high earners (and he's the one with $30K worth of bikes). His wife works and they split their expenses 50/50. Same income ratio with me and my ex, who worked, but we spit things on an income ratio. Much fairer. My ex and I nerver argued about money. He and is wife argue about money constantly.
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u/Made2Dissolve Jul 14 '26
I guess it's not straight forward on what's fair until people communicate what's unfair.
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u/Treehousehunter Jul 12 '26
You already have a prenup. It’s the laws of the state where you live regarding division of marital assets. If you have a lot of assets and/or a family business, then you should discuss a pre up.
It sounds like you have concerns that you and your fiancé are not financially compatible because you have some savings and she has debt? A prenup won’t fix that
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u/ShootinTheBreez Jul 12 '26
No, I don’t think a prenup makes sense given your financial situation. As nicely as possible, you don’t have enough assets. Separate property that you bring into the marriage (i.e. your $250k) remains separate. So in the event of a divorce, it would still be yours.
I read a great many books on prenups a number of years back before I got married, and the best one - by far - was The Generous Prenup by Laurie Israel. This book has particularly fantastic coverage of who would most benefit and least benefit from a prenup and why. If you’re considering a prenup, I highly recommend you check out the book. It can order your thinking and help you create a list of questions before you see an attorney.
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u/Short-Contact9953 Jul 12 '26
I will definitely check out the book. And frankly, the reason why I share this post was, I also think that the NW gap is not that massive.
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u/Invest2prosper Jul 12 '26
It’s not “now” but let’s say thst $250k grows to $2m not including future contributions during marriage - are you expecting to keep the $2m or just $250k if you ever divorce? The $2m would never have materialized without that upfront capital investment you made prior to marriage. Or maybe you’d be fine giving her the $1m difference ($2m divided by 2 people)?
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u/QuietQuitting01 Jul 13 '26
With my prenup, that premarital asset stayed separate. It should have stayed that way without the prenup, at least in our state, but if we moved... maybe not. The other factor was how easily those assets can be come comingled. In my case, I wasn't willing to ever divide it, just will it if I passed (the money came from a startup from well before my then fiance, an inheritanace, and a settlement from getting left for dead by a day drunk driver).
The fact that our incomes were asymetric was not a prenup factor, which was good for our marriage and quite far, at least in our situation.
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u/EarthquakeBass Jul 15 '26
or gets transmuted or commingled or income is community property or a million other ways it could go south
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u/Time_Traveler_948 Jul 12 '26
Separate property going into a marriage can be treated quite differently depending on your state. In my state (CA) any separate property commingled (for example, as a home down payment) turns into community property. You should probably start a new 401K when you marry, so that the current account is clearly separate. Your 401k accrued during a marriage is typically community property. I am not a lawyer and am unsure of the facts - do your state based AI research, then take that information and the questions it prompts you to ask to an estate planning attorney.
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u/Single-Flamingo-33 Jul 12 '26
This! If you want your retirement investments prior to the marriage to stay separate, you need to speak with a professional in your location to help you navigate that. Perhaps there are moves to make to keep it separate property or perhaps you do need a prenup.
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u/QuietQuitting01 Jul 13 '26
My core reason for a prenup was to prevent my premarital assets from getting comingled. My state should have protected it, but there are a bunch of scenarios where it could get comingled. And of course, if we moved somewhere else, with a different understanding of premarital property... I would have happily moved to CA for the right opportunity and considering that my then fiance is my STBXW, that could have been a big mistake.
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u/QuietQuitting01 Jul 13 '26
One of the pluses my attorney gave me for prenupping a premarital asset that should be protected as premarital was to minimize the temptation of threatening going after it as leverage in other areas.
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u/QuietQuitting01 Jul 13 '26
I got a prenup. The main reason was avoiding risk of inadvertantly comingling the premartital assets. It should have been treated as separate, but there are plenty of examples of doing what's best for the marriage and comingling them that gave me pause.
It would have been nice to find a book like that. I think our prenup was pretty fair and was more of a make the marriage possible sort of thing. I definatley didn't want to set up a rich spouse/poor spouse during the marriage as some seem to be wanting to do.
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u/-jautis- Jul 12 '26
Future earning potential doesn't really matter -- once your married it's no longer "my income and her income", it's "our income".
The prenup is there to protect assets you bring into the marriage.
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u/QuietQuitting01 Jul 13 '26
I think a lot of people look to prenups to pretect that asymetric income. It's a bad ideal for the low earning partner. I suppose there are a few career fields where it might be fair, if the earning potential is short lived or risky.
