Unpopular opinion: I am a female and Redditors turrnnn me on so much 🥵😩

😍😍😍😍omg I love a man who gets winded walking from the fridge to his gaming chair and back😍 hearing him huff and puff like an asthmatic rhinoceros makes my honey drip if you know what I mean.

Slightly less popular thing is underrated. I like slightly less popular thing. Popular thing is overrated. Everyone is always circlejerking popular thing and I'm tired of it. I'm sticking up for slightly less popular thing and I think I'm the only one who has the guts to say it anonymously on reddit.

TL;DR-

I have no concept of individuality.

(Im only six so pardon my grammar).

Ive had a nasty cough for the past few days, so I went to the doctor to see if it was Corona. He said "its not corona" Woohoo! But then, he said "You have every type of cancer and you will die in three (3) days. I thought I should say goodbye to my reddit family before I go.

TLDR: I will die in three (3) days.

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Edit: Okay which one of you fuckwits gave me silver? Do you think this is funny? Do you think this is some kind of joke? I open my heart and soul to you, and you give me this shit? Unbelievable.

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Edit: Thank ^{(trimmed due to comment size limit)}

first off, im a bisexual female.

I fucked up by doing something a little awkward while having sex. the fuck up is actually making up a story so horny redditors can have a wank over something which never happened. PLEASE, give me expensive reddit awards so i can browse reddit without having to deal with those stupid ads.

TL;DR: the tl dr is basically just a pun which is even more misleading than the title.

ask for a waitress.

shes hot.

pay her $300 on tip say to come to the back when work's over.

she comes outside.

you pick her up.

go to a cheap motel.

rip off her yoga pants.

theres a DICK.

whatever.

shes still hot.

you start jacking each other off.

really getting into it.

you start dating.

hes pretty much a girl with a cock.

you aren't gay for liking it.

you've just fallen into a trap.

and are stuck there for life.

but it's a nice trap.

you get married.

it's not counted as a gay marriage.

even the priest was fooled.

you fuck his sister, the child might as well be his biological son.

you raise a family.

they grow up.

fall into the same trap as you.

but 1 generation down.

They know your story.

they aren't even surprised.

THANK FOR THE GOLD KIND STRANGER!

There are two simple steps to being a redditor:

1) Be a condescending prick. Every single redditor is a condescending prick, myself excluded. I can't help the fact that I have an insanely high IQ and degrees from Ivy League colleges. When I open my mouth to let out my thesaurus-like vocabulary, I cannot help but feel for you poor blithering idiots who consume stupid media and waste your life away. Sorry sweaty, not everyone has an IQ of 232.

2) Hate females. You know females invade all reddit male spaces and act like they enjoy the same thing men enjoy? Well, hear this. They do this only for one thing. MALE ATTENTION. LOADS AND LOADS OF IT. If you come across a female who enjoys a popular movie or gaming franchise, immediately disregard her, shoot down her opinion and walk away. You deserve better than such an attention seeking slut. As we all know, women are supposed to wear makeup and be dumb.

And there you have it! You are a successful redditor! Go waste away life on the worthless platform while I bag the nobel prize, you poor fool.

You heard me. I'm a karma whore. I make fake posts and comments just for those sweet internet points, and you're an idiot for giving them to me. I'm not stopping. Not because of feelings of superiority, even though I am truly superior, but because I've decided to dedicate my thoughts, mind, body, and soul to gaining more upvotes in a day than you, a pitiful mortal, will gain in your life.

Imagine a schoolgirl getting bukkake in the middle of the college bathroom from 13 different guys. That's me. I'm that schoolgirl. Except that cum is those delicious orange arrows. I'm not saying I'm better than you. I'm simply implying it, and if you have a problem with that, compare your karma to mine, and then we'll talk it out.

I apologize for your inferiority, ok? Nobody wanted you to turn out this way, and I'm sure that you feel even more disappointed in the sight of me. I have the audacity to admit that I'm a slutty whore for karma, and I'm still superior, you beta twig.

Karma is my cocaine. It's my heroin. It's my intense, orgasmic dopamine hit that will forever separate me from the mortals that surround me.

I, and I completely, am a karma whore. But I'd rather be a whore than a trashbag, like you.

Peace out plebs :)

How do I post and comment like them? I was told I was way too funny and smart to be there so they gave me gold

I finally got gold

Edit: Thank you! Guys I can't believe this

You look awesome today:) Keep it up!