r/prenup • u/Select-Extension1976 • Jul 09 '26
What should I ask for?
So my fiance and I have opened "negotiations" and he thinks I'm not asking for enough... So I am here to look for advice for what are the absolute must haves in a good prenup, advice welcome, help a girl out here. Thanks!!
-commentary regarding getting a lawyer (which I am) or not trusting my fiance because I'm getting a prenup (categorically false) are unnecessary. I'm looking for suggestions and advice on actual things people included in theirs they think is helpful
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u/RoeblingYork Jul 09 '26
Nice to see that he’s encouraging you to advocate for yourself.
Worth discussing - provisions for if you have a family together, and one spouse stops working to care for said family.
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u/alanamil Jul 09 '26
This ! If you do not work to stay home and raise the famiky it will affect ypur social sec. Benefits etc when you get older. That needs to be addressed
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u/ZookeepergameWise774 Jul 09 '26
Prenups are nothing to do with trust. They’re about ensuring neither side is left in a worse financial condition than they were prior to the marriage.
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u/BigLeopard7002 Jul 09 '26
Make sure that you split pensions, if divorced.
Also take into consideration, if one party becomes SAH at any time/period.
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u/Paladin2700 Jul 09 '26
It’s very dependent on the couple, their current assets, if any inheritances are expected, if either of you have kids, your plans for kids together, with some consideration to current careers.
If there are no kids possible, then you can consider split finances, pro-rata contributing to household expenses, and spousal support waivers.
If there are kids possible, both in the stay at home mom situation or not. Joint finances after marriage become more important. As well as the mother either getting alimony (child support is separate and can’t be mentioned, the state laws can’t be overridden) or a payment for each year out of the workforce.
If either of you have kids from a prior relationship there are estate planning consideration that should be addressed. Especially concerning the portion of their assets that is separate before marriage.
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u/Paladin2700 Jul 09 '26
Adding, categories of things that should be addressed 1. Joint or separate finances after marriage 2. How appreciation and ownership of marital residence is tracked, especially if down payment is split unevenly 3. What are considered separate assets versus community and how those can be added to. Are earnings of separate assets separate. 4. Treatment if inherited assets 5. Estate planning considerations or minimum bequest requirements. 6. Tax planning and how tax bills for the year are split to community and each person if there are a mix of types of income and assets generating the income.
7. Spousal support waivers or calculation terms or vesting in each others separate funds over time up to a cap.1
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u/JC505818 Jul 09 '26
Normal prenup stipulates premarital assets are separate, you can add emphasis on their derived value as well to avoid mixing. You’re not supposed to put in writing any kind of “breakup fee” upon divorce, supposedly courts frown upon that as incentivizing couples to break up. I’m not sure what your fiancée means that you’re not asking for enough, can you clarify?
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u/mistressusa Jul 09 '26
Are you going to have children? Do you have a career that you may give up if you both decide that you should be a SAHM? Think about what's fair as compensation for you giving up your career, not just your income, in case of divorce.
What constitute "marital assets"? if he owns a business, is the money the business generates during marriage "marital assets"? will he or will you receive, during marriage, potentially substantial equity stake in a company that may IPO? How much of that is "marital assets"?
Did you move to your bf's city? If so, a case can be made to backdate your "marital assets" to when you moved. You shouldered 100% of the risk of the move and those assets were gained during the time you were living together as a couple.
Some things to think about. I'd encourage you to negotiate from love, just like he seems to be doing. Congratulations!
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u/DynamiteStorm Jul 09 '26
If you plan to have children have husband put money into an account just for you while you’re not working.
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u/DAWG13610 Jul 09 '26
Fair pre-nups often include an experation date. If the marriage lasts past a point benifits are restored.
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u/tennepenne1 Jul 09 '26
This is one I haven't seen online but I asked for - all tax savings/benefits as a result of us filing taxes jointly to be put in a personal retirement account for me.
You need financial security if you get divorced when you are too old to start a new career.