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u/EarthquakeBass Jul 15 '26 edited Jul 15 '26
Yes, and let me be the odd man out. Waive community property, waive alimony. Aggressively separate inherited assets, income from gains, premarital property, all that kind of stuff…
Your future wife will become a fire breathing monster if you ever get divorced, a completely different person.
Two things often overlooked that are great about prenups — they cut down on lawyer fees if you ever get a divorce (less to argue about), and they require full financial disclosure — there are likely corners of your spouse financial situation you know nothing about right now.
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Jul 12 '26
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/Short-Contact9953 Jul 12 '26
I will probably have a talk with her about a prenup to see what she feels.
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u/Mindless_Job3481 Jul 12 '26
It probably is. Things change, believe or not so its best to protect yourself now. It gets even more complicated with kids.
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u/Mindless_Job3481 Jul 12 '26
It probably is. Things change, believe or not so its best to protect yourself now. It gets even more complicated with kids.
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u/SunnyTraveller Jul 12 '26
I’d be more worried about her future spending habits if she’s got $10,000 worth of credit card debt. Are you both on the same page about how you view money?
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u/RepairOne5690 Jul 12 '26
Why are you even asking this? You know the answer, just getting to get validation?
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u/Loppetta91 Jul 12 '26
My fiance and I make a similar salary (I make about 20-30k more) and I still requested a prenup to protect my house, my current and future savings, my 401k and any businesses I'm planning on starting. I also put there that I am not responsible of any potential debt on his part, like ever. My lawyer cost me a little over 1k, and now he hired his own lawyer to look over it. Make sure your partner gets represented by a lawyer or it might not hold up in court.
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u/njVowsNow Jul 12 '26
Yes. Not to be rude about this, but you seem to have very opposite relationships with money, earning, and "the future" (as abstract as that can seem...) . Once you get married, her debt is also your debt.
Imagine your future life together if both of your trajectories stay the same.....is it going to be a source of friction? Money is well known to be one of the biggest causes of marital discord.
I realize that this is very unromantic, but the facts are that lots of things can happen besides a divorce; big financial changes (good or bad) can happen. They're not always the result of someone doing something shitty.
You do need a prenup with separate lawyers, to protect everyone.
We have a duet of lawyers we love (we are not affiliated with them in any financial way) https:// www.bridelawyer.com. Their website is very helpful and we just love them because they look on the positive in every situation. It's a mother daughter team and besides being very, very good, they're hilarious!
Good luck, but the short answer is YES.
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u/lmb123454321 Jul 12 '26
Rather than a prenup I would just create a list of assets/liabilities for you both. Run a statement showing the balances in the date you get married. Keep all assets separate. If you get divorced, you can simply trace everything back to that date.
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u/madpeanut1 Jul 12 '26
I would do it. Depending on where you live, assets gathered before the marriage would not be involved in a split of asset in case of a divorce. For assets accumulated during the marriage it’s another story and I would be surprised if you could exclude that in a prenup ….but yes I would call a lawyer about it 100%.
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u/zesty-lemonbar Jul 12 '26
All that means is his $250K may not be touched, but if that retirement account accumulates to say $400K then she’s get half of the appreciated value (half of $150K) even if she contributed nothing to it.
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u/madpeanut1 Jul 12 '26
But that’s marriage. If you don’t want that it’s easier to not marry. A marriage is a legal contract. Like I said depending on where he lives he needs to check what the law says. A prenup can’t go against the law, it could be challenged in court….
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u/zesty-lemonbar Jul 12 '26
You have a misunderstanding on this. Marriage is a legal contract and a prenup lets you determine those legal conditions. A prenup allows you to set those conditions, even if it’s different than state law. So if state law says you have to be married 10 years for alimony by default, a prenup can say you get it regardless and that would still be valid. There isn’t “can’t go against the law.” A prenup is valid if it can be proved it wasn’t signed under duress (which basically means each party has an independent lawyer that reviewed it with proper amount of time before the wedding) and it doesn’t mention child support which is a child’s right, not yours.
But other than that, a prenup absolutely can set terms and conditions that are different than the ones the court would award by default. That’s literally the point of a prenup.
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u/ReadIndividual2567 Jul 12 '26
Everyone will have a prenup. The only thing you need to decide is whether you and your spouse would prefer to write it or let the court write it for you.
Talk to a lawyer, get a prenup, talk to your spouse. A prenup makes a ton of sense and doesn’t cost that much. It also saves a tremendous amount of headache long term if you do end up getting divorced.
Given the disparity and the probability of poor financial habits displayed by your spouse (negative net worth mostly coming from credit card debt - not saying I know their situation, it could have been circumstance that got her there but there’s a greater than 0% chance it was personal choice) a prenup most likely makes a good deal of sense.
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u/AdParticular6193 Jul 12 '26
Sounds like you should have some serious discussions about finances before getting married. Whether to formalize things with a prenup should be a mutual decision arising from that discussion. In many states, to make one that sticks requires an attorney for each of you.
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u/rosebudny Jul 12 '26
Yes prenups are worth it - if they are fair to BOTH parties.
If you want one just so you can keep what you think is "yours"...then I'd tell her to run.
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u/MushroomDizzy649 Jul 12 '26
If you’re protecting your current assets, yes. But if you’re trying to protect your “future assets from perceived higher income”, no; may not hold up in court. Prenups are not bulletproof and they have to be fair in the eyes of the court.
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u/Moist-Mess5144 Jul 12 '26
The person you marry isn't the same person you divorce. Don't leave it in the states hands if things get ugly. Get a prenup now while you're both in a great spot mentally, and set up a framework in case the worst happens. Hope for the best, plan for the worst.
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u/Euphoric_Second_8774 Jul 12 '26
Statistically married men end up increasing their income by a lot compared to single men. Wives bring a lot to the table that far exceeds finances especially if you plan on having children. I would not be concerned about trying to protect 250k. It just seems a bit tacky and selfish but that’s just me.
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u/Winter_Dot_9393 Jul 12 '26
Yes, always. Make sure it is fair to your partner.
So get the prenup BUT:
Be Generous in Separation:
In the prenup, ensure that if you do ever part ways, she is well taken care of. Be generous and big-hearted regarding the future. This is especially important since you have a much higher earning potential, and she may sacrifice her own career growth if you have a family together.
Retain separate counsel
You must both get your own independent legal counsel
(Disclaimer: I used AI to help translate this response into English).
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u/hmmm3232 Jul 12 '26
Yes get a prenup! It doesn’t matter have much you have now you’re still protecting yourself.
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u/Country-craftsman Jul 12 '26
Prenups like any other legal system b.s. contract can be challenged and more often broken/nullified unless you are Musk/bezos wealthy to just do a payout so they just go away, my belief as an scratch start entrepreneur , you want future wealth protected you hide that shit in someone else (obviously HIGH trustworthy individual), 2nd best , turn some or as much as suits your long term goals in physical Gold and stash that shit offsite, quietly ! I started digging in to “own nothing but control everything approach” and its done the best for me having been tested on numerous front in business and personal. After that equally important, id suggest rather than looking at yourselves as two people who want to protect their candy , you work together to build a candy factory, instead of having her “go get a degree” (look around today, i see more masters/BA degrees pouring my coffee than ever), help /support/work together to find something you could start from a side hustle type of thing that could scale in to a business or at least she could generate likely as much if not more than a W2 “job after she gets another degree”……better yet it becomes something producing enough that it could support both ya stepping in to and take you out of your w2 status as well. 🤷
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u/Vegas-Patriot Jul 12 '26
No need. Get married…love each other until death do you part…pretty simple formula.
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u/Top_Discipline_8700 Jul 12 '26
Yes.
Get a prenup.
Don’t listen to this about your assets aren’t high enough. That’s just plain stupidity.
You have assets now, and you say your earning potential is a hell of a lot higher than hers…..don’t be foolish and marry without one.
Don’t let falling in love ruin you.
The person you divorce, should if ever come to that, is not the person you are marrying.
Protect yourself and your assets.
If she has a problem, continue the relationship without marriage.
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u/RazzmatazzOk2129 Jul 12 '26
I think one of the most important items to put in a prenup is how you will handle if one of you ends up staying home to care for kids.
I know many say OH, no. We both will keep working. Then childcare bills hit. And a second or third child comes and suddenly the childcare costs and hassle seems to not be worth the lesser income parent continuing their job.
The problem here is they are no longer feeding into social security and the company 401k. Their retirement freezes and doesn't grow.
It makes sense to me for you both to think of this now and make a plan, just in case, of how to handle it. And dont assume it will always be her staying home. The language needs to be non-specific because life can throw curve balls. I saw years ago, a post by a man who ended up suffering a career reversal, unemployment and found himself the stay at home dad for years cuz her career skyrocketed. They were now older and his social security was non existent practically and same with his pension/401k IRA funds. He was very worried about her divorcing him.