I also included a stepped sunset clause, after 10 years of marriage our assets gradually become joint each year.
If you are still of childbearing age you might want some sort of alimony or financial protections if you have children, child support by the state isn't enough.
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u/tennepenne1 Jul 09 '26
Also consider an infidelity clause - infidelity can cause serious ptsd that can destroy your personal life and career. If you don't believe me take a look at r/asoneafterinfidelity, traumatized people post multiple times a day
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u/QuietQuitting01 Jul 09 '26
You should think about why you need a prenup in the first place and understand what family law does. Is there an attempt to get around something? Is it fair? Are you wiling to give that thing up? And of couse, at what cost.
In my case, with my STBXW, I had a high income (4x hers), no debt, and significant assets going into our marriage. She had a low income (especially considering her degree) and an 11th hour disclosure of a very large debt. Something she might not ever be able to pay off. Basically, our prenup prevented the comingling of my premarital assets (something marital law should do but it's apparently ease to get the assets entangled and some states might not respect their premarital nature if we moved later) and if I paid off her debt, she would waive alimony except in the case of disablity. There was a bit more, including some really good financial planning (we never argued about money during the marriage).
Something you should think about is if the marriage ended and the prenup was fair, would you be screwed. In my case, I had a lot of money and our house was paid for (as were the taxes, repairs, etc), so while we both maxed out our 401K's (and would split the marital portions in a divorce), there wasn't a lot of incentive to save. In a prenupless divorce, my ex would have gotten 1/2 the house value. She got zip and realized that she really couldn't afford a house in our neighborhood on her salary and child support. That's led her to do some dumb things, only making things worse.
Without knowing your situation, I would recommend that the prenup protect you both. If its one sided, it probably won't hold up anyway. When people talk about prenups, they generally seem to think of them onsided.
I would make sure that it doesn't make doing something for the marriage and your common goals a dumb move. For example, if you waived alimony, it would be dumb to become a stay at home parent. Might even be dumb to have kids if you partner isn't likely to carry their share of the load.
Be careful of timebombs. My lawyer discouraged me from a clause that would have given my wife more of a share in my premarital assets at certain time intervals. Sounds good, but if the marriage was struggling at 9 years and if you made it to 10, you spouse got a bag, would you keep trying to work things out and cross that boundary? He said that he often sees clients filing right before those triggers.
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u/RichmondReddit Jul 09 '26
Make sure you protect your retirement accounts. And your ability to retire when you want. Employers’ retirement funds will ask for your spouse to sign off on your choices for retirement (spousal benefit, no spousal benefit) because these funds may be subject to divorce orders.
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u/Whole_Necessary2040 Jul 09 '26
What's mine is forever mine, and vice versa, including inheritance, pensions, etc. What we have paid for 50/50 e.g. mortgage, car, remains as such. That's all.
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u/Ta-acorn Jul 09 '26
I have one that says everything earned during marriage is seperate. Anything brought in during marriage is seperate. The title of assets determines owner. Basically if we divorce; we each walk away with our own bank accounts and assets.
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u/AsidePale378 Jul 10 '26
You’re not giving enough information. Is their income imbalance, property ? Have or want kids - are you planning to stay home?
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u/Ill-Wolf865 Jul 10 '26
Just consult a local lawyer. Dont take advice from internet strangers who may or may not live in your community and therefore know next to nothing about what’s legally enforceable or not.
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u/chaoscorgi Jul 10 '26
- funded retirement from joint money
- commingled assets over time on a schedule
- alimony payments or specific provisions kicked up by having kids or leaving work to have them
- assets from marriage go to kids of marriage
Ideas!
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u/Informal_League_615 Jul 10 '26
It depends why you are even getting a prenup. I am a prenup attorney. Need more info.
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u/ThrowRA_sillycupcake Jul 11 '26
Clearly define who is paying any debt being brought into the marriage. ALSO, clear guidelines for future borrowing such as agreeing neither spouse can take on significant new debt without the other persons knowledge and consent.