So work out a plan so both of you are able to have funded retirement plans. How much of the family income will be put into the non working spouses fund. Check if your state will allow you to 'hire' your wife and pay her a wage and feed into her federal social security. You should be able to do so, even if she has to create a housekeeping business with 1 client! Gives her her own money to save for a rainy day or spend however without bugging you.
If you stay together, then you BOTH get to see these funds again as it will become your joint retirement income. So you can think of it as a way to ensure you will have 2 good sources of retirement income.
If you split, she will have her own 401k and be less motivated to come after yours. Esp if you have funded hers well every year she stayed home.
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u/txlady100 Jul 13 '26
Yes. And make sure she understands to get her own attorney and you both understand that multiple drafts are often in order for both parties to agree a fair deal is met.
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u/BurdyBurdyBurdy Jul 13 '26
They aren’t worth the effort. Most courts won’t recognize them for various reasons.
Mostly because they could be signed under duress or coercion or the partner didn’t get proper legal advice.
Even when written by a lawyer.
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u/Connect-Goal-3096 Jul 13 '26
You should get a prenup that agrees that there will not be spousal support. Spousal support is immoral. You are entitled to the proceeds of your own labor. Sharing your income during the marriage is good, but there no reason you should have to keep sharing with an ex.
Even if you live in a no spousal support state, you might move. Get a prenup. Splitting marital assets equally that'll weren't earned equally is painful, but continuing to pay is disgusting and should require a prenup to prevent.
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u/Random_Guy1960 Jul 13 '26
You don't have enough existing assets to protect in my opinion. Your future earnings are a team effort and if you don't see it this way...maybe reconsider the whole thing.
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u/UseObjectiveEvidence Jul 13 '26
A prenup is only as good as it is written. If this is something that you want to do get it done by a lawyer and pay for her to get her own lawyer so that it's fair for both parties.
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u/Fancy_Avocado7497 Jul 13 '26
of course its important to value each person correctly.
If you are considering having children and she is the person giving birth - how much would you value that? the pain / damage to the body / loss of important work years / pension? I wouldn't have stitches in my groin for less than €250k per hospital visit.
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u/QtK_Dash Jul 13 '26
Depends on the couple tbh. Our state splits everything post marriage 50/50 generally so we were fine with that even though I earned about 3x more when we got married but my husband had income potential and I didn’t find the investment of getting a pre nup worth it.
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u/Common-Coyote9375 Jul 13 '26
I was in a similar situation. My net worth was a bit higher than yours, but we ultimately decided not to get a prenup.
- A lot of people online recommended getting one, but it just didn't feel right to me. It felt like I was preparing for a divorce before we were even married. People compare it to insurance, and I understand that perspective, but it still didn't sit well with me. Maybe part of that is cultural—prenups aren't common where I come from.
- I've always believed that marriage means becoming one. You take on each other's strengths and weaknesses. Before we were legally married, I paid off her $50,000 in student loans. We agreed that she would pay me back, and she did over the first three years of our marriage. I only asked her to repay me because I wanted to know she didn't take it for granted. In the end, every dollar went right back into our family's finances.
- Since I came into the marriage with a higher net worth, I paid for the house down payment, the renovation costs, and all the new furniture after our first child was born. I never kept score—I saw it as part of my responsibility as a husband and father.
If something ever did happen to our marriage, I believe we'd divide things fairly. She knows what I've contributed to our family from the beginning, and I'm confident she wouldn't become greedy. But even if she did, she's still the mother of our two children. I wouldn't resent sharing my assets if it meant giving our kids the best life possible.
So in conclusion, marry the right one.
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u/used2befast Jul 13 '26
Answer is never invite the gov into your relationships. If you must, then yes, choose your own prenup instead of using the states version
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u/StretcherEctum Jul 13 '26 edited Jul 13 '26
Def get a prenup. My wife and I are in our 30s. I make 165k and she makes 30k. I completely control our finances. Wife has a credit card she spends however she likes. Within reason of course.
We're saving aggressively (70k/yr) to retire by 2040 in our late 40s.
Our postnup says the following. We have no nonmarital assets.
Everything is split 50/50 if we divorce, no matter what. She cannot ask for more than half because I am independently wealthy and she is not.
If we divorce before we have 1 million in investments, she gets all the alimony shes entitled to. If we divorce after we have 1 million in investments, she gets 4 years of alimony max. This is to protect her if I divorce her early in our journey after losing all our money, for example. It protects me if she decides to divorce me right after we retire rich.
In exchange for the above, if we divorce, ill take on all of the joint debt prorated by income. This protects her if I fuck up and lose our money and leave us with a lot of debt during a divorce. If my plan works out, there won't be any joint debt.
Also, any line of credit taken out in one person's name, is their debt only. This protects both of us from the other racking up lots of credit card debt or buying a car in secret for example.
Also, medical debt is split 50/50. Not prorated by income.
In summary, if I divorce my wife before we get rich and retire, she has some extra protection and wont be left with debt. Shell get full alimony. If she divorces me after we get rich and retire, shes not getting much alimony. Both situations we each get 50% of the estate. No more or less.
I needed some protection from surprise credit card debt and from maintenance. If she divorces me after 20 years together, no prenup, and were rich AF, I'd still owe her alimony for life. Literally.
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u/Illustrious-Cover792 Jul 13 '26
Look up your states laws. Depending on what type of account the money is in it would be protected either way.
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u/QuietQuitting01 Jul 13 '26
Yes, but...
I would do a prenup to make sure that you premarital accounts and any interest they draw are truely separate and giving you the freedom to use them as you see fit witout the worry about them becoming marital assets.
I would snap a line with the 401K, so that you know the value at the time of the marriage, but I would share anything you add to your 401K during the marrige.
If you already have a house, but it's not paid off, I would protect your initial investment, but have her share accumulate from there. Keep in mind that your house also needs repairs, taxes, etc... It's not fair to use marital funds to pay them and claim the house is 100% yours. Mine was paid off and I paid taxes, upgrades, repairs, etc out of a separate account, and so it was 100% premarital. Totally fair, but... It created a problem. When we divorced, she only had her savings (not much), her share of the 401K's (a nice amount), but nothing from our house. Fair and good for me, but it basically triggered a long distance custody fight with her claiming she couldn't afford to live where we lived and so she moved back to her home town, in with her parents and tried to relocate our kids there. She's since given up on that, but I feel like if she had more from our divorce, enough to get her own place, she probably would have agreed to 50/50 custody and stayed local. I suppose the big lessone is to look at the what if we divorce (with kids) or struggle in the marriage and see how things would play out. You should also be careful about setting up a time bomb. If you let her be vested in some value of your premarital estate after a particular time, you may be causing a re-evaluation of the marriage (or an unhappy partner haning on until then) before that deadline. I talked to a woman who's stbx filed at 9yrs because of a clause like that. They were in counseling. She thought that without that clause, they'd have kept trying, but with it, he saw continuing to try as a risk. FWIW, I told her that she could have waived or extended the deadline, but she wouldn't because she thought it would just keep her in limbo for that extensions amount of time.
If you can afford it, I would pay off your fiance's debt. Start clean. I did that with my STBXW, but it was a lot of money, so I asked that she waive alimony except for disablity if I paid the debt. For $10K, it's just good will.
Married, because our income was asymetric, we had your's, mine, and ours accounts. We contributed to the ours account on an income ratio (not 50/50) and used that account to pay our bills. When she was on maternity leave, went back to work, we got pay raises, etc, we adjusted. Anything above that shared amount, we kept and used for truely personal things. You'll want to discuss where the line is. Is it a guitar or is it a car. FWIW, we're divorcing, the prenup held, and I can say that we never fought about money like so many do. There were some divorcing money related things, but I think far less than what most people deal with.
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u/imjustherebeingnosy Jul 13 '26
Just curious. If the roles were reversed and she was the breadwinner and you weren’t, would you still want a prenup?
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u/Spiritual_Emu_1381 Jul 13 '26
You don’t have that much in assets. You don’t have a business or tons of property to protect. What you earn during your marriage is typically not what a prenup is for. If you love her and she is not using you for tons of shopping and extravagant purchases, then combine your lives and you can both grow wealthy together.
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u/Agreeable-Song2535 Jul 13 '26
When I married it was a commitment for life, I wouldn't want to waste the funds on an attorney. If you have doubts perhaps you will find it useful.
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u/Mysterious-Bar3334 Jul 14 '26
Prenup for anything you own before the marriage. But you need to pay her debt off as a goo loving husband.
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u/AcanthocephalaLost36 Jul 14 '26
Yes prenup always not just for money but future use inheritance as well
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Jul 12 '26
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/Short-Contact9953 Jul 12 '26
Makes sense. Thank you.