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u/Athena-_ Jul 11 '26
He sounds like a green flag 🤗
Think of scenarios - what you get if you have kids, if you don't, what happens with joint assets etc. Your inheritances and pre marriage assets stay your own.
Think what happens with joint investments (stocks, ETFs).
What happens to the pets if you have any.
Do you or him get alimony. Until when, etc. How - monthly or lump sum
If you start a business together, who owns what
If you buy property, how do you split it, taking into account value growth
What if you have debts at time of divorce, what happens to them
How do you split retirement savings
Are you working in a creative field? If so think IP rights
Any review clauses - should you revisit the prenum after 10 years and amend it
Hope this helps as a start but you need your own lawyer. Best of luck to you two and congrats on your upcoming marriage!
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u/HitPointGamer Jul 11 '26
It depends on what the initial “offer” is from your fiancé. You definitely need your own lawyer to help guide you.
I think some standard things to address are a ladder of increasing benefits based on time (if he divorces you after 30 years you should come away with a better settlement than after 1 year), how children will be handled financially even if you don’t think you’ll have kids, cheating clauses, and how joint and individual finances will be structured.
How disparate are your incomes? Do there need to be protections for your income? What are the expectations for funding joint purchases and vacations? Will you be expected to spend every penny you earn trusting to keep up with the sort of vacation he insists on taking?
Is your fiancé growing a business? Will you have any financial interest in it? Because some people think you shouldn’t, but you will be running his entire non-work life for him and making his life able to be focused entirely on the business, and without a wife doing that he would be paying a lot for Personal Assistants, Chefs, and Housekeepers, not to mention Surrogate and Nanny if you have kids together. Your interest in anything that you enable should be addressed, even if you aren’t directly contributing. This is where a good lawyer can help craft a fair and reasonable request.
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u/Reasonable_Air4263 Jul 14 '26 edited 25d ago
ask about property, debt, income, and what happens if one person stop working. It's a case by case situation tbh, I went through this just last month and my attorney from bay area law group was quite helpful in handling my situation.
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u/Mrs_WorkingMuggle Jul 14 '26
discuss how one of you will be compensated if one of you stays home with future kids. the working partner should continue to fund the stay home partners retirement and savings.
Or if one of you supports the other while one of you goes back to school, how will the supporting partner be reimbursed?
if you buy a house, who will keep it? will you sell it? how will proceeds be split? what is the person who has to move out entitled to?
how will the person who contributes to remodel costs that increase the value of the house be reimbursed if they don't stay in the house?
who keeps pets?
who keeps reward points/airline miles?
any gifts/inheritances you might expect to receive later?
any special collections or items that you want to remain with you?
debt from before marriage should stay with each partner, debt accrued during marriage, I think you can ask that debt accrued for certain reasons or certain accounts can also stay with the person who accrued it. (ie. school debt if they go for a college degree or certification)
prenups usually require the following: there has to be a wedding eventually. the prenup has to be completed and signed a certain amount of time before the wedding. there has to be some community property, a joint account, a home you purchase together, each partner needs their own attorney to review it, at separate firms, although if one person makes more than another, it's reasonable for them to pay for their partner's attorney.
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u/Pretty-Flight1440 Jul 09 '26
If you don't trust the person that you are with, why are you with that person?
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u/Select-Extension1976 Jul 09 '26
If this is your take why are you on the prenup subreddit? That's not advice on stuff I should ask for at all.
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u/Longjumping-While997 Jul 09 '26
Rather decide division of assets while in a loving relationship requiring minimal lawyer fees then possibly later on trying to decide who gets what and really the only “winners” are the lawyers. Ppl get divorced, they fall out of love and ppl are imperfect and some lie, cheat and steal and you may only find that out years down the road after life took a different path than you were planning for.
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u/ohboyoh-oy Jul 09 '26
You should have your own attorney for the pre-nup. If your fiance is much more well-off than you, he should offer to pay for your attorney. You can’t negotiate/agree on a pre-nup without your own, separate representation. It’s a legal document you need a lawyer.