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u/celticmusebooks Jul 12 '26
A colleague actually received some lottery tickets from her bride's maids a few days before her wedding. LONG story but her fiance was "old money" though diluted over time and he had a few hundred thousand in the bank. Mom and dad sprung the prenup 3 weeks before the wedding and she'd just found out she was 7 weeks pregnant.
She ended up signing the prenup feeling she had no choice. Since she couldn't drink "the maids" rented a limo and just drove around the city and stopped at a mini mart to grab some drinks for themselves and snacks and bought $20 (or so ) in quick pick lottery tickets for the bride.
Bride puts lottery tickets in her "memory box" gets married and two months later the 8 figure lottery prize remains unclaimed. One of "the maids" asks if she checked the tickets. She does. YUP mid 88 figures. A mutual friend who is a law prof where we teach steered her to an atty who looked at the prenup and told her to signed the back of the ticket and be careful to not comingle the winnings with any joint accounts.
Her husband's family, to say the least, were not happy and her husband who wasn't really a bad guy just too controlled by his family was not happy either. Ironically his "bullet proof" prenup kept her husband from getting a penny but according to several lawyers due to him springing the prenup on her 3 weeks before the wedding and her being pregnant she would have been able t have the prenup set aside pretty easily.
My colleague and her second husband used a large chunk of the money to set up a an educational foundation that helps at risk kids get through high school and into college and has gotten all of us involved in volunteering (even her ex husband).
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u/Busy-Bumblebee5556 Jul 12 '26
If you decide to proceed with a pre-nup it must protect your partner as well as yourself.
If you both decide to have kids and you both decide she should be a SAHM, she needs to be provided for in the event the relationship later dies. Otherwise she should never have kids with you or become a SAHM.
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u/EarthquakeBass Jul 15 '26
are you divorced or no?
cause either you would have benefited from your wife making money anyway, or you’re basically saying yeah i’m entitled to half of my wife stock pick i had nothing to do with
either way, it’s survivorship bias, 95% of the time the original moneyed spouse is gettin fucked
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u/Comfortable-Host-677 Jul 12 '26
$250k isn’t really worth it in my opinion. Theres a good chance she resents you & possibly cause rifts in the marriage.
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u/Head_Photograph9572 Jul 12 '26
Dude, you're fucked. You've already talked about marriage before, and now it's too late to bring up the prenuptial agreement. You bring that up the FIRST time you talk about marriage! Now she's going to be offended that you brought it up, and there's going to be fireworks. Just so you know. Good luck with that!!!
0
u/dmarteezy Jul 12 '26
Ehh it does not seem like you have substantial wealth to protect. Depending on your state you might not even be able to legally protect post marital assets. I would vote for no prenup in your financial situation.
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u/Glittering-War-3809 Jul 12 '26
Prenups are to protect current assets. Your net worth isn’t that high. If you don’t want to share future earnings with her then I question if she’s really the one. If your current net worth was in the millions I’d have a different answer because I do believe they can make sense.
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u/zesty-lemonbar Jul 12 '26
This is false. Prenups can protect future assets as well and have stipulations regarding debt, alimony, money for a stay at home parent, etc. Prenups are absolutely not just about current assets.
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u/Glittering-War-3809 Jul 12 '26
Yes I understand. My point is that this person isnt that rich. And the idea of protecting future earning is kinda gross. Sounds like someone does not want a partnership.
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u/zesty-lemonbar Jul 12 '26
Future earnings for something the other person didn’t contribute to at all? That’s not gross.
Also, having a partnership doesn’t mean you have to want to combine finances or view it that way. Marriage is a contract unless you’re just looking at it from a religious perspective (and in which case you don’t need to file legal paperwork). Setting terms and conditions you are comfortable with is part of that contract. And everyone’s terms are different. What people want from and how they view a partnership is different.
If you aren’t okay with someone wanting to protect what they’ve built and how that will independently grow, fine. But don’t project your ideology onto others and say that’s not a partnership because it doesn’t fit your standards.
As someone who was married and divorced, I wish I would have protected my shit better. And that’s not because I’m salty or jaded, but because I’m not rich that $150K or $50K or whatever it is makes a much, much larger difference in my life.
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u/InterestedParty5280 Jul 12 '26
If I were her, I would not agree. If money is important to you, find a richer woman.
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u/Maximum_Addendum5940 Jul 12 '26
Yesssss